Super Meanie Genie!

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, but your math is at such a level that no one else understands it, and therefore everyone, including other mathematicians, assume it is just gobbledygook.

I wish I could take a relaxing stroll outside.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You will take a stroll, but by taking a stroll I mean you will do The Stroll. My magic genie powers will make you dance down the street like this by yourself in full view of your neighbors until the authorities are called to intervene.

I wish I never had to have anything dry cleaned.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You are now so tiny a midget, so even if clothes shrink, they'll still be too big.

I wish I could get out more.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

granted. but now you make contact with the corona virus and are infected.

give me the meaning of life

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You now know that life etymologically means 'body' in Germanic tongues, but ultimately to 'stick around'. Consequently you are thrown into an existentialist crisis.

I wish I never have to take people to the airport.

 

[LaSorcia]

Granted, you never have to take anyone there, but you have to pick someone up from the airport at least once per week.

I wish to be the best roller derby competitor in the world.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

granted. but now you must wear scantily clad dress and in game play, attempt to bash other "derby girls" out of the way as you vie to be the best roller derby champion in the world.

freedom!

 

[public hermit]

Granted. I didn't know quite what you meant, so I sent you back in time as Richie Havens, singing "Freedom!" at Woodstock. Please, don't eat the brown acid. You're welcome.

I need an isolated shack in the woods. Preferably, yesterday.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Granted. But now you're locked up in jail, billed as the second uni-bomber. Don't drop the soap.

Gimme back my bullets

 

[public hermit]

Granted, but life is strange when it's changing, yes indeed. And, you have no gun.

I don't want to see no more damage done.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Granted, but life is strange when it's changing, yes indeed. And, you have no gun.

I don't want to see no more damage done.

Granted. Some members of Lynyrd Skynyrd are in heaven and won't be making any more music on this earth in this lifetime.

Bow the knee

 

[public hermit]

Granted. But...well, just granted.

I wish all people were very generous with their toilet paper reserves.

 

[public hermit]

Granted, but nobody gives any to you because you play games by yourself.

I wish someone else, besides public hermit, would grant this wish.

 

[LaSorcia]

Granted, but you're not allowed to make any more wishes.

I wish I owned all the stock of toilet paper companies.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, but due to the crisis, they are all swiftly nationalised.

I wish to not become ill.

 

[LaSorcia]

Granted. You will never become ill from anything, including senescence. You will watch everyone else grow old and die while you live on.

I wish to own an Austin Mayfair.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. You are now the proud owner of a 1938 Austin Six 20hp Mayfair Landaulette. It's a six cylinder, but only three are firing and the frame is bent. Oh, and it comes with a curse. Every previous owner has developed a horrible case of the gout soon after purchasing. They don't know why, but don't eat shrimp in the driver's seat. Just in case.

I wish the deer would stay out of my garden!

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. A pack of wolves and a grizzly bear has moved in instead, so no deer comes close.

I wish people wouldn't stockpile supplies leading to shortages for the rest of us.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. Equality reigns supreme and now we're all in want and need.

I wish toilet paper grew on trees.

 

[mama2one]

granted but it only grows on YOUR trees...
buy food & get ready for a huge TP party!




wish neighbors mowers were quieter