Super Meanie Genie!

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, but the simmering resentments and hatreds boil over into a particularly bloody January.

I wish that the Peregrine Falcon gets rightfully recognised as the most Christmassy bird there is.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted, but I'm also going to tell everyone you said the word "Christmassy".

I want to be the host of a TV game show.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. A TV game show now parasitises your body, sucking on your vital fluids and energy, to drive its canned applause and gimmicky prizes.

I wish for a nice quiet afternoon.

 

[mama2one]

granted
you went back in time to before you had kids



wish time would slow down

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You are now traveling at 99% of the speed of light. Time will slow down a lot. But with an increase in mass approaching infinity, you're in for a surprise next time you step on the bathroom scale. In fact, when you step anywhere you'll probably fall through the center of the Earth. Or it will fall through you. I'm not sure, things get weird. I'm just a genie not a scientist.

I wish I could surf the perfect wave.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, you are now a tiny pixellation surfing the Great Wave:



I wish my car never needed washing.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. Your car never needed washing (in the past). It will still need washing in the future.

I want to dance like Fred Astaire.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You now dance like a cold, decomposed corpse.

I wish I had all the answers.

 

[LaSorcia]

Granted. You now have all the answers to all the questions in the universe, which includes the correct answers and all the incorrect answers. This ponderous knowledge is spiritually overwhelming, leading you to convert to Bokononism and no longer care.
"Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand." Kurt Vonnegut

I wish I could have the super power of my choice.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. Now, which state would you like to have whereby you exhibit global influence through economic, military, technological, and cultural strength? Will you use your new found power for good, or to continue the sad litany of oppression and suffering?

I would like some carne asada tacos, please.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You can have all you want, but it's the new MacAsada McTaco from McDonald's.

For Christmas I want my two front teeth.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

granted. but now you're an iced out, street thug rapper, sittin' sideways.

what it do

gimme a van by the new year

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

granted. but as far as you're going to get with it is achieving to get a tag for it and registration. but it'll be months before you're able to get insurance and actually drive it.

can you be a little bit more of a pest?

 

[mama2one]

granted but spouse, preteen, & dog coming with me
we'll pester you day & night
after a wk you'll want us to go away, lol





pls allow me to skip winter & move me to spring

 

[Chesterton]

Granted, you've skipped ahead to March. But I should mention that in late January you would have bought a winning mega-lottery ticket.

Make me a world class chef.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, you are one of the finest chefs that ever lived, with the best palate possible. Unfortunately, you are a member of the undiscovered Gombowoggy tribe, and your only available ingredients are river muck and fly larvae.

I wish I could sleep in.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You can sleep in with an unassailable excuse - you're comatose.

I want my own private beach.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

granted. but now you're stranded just like tom hanks in cast away

gimme back my bullets

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, you are now riddled with bullets like a 1920s gangster.

I wish for a really strong cup of coffee.

 

[Chesterton]

Here's your cup. Very strong. Made of buckypaper, a nanotechnological material 500 times stronger than steel. The coffee inside's a little weak, though.

I wish the internet would go away and leave me alone.