Suicidal, and have bad thoughts

[ChristianNewbie123]

The devil is using that lie to keep you from trusting God. He's lying by telling you that you are not a better person, that you are a worse person, and if you are becoming a worse person, then God must not be real or must not care about you. Now that you are saved, you are a greater threat to the devil, so the devil is trying to attack you even more. The only thing that beats the devil is our faith and trust in God. It can be hard to resist the lies, but being a Christian isn't always easy. God IS faithful. Keep trusting in Him and you will find peace. But as long as you continue to entertain these lies, you will resist God, and provide an open door for the devil to keep messing with you. The devil wants you to believe these lies, and so far it seems that you are falling into the trap and the deceit. Trust in Jesus is the only way out. I think I read earlier that you are a new Christian. Everything doesn't necessarily happen over night. It takes time to build faith. When I first got saved I was told to be prepared for more attacks from the devil. The devil is looking everywhere he can to steal, kill, and destroy. The devil will always be attacking Christians. Satan wants nothing more than for us to fall away from God. But satan is already defeated by Jesus. Trust in that, and declare it. Say out loud, "Devil, you have no place in my body and in my life. I am saved by Jesus Christ our Lord, who died for my sins, who defeated you. Jesus is living inside of me, and death cannot hold him, so death will not hold me. God's Word says that you must flee. I cast you out in Jesus' name." Say that every time you question God. Say it every time you have a negative thought about yourself. You might not FEEL better right away, but feelings are not the same thing as spirit. Feelings are part of our flesh. There is a difference between emotional things and spiritual things. Believing in Jesus even when you are confused, even when you feel bad, even when you sin, is spiritual. THAT is faith. Faith is not about FEELING better. But if you continue to build faith by asking Jesus into your heart and into your life, you will find healing. Maybe not immediately, because there may be many walls of resistance to break down that were built up before you were saved, but it will happen. Jesus is the only way - He is the truth and the light. If you continue to entertain the lies telling you that He is not real or that He does not love you, you will continue to struggle. It's that simple. There is no arguing about it, or debating it. It is the truth. You will have to choose to accept it in order to resist the devil. You can continue to debate if you want, but then you are just opening the door for the devil to come in and plant lies, deceit, and doubt into your heart. It's just the way it is. When I first got saved, my pastor told me that being a Christian is not easy. But Jesus is our only hope.

Alright... I don't think it will work but alright... I'll try saying that and "believing" it however the heck that happens.

Question: If I were to die right now, no suicide, would I go to heaven? Just RIGHT NOW if I were to die?

 

[emilie mayer]

Its not an over night change. You are seeking forgiveness. You are wanting the joy,peace, love ect. That God offers. God has already began a good work in you. Why do you think yoir having such a hard time? We ( Gods children) have an enemy (satan) that has come to kill,steal,and destroy. When we accept Jesus as savior the enemy hates it. The enemy wants us hopeless,fearful,doubtful,depressed ect. You are listening to enemy lies. I was right were you are at and its not fun,its scary,lonely. I was having the same lies thrown at me. I was a mess. The good news is that even in your despare Jesus os with you. Faith doesnt just happen. Start praying to God for wisdom He freely gives it. You are Gods child. Another promise we have is Jesus will never,never leave us nor forsake us. The moment you asked Jesus to save you He did. Dont believe the enemy when he throws doubt,fear,suicidal thoughts your way. God is wanting you to trust Him. Sometimes we hit rock bottom to see God is the rock at the bottom. I know what its like to feel like you dont havr any faith or hope ive been there. I had to decide not to losten to enemy lies and trust in Gods word..

 

[StillSeeking36]

Alright... I don't think it will work but alright... I'll try saying that and "believing" it however the heck that happens.

Question: If I were to die right now, no suicide, would I go to heaven? Just RIGHT NOW if I were to die?

Yes. You are saved!

 

[StillSeeking36]

Alright... I don't think it will work but alright... I'll try saying that and "believing" it however the heck that happens.

Question: If I were to die right now, no suicide, would I go to heaven? Just RIGHT NOW if I were to die?

Also - if you keep saying that, and speaking the Word of God, your faith will grow. We don't necessarily start out with a lot of faith that causes us to speak God's Word. It's often the other way around. The bible says:

"17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." (Romans 10:17)

Faith grows when we read the bible, listen to pastors (or anyone really) speak the Word, and speak the Word ourselves. And the more faith we have, the more God can work miracles in our lives. My life is a true testament to that, so I speak from personal experience.

 

[StillSeeking36]

Its not an over night change. You are seeking forgiveness. You are wanting the joy,peace, love ect. That God offers. God has already began a good work in you. Why do you think yoir having such a hard time? We ( Gods children) have an enemy (satan) that has come to kill,steal,and destroy. When we accept Jesus as savior the enemy hates it. The enemy wants us hopeless,fearful,doubtful,depressed ect. You are listening to enemy lies. I was right were you are at and its not fun,its scary,lonely. I was having the same lies thrown at me. I was a mess. The good news is that even in your despare Jesus os with you. Faith doesnt just happen. Start praying to God for wisdom He freely gives it. You are Gods child. Another promise we have is Jesus will never,never leave us nor forsake us. The moment you asked Jesus to save you He did. Dont believe the enemy when he throws doubt,fear,suicidal thoughts your way. God is wanting you to trust Him. Sometimes we hit rock bottom to see God is the rock at the bottom. I know what its like to feel like you dont havr any faith or hope ive been there. I had to decide not to losten to enemy lies and trust in Gods word..

Yes! I completely agree!!

 

[emilie mayer]

Yes you were saved the moment you asked Jesus to save you. You would go to heaven

 

[StillSeeking36]

One more scripture to say out loud:

"God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" (2 Timothy, 1:7

I say that one all the time. I need to say it all the time. Fear is a spirit, and it's evil twin is loneliness. They are always trying to get at me, but I know the Truth. God is with me. God created us, and He loves us. God created YOU, and He loves YOU!! The bible says that YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. How awesome is that!! And yes - YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father in Heaven! You are a child of a King!! The Kingdom is YOUR inheritance. Let God breathe life into your heart. He wants to so badly. Trust that He wants to, even if you don't feel it right now. I believe that He is telling me right now to tell you this. He is reaching out to you, through this forum. He believes it is how you can hear Him right now, because you are open to hearing us on this forum. He is speaking His truth to you now, by moving in all of us who are responding to you. It is for YOU!!!! He is moving for YOU right now, because He loves you!!!! He wants you to know it so much.

 

[emilie mayer]

As humans we can have trouble accepting we are so loved.

 

[emilie mayer]

Now you cant thinkstuff like ( i dont think it will work) thinking like that wont get you anywere

 

[emilie mayer]

Tell yourself tjis will work because God works all things out for the good of His children say it 100 tomes a dday even if you dont feel it

 

[Criada]

I can relate very much to what you are saying
The thing is, our feelings and the truth are not the same thing.
You don't 'feel' loved, you don't 'feel' forgiven, and you 'feel' as though you are a bad person. Those are all feelings - they are valid and normal.
But they aren't true! Truth is found in God's word - He says that He loves you, so you are loved, whether or not you feel it. He says your sins are forgiven, so they are forgiven, even if you feel like the worst sinner ever.

Feelings are affected by so many things - by how tired we are, what we've eaten, and especially at your age by hormonal changes. The truth isn't affected by any of those things.
It will get easier, I can say that from experience. Meanwhile, try to concentrate on the truth and not the feelings

 

[Ellwood3]

Please don't take this the wrong way okay? No offense to you in any way. The last thing I want is to hurt you.

NO FREAKIN KIDDING! But how can I get a life with Jesus when He doesn't love me?!

Ahh. But He does.



Here's a list of links for Crisis lines of many types, for Christians:

24/7 Crisis Numbers, (US Only) | Broken Believers ♥


The Web site for the International suicide hotlines:
Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!

1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-784-2433
1-800-273-TALK which is 1-800-273-8255


It can help to find some mentors--here's one who tried suicide, but thankfully it didn't work. Today Nick Vujicic has what he calls a "ridiculously good life."


Nick Vujicic World Outreach Web Series Trailer - YouTube


Nick Vujicic
Here’s a video to introduce him (It’s called “Inspirational—Motivational Story of Nick Vujicic”):


Inspirational - Motivational Story of Nick Vujicic (HD) - YouTube


His web site:

Home | Life Without Limbs

 

[ChristianNewbie123]

One more scripture to say out loud:

"God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" (2 Timothy, 1:7

I say that one all the time. I need to say it all the time. Fear is a spirit, and it's evil twin is loneliness. They are always trying to get at me, but I know the Truth. God is with me. God created us, and He loves us. God created YOU, and He loves YOU!! The bible says that YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. How awesome is that!! And yes - YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father in Heaven! You are a child of a King!! The Kingdom is YOUR inheritance. Let God breathe life into your heart. He wants to so badly. Trust that He wants to, even if you don't feel it right now. I believe that He is telling me right now to tell you this. He is reaching out to you, through this forum. He believes it is how you can hear Him right now, because you are open to hearing us on this forum. He is speaking His truth to you now, by moving in all of us who are responding to you. It is for YOU!!!! He is moving for YOU right now, because He loves you!!!! He wants you to know it so much.

Okay... okay... Someone PM'd me and challenged me not to attempt suicide by Christmas anyway. I'll wait it out, and try to believe it. I'll say good things/promises of God and try to believe Him. Please keep praying.

By the way, weren't we friends earlier? I checked my friends list and you're not there anymore

Thank you all. I'll give an update every now and then okay? Anyway, keep praying please.

 

[StillSeeking36]

Okay... okay... Someone PM'd me and challenged me not to attempt suicide by Christmas anyway. I'll wait it out, and try to believe it. I'll say good things/promises of God and try to believe Him. Please keep praying.

By the way, weren't we friends earlier? I checked my friends list and you're not there anymore

Thank you all. I'll give an update every now and then okay? Anyway, keep praying please.

I'll definitely keep praying for you

About the friends thing - I'm so weird about that. I have a facebook account which I regularly deactivate and then reactivate again. I find it weird to "friend" someone online. And then in these forums, I realized that I didn't want to get caught up in who is friending me and who isn't, and should I friend so and so, and whatever. I have some social anxiety so I get weird about that stuff. I see us all as friends here anyway. Sorry - it's my personal hang-up. I think it's partly from from getting older and finding it weird to have online friends....

 

[ChristianNewbie123]

I'll definitely keep praying for you

About the friends thing - I'm so weird about that. I have a facebook account which I regularly deactivate and then reactivate again. I find it weird to "friend" someone online. And then in these forums, I realized that I didn't want to get caught up in who is friending me and who isn't, and should I friend so and so, and whatever. I have some social anxiety so I get weird about that stuff. I see us all as friends here anyway. Sorry - it's my personal hang-up. I think it's partly from from getting older and finding it weird to have online friends....

LOL I'll tell you something people don't try to friend you NEARLY as much here as they do on facebook. So we have the luxury of not worrying about "oh my gosh! so many friend requests!" Lol. That's okay though I get where you're coming from.

Thank you.

 

[drstevej]

Thank you all. I'll give an update every now and then okay? Anyway, keep praying please.

You have my prayers. Please call a hotline rather than self harming.

Chaplain Steve

 

[hedrick]

I’m concerned that you’ve got unrealistic expectations, and that your fear is making your problems worse.

Yes, faith in Christ is supposed to help us be better people. But my experience is that seeing change in ourselves is hard to do. People can often see God at work in their lives when they look back years later, but you often don’t see it at the time.

The German martyr Bonhoeffer made an interesting observation in one of his books. The problem with preaching (and I’d say also books and web sites) is that you can’t direct messages to specific people. If you’re not careful, people who need reassurance hear the message that they need to obey, and people who need a kick in the seat hear reassurance. Jesus had two sides to his message. When dealing with ordinary people, and particularly people who were thought of as “sinners” he talked about God’s love and forgiveness. When talking to people like the Pharisees who thought they were God’s gift to the Jewish people, he talked about God’s judgement.

You’re in the stage where you need reassurance. You’re exactly like the tax collectors and “sinners.” You think you’re hopeless. Jesus’ message to them was about God’s forgiveness. It’s not until you get a good start on the Christian life that Jesus is going to start making demands on you.

I don’t know whether you’ve read any C. S. Lewis or not. He wrote an autobiography, “Surprised by Joy.” It’s the story of his childhood and young adulthood, and his conversion to Christianity. He makes the point that feelings like joy come, but they come when you’re not expecting them. They’re not what Christianity is about, and if you try to become a joyful Christian you’re almost certainly going to fail. I feel like you’re having the same problem with God’s love. Christianity isn’t about feelings. Feelings will come eventually if you can relax enough to let it happen. But you’re probably not going to be able to feel God’s love as long as you think you’re hopeless. And your salvation doesn’t depends upon feeling his love. It’s there whether you feel it or not.

You’re already a Christian. You’ve done what you need to do. For some people there’s a great conversion experience. But I don’t think that’s going to happen for you. You’re probably going to start living as a Christian and growing slowly, at least for a while. You could help that process if you can get out of the house. Particularly if you can find a relaxed Church that emphasizes God’s grace (maybe Lutheran, since Luther had the same problem you do, and the Lutheran tradition has tended to preserve the approaches Luther used to deal with it). But your salvation doesn’t depend upon it.

For a while God’s demands on you are probably going to involve education, family and friends, and not be very dramatic. Over time you’ll start getting into situations that are more demanding but give you a better chance to help others. But from what I know about your life, that may not happen for a while. You’ve got plenty of time, as long as you stick around.

 

[MadamImAdaminChrist]

Okay... okay... Someone PM'd me and challenged me not to attempt suicide by Christmas anyway. I'll wait it out, and try to believe it. I'll say good things/promises of God and try to believe Him. Please keep praying.

By the way, weren't we friends earlier? I checked my friends list and you're not there anymore

Thank you all. I'll give an update every now and then okay? Anyway, keep praying please.

Wait, only giving yourself until Christmas! Are you kidding? GOOD GRIEF. Don't give up yourself until you are an adult or 35 or 55 and you have nothing but regrets and have considered yourself a failure for every one of those years. YOU ARE SIMPLY TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHETHER YOU ARE BAD OR NOT. STOP SAYING THAT. Even if we all agreed you were "bad", you would still have a great opportunity to be what we all would agree would be "good" by your early adulthood. I did not even have a faith as a teen--you are already way ahead of me, and I turned out to be pretty ok!

You feel bad. I get that. You sound very depressed. I have been very very very depressed. Being depressed often severs the connect between your faith and your soul--course you don't feel like it is working--even though it is still there!

You keep expecting to feel better/more sure of your faith, you are obsessed by it, think that by thinking about it all the time(so you so intent-focused--that is a precursor to success, right?)--it will come . . . when it does not come, you think are the worst failure and God has abandoned you--but this is nonsense--it is simply your depression robbing you.
This is what happens when you are depressed. The rumination/dread/worried about death/feeling like a horrible failure/fixated on faults/abandoned. THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DEPRESSION. This is what depression feels like--it feels like the world is caving in, but your brain is lying to you.

It might be a while before you FEEL GOOD about your faith right now. When will this change? I don't know. But giving yourself a few weeks? NO. Please be an agnostic about your feelings for a long while--that means neither believe nor deny the thoughts are true or false--as they are just feelings. These feelings are not a holy grail that leads you into all truth. If fact, I believe given your depression--they may be the exact opposite of reality!

 

[ChristianNewbie123]

Wait, only giving yourself until Christmas! Are you kidding? GOOD GRIEF. Don't give up yourself until you are an adult or 35 or 55 and you have nothing but regrets and have considered yourself a failure for every one of those years. YOU ARE SIMPLY TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHETHER YOU ARE BAD OR NOT. STOP SAYING THAT. Even if we all agreed you were "bad", you would still have a great opportunity to be what we all would agree would be "good" by your early adulthood. I did not even have a faith as a teen--you are already way ahead of me, and I turned out to be pretty ok!

You feel bad. I get that. You sound very depressed. I have been very very very depressed. Being depressed often severs the connect between your faith and your soul--course you don't feel like it is working--even though it is still there!

You keep expecting to feel better/more sure of your faith, you are obsessed by it, think that by thinking about it all the time(so you so intent-focused--that is a precursor to success, right?)--it will come . . . when it does not come, you think are the worst failure and God has abandoned you--but this is nonsense--it is simply your depression robbing you.
This is what happens when you are depressed. The rumination/dread/worried about death/feeling like a horrible failure/fixated on faults/abandoned. THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DEPRESSION. This is what depression feels like--it feels like the world is caving in, but your brain is lying to you.

It might be a while before you FEEL GOOD about your faith right now. When will this change? I don't know. But giving yourself a few weeks? NO. Please be an agnostic about your feelings for a long while--that means neither believe nor deny the thoughts are true or false--as they are just feelings. These feelings are not a holy grail that leads you into all truth. If fact, I believe given your depression--they may be the exact opposite of reality!

I forgot to mention that I've never been diagnosed with depression. I suspect I have it, but I've never been diagnosed.

 

[ChristianNewbie123]

I’m concerned that you’ve got unrealistic expectations, and that your fear is making your problems worse.

Yes, faith in Christ is supposed to help us be better people. But my experience is that seeing change in ourselves is hard to do. People can often see God at work in their lives when they look back years later, but you often don’t see it at the time.

The German martyr Bonhoeffer made an interesting observation in one of his books. The problem with preaching (and I’d say also books and web sites) is that you can’t direct messages to specific people. If you’re not careful, people who need reassurance hear the message that they need to obey, and people who need a kick in the seat hear reassurance. Jesus had two sides to his message. When dealing with ordinary people, and particularly people who were thought of as “sinners” he talked about God’s love and forgiveness. When talking to people like the Pharisees who thought they were God’s gift to the Jewish people, he talked about God’s judgement.

You’re in the stage where you need reassurance. You’re exactly like the tax collectors and “sinners.” You think you’re hopeless. Jesus’ message to them was about God’s forgiveness. It’s not until you get a good start on the Christian life that Jesus is going to start making demands on you.

I don’t know whether you’ve read any C. S. Lewis or not. He wrote an autobiography, “Surprised by Joy.” It’s the story of his childhood and young adulthood, and his conversion to Christianity. He makes the point that feelings like joy come, but they come when you’re not expecting them. They’re not what Christianity is about, and if you try to become a joyful Christian you’re almost certainly going to fail. I feel like you’re having the same problem with God’s love. Christianity isn’t about feelings. Feelings will come eventually if you can relax enough to let it happen. But you’re probably not going to be able to feel God’s love as long as you think you’re hopeless. And your salvation doesn’t depends upon feeling his love. It’s there whether you feel it or not.

You’re already a Christian. You’ve done what you need to do. For some people there’s a great conversion experience. But I don’t think that’s going to happen for you. You’re probably going to start living as a Christian and growing slowly, at least for a while. You could help that process if you can get out of the house. Particularly if you can find a relaxed Church that emphasizes God’s grace (maybe Lutheran, since Luther had the same problem you do, and the Lutheran tradition has tended to preserve the approaches Luther used to deal with it). But your salvation doesn’t depend upon it.

For a while God’s demands on you are probably going to involve education, family and friends, and not be very dramatic. Over time you’ll start getting into situations that are more demanding but give you a better chance to help others. But from what I know about your life, that may not happen for a while. You’ve got plenty of time, as long as you stick around.

Hm good observations. Thanks Hedrick