Stuck in Unrequited love!

[alexier]

Hi there all!
Just found this thread after all these years!
Basically I am IN LOVE with this guy who loves me but isn't in love with me and it's driving me mad.
I know you are all going to say 'be his friend' but you know I just can't - everything about me wants to be with him and the whole situation is just tearing me up.
Before I met him, I LOVED being alone - it didn't matter to me at all - but after 2 years I am so scared I'm going to be alone if I leave him.
Also we don't even really get on - all our friends think we are no good for each other and even we think its too hard to carry on - we both stick with it - he says he will never leave me and he doesn't mind me calling him my partner as long as I know that I'm not but in all honesty I don't want that - I want it all to be ok and him to love me.
He also says I am being neurotic because he tells me that I am the centre of his universe and that he has completely changed his life to have me stay in it...
I don't know - maybe I am being selfish and should just live with it - he does do everything in love for me and thinks about me all the time and even treats me like the princess he knows I can be (sorry for not sounding like the perfect Christian here but honestly I'm not - I want to be treated like I matter in his life)
What should I do? Surely God brought us together for a reason? x

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well I'm a bit confused as well. Are you married? Why do you say that he says it's OK to call him your partner even though you know he isn't and then you say, you're the center of his universe and he treats you well and thinks about you all the time ??
One thing I know pretty well (from experience) is that you cannot make someone love you. I used to think that someday they would wake up and see how wonderful I was and be in love with me back, but of course that is fairy tale stuff not real life. And whether you stay with him or not is your decision, but you have to decide if you can live with the fact that he's not in love with you (even if he treats you like it).
The older I get the less I am willing to settle like that. That's just My opinion though, this is your life. Guys are mostly matter o fact about their feelings, so it isn't likely that he will suddenly be madly in love with you.

 

[kelco]

I've found out after all these years and alot of heartbreak and beating myself up that some things just aren't meant to be. There was someone that I loved like that, and I made all kinds of mistakes and I still wonder sometimes what it would be like to have had it work out. But with time I also realized that it was a good thing that it didn't work. If it had, I'd have never answered my call from God to the ministry and I know that he is so much better off without me being a whiny, clinging witch.

As to what you should do, sometimes you have to follow the Lord's leading, and that might bring the realization that the relationship is going nowhere and you would be better off without all the fighting and misunderstanding. And yes I do believe that God puts people into our lives for a reason. It might only be that we are meant to be together until one or the other of us learns a lesson and when that it learned it's time to move on. Sometimes God brings us into a relationship that is for a lifetime and I think that we will also know when that happens.

I understand the being alone forever thing too. But being with someone just to keep from being lonely isn't love, it's need and need is not a good thing to base a relationship on. Sometimes we have to let go and open our hands so that God can give us the blessings that He wants to give us.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Plus you can be in a relationship and still be more lonely than ever!

 

[kelco]

Plus you can be in a relationship and still be more lonely than ever!

Very, very true!

 

[SearcherKris]

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm not upset or confused about it anymore.

I absolutely love this man. I'd marry him today if he asked me to.

But...I also know that niether one of us is at a stable place in our lives financially or career wise. We also live at opposite ends of the country right now (which will likely change cos I'm hauling my tail away from TX ASAP, and not just for him...I desperately need to be away from my family).

He isn't at a place in his life where is ready or willing to committ. I'm at a place where I am very willing, but not always certain that I am ready.

So, for now, it is OK that we are "just friends." Niether of us knows what will come of this. But we are a very good match, and we do care a great deal about each other.

My advice is that it is good to take a break and just pray, fast, and seek the Lord. When I do this reguarding my special friend, I don't hear from God to give it up or to chase after him. I just hear that the Lord wants me to wait. I don't know what I'm waiting for...if it is for us to be ready to be together or if it is for the circumstances that enable us to let go, or if we are to realize that we will be life long friends only and be VERY content in that. I can't imagine not having him in my life in some way or another.

And I want to add that there is alot to be said of having a very good friend. Tons of people go through life without true friendship. It is indeed a wonderful blessing.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Alexier,
Welcome to the forum. Looks like you have enough comments respond to,
so I'll not try to think of something to say!
Welcome again.
dayhiker

 

[alexier]

Thanks for those words everyone!!
I have taken some solace from them - God willing I won't always feel this way - I suppose I'm just too weak when it comes to him so I'm going to pray for strength in this - I know I should be happy to have him as a friend, I really do know that but in all honesty (and I am putting my heart on my sleeve here) I would be completely heartbroken if he decided to date someone else.
The funny thing is that every other part of my life feels SO blessed you know but because I have NEVER, and I mean never, had anyone ever sweep me off my feet or ask me out or tell me Im pretty even, I just feel so out of my depth in this situation :-(
Thankyou So much though for your thoughts - In a way I am encouraged by the fact other people have experienced similar things.

 

[bliz]

This makes no sense - loves you but not in love, would do anything for you, spends lots of time with you, you're the center of his life but he won't commit to you?

You are not being near selfish enough. Cut him out. Go on with your life. You deserve to be treated better. He is treating you like a tramp, and you are afraid to loose that? You have nothing to lose! Why are you waiting on him to make the call? Yes or No. In or Out He has to make up his mind to really get in your life or get out.

 

[alexier]

All I know is that I'm too weak to get out of this crappy situation and I'm miserable! :-(

 

[kelco]

All I know is that I'm too weak to get out of this crappy situation and I'm miserable! :-(

Alex, hon, you are not alone in this battle. You have the power of the Holy Spirit working within you. Remember Phillipians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

 

[SelfProtect]

Alex,
I have been there too! It was two years for me too. Then God moved him out of my life (to another church). I couldn't be his friend without longing and yearning for something more. The only way to get over them is to remove yourself. It sad you can't be friends, but you can't! I know that I would not have seen the right one come along as long as he was in my life. Cause I coudn't see past him. You deserve more. I read a book called "He's just not that into you". It is a raunchy worldly book (I think I want to write an edited version for Christians) but there are lots of words of wisdom in there.

I think we have all had one of those in our lives at one point. Hopefully just the one and hopefully we used to have one of those. It is your responsibility to protect your heart. I'm sorry you are struggeling, I know it is hard. HUGS!

You gotta laugh, all us singles advising on relationships

 

[genestealerbroodlord]

All I know is that I'm too weak to get out of this crappy situation and I'm miserable! :-(

The person I'm in love with hates my guts and thinks I'm a lying cheating so and so. I'm working on dealing with that. Its hard knowing that the other person will never feel the same way you do and totally understand your misery. Maybe we should start a club or something and all sit together in the dark being miserable.