Struggling with the social aspect of being Catholic

[Gnarwhal]

*This is the Catholic forum, Catholic responses only please. Thank you.*

In that, I don't want it.

I'm a pretty private person. It's not that I don't have friends, I have several and I spend time with them, but in general I don't like to socialize much especially in groups bigger than 3-4 people.

Yet since becoming Catholic I feel like there's so much pressure to participate in "parish life", because there's always fundraising events, speakers, meetings, etc that I'm either invited to specifically or which the clergy encourage us to check out. I also joined the KoC last fall but I really have no interest in the organization whatsoever. This dude my RCIA coordinator introduced me to a while back started working as our regions KoC insurance rep and he cornered me pretty quick to hear his spiel. I ended up signing up for an insurance policy and all that stuff but now they also want me to volunteer for stuff and pay annual dues... I just wanna shake the whole thing off.

Which brings me to the point of this post: I feel like I joined the Church because I affirm the teachings, I believe it's not just the best choice for practicing Christianity, it's the only choice. Yet, for several months though I've been feeling more and more distanced from the whole thing—not intellectually, but just emotionally. I don't want to socialize with anybody from my parish, I don't want to go to a Christopher West event or attend a KoC meeting. I actually feel lucky that I'm usually at work when most of those things are happening, otherwise I'd feel much more guilt for not wanting to attend.

But I feel so much guilt and frustration about it too, like there's no way for me to cultivate a meaningful faith, a meaningful relationship with God as someone who's (in a lot of ways) a lone wolf. I don't have any zeal for attending Mass like I did a while back, partially because the quality of the Mass itself as deteriorated, but also because I'm trying to avoid speaking to anyone.

If it weren't for my convictions about the Catholic faith itself, I wonder whether I'd be there at all. And that worries me, and I end up digressing down a dark and ominous path.

Is it okay to be a loner Catholic? Is it possible? I don't want anything from anyone, and I don't want anyone to want anything from me.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Off topic. Sorry.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Long story short, though, I don't think that makes you weird. If you're an introvert, and would rather just not be around people, there's nothing wrong with that. It's ok to skip stuff.

 

[Markie Boy]

I feel very similar. I almost joined the Knights - but they stood me in front of the group and asked me to promise to not share anything that happened at their meetings before joining.

I said in front of the whole group - No. It felt like something I read about the Masons.

But I have a similar thing - it's Convertitis I think. I converted too, but after being inside for a bit, it looks nothing like what I read about. It feels like a total bait and switch.

The music and message given at Mass wouldn't fly at a conservative protestant church.

And that key element you mention - there is a lot of focus on activities that really have nothing to do with the mission of the Church - Evangelization and salvation of souls. Most of what they do could be done by any secular group.

There is nothing wrong with backing away to get your bearings - Jesus went out into the wilderness to pray.

Would you feel more like you wanted to participate if Mass was better and the focus was on learning and sharing the faith? Our weekly Mass is something I tolerate - barely - so I get it.

***even where I am there is a tiny group that is good in the middle of all the Moose Club stuff - the Pro Life Group. They generally seem to not be all mixed up liberals, may be a place to look for fellowship in a smaller group.

 

[AvilaSurfer]

It’s fortunate to have a parish that encourages people to get involved. You can keep to yourself your whole life, but then you’re a little like that bushel basket in the Bible. You don’t have to participate in everything, but if you don’t participate in anything, what’s the point of living?
Don’t forget our Great Commission is to bring souls to Christ. You can’t do that from your living room.
**Also, the KofC ask that you don’t reveal their initiation ceremony, nothing more. It’s not a secret society. That’s a myth. If they asked you to keep all meetings a secret, they’re doing it wrong.

 

[Porpoise]

I think it is okay to not participate in social things. In my case, I'm not even able to because of my medical condition. RCIA is about as much as I can do. One time, I felt that I should be more involved, so I tried to go to a bible study at my parish. But due to the cognitive symptoms of my condition, I could not follow the discussion at all.

Sometimes things we think ought to be good for us are not. I feel like sometimes social pressures, a sense of duty, or even a desire to serve more faithfully and productively can lead us into snares. One of these is an urge to take on more in order to fit an image we have of what it means to be a faithful Catholic, but in a way that actually leads to discouragement and scrupulosity. Then we find ourselves thinking we're not doing enough, that we're lazy servants, and no matter how much we try we can't seem to fix it. Another kind of snare might lead us into unhelpful relationships, which cause us to sin in one way or another, or which upset and discourage us, causing us to doubt our beliefs or distrust the Church.

We always hear we're supposed to be social and engage in fellowship, we hear this from both Christians and society, but I feel like there are other sides we don't hear so much about. Sometimes becoming more social can be a very good thing, and sometimes not. Solitude can be a good thing as well.

 

[Michie]

*dp*

 

[Michie]

*tp*

 

[Michie]

Good grief! Having issues with my phone. Lost my post! *sigh*

 

[Michie]

I'll rewrite it later. Going to get some ingredients for chili.

 

[Gnarwhal]

Good grief! Having issues with my phone. Lost my post! *sigh*

"A" for effort though, my friend!

 

[Michie]

Alright! Trying this again. What I basically said is you should not feel badly for being introverted. What a lot of people do not realize is social situations can make introverts feel drained and exhausted. You should certainly feel lucky to have all those options available to you but it should not make you feel guilty. There are a lot of introverts in the Catholic Church that give very inspiring witness to others. I know I see a lot of them when I pop into Church in the middle of the day. They sit in the pews quietly, read, pray. It is very inspiring. I used to see a guy around town that would walk while carrying a rosary. He's just feel along the beads as he quietly prayed. Also inspiring. We do not always have to be in the hustle and bustle like extroverts do to make a difference. So do not let it stress you out. When you feel led to attend an event, go. If not, don't. There is nothing wrong with that and there are so many ways to support your parish that does not involve these things. As far as the KoC, you can always tell them you are more of a background guy. Don't let them hound you. There is nothing wrong telling them that. They probably just do not know you well enough to know your personality. You may have to charitably tell them.

I often think that there are people involved in things for the wrong reasons at times. But that's another issue.

"A" for effort though, my friend!

 

[Michie]

Ha! My post is there!