• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

    Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist

EtainSkirata

Active Member
Mar 9, 2020
260
150
Nowhere
✟46,483.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hello,
I've battled SSA for about 14 years now. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, but it's an attraction that I've been aware of for a long time. Sometimes it's barely a passing thought, but lately I've been acutely aware of the issue. I feel as though I have to police my brain strongly. Pretty much every thought over the last couple days has been a constant reminder of this issue.
I'm aware of ways to fight it--try to focus on other things. Basically, I know the feelings themselves aren't a sin. It's just that I'm hyper aware of them right now and it's driving me nuts.

Also: I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 weeks now, and I have this pressing need to tell him. It's all I can think about, and is sort of what started this turmoil. I think it's possibly too soon to tell him about this, but at the same time, I just can't get it out of my head. It's almost an obsessive thought.

My thinking is I need to get my turmoil back under control before I tell him, but it's so tied up in this NEED to tell him that it's hard.

Please help.
 

BobRyan

Junior Member
Angels Team
Supporter
Nov 21, 2008
51,118
10,507
Georgia
✟899,902.00
Country
United States
Faith
SDA
Marital Status
Married
Telling him probably wont help - but telling God will. Be very very careful about what you allow yourself to view for entertainment. Media/marketing/ads/games/.... are filled with soul corrupting suggestions.

It literally creates problems. Focus your mind on what is of God ... instead.

read the first five (super short) chapters in this free online book (for example)

The Story of Redemption

If you are awake and have a pulse you will find subject matter there that is of great interest.
 
Upvote 0

EtainSkirata

Active Member
Mar 9, 2020
260
150
Nowhere
✟46,483.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Telling him probably wont help - but telling God will. Be very very careful about what you allow yourself to view for entertainment. Media/marketing/ads/games/.... are filled with soul corrupting suggestions.

It literally creates problems. Focus your mind on what is of God ... instead.

read the first five (super short) chapters in this free online book (for example)

The Story of Redemption

If you are awake and have a pulse you will find subject matter there that is of great interest.

Amen, it's everywhere in media these days.

I'll check out those chapters later today!

Pretty much every dating advice site I've seen says you have to tell your potential spouse this stuff. Now, we're not in Potential Spouse territory yet of course, so that's why I feel like I should wait.

The other thing is, and this may sound callous, but I wouldn't want to know if HE had this struggle. I don't know what I could do to help him, and so I don't know what he could do to help me. All I can think it would do is strain our relationship.

(Conversely, I don't want him to feel I've kept a secret from him...)
 
  • Like
Reactions: BobRyan
Upvote 0

BobRyan

Junior Member
Angels Team
Supporter
Nov 21, 2008
51,118
10,507
Georgia
✟899,902.00
Country
United States
Faith
SDA
Marital Status
Married
understood - but just as you couldn't help him if he told you about such a problem -- so he can't help you and as you say you are not engaged to be married. I would stay away from that topic with him.

But what you can do with him to help - is get into Christian topics, go to church etc. After you read those 5 super short chapters above - ask him if he will read just the first one with you --- because that would actually BE a big help if he is willing to go there.
 
Upvote 0

Servant78

Well-Known Member
Mar 4, 2022
532
226
Bali
✟31,644.00
Country
Indonesia
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Telling him probably wont help - but telling God will. Be very very careful about what you allow yourself to view for entertainment. Media/marketing/ads/games/.... are filled with soul corrupting suggestions.

It literally creates problems. Focus your mind on what is of God ... instead.

read the first five (super short) chapters in this free online book (for example)

The Story of Redemption

If you are awake and have a pulse you will find subject matter there that is of great interest.

Read Matthew 7:13-14
 
Upvote 0

Psalm 27

Well-Known Member
Aug 21, 2020
1,071
512
Uk
✟114,864.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Private
Hello,
I've battled SSA for about 14 years now. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, but it's an attraction that I've been aware of for a long time. Sometimes it's barely a passing thought, but lately I've been acutely aware of the issue. I feel as though I have to police my brain strongly. Pretty much every thought over the last couple days has been a constant reminder of this issue.
I'm aware of ways to fight it--try to focus on other things. Basically, I know the feelings themselves aren't a sin. It's just that I'm hyper aware of them right now and it's driving me nuts.

Also: I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 weeks now, and I have this pressing need to tell him. It's all I can think about, and is sort of what started this turmoil. I think it's possibly too soon to tell him about this, but at the same time, I just can't get it out of my head. It's almost an obsessive thought.

My thinking is I need to get my turmoil back under control before I tell him, but it's so tied up in this NEED to tell him that it's hard.

Please help.
It's more than likely media related. I used to be the same. I've been delivered, but wouldn't like to open that can of worms, if you get my point.

on-screen fornication is a lot more powerful than we give it credit for. actors are deliberately made to look more attractive on the media platform.

It's like those cooking shows and food ads, that make you crave fast food At 10 pm.

Sin is birthed in the mind, and while we may not physically act on it, God does know the thoughts and intentions of our hearts. To Him, any sexual thought (outside of Godly marriage) is a sin.

I'll have to take care not to fall myself now :)

God bless
 
Upvote 0

Maria Billingsley

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Oct 7, 2018
9,576
7,775
63
Martinez
✟893,955.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Hello,
I've battled SSA for about 14 years now. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, but it's an attraction that I've been aware of for a long time. Sometimes it's barely a passing thought, but lately I've been acutely aware of the issue. I feel as though I have to police my brain strongly. Pretty much every thought over the last couple days has been a constant reminder of this issue.
I'm aware of ways to fight it--try to focus on other things. Basically, I know the feelings themselves aren't a sin. It's just that I'm hyper aware of them right now and it's driving me nuts.

Also: I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 weeks now, and I have this pressing need to tell him. It's all I can think about, and is sort of what started this turmoil. I think it's possibly too soon to tell him about this, but at the same time, I just can't get it out of my head. It's almost an obsessive thought.

My thinking is I need to get my turmoil back under control before I tell him, but it's so tied up in this NEED to tell him that it's hard.

Please help.
Sorry to hear about your situation. It seems that in a short amount of time being with the opposite sex has caused upheaval and turmoil as well as a certain amount of guilt. I cant imagine what you are going through.
I am assuming as a Christian you are in a celibate relationship, if not, then that should be your first focus , chastity. I do believe through God's grace He will help you through this and it starts with trusting in Him. Blessings
 
Upvote 0

EtainSkirata

Active Member
Mar 9, 2020
260
150
Nowhere
✟46,483.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Sorry to hear about your situation. It seems that in a short amount of time being with the opposite sex has caused upheaval and turmoil as well as a certain amount of guilt. I cant imagine what you are going through.
I am assuming as a Christian you are in a celibate relationship, if not, then that should be your first focus , chastity. I do believe through God's grace He will help you through this and it starts with trusting in Him. Blessings

Thank you you much. And we are in a celibate relationship, thank you for thr encouragement.

I love him so much, even though it's been only a short while. I want to do this right, but sometimes my brain gets honed in on a specific issue and I can't think about anything else.
 
Upvote 0

VMaeLove

Selbst ist die Frau
Jul 30, 2019
368
764
28
Saxony-Anhalt
✟124,235.00
Country
Germany
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hello,
I've battled SSA for about 14 years now. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, but it's an attraction that I've been aware of for a long time. Sometimes it's barely a passing thought, but lately I've been acutely aware of the issue. I feel as though I have to police my brain strongly. Pretty much every thought over the last couple days has been a constant reminder of this issue.
I'm aware of ways to fight it--try to focus on other things. Basically, I know the feelings themselves aren't a sin. It's just that I'm hyper aware of them right now and it's driving me nuts.

Also: I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 weeks now, and I have this pressing need to tell him. It's all I can think about, and is sort of what started this turmoil. I think it's possibly too soon to tell him about this, but at the same time, I just can't get it out of my head. It's almost an obsessive thought.

My thinking is I need to get my turmoil back under control before I tell him, but it's so tied up in this NEED to tell him that it's hard.

Please help.

Hello :)
I will be praying for you.

For me it helps to stay busy. It is cliche, but it works?
I give my mind something else to focus on. Especially in moments of weakness. You can pray, listen to christian music or podcasts or anything you love that can distract you.
There are days I will run like 4 times in a day lol :rolleyes:
Unfortunately the thoughts will be there like other temptation. It is our test? To say no.

It took me a while to realize, it is important to know you are not alone. :)
I wouldn't trust a 6 week old BF with this. How could he understand? But if you can find the right people at church, or like that, to hear you and encourage you.
God is your best ally though. It gets easier with Him.
He wants to help you through this.


Please know you can message me if you ever feel the need.
God Bless You ~:heart:
 
Upvote 0

Mark Quayle

Monergist; and by reputation, Reformed Calvinist
Supporter
May 28, 2018
13,005
5,622
68
Pennsylvania
✟780,935.00
Country
United States
Faith
Reformed
Marital Status
Widowed
Hello,
I've battled SSA for about 14 years now. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, but it's an attraction that I've been aware of for a long time. Sometimes it's barely a passing thought, but lately I've been acutely aware of the issue. I feel as though I have to police my brain strongly. Pretty much every thought over the last couple days has been a constant reminder of this issue.
I'm aware of ways to fight it--try to focus on other things. Basically, I know the feelings themselves aren't a sin. It's just that I'm hyper aware of them right now and it's driving me nuts.

Also: I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 weeks now, and I have this pressing need to tell him. It's all I can think about, and is sort of what started this turmoil. I think it's possibly too soon to tell him about this, but at the same time, I just can't get it out of my head. It's almost an obsessive thought.

My thinking is I need to get my turmoil back under control before I tell him, but it's so tied up in this NEED to tell him that it's hard.

Please help.
Understand also, that telling him, at this point (and I don't know where your relationship with your boyfriend stands), can present him with certain temptations and ungoverned thoughts he will have to bring into subjection. I don't know that it is time for that.

This is not about just you, but also about those who come into contact with you. In the final analysis, it is about Christ.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

aiki

Regular Member
Feb 16, 2007
10,874
4,348
Winnipeg
✟236,528.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Hello,
I've battled SSA for about 14 years now. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, but it's an attraction that I've been aware of for a long time. Sometimes it's barely a passing thought, but lately I've been acutely aware of the issue. I feel as though I have to police my brain strongly. Pretty much every thought over the last couple days has been a constant reminder of this issue.
I'm aware of ways to fight it--try to focus on other things. Basically, I know the feelings themselves aren't a sin. It's just that I'm hyper aware of them right now and it's driving me nuts.

Distracting yourself isn't enough. Here's God's advice to you:

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.
5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,


Ephesians 6:10-13
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.


You're in a spiritual war every day, the World and its "prince," the devil, bombing you with temptation in the morning and then using lying sneak attacks in the evening (or vice versa), provoking your flesh and insinuating falsehoods into your thinking that lead you away from God into darkness and bondage. No Christian, then, can afford to be lax about their spiritual condition and ignorant of how to wage spiritual warfare.

Homosexuality is a lie of the devil. Full stop. The World over which he has enormous control, speaks his lies concerning this sexual behavior, one of which is that homosexuality is okay, that God hasn't really said it is an abomination.

Romans 1:21-28
21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves,
25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature;
27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.


1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.


Jude 1:7
7 just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities around them, since they in the same way as these indulged in gross immorality and went after strange flesh, are exhibited as an example in undergoing the punishment of eternal fire.


All around you today the World is pressing you with the devil's propaganda, urging you to submit to homosexual thoughts and desires and accept that these things are as deep in you as your chromosomes and so are natural, beyond your control, and perfectly all right. Beware this lie!

Even if it were true that homosexuality is genetic (which is baloney) God commands the heterosexual person to restrain their sexual impulses, too, natural though they may be. Simply having a strong sexual impulse in whatever direction is not, in God's view, sufficient grounds ever to act upon it. He has ordained a single, very specific context within which a person engages sexually with another: monogamous, heterosexual marriage. The heterosexual fornicator or adulterer, therefore, is just as guilty of wickedness as the person behaving homosexually. God, then, is not placing a unique constraint on the person dealing with homosexual thoughts and feelings, nor is the Church that aligns itself under His authority and moral commands, urging people to forsake homosexuality.

Homosexuality is a sin and as such it will bring you into the corruption and death God promises results from any and all sin. (Romans 6:23; Galatians 6:7; James 1:14-15) The first casualty of yielding to the demonic lie of homosexuality will be your fellowship with God. There will be no way you can come to enjoy God, to delight in communion with Him as He made you to do, if you indulge in homosexuality. Sin also blinds, deafens and hardens the sinner, over time making them so inured to righteousness that they cannot discern it any longer, calling evil, good and good, evil (2 Kings 7:14; Jeremiah 19:15; Acts 19:9; Hebrews 3:13; 2 Corinthians 4:4; 1 John 2:11; Psalms 58:3-5; 1 Timothy 4:2, etc.). So, don't fool around with any sin, let alone the abomination of homosexual acts. The price will be more than you ever wanted to pay.

Anyway, I'm probably preaching to the choir here. At least, I hope I am.

Paul wrote in the verses at the top of this post that the Christian person doesn't wage spiritual warfare according to the flesh but in the power of God's might. By His divine power, we cast down those lies that would establish themselves as strongholds in our thinking. How, exactly? Well, as Paul went on to explain, we "take captive" every thought, making them all subject to God, to what He says is right and true. So, when a homosexual thought or feeling arises in you, distraction isn't the answer but a direct assault on these false thoughts and feelings with the power and truth of God. What does God say is the truth about homosexuality? What does God call you to as His child instead? Arm yourself with the Sword of the Spirit which is the word of God, and use it against the lying temptation of homosexuality, cutting it down with God's truth when it arises within you.

Scripture also commands the person who would resist the devil and his destructive deceptions (of which homosexuality is just one) to FIRST submit themselves to God:

James 4:6-10
6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.


1 Peter 5:6-10
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.
10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.


Before you go toe-to-toe with the devil and his lies, submit yourself to God, to His control, to His will and way. If you don't, you not only have the devil as an opponent but God, too! He resists all those - His own or not - who are not submitted to Him. Submitting to God, though, involves what James spelled out in the passage above:

Cleanse your hands: Confess and forsake your sin - including the sin of not remaining submitted to God throughout every day. (1 John 1:9; Psalms 119:9)

Purify your heart of double-mindedness: Cast out all false and sinful philosophies, values and pursuits that diminish God in your thinking and that divide your fidelity between Him and whatever these pursuits may be (hobbies, sports, relationships, gaming, fashion, food, sex, entertainment, etc.). (Matthew 22:36-38; Colossians 2:6-10; James 1:8)

Humble yourself in contrition and sorrow over your sin: One of the reasons we fall into sin is because we don't take God's view of our sin. We shrink the sin we love to insignificance, though God calls it terrible, soul-damning evil. God hates a lying tongue and causing strife as much as He does murder! (Proverbs 6:16-19) God despises the evil fantasies we imagine in our minds that, because they are mere fantasies, we believe we can entertain without qualm.

Genesis 6:5-6
5 And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
6 And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.


Jeremiah 13:9-10
9 Thus says the LORD, After this manner will I mar the pride of Judah, and the great pride of Jerusalem.
10 This evil people, which refuse to hear my words, which walk in the imagination of their heart, and walk after other gods, to serve them, and to worship them, shall even be as this girdle, which is good for nothing.


Jeremiah 16:12-13
12 And you have done worse than your fathers; for, behold, you walk every one after the imagination of his evil heart, that they may not hearken unto me:
13 Therefore will I cast you out...


Until we recognize that our sin is the awful, vile, stuff that it is, whether merely imagined or actual, we will persist in dabbling in it, scarring our conscience, hardening ourselves against God, and totally halting the "abundant life" He intends we should have with Himself. Certainly, too, when sin is a small thing in our eyes, we are prime candidates for demonic deception and bondage.

Every sin we enact begins as a battle within our minds and hearts. Our sin is, really, just the reflection of the battle having been lost on this ground; when we do something evil, it is because we have yielded to it already in our mind and heart. So, take great care to guard your heart and mind from evil. Take every thought captive, as Paul indicated he did, bringing them all into obedience to the authority of Christ, casting out any thought, or imagination, or impulse that defies his rule and truth. And, finally and most importantly, remain submitted to God, to His will and way, to His control, throughout every day. This is God's way to freedom from all sin - including the sin of homosexuality.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

PloverWing

Episcopalian
May 5, 2012
4,338
5,024
New Jersey
✟332,494.00
Country
United States
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Married
I assume you're also attracted to men. If you're attracted only to women, and not to men, then that is a different conversation.

The fact that you're attracted to women doesn't have to come up on the first date, but I strongly recommend telling him if you head into Potential Spouse territory. It'll be too big a secret in the marriage otherwise. He'll probably find it out (or figure it out) sometime during the decades of your life together. Better to talk about it beforehand, so everything's out in the open before you make a lifetime commitment.

Remember that in marriage, we promise to be faithfully monogamous with our spouse. Everybody is attracted to lots of people, but in marriage we pledge to be intimate with our spouse alone. In some sense, it doesn't matter what other people we might find attractive, men or women or both; we set them aside, "forsaking all others", to be faithful to our spouse. I have no guarantees about your current partner, because I don't know him, but if he's wise he'll understand that you're setting aside all other potential partners, male and female alike, to be faithful to him.
 
  • Like
Reactions: EtainSkirata
Upvote 0

EtainSkirata

Active Member
Mar 9, 2020
260
150
Nowhere
✟46,483.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I assume you're also attracted to men. If you're attracted only to women, and not to men, then that is a different conversation.

The fact that you're attracted to women doesn't have to come up on the first date, but I strongly recommend telling him if you head into Potential Spouse territory. It'll be too big a secret in the marriage otherwise. He'll probably find it out (or figure it out) sometime during the decades of your life together. Better to talk about it beforehand, so everything's out in the open before you make a lifetime commitment.

Remember that in marriage, we promise to be faithfully monogamous with our spouse. Everybody is attracted to lots of people, but in marriage we pledge to be intimate with our spouse alone. In some sense, it doesn't matter what other people we might find attractive, men or women or both; we set them aside, "forsaking all others", to be faithful to our spouse. I have no guarantees about your current partner, because I don't know him, but if he's wise he'll understand that you're setting aside all other potential partners, male and female alike, to be faithful to him.


Yep, I am also attracted to men. Thank goodness.

I'm finding comfort in the fact that, I think, it's similar to men finding women attractive and having to deal with that (because they can't go yearning after other women, but the desire is still there).

Somehow I was able to handle it fairly well up until this week. And now my mind is in turmoil. I can't even LOOK at another woman without feeling the need to anxiously jerk my eyes away. And I am having a VERY hard time putting the need to tell my boyfriend on the back burner for now. I have no idea if this is a deal breaker for him or not, and I don't want to lead him on for a long time if it is.

I'm so torn up right now. Pretty much every interaction with a woman this week has been filled with anxiety. I just can't seem to let this issue go for more than a few minutes, and I'm feeling stressed and worn out and sick in the head.

It hurts.

I'm about to go hang out with my wonderful boyfriend this afternoon, and I want to cry. I want this pain to go away.
 
Upvote 0

PloverWing

Episcopalian
May 5, 2012
4,338
5,024
New Jersey
✟332,494.00
Country
United States
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Married
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can feel the pain in your writing.

Probably the anxiety is compounding everything. Trying to focus all your thoughts on not thinking about something is super hard, almost by definition.

The analogy about men is a good one. A man in a committed relationship isn't evil for finding other women attractive; he's just human. But he chooses not to walk up to those women and try to date them, because he's already committed to someone else. I think you're in a similar situation.

Deciding whether to tell someone you love, and whose love you need, about something as intimate as the sexual attractions you feel -- deciding whether you can trust them with that information about you -- is one of the hardest decisions there is. I wish I could reassure you that everything is going to be okay, and unfortunately I can't, not without knowing more about your partner. There's real risk here.

But I hope you will eventually be able to tell him, and I hope that he will prove worthy of your trust. If the two of you can get to that place, I think it will go a long way towards lessening the pain that you're feeling now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mark Quayle
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

angelsaroundme

Well-Known Member
Mar 4, 2020
1,621
1,319
33
Georgia
✟138,359.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Celibate
It seems to me that some of what we consider same sex attraction is overvaluing same sex admiration. Men and women admire attractive people of their own gender. It can encourage them to work on themselves. Those who accept that are less likely to obsess over it.

I'm not saying this to be dismissive of your feelings. I just think many religious people put too much emphasis on being impressed by someone of their gender, which inadvertently pushes them to what they are trying to avoid, focusing on the same sex.
 
Upvote 0

EtainSkirata

Active Member
Mar 9, 2020
260
150
Nowhere
✟46,483.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Angels: that probably does play into it. Some of my turmoil (which thankfully calmed down some over the weekend) came from that. But it's also because I know I can easily let my mind go down paths it shouldn't. Sort of like how Paul talks about how we have a sin nature and all that.

Plover: thank you for your words. I just feel this intense guilt because of this. Like its a horrible secret I'm keeping from him. I feel like it's probably putting a strain on our relationship, because I'm holding this Thing in my head. But I'm scared to tell him just yet. I just need to figure out how to put this aside I suppose.
 
Upvote 0

EtainSkirata

Active Member
Mar 9, 2020
260
150
Nowhere
✟46,483.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I've run into another problem with this. My boyfriend has friends who are girls, who he's known for a very long time, who he texts occasionally, and I guess every few months they'll call to catch up. I've told him I'm not comfortable with this (I don't want him to make any changes right this minute, but if we were to get married I'd want him to at least have him communicate in group chats). He's willing to make compromises, as long as he can keep his friends.

But how can I ask him to make these changes, knowing full well I'm battling SSA, and once I tell him this, he might have doubts about MY female friends? I feel guilty and hypocritical, and I just don't see this relationship working out with these issues going on.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums