Struggling With perfectionism

[Elijah Barrett]

I've been having a great deal of perfectionism lately and it sometimes feels unbearable. I've actually always have been a perfectionist since early childhood but lately its just got out of hand. It has seeped into every area of life whether it be my relationship with God or even people, school work, my musical passion, or simple stuff like brushing my teeth. As for my relationship with God It constantly feels like I have to read the Bible and pray a certain amount to feel like I'm sufficient enough- my intention is to actually learn but I feel the real reality is to please my wanting to be perfect. When I do it I try to do it perfectly and because of this I often waste time. I've resorted to reading one verse a day and praying smaller amounts of time(for daily time with God). My dad often gets disappointed when he asks about my quiet time with God and with me not reading the Spiritual posts he makes. As for school work it sucks- I constantly feel like I have to achieve the most top grades(like having a 93 and above). I do mostly do well but its often tiring and frustrating. The only thing that isn't working is my spanish class. Being a online class I have gotten so behind in it due to laziness, depression, and perfectionistic stress. It stresses me out so much- that if I don't get it done my dad is going to get really mad at me. As a result I often get sick with nausea or a stomach ache, and have a panic attack. because of the stress I can't focus on it and forget what Im learning so I can't make any progress. I actually had to leave school early one day because I was really feeling nausea from the previous night. As for my musical passion(composing electronic music for currently 3 1/2 years now), I can rarely get stuff done(it has gotten a little bit better)- I'm always worried about making it perfect constantly tweaking and adding more. At times I just procrastinate(not laziness just part of perfectionism- this also effects other parts of my life). I know in my head that God loves me reguardless of what I do(not meaning its a freedom to do anything) and I already have salavtion as a gift. But to live it out in my heart is a real struggle for me. I don't understand how to both give myself grace but still at the same time pursue getting closer to God.

 

[RC1970]

I've been having a great deal of perfectionism lately and it sometimes feels unbearable. I've actually always have been a perfectionist since early childhood but lately its just got out of hand. It has seeped into every area of life whether it be my relationship with God or even people, school work, my musical passion, or simple stuff like brushing my teeth. As for my relationship with God It constantly feels like I have to read the Bible and pray a certain amount to feel like I'm sufficient enough- my intention is to actually learn but I feel the real reality is to please my wanting to be perfect. When I do it I try to do it perfectly and because of this I often waste time. I've resorted to reading one verse a day and praying smaller amounts of time(for daily time with God). My dad often gets disappointed when he asks about my quiet time with God and with me not reading the Spiritual posts he makes. As for school work it sucks- I constantly feel like I have to achieve the most top grades(like having a 93 and above). I do mostly do well but its often tiring and frustrating. The only thing that isn't working is my spanish class. Being a online class I have gotten so behind in it due to laziness, depression, and perfectionistic stress. It stresses me out so much- that if I don't get it done my dad is going to get really mad at me. As a result I often get sick with nausea or a stomach ache, and have a panic attack. because of the stress I can't focus on it and forget what Im learning so I can't make any progress. I actually had to leave school early one day because I was really feeling nausea from the previous night. As for my musical passion(composing electronic music for currently 3 1/2 years now), I can rarely get stuff done(it has gotten a little bit better)- I'm always worried about making it perfect constantly tweaking and adding more. At times I just procrastinate(not laziness just part of perfectionism- this also effects other parts of my life). I know in my head that God loves me reguardless of what I do(not meaning its a freedom to do anything) and I already have salavtion as a gift. But to live it out in my heart is a real struggle for me. I don't understand how to both give myself grace but still at the same time pursue getting closer to God.

Welcome to CF, Elijah!

"... for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." ~ Philippians 4:10-13

 

[Soyeong]

I've been having a great deal of perfectionism lately and it sometimes feels unbearable. I've actually always have been a perfectionist since early childhood but lately its just got out of hand. It has seeped into every area of life whether it be my relationship with God or even people, school work, my musical passion, or simple stuff like brushing my teeth. As for my relationship with God It constantly feels like I have to read the Bible and pray a certain amount to feel like I'm sufficient enough- my intention is to actually learn but I feel the real reality is to please my wanting to be perfect. When I do it I try to do it perfectly and because of this I often waste time. I've resorted to reading one verse a day and praying smaller amounts of time(for daily time with God). My dad often gets disappointed when he asks about my quiet time with God and with me not reading the Spiritual posts he makes. As for school work it sucks- I constantly feel like I have to achieve the most top grades(like having a 93 and above). I do mostly do well but its often tiring and frustrating. The only thing that isn't working is my spanish class. Being a online class I have gotten so behind in it due to laziness, depression, and perfectionistic stress. It stresses me out so much- that if I don't get it done my dad is going to get really mad at me. As a result I often get sick with nausea or a stomach ache, and have a panic attack. because of the stress I can't focus on it and forget what Im learning so I can't make any progress. I actually had to leave school early one day because I was really feeling nausea from the previous night. As for my musical passion(composing electronic music for currently 3 1/2 years now), I can rarely get stuff done(it has gotten a little bit better)- I'm always worried about making it perfect constantly tweaking and adding more. At times I just procrastinate(not laziness just part of perfectionism- this also effects other parts of my life). I know in my head that God loves me reguardless of what I do(not meaning its a freedom to do anything) and I already have salavtion as a gift. But to live it out in my heart is a real struggle for me. I don't understand how to both give myself grace but still at the same time pursue getting closer to God.

Hello,

In Matthew 11:28-30 and Jeremiah 6:16-19, the Law is described as the good way where we will find rest for our souls, so while the Law instructs how to be perfect and our goal should be perfect obedience, obedience to the Law has never been about trying to be good enough because that would rob our souls of the rest that it was intended to give. In Matthew 23:23, Jesus said that faith is one of the weightier matters of the Law and in 1 John 5:3, to love God is the obey His commands, so obedience to God's instructions has always been about expressing our faith and love for God and thereby growing in a relationship with Him. So reading Scripture is not something that you have to do in order to be good enough, but rather it is time that you get to spend alone with God. If God wanted people who only did what was perfect, then He could have made us that way, but He wanted us to depend on Him, to share our struggles with Him, and to lay our burdens at His feet.

 

[Elijah Barrett]

thanks guys for the encouragement

 

[Bee_Brian]

Elijah...

Can you please tell me what kind of advice you are looking for? Your whole wall of text sounded like a rant.

 

[r4.h]

I've been having a great deal of perfectionism lately and it sometimes feels unbearable. I've actually always have been a perfectionist since early childhood but lately its just got out of hand.

My dad often gets disappointed when he asks about my quiet time with God and with me not reading the Spiritual posts he makes.

The part about your dad stood out a mile to me as i too had a dad that only gave critique thinking it would show me where i could improve, but it made me cringe when i saw him coming as everything could be done better and nothing was ever
"great effort son, i see what you were trying to do"

I am not surprised you are perfectionist, i would be greatly surprised if you were not.

Don`t get me wrong, i didnt honor my father and this has caused other problems

that i have to own.
He was a good man without a way to express it properly, he didnt have Jesus to help him.
Infact its a bad idea to try and get change in another person, the only person we get to work on is ourself. Maybe your dad will "get it" one day, but dont do what i
did and argue with him until the grave.
Such wasted years and guilt that i didnt show him the love he probably craved, as im sure he had perfectionist mother/father.

Seek counsel from the Holy Spirit how where and when to pray and read etc. Also seek His guidance how to make peace first with your perfectionism, then and then
for strategies to love your dad unconditionally as he craves, and how to avoid being agitated or drawn back into old patterns.
When i prayed before going to visit i had much better times. The times without that quick prayer as i got to his gate, always ended with frustrations and arguments.

Oh somehow my comments got quoted with yours

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm