Struggling with online relationship that seems to be drifting

pinkjess

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I am not sure how to best describe this, but I am struggling with feelings of longing for a guy I have started a "long distance" relationship with. We've been texting each other for almost four months and we've come really close. We "met" on Reddit and we're both INFP and I think he may be HSP as well. Anyways, I really like him and at first we were constantly messaging each other for hours almost everyday. He had made it clear he liked me in the early weeks of us getting to know each other but I kept my guard up for a while because I don't open up to just anybody. He would message me first almost everyday and tell me about his day, what happened at work etc. and I somewhat enjoyed it even if it seemed a little too much at first. We talked about everything, and exchanged childhood photos. It was a really emotionally freeing online friendship.

Last month we realized we both really, really like each other. We took to texting and soon would text for four hours some nights on his days off and it was awesome. I found great comfort in our conversations and felt increasingly close to him, and it made me very happy.

Well as the weeks went on I noticed he wasn't texting me as much as he used to and our conversations shortened. I asked in an indirect way why this was and he said something like we've had our "honeymoon phase" and that in the beginning when people get to know each other they are excited and somehow that was why our conversations used to be longer. I didn't like that and I was left kind of confused. Now on his days off he doesn't like texting for hours and prefers to have his days to himself to play his video games. I understand that and I leave him alone on those days. But I feel like we are drifting and it makes me wonder if he secretly doesn't want me anymore and is trying to get rid of me but but is too scared to tell me. He used to be so eager to get to know me and now it's like he doesn't care much anymore.

I don't want to be co-dependent and I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help but feel intense longing when we don't talk. I even cry sometimes because I just want him to talk to me like we used to. I just want to be close to him. I go crazy when I go almost a day without talking to him. I feel a deep connection to him and I just want to know him more.. Then my mind wonders if he is trying to inch away from me and my heart hurts more. Then he will text me and say things that make me think this isn't the truth. Like "goodnight, love you" or etc. so I just don't know.
 
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ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

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This is what happens when you don't give a person enough space, they feel smothered. This is why people need hobbies of their own, a passion in their life. It not only gives your life purpose but it makes your relationships better. Nothing can ruin a relationship more than smothering a person. You may enjoy your boyfriend but you need to enjoy other things too. He can't be your only source of fun and excitement. Thats not fair to him and thats not good for you.
 
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pinkjess

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Feelings can be misleading. You are lonely to have some one in your life. It is true that when the newness wares off, feeling are not as intense.
I guess so. For me it was the opposite. My feelings weren't intense for him in the beginning but now they are.
 
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pinkjess

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This is what happens when you don't give a person enough space, they feel smothered. This is why people need hobbies of their own, a passion in their life. It not only gives your life purpose but it makes your relationships better. Nothing can ruin a relationship more than smothering a person. You may enjoy your boyfriend but you need to enjoy other things too. He can't be your only source of fun and excitement. Thats not fair to him and thats not good for you.
I understand that, but the thing is, he was smothering me at first. So naturally I figured he enjoyed it. Now it's changed. I'm the one who wants to talk now.
 
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pinkjess

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What keeps you from holding actual phone/video conversations? I just don't see romance in this or what he said "love you" if you don't feel a need to hear each other's words and see one another at times.
Hes sent me a video once. I'm too shy to talk on phone yet...
 
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Saucy

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I find it strange you have intense feelings for some you've only texted. You seem to have a pattern of doing this. It was only a few months ago you were in the middle of another crisis of intense feelings with a guy.

Not sure if it's the same guy or not, but there should be some type of progression.

First, some interest from texting/posting. Okay, great! Let's talk a bit more and get to know each other.

As chemistry builds, having a phone call/skype chat is next, followed by videos. Really, if youre having these feelings for a guy you only text, you're moving faster emotionally when you dont even feel comfortable chatting on the phone.

I get it. You long for companionship and intimacy, so part of you wants to hurry, but the careful side is keeping you in check. But honestly, 4 months is a long time to go just texting. Any guy would start to think something is wrong.

Be honest, tell him how you feel, and take the next step.
 
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ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

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I find it strange you have intense feelings for some you've only texted. You seem to have a pattern of doing this. It was only a few months ago you were in the middle of another crisis of intense feelings with a guy.

It's the same guy.
 
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High Fidelity

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He's right in the sense that there is a honeymoon phase and it does pass... but I feel it is typically a somewhat seamless transition that just happens and no one really notices, certainly not negatively.

At the end of the day, if you really like someone then you want to spend time with them whether it's talking or in person, but hours a day just isn't realistic long-term unless it's in person where you're sharing the same activities and spending time together is inevitable.

It sounds like a natural progression. If it happened abruptly then I'd say that's something that may be a concern, but otherwise it's just how things go.

Maybe move on from texting to Skype. 4 months of texting someone from Reddit... If that were me I'd be wanting to hear their voice within a couple days to at least make sure they're male/female lol. But yes, talk to the guy, his tone will tell you a lot. Text can only do so much.
 
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ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

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Maybe move on from texting to Skype. 4 months of texting someone from Reddit... If that were me I'd be wanting to hear their voice within a couple days to at least make sure they're male/female lol. But yes, talk to the guy, his tone will tell you a lot. Text can only do so much.

Yeah it sounds like hes ready to step it up to audio calls, then video calls, then if things go well from there, visits, then if that goes well marriage.
 
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High Fidelity

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Yeah it sounds like hes ready to step it up to audio calls, then video calls, then if things go well from there, visits, then if that goes well marriage.

Reddit is like catfish central too. People think it got rough here with sock accounts lol, Reddit is terrible for it.

I'd be wanting to voice and get a genuine feel for things pretty quickly!
 
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