Struggling with my fiance's past

[InLoveWithMyBestFriend]

My fiance and I are just 2 months shy of our 3 years anniversary. We got engaged the first weekend of June, and we will be getting married in November. We have always been very open with each other, especially about any struggles we have. Around a year and a half ago though, he told me that he had watched inappropriate content during his teen years. I had also told him that as a teen I read erotic material, and we both felt very relieved and happy that we understood each other and that all of our skeletons were out of the closet. However, even though we talked about it and he assured me that God delivered him of that sin before he met me, I felt devastated. I trust him explicitly- he is my best friend. I prayed about it and felt like I had gotten over it. However, every couple months, my self esteem drops because I begin comparing myself to whatever I imagine he saw. I struggle with my weight, and that is evident. I know he loves me anyways, and he spends more time with me than with his parents or his friends. I have talked with him about my struggles a few times, but he is always crestfallen afterwards. He feels like he cheated on me before he even met me, and I hate making him feel guilty like that. Within a couple days and with some prayer, I am back to my normal self and it doesn't bother me. A couple months will pass, and then I struggle with my self esteem again. It has not affected our relationship though, and no one has ever made me feel this happy or make me want to further my relationship with God more than he has.

So my question is: What can I do? I love him and trust him, and he loves and trusts me. This is just an occasional problem that I have, and one that I believe as a human being I may always have. I don't want to upset him by talking about it with him, and it always passes within two days.

Thank you,
A Sensitive Sister

 

[redblue22]

Do you compare him to the erotic material you once read?

 

[InLoveWithMyBestFriend]

Do you compare him to the erotic material you once read?

No, I do not. I never even think about it, it seems like such a lifetime ago. It was a rough period of my life which I do regret, but God delivered me from it.

 

[Sam91]

The key to this is your self esteem. The problem isn't even about him. I had body issues myself a decade ago so I know. Mine was actually linked to my hormones too always worse around ovulation until the end of the cycle. Next time you feel this way put a circle on a calendar. You might be surprised if there is a link. The good news was mine cleared up spontaneously once my self esteem got better. It just meant my hormones were making it worse. Hope this helps Xx

 

[Sam91]

So maybe when you feel bad try to view yourself through the Lords eyes and with the love he has for you? X

 

[rickster]

Try some counseling.

 

[Sketcher]

He asked to marry you. My assumption isn't just that he loves you "anyways" but he is actively attracted to you just the way you are. The man you want to marry likes you for who you are, and what God gave you. Give yourself some credit.

 

[redblue22]

No, I do not. I never even think about it, it seems like such a lifetime ago. It was a rough period of my life which I do regret, but God delivered me from it.

Are you better than he is?

 

[InLoveWithMyBestFriend]

Are you better than he is?

By far, no! He is my equal, and sometime I think my better.

 

[redblue22]

By far, no! He is my equal, and sometime I think my better.

So, you both did the same crime, but it is hard for both of you to let go of his. You don't compare him, but you worry about him comparing you.

What do you think might happen if you do not let go? For example, let's say he brought up your past every few days. How might that affect you?

Do you ever ask him questions about his past?

 

[evoeth]

...my self esteem drops because I begin comparing myself to whatever I imagine he saw...

He feels like he cheated on me before he even met me...

Both of you sound very insecure. These are personal issues which are probably best addressed by therapy.