I'm 19 years old male and have struggled with homosexual desires for as long as I can remember. I live my life for God and fully want to be apart of his will for my life!
Though I still struggle with theses attractions, I know to act on these desires is outside of Gods perfect will for my life.
I want to know who else struggles with this because for almost all my life I have felt alone and isolate with this particular struggle.
I have tried to suppress the feeling but they don't go away, it's left me feeling discouraged and a lot of the time unworthy. I hope that one day I will break this off my life and that I would able to help others through this. I hate that most people who struggle are left feeling isolate like no one else struggles with the same thing and that's how I feel so I want to know who else struggles with this? Do you feel alone and what help is out there?
I'm sorry that you feel so alone. I have dealt with this most of my life (I won't say my age, but it is closer to being your older brother than your father). The temptation comes and goes. I see the triggers for it so I try to avoid those. I have dealt with this directly mostly on my own - I don't tell anyone at all about it in real life. I did tell about it twice before, and for me that was a big mistake. I am not saying it would be a mistake for you to talk to someone about it, but I think you should consider that most people are more or less clueless when it comes to helping you out with this and may end up hurting you more.
I struggled so much with this (more than I realized) in years past. Now I recognize it more. I want to share a few things with you. They may or may not help you out, but perhaps they will give you some insight into this issue.
I have a hard time relating to other guys that have homosexual tendencies. I can more easily relate to heterosexual guys. I don't why this is exactly or if there is a name for it, but anytime I try to connect emotionally to guys with a homosexual background it frequently falls flat (and starts turning into something sinful unless I stop it). Heterosexual guys will bond with me and spend time with me with no problem.
I once met a very attractive looking guy (he was heterosexual) who I ended up living with as a roommate. I considered refusing to move in with this guy because I didn't think I would want to deal with the temptation and such. I ended up getting along relatively well with this guy such that I was able to have an emotional bond with him. After that my weird feelings about him were practically gone (i.e. down to a negligible amount). Also, he wasn't afraid of being a little touchy-feely from time to time in a good way (he didn't have a hint of homosexuality about him and was actively pursuing his girlfriend at the time). And he gave great hugs. Sure he was a jerk sometimes and many times got on my nerves. I had to confront him from time to time (see Matthew 18:15 in the Bible) and we would work it out fine. We also spent time together exercising. I considered him an overall good guy at the time and still keep in touch from time to time. One time he asked another guy he knew to rub his shoulder because it hurt. The other guy said some high-horse statement like "*I* would never put my hands on another man like that!" My friend basically said he was being ridiculous and my friend was right. I will add a caveat to that and say that if you honestly believe that an action is wrong, you shouldn't do it (regardless of whether I or another believer does so). But for myself (including my friend) I could do so in good conscience (no, I didn't get my shoulder rubbed because frankly it never hurt, but you get the idea). Read Romans 14 (seriously, read it if you have not already - it says in some cases that something can be wrong for one person but not another person and that you should not go against your conscience).
Contrast that to another guy I knew that had a homosexual background and was ok with some homosexual activity (I didn't know this at first about him and thought he was a believer the same as me). He was closed off to me emotionally when I was around him (but was always happy to have me around which I found odd since he seemed distant emotionally). He liked drinking and partying at clubs (two things I HATED). The confront-and-work-things-out dynamic did not exist with him like it did with the other guy. And this guy was only touchy-feely sometimes and in an awkward way (not necessarily sinful, but like it obviously didn't come natural to him). Overall (if you couldn't tell already), he was a bad influence on my life and if I were smarter I would have kept a safe distance from him. I am not saying I should have ignored him altogether, but that I should have done more to consider my own protection from sliding into some of the things that he allowed in his life. "Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness;
each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted." (Galations 6:1, emphasis mine).
There is something about homosexuality that actually prevented me from having the thing I really wanted - a bond with other guys and a positive image of myself as a man. There is nothing sinful about wanting a friend or best friend, or to hang out with and be one of the guys. Homosexuality is very good at sapping the life out of any relationship. It is so destructive and terrible when you see the fruit of it. It's a trick - you think it will satisfy, but it leaves you worse off than before (and, for some people, hooked). But I may be preaching to choir by telling you this.
One more thing, I don't know if you specifically hold this idea but if you do, I would get the notion out of my head that "if I have a homosexual temptation, it means that I am still homosexual". It is a recipe for failure and frustration. Consider that Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by satan, yet was without sin. Without sin, meaning He did nothing wrong. Also consider that Jesus said that lusting after a women in your heart is sin. So we can see there is a line between merely being tempted, and lusting after something. Being tempted is not a sin, whereas lusting after something in your heart is sin. For me it means that I have to keep a clean mind (a hard thing sometimes). I have to behave as though my mental desires were being acted out. Should I do XYZ action in real life? If the answer to that is no, then I should not be desiring/wanting it in my mind either.
I hope this helps Nathan; you are not alone.
