Trichotillomania might induce feelings of shame, but it's not a shameful disorder. Nor is it one caused by Satan to wreak misery on your life. It's also not caused by weakness, and it cannot be willed away. Your mind is a part of your body, and disorders within it need to be properly treated the way diabetes or another medical condition would. Trich is a recognized, chronic Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; it is not an affliction caused by anything you've done, it is not sinful, and it likely will not go away through prayer alone. One of the former leaders of my youth ministry suffered from Trich from her preteen years through her mid-30s because she was under the misguided belief that it was merely a matter of self-control. She intensely prayed and read Scripture, and she passionately loathed herself and thought she was weak of faith and character because it did not bring about the deeply yearned for healing. She also tried a massive range of self-treatments, none of which brought sustaining relief. Her well-intentioned but misinformed family and friends were perpetually throwing fuel on the fire in her mind by chiding her, telling her to pray harder, and leading her to believe it was all within her control. She finally sought professional treatment after decades of distress, and it lead to a remarkable improvement in her life. After being plagued with insecurity and anxiety that incapacitated her from living her life fully, she finally grew confidence, attained peace, and blossomed into herself. For her, Habit Reversal Training along with medication was transformative.
Trichotillomania Treatment - OCD Center of Los Angeles She also felt much more confident and capable of facing the world when she invested in a comfortable, attractive wig and synthetic brows. You have access to information and support from other Trich supporters that she did not have 20 years ago. Seek it out. You are a wonderfully created person of worth, and I beg you to please not be unkind or harsh to yourself.
There's a lovely, talented YouTuber named Beckie who has chronicled her experiences with Trich for years. She is a film student who makes clever videos where she's playing different characters all in the same frame to make her point. Perhaps you could share them with those in your life who might not understand what Trich is.
As for the other worries, ((((((hugs)))))). Your junior year is stressful, and your feelings are valid. And they are incredibly common. The one silver lining of the anxieties is that they are the result of care and mindfulness about yourself and your future, which is infinitely better than apathetic drifting. The pressure of achieving strong grades so that you can increase your chances of earning a spot at a good college combined with all the obligations and stresses of the now can feel like a tidal wave knocking you down. You have to learn how to surf it, which means finding your focus and your balance.
Your future is vitally important, but the best way to prepare yourself for it is by making the most of yourself in the present. You do not have to figure out your career plans in the 11th grade. The President of Stanford has joked that the most popular major for Freshman is "I don't Know" and the second is "I've Changed My Mind." Time and experience will help you to learn and grow into yourself. I do think it's very important to consider your goals and how to navigate towards achieving them, but look to what is directly ahead of you rather than way down the course. For now, put your energy into fulfilling your fullest potential in your classes and preparing for college. Also give yourself permission to just have fun and soak up this time of your life. You are not a flower quickly fading. You are coming into bloom. Cherish it.
