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Struggling pretty bad

Ksg9109

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In need of encouragement and testimonies on this issue. Please!

Im 31 yeaes old. Ive been a follower of Christ for 10 years now. I have been struggle with lust and masturbation. I've been masturbating since I was very young. I've been exposed to sexual things at a young age. I can remember being around 4 or 5 I would hump the corners of chairs and humping my stuff animals
I was molested as a child by a neighborhood friend who was 2 years older than me who would touch me and do oral on me. I'm not sure if that was the start of all of this. Come to find out years later her step dad was molesting her so she more than likely didn't understand what she was doing to me. Also a couple years later at the age of around 9 or 10 another neighborhood girl who was around 2 years older who I wasn't really close to wanted to spend the night at my house and I let her. She would fondle and do other things to me. I didn't really know it was wrong, especially since I had inappropriate things happen to me prior. I often think about if she was molested also because what would make a young girl specifically do these things out of the blue.

Fast forward to high school when we got the internet is when I was going ham with the inappropriate content. I would burn inappropriate content dvds and hide them under my bed and I would touch as soon as I got home from school everyday and especially when my parents were gone.

In 2012 I gave my life to Christ. I stopped watching inappropriate content and masturbating for a while. But then of course it started to creep back in especially since by now I wasn't a virgin anymore so my sex drive sky rocketed since I was able to experience what the ppl in the adult film Industy was doing. Only now the Holy Spirit started to convict me but also the enemy was shaming me and making me feel guilt.

I eventually got away from inappropriate content but the last half of 2020 I relapsed bad! I even had thought about if being a Christian was even worth it anymore because I was so caught up in my sin. The enemy has a grasp on me. I still was in my word and prayer. One day I had to make the choice to leave the sin of lust alone!! For the first 8 or 9 months of 2021 I was clean. Then I started to slip again and has been off and on with the masturbation not with inappropriate content. I haven't viewed inappropriate content in about 1 1/2 and a half. Just like everyone else just an image is triggering. Even the slightest thing is a trigger. I'm not giving up! I pray that all of us who are struggling will continue to lean on the Lord in this. He's right there with all of us. That doesn't make us less of a believer in him because of our struggles no matter what they may be. We have to just keep seeking him and repenting. Asking for a prayer, healing and deliverance!
 
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