Struggling christian

[Joey0711]

Well I'm new here and dont even know how this works. I need some help and any reply will be gratefull.my name is joey and I'm currently in state prison for a crime I did not commit.im sure people hear this all the time and that is fine if people dont believe me I'm not trying to convince anyone because I already gave up on people like my public defender saying they would help prove my innocence and that not happening. I just need help because I feel like god abandoned me. Why would god send me to prison for so long for something I did not do? Why do I have to go through all this pain for nothing? My mom passed away while I have been in prison and I could not be there to see her before she died. I have even lost contact with my daughter and cannot get that back. Now covid is here and we cannot get visits and i have not seen my wife in almost a year now because of this virus.I just dont know what to do. I just want to give up and be done because I dont understand how go could allow an innocent man to go to prison and abandon me. I know I'm complaining but I just dont know what to do.

 

[Fervent]

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, and while I'd love to feed you platitudes about a positive attitude I'm sure such things would be useless to you. Christ's answer to suffering isn't to explain the purpose of it, though, because such an explanation even if completely true would never really satisfy in the moment. Instead we are asked to trust, to trust that God is ultimately just and that while we cannot see the reason for our suffering there is a reason and we will be grateful for it in the end. But that is not the whole answer, the whole answer is that Jesus joins us in our suffering. He didn't merely ask us to suffer for the sake of His plan but came and suffered alongside us, being rejected and crucified despite being completely innocent of any crime. He was flogged and spit on, mocked, and tortured to death.

In your suffering for righteousness sake, you are blessed. You are joined with Christ who also suffered without cause and if you will I'm sure He will give you a peace that is defiant of your situation. I hope my words have not been too callous and I hope you find the comfort that only Christ can provide. Remember the Beatitudes especially Matthew 5:10-12:
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

 

[Joey0711]

Thank you. I never knew about that verse. It makes me feel better and understand a little more

 

[justtrance]

Deleted

 

[kingsdaughter85]

I am sorry about your situation. I will pray for you.Welcome

 

[Joey0711]

I will continue so check in every day and I thank you for your support and prayers

 

[sunshineforJesus]

Im so sorry of your bad news and will be praying for you.

 

[BlessedWithBeingCursed]

Guilty or innocent there's only the present and future that truly exist. I've been wrongfully accused and punished many times. Thankfully I've never had to serve time for it. I can posit many reasons as to why but when it comes down to it, it does happen. I recently told a story about an experience I had when I was very young. It was to explain something different, about how bad people can really be but I feel you might find it interesting at least as well...

When I was 6 they were in a hunting pack stoning me. This was a regular occurrence. I managed to evade, get away and hide. Grown ups never did anything about it. I didn't really like laying down in the dirt under the bush for ages. I was able to traverse through the bushes and masonry to an area where normally people don't go because the adults in the buildings near by would scream at you to get away if they noticed.

I'm guessing one of them spotted me passing between cover as they managed to find me. I was basically tucked into an inlet with a bar fence behind me and buildings on each side. The first one threw a rock at me and it went well over my head and over the fence. At that moment an old man happened to walk out from behind the building on the other side of the fence and was hit on the side on the head caught unaware, fell to the ground unconscious, hit his head and was bleeding.

The kids were all stunned for a moment when one said he did it then pointed at me. Then they all said yes he did it. At this point some people had looked out their windows to see what had happened and called the police. I remember sitting there in the room telling them that I had done it. I didn't see the point of denying it they would just insist I did it anyway. It turned out there was a witness watching out the window who saw what happened. They told me this after my confession. They were very confused, interrogating me that I didn't do it when I said I did, normally it's the other way around. I honestly can't remember what actually happened. If I was punished or if I ever changed the story.
​

There's one thing I miss out in this story. A lie of omission. I tried to throw a stone back before the guy was hit. It was a complete dud throw and it just went down on to the ground but I felt so guilty about it that it made it even easier to go along with their reuse.

 

[BlessedWithBeingCursed]

I have another story / memory. When I was I think 8 or 9 I was wondering the playground as usual when two of the principles, huge kids came up and told me I had to come with them. Honestly I was always alone so while feeling a bit of trepidation it was also nice to actually for once have some human interaction being being spat at or having people run up, hit me, etc.

Through the horridoors we went and into a strange corner both corridor and office, a make shift interrogation chamber. I was hoping for some kind of reward.

Instead I was screamed at, shouted at and having aspergers you really have no idea what that's like. Shell shock. He kept going on and on at me that I had spoken something, some blasphemy, said something that could not be said. I had no idea what he was talking about.

He kept telling me that I'd said the F word. What the hell is that? I went through worlds in my mind but came up empty. I swear this must have gone on for half an hour. I swear I don't know what you're talking about. You're saying I said something but you can't say what it is I said.

Eventually, the headteacher's face enraged, swelling, his eyeballs gauging themselves out he said the word. "####, you said ####". I finally understood. I had not said that. I had forgotten it even existed until he reminded me. Once I knew what he was talking about and said no I didn't entirely honestly he was surprisingly convinced.

He went back to the kids and asked them again but this time for more details. Then he comes back and tells me I stuck up two fingers. I explained to him I was looking at my hand and counting, I may have briefly had two fingers up.

At this point he was exasperated and let me go.

It's harsh but hopefully these experiences will make us stronger. People are evil. They do these things to us. It's not God doing it. One thing I can be sure of, if there is a hell that's where they're going.

 

[BlessedWithBeingCursed]

Ugh then there was the time when a little kid ran up to me and started kicking me when I was sitting on the ground then I kicked him back. I got in trouble for it and then they said how bad it was for me to bully this kid after my problem with being bullied but he was the aggressor and they took his side for no more than being smaller. They then punished me for it. It was the school my mother worked at as well and even she took their side against me. It was one of the most harrowing things.

I think that happened when I was ten after testifying against my father who smashed my mother's face in giving her sole custody and having to live in hiding in strangers house giving charity and sleeping on the floor in a closet as there was no bed or extra space. She had a mental breakdown and abandoned/offloaded me a year or two later.

My father would come home drunk time after time and smother me and ask me who I would you rather stay with me or your mother and I said him but his question might as well have been who is in your presence. I betrayed my oath in court but I also could not lie about what he had done. I betrayed him but not the truth. I still lied though.

Judas wasn't one person. He is everyone.

If you play the latest Yakuza RPG it also has a story line similar to yours. I think you might like it. It's very hopeful. The guy comes out of prison after 18 years for someone else's crime. Then he goes on a quest to turn it around. I've been playing it, it's pretty good. If you can get a hold of anything like that you might find it'll lift your spirits. What PC do you have?

 

[Deade]

Hello Joey,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

View attachment 293151

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

I'm not EO, but Lord have mercy.

God sent you there to be a light in a dark place.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

I hope this finds you well.

 

[Anthony2019]

Well I'm new here and dont even know how this works. I need some help and any reply will be gratefull.my name is joey and I'm currently in state prison for a crime I did not commit.im sure people hear this all the time and that is fine if people dont believe me I'm not trying to convince anyone because I already gave up on people like my public defender saying they would help prove my innocence and that not happening. I just need help because I feel like god abandoned me. Why would god send me to prison for so long for something I did not do? Why do I have to go through all this pain for nothing? My mom passed away while I have been in prison and I could not be there to see her before she died. I have even lost contact with my daughter and cannot get that back. Now covid is here and we cannot get visits and i have not seen my wife in almost a year now because of this virus.I just dont know what to do. I just want to give up and be done because I dont understand how go could allow an innocent man to go to prison and abandon me. I know I'm complaining but I just dont know what to do.

Hello Joey
Sorry to hear about your current situation.
Prayers that God will draw especially near to you and those you love, bringing you peace and comfort.
Welcome to the forums - I hope you will be encouraged by the fellowship here.