- Jul 5, 2017
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I have a long-time friend in Sunday School class who has been torn up over a married daughter, mid 20's with a few children, who demanded an apology from him for hurting her husband but did not disclose the offense. He repeatedly tried to find out what he was supposed to have done so he could work it out but his daughter kept cutting off communication (texts , email, & snail mail) while still not informing my friend of the original offense and eventually blackmailed him to give the apology by withholding all of the grandchildren till he did! He and his wife are so distraught. It has been since two summers ago, I think, and his daughter has had another baby last summer and she didn't inform them; pregnancy or birth. He and his wife love them very much and were very much a part of their lives. He was always talking about them. He loved them so and by what he said the grandchildren were very strongly bonded to him and his wife.
He is now saying that he is going to give an apology for anything just to get the grandchildren back. He and his wife cannot see anything he did or said for which an apology would be needed but he will accept guilt for whatever just to have the joy of their grandchildren back. I told him that if he did that that he would be setting himself up for more abuse from his daughter and whether he realized it or not he would be putting himself and his wife into an oppressed position and that their paranoia of her doing it again would be like handing her a leash with a choker chain with spikes. He had shared about ten or more years ago that when he was deployed into combat somewhere for over a year his daughter shifted 180 degrees from a young adolescent who loved Jesus and was very involved in church activities for youth, even prayer meets at McDs EARLY before school, and was a good student at school to the opposite by the time he got back (his son, her older bro/only sibling, who was a Marine was deployed to the most dangerous zone in Iraq, simultaneously.) She has never let him, her dad, kiss her since, but she denies anything is wrong. She denies that her personality ever changed and insists that she never was involved in church or anything good as her mother and father remember. She ran away after he returned and eventually found the man she is married to now, two years after the birth of their first. She now is involved heavily in the church, even leading, I think he said but she gave/gives no credit to her parents and still denies her past good years. She lives only a few miles away while his son and family, across the country.
Did I ill advise him? Should he apologize for anything just to try to get the joy he had with his grandchildren back? He and his wife see their only other two grandchildren twice a year or so. As I see it, I do not think it would be too joyful with the paranoia of not knowing what is next and probably oppression attached and there is no guarantee she won't do it again or telling what she told the grandchildren to explain the sudden disappearance of their only close grandparents at that time.
He is now saying that he is going to give an apology for anything just to get the grandchildren back. He and his wife cannot see anything he did or said for which an apology would be needed but he will accept guilt for whatever just to have the joy of their grandchildren back. I told him that if he did that that he would be setting himself up for more abuse from his daughter and whether he realized it or not he would be putting himself and his wife into an oppressed position and that their paranoia of her doing it again would be like handing her a leash with a choker chain with spikes. He had shared about ten or more years ago that when he was deployed into combat somewhere for over a year his daughter shifted 180 degrees from a young adolescent who loved Jesus and was very involved in church activities for youth, even prayer meets at McDs EARLY before school, and was a good student at school to the opposite by the time he got back (his son, her older bro/only sibling, who was a Marine was deployed to the most dangerous zone in Iraq, simultaneously.) She has never let him, her dad, kiss her since, but she denies anything is wrong. She denies that her personality ever changed and insists that she never was involved in church or anything good as her mother and father remember. She ran away after he returned and eventually found the man she is married to now, two years after the birth of their first. She now is involved heavily in the church, even leading, I think he said but she gave/gives no credit to her parents and still denies her past good years. She lives only a few miles away while his son and family, across the country.
Did I ill advise him? Should he apologize for anything just to try to get the joy he had with his grandchildren back? He and his wife see their only other two grandchildren twice a year or so. As I see it, I do not think it would be too joyful with the paranoia of not knowing what is next and probably oppression attached and there is no guarantee she won't do it again or telling what she told the grandchildren to explain the sudden disappearance of their only close grandparents at that time.