Street Harassment

[traingosorry]

This topic doesn't have anything to do with being single but the Singles forum is where I engage most in CF and I know I can get some feedback so I hope you all don't mind this thread.

I'm working on something about the subject of street harassment and being on the receiving end. I am motivated after hearing countless stories of my sisters and friends who feel violated and defenseless when they are out in public, be it a butt-grab at a club, a roaming hand on public transit or a demeaning comment shouted from a passing car.

Do you think within reason some instances can be harmless, or are all forms inappropriate?
Have you ever witnessed a situation like this in public or come to the defense of someone being harassed?
Have you ever been on the receiving end of an unwanted comment or gesture? How did you react?


This is a huge topic that could go so many directions but I hope this will strike up a RESPECTFUL and CIVILIZED discussion.

 

[Im_A]

This topic doesn't have anything to do with being single but the Singles forum is where I engage most in CF and I know I can get some feedback so I hope you all don't mind this thread.

I'm working on something about the subject of street harassment and being on the receiving end. I am motivated after hearing countless stories of my sisters and friends who feel violated and defenseless when they are out in public, be it a butt-grab at a club, a roaming hand on public transit or a demeaning comment shouted from a passing car.

Do you think within reason some instances can be harmless, or are all forms inappropriate?
Have you ever witnessed a situation like this in public or come to the defense of someone being harassed?
Have you ever been on the receiving end of an unwanted comment or gesture? How did you react?


This is a huge topic that could go so many directions but I hope this will strike up a RESPECTFUL and CIVILIZED discussion.

There are cases of road rage, in my opinion, in severe cases is understandable. Simply because the irresponsibility of endangering someone's life needs to be called out. If someone can't handle someone's attitude as their life passed before their eyes, then they need to learn to drive responsibility because that is the only way one can actually call the situation out without committing illegal activities.

Beyond that, in my opinion it depends on the situation. In high school I had a drive by butt pincher. I liked it. Then when I was 21/22 I had a drunk middle aged, very attractive woman pull my arm and try to drag me to her. I was offended and pulled my arm back and stared her down and her look showed me she was horrified by my response.

Physical violence and sexual assault doesn't become 'lighter' because it is on the street. So while I didn't take personal offense and maybe liked my butt being pinched by a physically attractive stranger in high school doesn't mean it should be the way it goes.

The 2 ft. rule is something I live by. I only change it when I am trying to not bump into someone. So the sneaky hand is sick and sexually assaulting.

Stuff like this simply causes disorder, no matter the intent and I do support someone taking legal action on even something that some see as 'small' or see as 'understanding' due to the environment. However, I am lucky enough to never witness anything knowingly. I can't even say I have witnessed someone spanking a child in public.

I also did have this young guy come up to me and look at my private area and ask if that is a trash can there? I was offended and nevertheless, I did get in his face a little and asked him to repeat himself to get the point across. He ran off. This was in the mall, this year.

 

[Blank123]

I've been touched inappropriately and spoken to inappropriately in public. Its never a comfortable feeling. I tend to be extremely guarded when I'm on my own, especially if I'm downtown where the rougher elements tend to congregate. this is one reason why, as I said in another thread, I very much appreciate the company of guy friends/family in certain situations.

Even at work I had a guy nearly a year ago who was trying to hit on me make an extremely inappropriate joke about my body that I guess he thought should have been a turn-on and when I reacted less than amused he got mad at me. At the end of it, when it was obvious that I wasn't won over by his charm, he asked me if I was a lesbian.

I think there's an appropriate way to communicate interest to even strangers and an inappropriate way. You just have to stop and place yourself in the others shoes and decide if how you're acting towards that person is respectful of them as a person. Its those who act like they're entitled to whoever may turn their heads that don't know how to treat those people with respect.

 

[Im_A]

I am already planning on taking a different route with how the guys and I interact with each other at work. I plan on having a talk with a guy at work first thing in the morning.

Not a mean talk. Not some 'tough guy' talk. Nothing offensive or assaulting. Just a straight forward discussion.

 

[traingosorry]

I am already planning on taking a different route with how the guys and I interact with each other at work. I plan on having a talk with a guy at work first thing in the morning.

Not a mean talk. Not some 'tough guy' talk. Nothing offensive or assaulting. Just a straight forward discussion.

Has this guy been making some inappropriate comments to others at your workplace?

 

[traingosorry]

Even at work I had a guy nearly a year ago who was trying to hit on me make an extremely inappropriate joke about my body that I guess he thought should have been a turn-on and when I reacted less than amused he got mad at me.

What I want to know is where people learn that it's OK to make suggestive comments to someone else, like what you stated here. And why did he feel he was right to get angry with you when you did not react the way he wanted?

I wonder if these are displays of 'power' or belittling someone to make oneself feel bigger. It smells of oppression, I think.

 

[Blank123]

I think it comes down to pride. Men (or even women) like that feel like the world revolves around them and what they want they should get. When things don't go their way they get angry.

Perhaps in the past it has worked for them which leads to their false sense of superiority too and leads them to think its okay to treat others that way.

 

[Im_A]

Has this guy been making some inappropriate comments to others at your workplace?

Yep. Even the 'guy physical hitting' as a joke.

I can be understanding. No matter if it is acceptable or not, guys interact with guys differently than how girls interact with girls.

Example, in the workforce that I am used to, when the guys like you(a guy), they will joke with you harsher. Jokes become more personal, maybe a little physical harassing. It does come with the territory so to speak. That's why when conflict arises or arises too much, it has to be addressed because even though it comes with the territory it is causing too much disorder.

So as a guy, I have to be aware of that. Some people just don't know how far to take the joking because that's what they are used to doing and I don't believe in acting like a snitch all the time. There are instances where others have to but in a case like I am talking about, which details will be held or given once after the talk happens, I just don't believe in being a snitch...yet. One can get a mediator and I have seen it done and seen it work.

So we'll see what happens.

 

[SullivanZ]

I don't think it's okay for guys to harass ladies like that. It's rude and inappropriate.

It also makes it much harder for us guys who want to approach someone attractive in public, because they will have their guards up due to meeting so many creeps who do stuff like that out in public.

 

[Im_A]

It also makes it much harder for us guys who want to approach someone attractive in public, because they will have their guards up due to meeting so many creeps who do stuff like that out in public.

That is the downfall to say the least. The reaction from a female simply trying to protect herself from crap like that.

There's not much a guy that doesn't do that crap to ladies can do either. All depends on how much she likes that individual. I tend to leave ladies that have their guards as high and as strong as the former Berlin wall alone these days. I just don't have the desire to fight and fight to show a 'good cause' and I don't currently have a reason to go through the process of breaking that wall down. I am good by default in this area so since it is by default I won't be doing the convincing.

 

[GQ Chris]

 

[traingosorry]

I don't think it's okay for guys to harass ladies like that. It's rude and inappropriate.

It also makes it much harder for us guys who want to approach someone attractive in public, because they will have their guards up due to meeting so many creeps who do stuff like that out in public.

I think most women are good with trusting their instincts about people and can tell when men are genuine. The other day on the train I noticed two men standing by the door eyeballing me. Instantly I felt my guard go up. My stop came and I walked to the door to get off. The one man stepped aside and with his arm guiding me out the door he snidely said "Ladies first, right?". I didn't smile, I just replied 'thanks' in a flippant tone.

I don't know what his intention was - if he meant to be flirtatious or to put me in my place, but I was not responding to it. A guy with respect towards me would have gone about this in an entirely different way. If you are respectful, you won't have anything to worry about.

 

[SneakerPimp53]

There are some people that behave badly, whether it's inappropriate touching or comments. Both genders are represented in this group. There are also a lot of people (and to be honest this group is about 90% female in my experience) that are just wildly over sensitive to everything. There's also the whole what attractive men can get away with, and what unattractive men can get away with thing. There was a SNL skit with Tom Brady some years back that pretty much hits the nail on the head. Just one of those facts of life, if you're a doctor pinching nurses on the rear end you're going to get a much different response than a janitor doing the same thing.

 

[Im_A]

I think most women are good with trusting their instincts about people and can tell when men are genuine. The other day on the train I noticed two men standing by the door eyeballing me. Instantly I felt my guard go up. My stop came and I walked to the door to get off. The one man stepped aside and with his arm guiding me out the door he snidely said "Ladies first, right?". I didn't smile, I just replied 'thanks' in a flippant tone.

I don't know what his intention was - if he meant to be flirtatious or to put me in my place, but I was not responding to it. A guy with respect towards me would have gone about this in an entirely different way. If you are respectful, you won't have anything to worry about.

Just don't become like women I have known. Who think that men holding doors open and being that 'gentleman' are only out for sex.

I was horrified when I heard that and that is taking the effects of the street harassment way tooooooo far in my opinion.

Thankfully this was only a FEW girls that I have known.

 

[traingosorry]

Just don't become like women I have known. Who think that men holding doors open and being that 'gentleman' are only out for sex.

I was horrified when I heard that and that is taking the effects of the street harassment way tooooooo far in my opinion.

Thankfully this was only a FEW girls that I have known.

That's just it. I don't know what his intentions were, I just know that judging by his tone and facial expressions he was not being gentlemanly for sure.

 

[traingosorry]

There's also the whole what attractive men can get away with, and what unattractive men can get away with thing. There was a SNL skit with Tom Brady some years back that pretty much hits the nail on the head. Just one of those facts of life, if you're a doctor pinching nurses on the rear end you're going to get a much different response than a janitor doing the same thing.

I'm going to dig around for this. I haven't seen it.

 

[SneakerPimp53]

Watch Video Tom Brady SNL Sexual Harassment PSA at blinkx

 

[Daedalus^2]

Never been physically harassed on the street (although one of my friends got mugged, or they tried to - unfortunately, she was a second dan black belt in taekwon do, and mugged him until the police got there). I've been yelled at and all sorts though.

Generally it doesn't go much further than that, because I'm pretty much a giant, so a look normally stops things. But it's certainly never appropriate, especially if the other party is drunk/under the influence of something.

 

[Im_A]

That's just it. I don't know what his intentions were, I just know that judging by his tone and facial expressions he was not being gentlemanly for sure.

Right but when do you ever know anyone's intention exactly unless they tell you? Guts are sometimes wrong and I suppose I just hold the view that one can protect themselves without always thinking that people every single time have bad motives and I personally don't view someone as always thinking most people having bad intentions as having a good perspective of the the world around us so out of advice giving, out came that post which is not being anything judgmental towards you. Especially when things in a social setting are easily controlled...just as long nothing illegal is happening they are easily controlled. You do what you did by standing up to it the way you did and go about your way.

I would think the same thing you do about your situation as well so I am not trying to stand up for the weirdos.

 

[traingosorry]

Thanks Sneaker, found it.

That's interesting. I think that in general, in everything, people who are more attractive to tend to get favour from others and do tend to get away with more, but that doesn't make it right.

Taking this back to the thread topic, do you think if Tom Brady were to be in a club and if he were to come up behind a girl without her invitation and start grinding up against her, that it would be ok? The point of this thread isn't whether he would get away with it, but whether it would be ok for him to do this in the first place. Where is the line?

Myself personally, I'm put off by anyone crossing into my personal boundaries without my invitation and I don't care what you look like. But there are people out there who feel it's within their right and I want to know where this comes from.