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Still very selfish and want it gone

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by WilliamBo, May 19, 2017.

  1. WilliamBo

    WilliamBo Growing Christian

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    I feel God has revealed to me that I am selfish in my actions but I don't know how to change my own heart. I've been a (growing) Christian for 5 years now but still am not at the point to where I am truly living for other people and putting others before myself and it really dissapoints me. I know God's love and I love God but I am not yet living it out... I WANT to minister to people and to "satisfy the afflicted soul" and just DO GOOD and really be like Jesus but I just can't seem to be free from myself... I still yell at my mom when she tries to correct me and stuff like that and feel like I'm like 10 years younger emotionally and maturity wise and honestly don't even enjoy my own company. I feel so immature and really want the seed of God to grow faster in me but being self-centered is my natural state of being and being a drug addict in the past really made the selfishness deep rooted in my as I made very many poor decisions as a teenager and in my early 20's. When I get around strangers I often panic because I don't know how to act properly around strangers...

    I mean what can I do to cultivate the fruits of the spirit in me? I am struggling with depression and isolation real bad and really dug myself into a hole. I feel like i'm in darkness and have fasted and prayed and had many people pray for me and had lots of Christian counseling but still in this cloud... Any advice?
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2017
  2. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran

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    Looks like you're using this time of isolation to dig deeper into The Word and grow in Him. (might even be His purpose?). Even the original disciples spent time with Jesus before they went out.

    To change our behavior, we have to change our thoughts.

    "and take joy in all the good that Adonai your God has given you, your household, ..." Deut 26:11
    So first it states "joy." Ok, what is "all the good" He has given you and your family? You could begin by acknowledging He made this day (Psa 118:24), gives us each and every breathe (Job 33:4), and every good and perfect gift is from Him (James 1:17). Also, encourage you to spend more time appreciating His creation in nature and in others because they're His workmanship (Gen; Eph 2:10). Additionally, there's honoring and revering Him, the Giver, such as reading Psa 145. Plus, you'll raise your awareness and will see more throughout the day. In essence, you're deliberately focusing on your Savior and His Word.

    You know we're to honor our parents (Eph 6:2) but think it's probably authority that's the problem. Again when the conflict begins, rely on God and His Word. You could immediately think of Scripture and pray accordingly such as God, You resist the proud and I'm asking You for Your grace and I'm receiving Your grace (I Peter 5:5; Mark 11:24).

    With the fruit of The Spirit - since it's capitalized, it's His Spirit. When the behavior begins that you don't want, stop mentally and asks God for more of His love or His peace or His patience. Then in a few seconds you can thank Him for more of His patience (for example) and helping you in this way.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2017
  3. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Active Member

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    Tell me, was it easy giving up drugs or do you still have to face a real temptation to use them again?
    I'm guessing that you had a struggle and still have a struggle to keep clear of drugs.

    Learning to listen to a telling off or to being told how todo something you think you know how to do is never easy.
    If it helps we used traffic lights with our daughter when she struggled to control her temper.
    Normality is green, getting agitated is amber and loosing temper is red. The idea being if an argument looked like tempers were starting to fray we'd mention that she was moving beyound amber and if it was clear that she was very cross, to say she was in red.

    The idea was she got feed back on how her temper appeared to us and that she should either take a deep breather and calm down or take time out, not that we were telling her, it wasfor her to recognise and act accordingly.

    You could talk with your mother and ask her to adopt this system. It would then be up to you while seeing red to act in the aproprate manner.
     
  4. WilliamBo

    WilliamBo Growing Christian

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    I just wrote a long response and my computer froze and erased it. Thanks a lot for the input. I'm hoping that all the depression and isolation that I couldn't get out of has had a purpose or that God maybe ordained it to happen in order to "train" me for something... I mean my depression got so bad, I don't know anyone that has experienced depression that I have in the past. I definately use this time to try and heal and get close to God, I've been praying and reading and watching sermons on youtube by Todd White and others like all day for like 6 months now, it's crazy.
     
  5. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran

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    Sorry for the depression and isolation you have been experiencing. Let me try again Yahweh will use our situation for His purpose. Because of Scripture such as:

    “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jer 29:11
    -“who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time eternal,” II Tim 1:9
    -“And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose,” Rom 8:28
     
  6. WilliamBo

    WilliamBo Growing Christian

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    Oh man that is such a beautiful scripture. Love Isaiah, so many incredible lines.

    The reason I thought that is because I'm on some level very dissapointed in myself for the kind of hole I'm in with depression and unemployment and how long I've been here... it just saddens me that I was that unmanageble
     
  7. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran

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    Glad the Scripture was meaningful.

    Sure understand how alarming self realizations can be. How awesome that Yahweh never gives up on us and provides us many chances. How much more to be thankful to Yahweh!
     
  8. WilliamBo

    WilliamBo Growing Christian

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    yea it is alarming. i'm like oh my gosh where have the last 10 years gone. its quite incredible how stuff that happened in middle school and high school started a downward spiral... but i'm believing that God is going to make all things work for my good
     
  9. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    What are the small things that you think would be a great start to moving in the right direction
     
  10. Petros2015

    Petros2015 Member

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    Get involved with some recovery programs local to you - you will find a lot of people suffering or struggling to exit that same lifestyle that you can help in ways both great and small. You may also find the 12 Steps of Recovery useful to work for yourself in your own spiritual walk.

    "Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles."
    ~pg 62 the AA Big Book

    "No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others"
    ~pg 83 the AA Big Book

    You will also find a lot of people struggling with *exactly* the same things you are going through, whether you are clean or not. It take a lot to rebuild and stay clean after an addiction, but you will see people who have done it. And if you want what they have, then do what they did.
     
  11. WilliamBo

    WilliamBo Growing Christian

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    Man i went to AA and NA for years but i've overcome my addictions but the depression and everything remain. Ive gone to Celebrate Recovery a lot but nothing ever stuck... I don't know why. I know the Big Book of AA and basic text of NA very well. I know scripture very well. I guess I'm just waiting on God at this point because right now I don't have any "power" in my life to be honest...
     
  12. Petros2015

    Petros2015 Member

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    Well, there is a big difference between going and participating. Did you ever do a 4th step? Some people don't. Or lead a meeting, or have a sponsee? I struggle with depression also, but sponsees when they appear in my life keep me sober and out of myself. I can give back. Today, a salesman showed up at my house uninvited to get me to agree to a free quote for windows that I didn't want. But by the end of the conversation, he confided to me that he had gotten hooked on painkillers and was now using suboxone (which he was now hooked on instead) so he didn't use them. He needed help and had not talked to anyone about recovery before. I happen to know someone in the program that went through suboxone withdrawal. Suddenly my life and story have meaning and purpose, they are meant for others.

    "Get a sponsor, get a home group, get a service position"

    I heard that over and over again.

    And then one day I got it:

    The world is a service position.

    And suddenly it all made sense. Those are good days when I keep that in mind, and look for ways to be useful to others both in and out of recovery. God finds a use for me. He can find one for you too if you let Him.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2017 at 9:06 PM
  13. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Im Mature

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    I cant understand why people like yourself are so eager to minister when they need to sort out your own issues.
    Just know you are not alone in your struggles. if you sincerely seek God, you will surely find Him. My advice is keep it simple. Don't worry about too many rules. When praying focus on listening, not speaking. Be patient with God. He does not act according to our timetable.
     
  14. ub4me

    ub4me Senior Veteran

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    One very good way to rid yourself of selfishness is to volunteer some time for those in need. Maybe at a homeless shelter a soup kitchen, an orphanage. There is nothing more humbling than handing a hungry child a plate of food that you helped to prepare. You also would be among other people who give of themselves and are examples of selflessness.
    God bless you for your honesty and reaching out in hope of bettering yourself it's not always easy to confess your faults... We should all be as like minded
    James 5:16
    Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
     
  15. ub4me

    ub4me Senior Veteran

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    I can appreciate the kind spirit flowing from your post.
    Though I believe being eager to minister is not a bad thing.
    God has planted that zeal in the most unlikely of sources... people throughout the Bible... Jesus disciples, Apostles, ministered while working out there issues. There was much they did not understand but God gave them the words to speak.
    Mercy, we are all working out some sort of issue daily & they won't ever be fully worked out until we are in Heaven. If we waited, there would be none to minister.
    God can call someone from the deepest pit to be more anointed and effective than a seasoned theologian, just because He is God, and pours out His Spirit on those who earnestly desire to serve Him.
    God Bless You!
     
  16. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Im Mature

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    Yes I can see where you're coming from .
    But I get the impression that some Christians use ministering to others as a form of assuaging their own doubts.
     
  17. ub4me

    ub4me Senior Veteran

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    Then surely God will deal with that...yet the Word is the Word and people are still ministered to.
    My apologies for not addressing the OP only. God Bless you!
     
  18. WilliamBo

    WilliamBo Growing Christian

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    Why can you not understand why someone would want to minister to others? Our lives are supposed to be a ministry, that is what I was getting at... being free from myself so I can be used by God. This is not a bad thing or a way to ''cover up'' something as you are interpreting. I'm simply being honest with where I'm at sometimes and desiring to confess my faults and find healing. Thanks for the input.

    Yea that's a good idea, I am planning to start doing community service this weekend actually. I like confessing my faults because like Romans 7, I do what dont want to do and dont do what i want to do and I don't have a home church or small group right now so this is where I go to talk to other Christians. I'm looking at volunteering at an orphanage. Thank you for your input
     
  19. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I think that the only thing that he was saying was that you need to have your own faith solid and understand what you would be teaching, to teach God's truth.

    I don't think he was saying do not spread the gospel.

    We do need to be able to properly give people the full picture of why they need salvation and how Jesus provides that for them. How it all works together, I guess is what I am saying.