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kim87
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Do you attend your dad's church or a different one? And if a different one, how did you make that transition?
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BeautifulDestiny09
Regular Member
I attend a different church from the one my father pastors. I knew it was time to leave when I began to question some of the things he did and why. Also, there were no young adults around my age beyond my two sisters and fellowship with people my age was VERY important. There was no bad feelings when I left-my parents even came to support me when I was baptized at my new church. They've been really supportive of my decision
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well as a ministers kid myself, I do know that the ministers family play a big role in the church with the minister. Its really up to you where your heart leads in your walk with God. I left my Dads church when things were sour between us, and ended up at another church - where I felt somehow wierd but kinda guilty because obviously in the island culture, its almost rude to not be in the same church with your Dad/Mum if theyre the minister. Really up to you where you think yu stand with God in making this decision.
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ActingDude17
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Why do you assume every PK's pastor parent is a man? I know plenty of my fellows who have moms in the ministry. My mom's mom is a pastor herself.
Anyway, I'm 14, and have very similar theology as my dad, so I attend his appointed church.
Anyway, I'm 14, and have very similar theology as my dad, so I attend his appointed church.
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My dad took a break from his pastoral ministry to do family counseling for a few years when I was in my upper teens. During this time, I found a church home that I love. Now that he is back in the ministry, he does not expect me to leave my church home to attend his church. I can see how that would be a terribly difficult situation to leave a church where your dad was currently the pastor.
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Whisper84
Guest
I'm the daughter in law of a pastor, and leaving his church was one of the hardest things we've done.
I think there are a lot of variables. In our case, asking questions and coming to a different conclusion than his Dad was NOT ok. My husband walked on eggshells around his Dad for years after we were married, and I never really understood why... until his Dad found out that we disagree with him about women's submission, and our marriage doesn't work that way. He did not take that well. He hasn't spoken to me since he found out.
We were put in the position of being asked (by the elders at his church) to either conform or leave. We left.
Our experience seems to be outside the norm for PKs, and I'm glad for that. I wouldn't wish that experience (or the awkwardness since then) on anybody!
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Whisper84
Guest
If I've heard that once, I've heard it a thousand times. Honestly, every PK's situation is different. Just because a person is a minister doesn't mean their children are morally bound to stay under their thumb forever.
Leaving your parents' church can be really difficult. It can also be vitally important if you're working out your own beliefs and coming to different conclusions than the ones they have come to.
All that to say, it really irritates me when people repeat cliches like the one above. They almost always seem to come from people who don't bother to find out the facts of the situation before picking a side. When the situation gets ugly (like ours did), the sheer volume of people pressuring us to ignore our consciences and conform to what Daddy wants is overwhelming.
Pastors aren't perfect. Please consider that before you chastise their children for needing some distance.
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freebiblelessons
Junior Member
Yeah....this is a tough decision.
Ultimately I think that salvaging your family relationship is VERY important. If you need to leave, then make sure you do it with grace and love. If you stay, then be as supportive as possible.
I do see that many feel the need to move on and that is probably wise, but don't do it at the expense of strife in your family.
Ultimately I think that salvaging your family relationship is VERY important. If you need to leave, then make sure you do it with grace and love. If you stay, then be as supportive as possible.
I do see that many feel the need to move on and that is probably wise, but don't do it at the expense of strife in your family.
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One of my closest friends is a PK and we met at a bible study of a different church to her dads. There doesnt seem to be any problem about this in her family. Her dads church is full of old people and she was 23 or so when we met so she just needed fellowship with people her age. Also she likes the independence and considering she still lived at home the fact she could do her spiritual walk away from pastor daddy was important to her. Having said that my dad was in ministry and I loved seeing him preach, but then I didnt get to see him much elsewhere.
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Hi I'm new here, but this is a very relevant topic for me!
I left my parents church when I was 27 after getting involved in youth leadership and facing burnout. I had some really big issues with depression and sexual sin in my life though.
After leaving my parents church and 'finding a relationship with Christ for myself' I started experiencing transformation and freedom over the last 3 years.
It has been the hardest 3 years of my life, but now, funnily enough I have a much better relationship with my parents and family than before. All glory to God alone!
I left my parents church when I was 27 after getting involved in youth leadership and facing burnout. I had some really big issues with depression and sexual sin in my life though.
After leaving my parents church and 'finding a relationship with Christ for myself' I started experiencing transformation and freedom over the last 3 years.
It has been the hardest 3 years of my life, but now, funnily enough I have a much better relationship with my parents and family than before. All glory to God alone!
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Hi Dionne.
I wouldn't wish the process on anybody though - it was very painful. I think there was an element of allowing bitterness and resentment to dominate my thinking though.
These things will cause more damage than anything else and I've seen the cycle continue at my new church.
This is why I think some people (and especially myself) can get trapped in 'church hopping'.. they build some friendships .. over time they get offended, then they leave and head off to a new church. Never dealing with learning how to speak the truth in love and love others even though we disagree.
These are my weaknesses, please don't be lead astray by myself.
I wouldn't wish the process on anybody though - it was very painful. I think there was an element of allowing bitterness and resentment to dominate my thinking though.
These things will cause more damage than anything else and I've seen the cycle continue at my new church.
This is why I think some people (and especially myself) can get trapped in 'church hopping'.. they build some friendships .. over time they get offended, then they leave and head off to a new church. Never dealing with learning how to speak the truth in love and love others even though we disagree.
These are my weaknesses, please don't be lead astray by myself.
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I understand exactly what you went through cause I'm going through it now. It's painful. Just literally less than 10 min ago my aunt wanted to pray over me and her sister and my father. She saw the tension and mess. She came to visit for a week and told us the devil is trying to destroy us. I feel better after prayer but as of right now the only thing that can fix it for me is moving away.
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Hi Dionne
My own family went through that time of oppression as well. Pray for wisdom. I pray that through that your relationship with God and understanding of Christ and his salvation will be radically transformed.
But note that for me, I came to this point by realising how weak I was without the power of Christ. I went from a proud haughty PK to the broken man I am today.
In saying that, our family recently saw my older sister return to church and faith in Christ after 18 years! Thank you Lord!
My own family went through that time of oppression as well. Pray for wisdom. I pray that through that your relationship with God and understanding of Christ and his salvation will be radically transformed.
But note that for me, I came to this point by realising how weak I was without the power of Christ. I went from a proud haughty PK to the broken man I am today.
In saying that, our family recently saw my older sister return to church and faith in Christ after 18 years! Thank you Lord!
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That's great that your sister came to christ. It's never to late. And it feels good to know God hears our prayers. Ive always known that but sometimes we get in a rut and just need to see something. .. Anything. You know. But yes that's wonderful to hear.
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Eva090715
New Member
Hi Everyone,
I've been reading this thread of messages and it is extremely relevant to what my husband and I are going through at the moment.
My father-in-Law is a pastor and I have been serving in their ministry since I first met my husband ( 6 years ago) at the time it was when we started dating. I have been actively involved in serving and in the Music ministry as a worshipper. My husband attends his fathers church but has never felt inclined to serve his father and the ministry, he simply attends. Recently we were connected with another church and since then he is a different person, when I felt like it would take years for him to start his own journey and walk with Christ .. it happened suddenly. Coming from a person who was running away from being part of the ministry because of the hurt he sustained being part of a ministry family, to us this is a miracle. And the rapid spiritual growth in his life is incredible to watch.. I am amazed at my husband and this has happened over a span of 3-4 weeks. This has put us in a terrible position with a very painful and difficult decision to make as we both know we are called to ministry, but yet sit with a delima of seeking an answer to where God wants us to be, affraid to cause damage to his fathers ministry and make a mistake that would impact our lives in a negative way. I sit here with a knot in my stomach and I appeal to anyone who has been through this same or similar situation. This entire week we have been sitting with people, seeking guidance from both sides and it has not been easy as my parents in Law do not want to release us from their ministry. We feel strongly that we need to make this move for a season but cannot do it at the cost of our relationship with our family or causing harm to a small part of the body of Christ. I will appreciate anyone who can give me any advice on this matter, we are living in a moment of great transition that will greatly impact the ministry we are serving in, its members and the relationship with our family if we do not do it with grace and wisdom.
I've been reading this thread of messages and it is extremely relevant to what my husband and I are going through at the moment.
My father-in-Law is a pastor and I have been serving in their ministry since I first met my husband ( 6 years ago) at the time it was when we started dating. I have been actively involved in serving and in the Music ministry as a worshipper. My husband attends his fathers church but has never felt inclined to serve his father and the ministry, he simply attends. Recently we were connected with another church and since then he is a different person, when I felt like it would take years for him to start his own journey and walk with Christ .. it happened suddenly. Coming from a person who was running away from being part of the ministry because of the hurt he sustained being part of a ministry family, to us this is a miracle. And the rapid spiritual growth in his life is incredible to watch.. I am amazed at my husband and this has happened over a span of 3-4 weeks. This has put us in a terrible position with a very painful and difficult decision to make as we both know we are called to ministry, but yet sit with a delima of seeking an answer to where God wants us to be, affraid to cause damage to his fathers ministry and make a mistake that would impact our lives in a negative way. I sit here with a knot in my stomach and I appeal to anyone who has been through this same or similar situation. This entire week we have been sitting with people, seeking guidance from both sides and it has not been easy as my parents in Law do not want to release us from their ministry. We feel strongly that we need to make this move for a season but cannot do it at the cost of our relationship with our family or causing harm to a small part of the body of Christ. I will appreciate anyone who can give me any advice on this matter, we are living in a moment of great transition that will greatly impact the ministry we are serving in, its members and the relationship with our family if we do not do it with grace and wisdom.
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