Staff/members discussion thread. Report-free.

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Edial

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Hi folks. :)

As most of you know, there's tension, accusations and a lot of strife going on in this area at the moment. It's been going on for quite some time.

We understand that the issues go deeper than just making peace by
creating the Men's Personal Topics and Women's Personal Topics.

The purpose of this thread is to hear what you have to say as well as a probable adjustment to the SoP Sticky.

Only Senior Staff would moderate this thread, meaning the A's, Advisers and Chaplains.
If a Senior Staff is not available, the thread would be closed and then re-opened once someone else is on duty.

Other mods are welcome to post here as forum participants only and express their concerns as any other poster would.

Something we want to point out is this:

1. Every poster (including mods) have rights to own opinions in any of the Marrieds threads.
2. No mod who participates in Marrieds threads would work reports nor moderate a Marrieds thread except for closing a thread if needed.

Note: This is a report free thread, meaning, no one reports anyone.

That being said, the site wide rules still need to be followed.
We will clean up any posts that are in violation of rules.

If you don't feel comfortable sharing in here, the Member Service Center is always open.


So let's talk.
We need to know what your concerns are.
No names please - she said this, he said that. :)

Lord willing we would have a resolution to this forum as well.

Thank you. :)

In Christ,
Ed
 
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CarrieAnnC

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As a new member, I probably should not post, but I will anyway. I recently registered after a long period of viewing. I have only posted a handful of times. From my viewing, I considered this to be a rather dangerous place to post and that was borne out in feeling disparaged for my opinions almost immediately. I am a member on many other forums on the internet, several of them not Christian in nature, and the members are much kinder than on this forum. I don't know why that would be true.
 
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Chaplain David

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As a new member, I probably should not post, but I will anyway. I recently registered after a long period of viewing. I have only posted a handful of times. From my viewing, I considered this to be a rather dangerous place to post and that was borne out in feeling disparaged for my opinions almost immediately. I am a member on many other forums on the internet, several of them not Christian in nature, and the members are much kinder than on this forum. I don't know why that would be true.
Hi Carrie, welcome. I hear you saying that in your view the forum isn't the safest place in the world to post.
 
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Edial

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As a new member, I probably should not post, but I will anyway. I recently registered after a long period of viewing. I have only posted a handful of times. From my viewing, I considered this to be a rather dangerous place to post and that was borne out in feeling disparaged for my opinions almost immediately. I am a member on many other forums on the internet, several of them not Christian in nature, and the members are much kinder than on this forum. I don't know why that would be true.
Thank you for you opinion.
It is a valuable observation. :)

We have had similar complaints as well.

As I mentioned in the OP, each poster has a right to his/her opinion here.

In the future, once this thread is completed we would have senior staff members available to you or anyone else who feels that way to reach out to.

We would evaluate posts and decide right there and then what the action would be without any paperwork.

Thanks :)
In Christ,
Ed
 
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Created2Write

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An issue that I see is that there's little to no understanding of how to respectfully disagree. Nearly every thread that has some sort of controversial topic either turns into a lot of men vs. women nonsense, OR certain posters vs. other certain posters. Any attempts at trying to reinstate peacefulness is lost. It's like there always has to be a right or wrong answer, and if someone is disagreed with they are branded for life it seems. It makes posting here very unpleasant. Especially when the disagreement turns into making someone's personal beliefs "ungodly" or "dangerous". There's very little respect for differing opinions here.
 
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FaithPrevails

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Addressing my concerns from a rules standpoint, the areas of concern (to me) are as follows:

● Do not insult, belittle, mock, goad, personally attack, threaten, harass, or use derogatory nicknames in reference to other members or groups of members. Address the context of the post, not the poster.
● If you are flamed, do not respond in-kind.
● Do not make another member's experience on this site miserable. This includes, making false accusations or persistently attacking them in the open forums.
●Do not disrupt the peace and harmony of the site by rehashing alleged grievances or disputes, publicly complaining about posts or threads, or ranting about Christian Forums or its staff. Do not attempt to undermine these rules or policies via campaigns, petitions, or protests. Do not discuss staff or reported actions publicly.

All of this type of behavior creates a rather hostile posting environment. Sometimes, it seems intentional - other times, I don't think a member is aware of how abrupt or judgmental their post might be coming across.

Either way it typically leads to hurt/offended feelings and a lot of bickering and thread derailing.

I'm not really sure what the solution is - other than all active members acknowledging that it IS a problem and agreeing to do their part to make it a better/safer place to post.
 
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Edial

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An issue that I see is that there's little to no understanding of how to respectfully disagree. Nearly every thread that has some sort of controversial topic either turns into a lot of men vs. women nonsense, OR certain posters vs. other certain posters. Any attempts at trying to reinstate peacefulness is lost. It's like there always has to be a right or wrong answer, and if someone is disagreed with they are branded for life it seems. It makes posting here very unpleasant. Especially when the disagreement turns into making someone's personal beliefs "ungodly" or "dangerous". There's very little respect for differing opinions here.


Every forum develops "clicks" - the nature of the beast. :)
Some call it "clubbiness" - an actual word.
clubbiness - Wiktionary

Branding and clubbiness will be addressed as well as black and white issues.

"Respectful disagreement" clause should resolve many issues.

Thanks, :)
In Christ,
Ed
 
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WalksWithChrist

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I'm very glad to see this thread.

The strife has gotten to the point where I usually skim (this is for threads where a poster is asking for advice/help) posts and just reply to the OP. The exchanges between members going back and forth correcting each other and arguing gets to the point of being ridiculous far too often.

What I have seen is that there will be a mile-long exchange between posters and the OP's posts get lost in a sea of bickering. And I end up missing what they said until later or missing it altogether. That's very unfortunate.

I guess I would say this to anyone posting on a thread like that:
Leave your personal feelings at the door and focus on the OP and their issues. Not on each other.
:)
 
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Edial

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Addressing my concerns from a rules standpoint, the areas of concern (to me) are as follows:

● Do not insult, belittle, mock, goad, personally attack, threaten, harass, or use derogatory nicknames in reference to other members or groups of members. Address the context of the post, not the poster.
● If you are flamed, do not respond in-kind.
● Do not make another member's experience on this site miserable. This includes, making false accusations or persistently attacking them in the open forums.
●Do not disrupt the peace and harmony of the site by rehashing alleged grievances or disputes, publicly complaining about posts or threads, or ranting about Christian Forums or its staff. Do not attempt to undermine these rules or policies via campaigns, petitions, or protests. Do not discuss staff or reported actions publicly.

All of this type of behavior creates a rather hostile posting environment. Sometimes, it seems intentional - other times, I don't think a member is aware of how abrupt or judgmental their post might be coming across.

Either way it typically leads to hurt/offended feelings and a lot of bickering and thread derailing.

I'm not really sure what the solution is - other than all active members acknowledging that it IS a problem and agreeing to do their part to make it a better/safer place to post.
There is a solution. :) )Lord willing.

Respectful disagreeing clause we could add to the SoP and then provide a link to members direct to Senior Staff when they see something is going wrong.

I DO agree with you that some members might not be doing so intentionally.
 
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chaz345

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I've said this in my MSC thread and I'll say it again here. The number one main cause of the strife is the consistent and in my opinion intentional misrepresentation of what someone has said by a few members. My opinion that it's intentional and not an honest misunderstanding is based on the fact that it occurs, no matter who the speaker is, only on a select few subjects/positions and on the fact that once it's happened, no amount of "hey I meant x and not y" will budge them from the original "misunderstood" meaning.

As relates to what Faith Prevails just said, there are a posters who's sarcasm and taking of what was said to an extreme definitely amounts to insulting, belittling or mocking.

Honest question here. Is there any rule that would specifically apply to the taking of somone's post to such an extreme that it's not recognizeable?
 
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chaz345

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Welcome Faith, Created and WalkswithChrist.

Addressing the topic in a positive way rather than a poster in a negative way is difficult sometimes but doable.

You would think so, but often the topic becomes how unreasonable the other person's position is. Or rather how unreasonable the distorted version of their position is. Look at how many threads go on for pages about what someone really meant. Often explanations of what a poster meant are met with either a "prove it" mentality or a "you can't mean that because over here you said this" response.
 
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Edial

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I've said this in my MSC thread and I'll say it again here. The number one main cause of the strife is the consistent and in my opinion intentional misrepresentation of what someone has said by a few members. My opinion that it's intentional and not an honest misunderstanding is based on the fact that it occurs, no matter who the speaker is, only on a select few subjects/positions and on the fact that once it's happened, no amount of "hey I meant x and not y" will budge them from the original "misunderstood" meaning.

As relates to what Faith Prevails just said, there are a posters who's sarcasm and taking of what was said to an extreme definitely amounts to insulting, belittling or mocking.

Honest question here. Is there any rule that would specifically apply to the taking of somone's post to such an extreme that it's not recognizeable?
Yes there is.
● Do not make another member's experience on this site miserable. This includes, making false accusations or persistently attacking them in the open forums.
Christian Forums - FAQ: Christian Forums Rules / Terms of Service

Intentional misrepresentation could come from misunderstanding as well as from personal dislike or a defense mechanism.

Once this thread is done with and we try putting two and two together we would have some Senior Staff members overseeing this forum for some time.

Thanks, :)
In Christ,
Ed
 
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Edial

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You would think so, but often the topic becomes how unreasonable the other person's position is. Or rather how unreasonable the distorted version of their position is. Look at how many threads go on for pages about what someone really meant. Often explanations of what a poster meant are met with either a "prove it" mentality or a "you can't mean that because over here you said this" response.
Senior Staff would mediate threads as well ... if necessary.
 
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chaz345

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Yes there is.
● Do not make another member's experience on this site miserable. This includes, making false accusations or persistently attacking them in the open forums.
Christian Forums - FAQ: Christian Forums Rules / Terms of Service

Intentional misrepresentation could come from misunderstanding as well as from personal dislike or a defense mechanism.

Once this thread is done with and we try putting two and two together we would have some Senior Staff members overseeing this forum for some time.

Thanks, :)
In Christ,
Ed

I didn't mean to suggest that there is no possibility that it sometimes starts with an honest misunderstanding. But, like I said, in the case of an honest misunderstanding, one would expect that an explanation of what was really meant would be simply accepted.

I think another thing that would help, and maybe this is where senior staff can do things that first level mods can't, but when looking at an incident of misunderstanding/misrepresentation that's been reported, instead of looking at just that one post, a broader look at the posters "body of work" may be helpful in seeing a pattern that would indicate that it's intentional and not an honest misunderstanding.
 
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