Sport and diet as religion

[Sarah G]

Many people will take up a sport or join a gym in the coming month. They may follow a specific diet (paleo, 5:2, superfoods, raw vegan...) and set themselves some 'body goals'.
They might use apps to monitor their heart rate and sleeping patterns and enter all the 'data' regarding foods, macro nutrients, calories consumed, calories burned, centimeters, inches, kilogrammes and pounds gained and lost to their instagram or fitness blog, motivate themselves by following fitspiration blogs, taking selfies of themselves with bowls of oatmeal...but what are they looking for in this religion of healthy living?

What was I looking for when I followed that trend? Connection? Acceptance? The lifestyle of working out, lifting weights, doing cardio whilst hungry, eating the same things every day and getting up at 5.30am to fit training into a busy schedule requires disciplined devotion. It easily become one's religion. The trouble is that no matter how much we love it, it doesn't love us back.

I was always fleetingly happy to hit a 'goal' and felt that I was achieving something but due to hedonistic adaptation (we get used to stuff and want more good stuff) the satisfaction couldn't and didn't ever last long.

The ugliest thing about the journey for me is the reasons I started it:

1) To make a specific person envious. She despises me and she has a lot of good stuff in her life but she cannot get thin, skinny, lean, slim, size zero no matter how she tries. Guess who can? I can.

2) To punish myself. I made some terrible decisions in the last ten years and did things I am ashamed of. I guess I didn't feel that the forgiveness of God was enough and took it into my own hands to pay a non-existent debt, one push up at a time.

Where did it land me after three years? Ugly inside. Wasting most of my time thinking about calories, food, workouts, clothes, vanity. Thinking mean thoughts about others to prop up my incredibly fragile sense of self worth, based entirely on what the scales said and how loose my size whatever pants were feeling. Physically not good at all but I won't bore you with those details, some of which are gross. Hair loss should be enough information, nobody wants that

Even when I managed to calm it down and turn back to Lord Jesus Christ the religion of fitness only became downgraded to idol, it was still my main motivator and comfort in life. Thankfully the Holy Spirit convicted me and I really knew I didn't want to go on in this way. I prayed and others prayed for me. By the grace of God I have made great progress in the past two months with eating properly and working out less often and less fanatically. Of course the body goes crazy for a while with extreme hunger and weight gain but that is all part of recovery, terrifying as it is.

So, my 'goals' for 2018 are to live free of this fitness and diet idol. I still have some way to go and I hope to read this post back in a years time and praise the name of Lord Jesus Christ that this muddle of a thing is old news.

What I really want to say is that if you are thinking about 'transforming yourself' with sport and diet in 2018 think about your motivations. Are you lacking something, a connection with God or with others? Is it a self-esteem issue (if I just lose 5kg I will be able to date/work/fly to the moon) or do you just want to make the enemy you should be forgiving green with envy and regret (revenge dieting)?

 

[Tom 1]

Many people will take up a sport or join a gym in the coming month. They may follow a specific diet (paleo, 5:2, superfoods, raw vegan...) and set themselves some 'body goals'.
They might use apps to monitor their heart rate and sleeping patterns and enter all the 'data' regarding foods, macro nutrients, calories consumed, calories burned, centimeters, inches, kilogrammes and pounds gained and lost to their instagram or fitness blog, motivate themselves by following fitspiration blogs, taking selfies of themselves with bowls of oatmeal...but what are they looking for in this religion of healthy living?

What was I looking for when I followed that trend? Connection? Acceptance? The lifestyle of working out, lifting weights, doing cardio whilst hungry, eating the same things every day and getting up at 5.30am to fit training into a busy schedule requires disciplined devotion. It easily become one's religion. The trouble is that no matter how much we love it, it doesn't love us back.

I was always fleetingly happy to hit a 'goal' and felt that I was achieving something but due to hedonistic adaptation (we get used to stuff and want more good stuff) the satisfaction couldn't and didn't ever last long.

The ugliest thing about the journey for me is the reasons I started it:

1) To make a specific person envious. She despises me and she has a lot of good stuff in her life but she cannot get thin, skinny, lean, slim, size zero no matter how she tries. Guess who can? I can.

2) To punish myself. I made some terrible decisions in the last ten years and did things I am ashamed of. I guess I didn't feel that the forgiveness of God was enough and took it into my own hands to pay a non-existent debt, one push up at a time.

Where did it land me after three years? Ugly inside. Wasting most of my time thinking about calories, food, workouts, clothes, vanity. Thinking mean thoughts about others to prop up my incredibly fragile sense of self worth, based entirely on what the scales said and how loose my size whatever pants were feeling. Physically not good at all but I won't bore you with those details, some of which are gross. Hair loss should be enough information, nobody wants that

Even when I managed to calm it down and turn back to Lord Jesus Christ the religion of fitness only became downgraded to idol, it was still my main motivator and comfort in life. Thankfully the Holy Spirit convicted me and I really knew I didn't want to go on in this way. I prayed and others prayed for me. By the grace of God I have made great progress in the past two months with eating properly and working out less often and less fanatically. Of course the body goes crazy for a while with extreme hunger and weight gain but that is all part of recovery, terrifying as it is.

So, my 'goals' for 2018 are to live free of this fitness and diet idol. I still have some way to go and I hope to read this post back in a years time and praise the name of Lord Jesus Christ that this muddle of a thing is old news.

What I really want to say is that if you are thinking about 'transforming yourself' with sport and diet in 2018 think about your motivations. Are you lacking something, a connection with God or with others? Is it a self-esteem issue (if I just lose 5kg I will be able to date/work/fly to the moon) or do you just want to make the enemy you should be forgiving green with envy and regret (revenge dieting)?

Very insightful post. Good blog material, if you don’t already have one - ?

 

[Shadow]

So, my 'goals' for 2018 are to live free of this fitness and diet idol. I still have some way to go and I hope to read this post back in a years time and praise the name of Lord Jesus Christ that this muddle of a thing is old news.

It sounds like you've learned a lot from the experience and I guess it is probably a common one. I'd like to be thinner but I'd like to do it in a healthy way based on self-love rather than self-loathing. Its hard to know how to approach it as sometimes that does mean tough love. At the same time if you want to sustain it, you have to enjoy it as well and find it rewarding. Its an easy trap to fall in to because of how the idea of "healthy" is sold to us in the media as some kind of idol as if it will make us more "complete" somehow. Don't feel too bad about it though. I think you've got the right idea. Best of luck with your goals and Happy New Year Sarah!

 

[bhsmte]

Many people will take up a sport or join a gym in the coming month. They may follow a specific diet (paleo, 5:2, superfoods, raw vegan...) and set themselves some 'body goals'.
They might use apps to monitor their heart rate and sleeping patterns and enter all the 'data' regarding foods, macro nutrients, calories consumed, calories burned, centimeters, inches, kilogrammes and pounds gained and lost to their instagram or fitness blog, motivate themselves by following fitspiration blogs, taking selfies of themselves with bowls of oatmeal...but what are they looking for in this religion of healthy living?

What was I looking for when I followed that trend? Connection? Acceptance? The lifestyle of working out, lifting weights, doing cardio whilst hungry, eating the same things every day and getting up at 5.30am to fit training into a busy schedule requires disciplined devotion. It easily become one's religion. The trouble is that no matter how much we love it, it doesn't love us back.

I was always fleetingly happy to hit a 'goal' and felt that I was achieving something but due to hedonistic adaptation (we get used to stuff and want more good stuff) the satisfaction couldn't and didn't ever last long.

The ugliest thing about the journey for me is the reasons I started it:

1) To make a specific person envious. She despises me and she has a lot of good stuff in her life but she cannot get thin, skinny, lean, slim, size zero no matter how she tries. Guess who can? I can.

2) To punish myself. I made some terrible decisions in the last ten years and did things I am ashamed of. I guess I didn't feel that the forgiveness of God was enough and took it into my own hands to pay a non-existent debt, one push up at a time.

Where did it land me after three years? Ugly inside. Wasting most of my time thinking about calories, food, workouts, clothes, vanity. Thinking mean thoughts about others to prop up my incredibly fragile sense of self worth, based entirely on what the scales said and how loose my size whatever pants were feeling. Physically not good at all but I won't bore you with those details, some of which are gross. Hair loss should be enough information, nobody wants that

Even when I managed to calm it down and turn back to Lord Jesus Christ the religion of fitness only became downgraded to idol, it was still my main motivator and comfort in life. Thankfully the Holy Spirit convicted me and I really knew I didn't want to go on in this way. I prayed and others prayed for me. By the grace of God I have made great progress in the past two months with eating properly and working out less often and less fanatically. Of course the body goes crazy for a while with extreme hunger and weight gain but that is all part of recovery, terrifying as it is.

So, my 'goals' for 2018 are to live free of this fitness and diet idol. I still have some way to go and I hope to read this post back in a years time and praise the name of Lord Jesus Christ that this muddle of a thing is old news.

What I really want to say is that if you are thinking about 'transforming yourself' with sport and diet in 2018 think about your motivations. Are you lacking something, a connection with God or with others? Is it a self-esteem issue (if I just lose 5kg I will be able to date/work/fly to the moon) or do you just want to make the enemy you should be forgiving green with envy and regret (revenge dieting)?

I think the motivation varies among people that set their sights on certain fitness related goals and I think you hit on some of them.

Having a background and advanced education in physiology and being a former college athlete, I tend to think most folks either fail to meet their goals and or once a goal is met, they move away from exercise, fitness, eating healthy etc., because that temporary motivation is now gone, because the motivation didn't come for deeper reasons, that would last the test of time.

I can only speak for myself, but I deeply enjoy the physical and mental piece of challenging and pushing my body and the feel that comes from physical exertion and that satisfaction that comes from getting through each workout and that is my main driver and why I have done this for many years.

If we are doing anything in life for external reasons, it tends to be more fleeting and the motivation to put forth the effort, tends to be fleeting.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

Excellent post, thank you for sharing. "You shall not have strange gods before me"...in ancient times, people would even worship fire, lighting fires so they could have something to worship. This seems bizarre to us today, but it's really not much different than what you described.

Congratulations on your recovery!

 

[TheDaniël]

Hey Sarah, i've too been weightlifting for many years now. Great that you have made it to year three! Congratulations! Don't use the sport as a form of self-flagellation with the goal of repentance. It isn't fun that way!

I will tell you straight up, Sarah. These three years that you've spend in fitness, they have not been in vain. Never! Because you have experienced it! And you have researched methods that are good for your physical well-being and by that you have learned a lot of good habits in these years. You have formed discipline!

Don't quit! This sport is a painful marathon for those that are driven by vanity. In your goals, be humble. Keep the workouts short, intense and simple. Push not over the limit everytime, but expand your limit gradually. And the most important thing of all, do not become obsessed!

Stay fit Sarah,
Cheers!