Spiritually DRAGGING

[MilesVitae]

Would it be advisable for you to, at least for a time, go to your church less frequently? Every other week, perhaps, rather than every Sunday, due to the issues there, the time commitment, the effects on your family life, and the contribution this is having on your burn out?

Thanks, Antony. It's very frustrating. Right now I just feel like Orthodoxy is bad for me. I've gained weight from it, feet hurt from it, I'm tired because of it, high mileage on my car from it, frustrated socially from it, disappointed a lot, and not feeling blessed from it. When I have to starve myself in the morning, by lunch I'm ravenous and eat like a maniac. The coffee hour is nothing but junkfood. I've watched each and EVERY person I've known since I joined get fatter! I've seen converts in their twenties start decent to slim and in a matter of 1-2 years they're portly and look like sumos. It's nuts. The length is hard. I get fried and just tired of it all, finding myself wishing it would hurry up and end. Then we have to get up so early to be ready in time to get clear up there. Afterward, coffee hour then a couple other things, we get home like 2:30 or 3:00!!! We're so exhausted that we take a nap. Wake up, day's practically over. House is a mess from being gone so long, or the option is to have to work our butts off to clean it Saturday pooping away our day off then. Dishes pile up, mileage on the car racks up (I've never ever ever put more than 40,000 miles on a vehicle in my whole life. I'm currently 107,000 on my Mazda!!!!). My kids don't get to have any fun most Sundays. Their whole day is spent up there.

The deacon's "chanting" is not chanting at all. It's YELLING. Imagine a football coach losing a game belting out a massive bunch of calls to his players way out in the field, and that's our deacon. He is monotone, shouts, and sounds like a British air raid siren from WWII. It's absolutely positively B-R-U-T-A-L. I mean BRUTAL! My kids react to it. My wife winces. I wince. Those surrounding us squint and wince and raise a cheek to their eye. It's awful. And he's taking over the church. Now his TEENAGE DAUGHTER is running the nativity play! It's absolutely nuts.

Yesterday I got an envelop in the mail from church. What was it? A BILL!?! Apparently we're $200 under where we should be at this point in our pledge. My wife are paying off debt that started a year ago at $47,000 (yep, you heard that right!) and we're currently at $20,000! so evidently we vegged a bit and missed $200 somewhere. He billed us!? I've pledged many many times in my life, and never had them call me on a miss and bill me? I think about my priest's $3,000 Mac desktop in his office or his brand new iphones and ipads and new this and new that and can see why he is so concerned I pony up the $$$!

I'm just fed up and in a bad place right now. I went kicking and screaming into Orthodoxy to begin with, with my wife way more keen on it than me. I guess I was trying to contain my kicking there for a while, and from time to time I kick awful hard. Right now I'm have a seizure of "fedupness!"

 

[ArmyMatt]

it also sounds like your issue is not with Orthodoxy, but with the particular parish. not that I am one to dish out spiritual advice, but maybe a step back might help. or check out a monastery for a long or something to recharge the batteries.

 

[Anhelyna]

Re-charging of spiritual batteries is absolutely essential from time to time - I could do with a session

 

[SeventhValley]

My priest said something about a lay service that can be done anywhere with two or three lay people if you are nowhere near a church,monestary,or mission. I forgot what it was called(help ArmyMatt?) but maybe you could do that twice a month to cut down on travel cost?

 

[~Anastasia~]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice either, except what I've said before that it does sound like mostly the stresses of life and problems with this particular parish. I wonder if you can cut down on at least some of the stresses, and if there are any other parishes nearby or you could do services at home or something someone else has suggested here?

You do have my prayers though.

It's a lot going on. Teaching is a terribly stressful, underappreciated job. Nursing is too. And both tend to take huge chunks of time. Y'all seem to have a lot coming against your family right now.

As I said, you have my prayers. May God have mercy on all of you, strengthen you, refresh you, and guide you.

God bless you and your family, dear brother.

 

[ArmyMatt]

My priest said something about a lay service that can be done anywhere with two or three lay people if you are nowhere near a church,monestary,or mission. I forgot what it was called(help ArmyMatt?) but maybe you could do that twice a month to cut down on travel cost?

there are readers' services that folks can do. it's what I did at my mission parish when we could only get a priest every other week.

 

[E.C.]

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python's Life of Brian - YouTube

Sometimes we need a little "Life of Brian" to get through the day...

Find a new parish if possible. I've not read the entire thread, but I've always ALWAYS frowned upon parishes that bill people for their tithing pledges.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I just didn't go today. Kate was home. We slept in, ate a nice pancake breakfast with the kids, watched Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, I messed with my new phone, cleaned the house, did the dishes, mowed the lawn, tore out a section of lawn where I want to put in new sod, ate lunch, surfed the internet, went to the gym, ALL IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO GO TO CHURCH AND GET HOME! It was such an awesome day, I swear. The kids actually got to play and have some fun and do their chores at the same time. We got a ton of work done and had down time as well. I looked at my watch at the time when I usually arrive home and was just shaking my head.

Just an update. I miss going to church locally and still having a Sunday to recharge my batteries. Took a nap around the time we usually do, then woke up, ate dinner, watched my Giants get a step closer to winning the world series kicking the Royals' butts tonight, what a neat day. I know, it sounds awful to be saying this.....sorry, guys.

 

[Anhelyna]

I'm glad you had a great day - it's helped recharge your personal batteries - not just you - the whole family as well . It gave you all time to be a family instead of being people living in the same house rushing around and doing things.

You clearly needed it - do it again if necessary , as you need to be a family

A bit of breathing space , and some thought as to how to improve things should help. Don't get to the breaking point again .

Prayers for you all

 

[GoingByzantine]

Re-charging of spiritual batteries is absolutely essential from time to time - I could do with a session

Same.

 

[xenia]

I'm just sick of talking about Orthodoxy in general!

Sometimes we fall into the trap of loving Orthodoxy more than we love God.

If I were you, I would strengthen what remains. You can talk about God more and talk about Orthodoxy less.

You are not tired of God, are you? I didn't think so!

In the meantime, find a different, closer parish? Ignore the politics? Or at the very least, decide as a family to attend at least once a month until you get back on track again?

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Really good advice, xenia. I appreciate it. I'm fried on Orthodoxy. I'm fried on ideas mostly. The idea that I have to belong to a group that celebrate saints that are ultra foreign to my upbringing and culture as well as just the ethnic junk, it gets super old really fast. I'm just tired of it. Throw in the exhaustion and drive and I'm all-in pooped out on this.

To be honest with you, I thought about God the most when I was Anglican. As a Catholic and Orthodox, all I think about is ethnic stuff, fasting, traditions, saints, trying not to let PEOPLE down, the jargon, and lifestyle. I'm trying to find God in all the mix!

Sometimes we fall into the trap of loving Orthodoxy more than we love God.

If I were you, I would strengthen what remains. You can talk about God more and talk about Orthodoxy less.

You are not tired of God, are you? I didn't think so!

In the meantime, find a different, closer parish? Ignore the politics? Or at the very least, decide as a family to attend at least once a month until you get back on track again?

 

[ArmyMatt]

Really good advice, xenia. I appreciate it. I'm fried on Orthodoxy. I'm fried on ideas mostly. The idea that I have to belong to a group that celebrate saints that are ultra foreign to my upbringing and culture as well as just the ethnic junk, it gets super old really fast. I'm just tired of it. Throw in the exhaustion and drive and I'm all-in pooped out on this.

To be honest with you, I thought about God the most when I was Anglican. As a Catholic and Orthodox, all I think about is ethnic stuff, fasting, traditions, saints, trying not to let PEOPLE down, the jargon, and lifestyle. I'm trying to find God in all the mix!

that sounds like your issue lies with the parish and not with the Church. Orthodox saints exist in our culture and tradition as Westerners (look to St John Maximovitch). I really think you should try out the monastery, it could help, and you won't have to worry about all the peripheral stuff you seem to be dealing with.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I'm not anti-church as much as I am just not gelling with it. All I heard was how awesome and powerful Forgiveness Vespers would be. They hyped it as this momentous, penetrating experience. My wife, kids, and I just felt plain weird at it. It felt bizarre hugging a bunch of people I scarcely know, and despite the meaning behind it, it didn't touch me in any special way. My wife said, "ok, that was weird!" on the way out. My son nodded emphatically. Then people told me Pascha was absolutely a must-attend liturgy that is the crowning achievement of Orthodoxy. It was ok. Pentecost is like 3 hours long, a draining and mind-numbing experience. And honestly, Matt, at even regular Divine Liturgies, I'm just drained half-way through. I find myself wanting it over. It's like I have spiritual ADD for this stuff.

When I was Western (Catholic or Anglican) I not only felt more of a spiritual connection, but the readings were something I could connect with. Now that they're chanted, it's hard to focus on them or hear them in an impactful way. I don't remember what was read after it's read. When I was Western, I did hear and understand and chewed on it all day. I miss the Old Testament readings in the West.

So I got a lot more spiritually and didactically from Ash Wednesday than Forgiveness Vespers, honestly liked regular ole Eastern Sunday morning than the middle of the night Pascha, and I overall felt like one hour liturgy without my starving with my stomach grumbling the whole way standing really hit me harder than the DL. I'm just in a place where I am realizing that the impact and awe that people in here feel are not what I've felt. I'm mostly run-down, tired, ADD'd up, and just not receptive to much of this. And when Deacon John came in with the "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!!" style of chanting that literally makes your ears pop, man, that only made matters worse.

I'm not sure driving up the winding roads to that monastery will help, Matt. Dunlap is a winding, distant monastery, and I don't have the feeling that will inspire me.

I don't know, man. I'm sorry to be so negative and grumpy and cynical here. I just feel this is the only place I can be honest and not beaten down with bars of soap in socks Full Metal Jacket style! But I wouldn't blame anyone if they did blast me. There's something wrong with ME spiritually I suppose. I'm just in a yucky grey area.....

that sounds like your issue lies with the parish and not with the Church. Orthodox saints exist in our culture and tradition as Westerners (look to St John Maximovitch). I really think you should try out the monastery, it could help, and you won't have to worry about all the peripheral stuff you seem to be dealing with.

 

[ArmyMatt]

then I would suggest trying a reader's service most weekends and then go for confession and communion. reader's services are only a half hour-ish, and they could give you the recharge you need. might wanna look into it. plus, you'd do it with the fam and/or folks close by, so there would be no draining travel.

 

[RileyG]

May God embrace you in his love.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Thanks, Matt and Riley

 

[GoingByzantine]

Perhaps the better question gurney, is what made you decide to become Eastern Orthodox in the first place? Think back to that time, and meditate.

I have seen many people jump between "denominations", one year they are Roman Catholic, then they are Lutheran, then Methodist. I am not saying that this is happening to you, but I think it can happen very easily.

Sometimes I reminisce on my Latin Catholic days, and I slightly miss it, but I know in my heart the UGCC is my home. Sure, I don't know a lick of Ukrainian, and I feel awkward at the fellowship meal sometimes. However, I know that this church is where I can glorify God the most. That's why I love it, not for the cultural customs, but for the devotion to God. The beauty of the liturgy, the devotion, restores my soul every Sunday.

I agree with the monastic idea, go somewhere where you can pray and meditate in silence and peace. Be an Anchorite for a week.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Praying for you, Gurney, and your family.

Do you mind me asking ... how long have you been Orthodox?

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

3 years

Praying for you, Gurney, and your family.

Do you mind me asking ... how long have you been Orthodox?