Spiritually DRAGGING

[gurneyhalleck1]

I have just felt like I'm spiritually DRAGGING for weeks now. I'm burned out. I'm not only sick of the drive and the super long liturgy and the fact I don't get home until around 3pm from Fresno, but I'm burned out on the politics. Our deacon and his family just rule the roost, so much politics. Very plasticky. Most of you know about the whole reader situation where I've offered but I've felt a cool "you had your chance" vibe. I'm tired of the ethnic stuff, too. I still feel like a visitor and often like we're second class parishioners because we can't sign up our kids for everything and we can't attend so much of this stuff due to the drive.

Spiritually I barely want to pray. I just feel fried and uninspired. I'm sick of talking about icons, about Mt. Athos, burned out on hearing about monasteries/sketes, weary of hearing about fasting (another thing I STINK AT!), and for the first time, I'm just sick of talking about Orthodoxy in general!

I feel like a total dirtbag right now. There are so many people in TAW who are just constantly pumped up, love it, feel this awesome calling, have such a great joy about it, and there are all these newbies in here full of wonder and excitement, we have some awesome folks like Matt and Joseph Hazen working toward priesthood and huge commitments, others pondering living the life of a monastery, others just holy and on fire for Christ, and here I am.....sapped dry of spiritual energy or vigor. I feel terrible about this right now. My wife is off tonight and tomorrow and we COULD go to Church Sunday while my kids are supposed to be altar boys Sunday as well, and yet all I can thinking about is, "ughhh, sigh, I have no desire to go up there...."

Pray for me. I'm just pathetic.

 

[Anhelyna]

< big hug > you sound as if you need it.

Not surprised you are feeling like that -

1)you're in pain and that makes anyone a bit ratty and fed up as it drags you down
2) you have a long trip for Liturgy
3) You are in a very trying and tiring profession - and everyone thinks they can do the job better than you . Teaching is easy , they think, you go into School in the morning and stand in front of a class and go home at night - they forget about the preparation , the marking , and the extra help some kids need and the paperwork - oh that blasted paperwork
4) Kate's missing a lot of the time - so you are not only father to the kids - at times you are mother to them as well.

How you manage to get the kids and yourself ready for Liturgy and then drive there I don't know .

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Thanks, Anhelyna! It is tough. Kate works 3 12-hour shifts each week, but sometimes more. This week she had 3 12's, then only 2 days off, then 2 more 12's. It's rough, I must say. Hard on her, hard on me. I watch too much TV and get online way too much while she's gone to take my mind off it!

Teaching HAS gotten crazy. Common Core is a whole new frontier for teaching math especially. The amount of manipulatives we used just to teach DIVISION is mind-blowing. You spend 3 times the amount of time to teach CC lessons that regular old standards took. It's exhausting. I feel I'm making good progress with this class, but they will wear you out, and they love to talk.....way too much!

My job gets me down sometimes. My class doesn't know even basic things about live. They don't know common terms, and they don't even know pop culture references. This is the first class I've ever had where 3/4 of the class has never seen Star Wars, Indiana Jones, E.T., or any of the standard faire of Americana. They don't know anything about even the recent past, nor do they possess the most rudimentary vocabulary to grasp things sometimes. 8 out of 10 of the kids have a different surname than their parents, and they come from messed-up homes. It's mind-blowing at times. Then they come back to me in 7th grade and tell me how much EASIER junior high is than my class, and how low the expectations are over there. Kids working in 7th grade at a 3rd grade level miraculously get passed because it "looks bad" to the superintendent and powers-that-be if kids are held back. I feel like a link on a very rusty, funky chain.

At least Kate and I are paying our debt down. We have paid off $25,000 in one year! We hope to be debt-free by July or so.

Crazy times. Easy to get burned out. Society wears on me, but dang between work and home, I'm tired!

< big hug > you sound as if you need it.

Not surprised you are feeling like that -

1)you're in pain and that makes anyone a bit ratty and fed up as it drags you down
2) you have a long trip for Liturgy
3) You are in a very trying and tiring profession - and everyone thinks they can do the job better than you . Teaching is easy , they think, you go into School in the morning and stand in front of a class and go home at night - they forget about the preparation , the marking , and the extra help some kids need and the paperwork - oh that blasted paperwork
4) Kate's missing a lot of the time - so you are not only father to the kids - at times you are mother to them as well.

How you manage to get the kids and yourself ready for Liturgy and then drive there I don't know .

 

[Eretria90]

Thanks, Anhelyna! It is tough. Kate works 3 12-hour shifts each week, but sometimes more. This week she had 3 12's, then only 2 days off, then 2 more 12's. It's rough, I must say. Hard on her, hard on me. I watch too much TV and get online way too much while she's gone to take my mind off it!

Teaching HAS gotten crazy. Common Core is a whole new frontier for teaching math especially. The amount of manipulatives we used just to teach DIVISION is mind-blowing. You spend 3 times the amount of time to teach CC lessons that regular old standards took. It's exhausting. I feel I'm making good progress with this class, but they will wear you out, and they love to talk.....way too much!

My job gets me down sometimes. My class doesn't know even basic things about live. They don't know common terms, and they don't even know pop culture references. This is the first class I've ever had where 3/4 of the class has never seen Star Wars, Indiana Jones, E.T., or any of the standard faire of Americana. They don't know anything about even the recent past, nor do they possess the most rudimentary vocabulary to grasp things sometimes. 8 out of 10 of the kids have a different surname than their parents, and they come from messed-up homes. It's mind-blowing at times. Then they come back to me in 7th grade and tell me how much EASIER junior high is than my class, and how low the expectations are over there. Kids working in 7th grade at a 3rd grade level miraculously get passed because it "looks bad" to the superintendent and powers-that-be if kids are held back. I feel like a link on a very rusty, funky chain.

At least Kate and I are paying our debt down. We have paid off $25,000 in one year! We hope to be debt-free by July or so.

Crazy times. Easy to get burned out. Society wears on me, but dang between work and home, I'm tired!

Education in the U.S. has gone straight to hell. It's not just public elementary/middle/high school but public colleges/universities as well. My college experience was fraught with "get an education to get a job." While it's true that different industries require "higher" levels of education, college really does not prepare one for the real world. I have learned this the hard way.

Western education in the Middle Ages was not focused on this garbage philosophy that's crept into western society the past 200 years; originally it was focused on knowledge and other specific subjects. Universities in Europe during the Middle Ages actually put the students in charge of teaching. You know, people actually learned things back then. Even education in the USA 100 years ago was far different from what it has turned into now.

I guess this is what happens when we leave it to the state to "educate" our children; not only that but many of these children come from broken families, where they may not have a mother or a father. Education begins in the home. When these children come from troubled homes, what are we to expect? It's no wonder why many of them have no interest in attending school or learning in general. These liberals who think that "redefining" the family or marriage is better for our society need to get themselves out of lala-land and see the damage that their idiotic beliefs are doing to the current generation of American children. It's always the children who suffer the most from the mistakes of others who think they are "bettering" society by promoting their immoral ideas/lifestyles.

 

[RKO]

Better people will probably have better advice, but maybe take a bit of a break from every stressful thing that you can. You guys have had a busy time of it and as I recall, a bit of a roller coaster ride as well. Maybe you just need a little time to chill.

 

[ArmyMatt]

not pathetic at all man, you are just going through a dry spell. we all have them. God is just trying to tell you something. I was in a pretty dry spell a while back, where Church felt like a chore I didn't wanna do.

keep persevering and keeping your eye on the prize

 

[Shieldmaiden4Christ]

It sounds like you need a change of pace or a change of scenery!

 

[SeventhValley]

"What has mood to do with it? You fight when the necessity arises&#8212;no matter the mood! Mood's a thing for cattle or making love or playing the baliset. It's not for fighting."- Gurney

"Behold, as a wild ass in the desert, go I forth to my work"-Gurney



​

 

[isshinwhat]

These words from St. John of Karpathos have comforted me during times of struggle. Prayers for you and your family, that you come quickly through the the fog you are currently experiencing, and are brought closer to Our Lord through it.

22. There are times when trials and temptations multiply and cause a man, despite his diligence, to deviate from the true path; for all his wisdom and skill are swallowed up. This happens so as to prevent us from trusting in ourselves: 'lest Israel boast, saying, My own hand has saved me' (Judg. 7:2). But once the evil one has withdrawn from us, driven away at God's command, we may hope to be restored to the good state that we possessed previously. Urging us to sin, the evil one encourages us to look at everything and listen to it with senses and thoughts imbued with passion. He coarsens our intellect, enveloping it in thick fog, and he makes our body seem an unspeakable weight and burden. Our innate intelligence, which at the outset is simple and undeveloped like a newborn child, he turns into something complex and highly experienced in every kind of sin, poisoning and distorting it through indecision and doubt.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Nicely done. Very cool. One of my favorite quotes!!! I'm impressed, 7th!

"What has mood to do with it? You fight when the necessity arises—no matter the mood! Mood's a thing for cattle or making love or playing the baliset. It's not for fighting."- Gurney

"Behold, as a wild ass in the desert, go I forth to my work"-Gurney



​

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Thank you, brothers and sisters, for not judging me too harshly, or beating me down, and for the kind advice and prayers. It means a lot. I'm in a funk..

 

[ArmyMatt]

hang in there dude, these are the times when we really spiritually grow.

 

[Joseph Hazen]

Praying for you, Gurney. I don't have any advice, but I am praying.

 

[RileyG]

Praying...

 

[Antony in Tx]

Gurney...I'm in kind of a dry spell with church, too. I don't want to tell you how long it's been since we've been to liturgy. Our drive is not crazy far, only about a half hour, but we find excuses. My wife, in particular, cannot stand the length of liturgy and so we often arrive late when we do go. What I have resolved is to look upon my family home as a little church and try to live the most Orthodox life I can here, while waiting for the time when we can get there regularly. I am very discouraged at times, but I always come back to thining of those who have it much worse. Also, I know that my wife and child will ultimately follow my example if I stay faithful and steadfast.

more succinctly, just do the best you can where you are. Remember there isn't a score card or "permanent record" being kept temporally here in this world. Know that when you can come home from this time out "on the road" your Father will welcome you, the prodigal son, home with open arms in great joy!

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Thanks, Antony. It's very frustrating. Right now I just feel like Orthodoxy is bad for me. I've gained weight from it, feet hurt from it, I'm tired because of it, high mileage on my car from it, frustrated socially from it, disappointed a lot, and not feeling blessed from it. When I have to starve myself in the morning, by lunch I'm ravenous and eat like a maniac. The coffee hour is nothing but junkfood. I've watched each and EVERY person I've known since I joined get fatter! I've seen converts in their twenties start decent to slim and in a matter of 1-2 years they're portly and look like sumos. It's nuts. The length is hard. I get fried and just tired of it all, finding myself wishing it would hurry up and end. Then we have to get up so early to be ready in time to get clear up there. Afterward, coffee hour then a couple other things, we get home like 2:30 or 3:00!!! We're so exhausted that we take a nap. Wake up, day's practically over. House is a mess from being gone so long, or the option is to have to work our butts off to clean it Saturday pooping away our day off then. Dishes pile up, mileage on the car racks up (I've never ever ever put more than 40,000 miles on a vehicle in my whole life. I'm currently 107,000 on my Mazda!!!!). My kids don't get to have any fun most Sundays. Their whole day is spent up there.

The deacon's "chanting" is not chanting at all. It's YELLING. Imagine a football coach losing a game belting out a massive bunch of calls to his players way out in the field, and that's our deacon. He is monotone, shouts, and sounds like a British air raid siren from WWII. It's absolutely positively B-R-U-T-A-L. I mean BRUTAL! My kids react to it. My wife winces. I wince. Those surrounding us squint and wince and raise a cheek to their eye. It's awful. And he's taking over the church. Now his TEENAGE DAUGHTER is running the nativity play! It's absolutely nuts.

Yesterday I got an envelop in the mail from church. What was it? A BILL!?! Apparently we're $200 under where we should be at this point in our pledge. My wife are paying off debt that started a year ago at $47,000 (yep, you heard that right!) and we're currently at $20,000! so evidently we vegged a bit and missed $200 somewhere. He billed us!? I've pledged many many times in my life, and never had them call me on a miss and bill me? I think about my priest's $3,000 Mac desktop in his office or his brand new iphones and ipads and new this and new that and can see why he is so concerned I pony up the $$$!

I'm just fed up and in a bad place right now. I went kicking and screaming into Orthodoxy to begin with, with my wife way more keen on it than me. I guess I was trying to contain my kicking there for a while, and from time to time I kick awful hard. Right now I'm have a seizure of "fedupness!"

Gurney...I'm in kind of a dry spell with church, too. I don't want to tell you how long it's been since we've been to liturgy. Our drive is not crazy far, only about a half hour, but we find excuses. My wife, in particular, cannot stand the length of liturgy and so we often arrive late when we do go. What I have resolved is to look upon my family home as a little church and try to live the most Orthodox life I can here, while waiting for the time when we can get there regularly. I am very discouraged at times, but I always come back to thining of those who have it much worse. Also, I know that my wife and child will ultimately follow my example if I stay faithful and steadfast.

more succinctly, just do the best you can where you are. Remember there isn't a score card or "permanent record" being kept temporally here in this world. Know that when you can come home from this time out "on the road" your Father will welcome you, the prodigal son, home with open arms in great joy!

 

[Antony in Tx]

I'll keep you in my prayers, brother. Think of this as a time of trial to help you see what is important and what is not. Much of the things that frustrate you are NOT important to your salvation, and so you would likely suffer little from ignoring them and sticking to the simple things...prayer, fasting, humility, and almsgiving. Also, you may want to open a dialogue with your bishop. He may need to know what is going on at your parish.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

There's nothing going on that is serious, just what often happens at churches--cronyism and blindspots toward certain people.

I'll keep you in my prayers, brother. Think of this as a time of trial to help you see what is important and what is not. Much of the things that frustrate you are NOT important to your salvation, and so you would likely suffer little from ignoring them and sticking to the simple things...prayer, fasting, humility, and almsgiving. Also, you may want to open a dialogue with your bishop. He may need to know what is going on at your parish.

 

[RKO]

My brother, I wonder if you are fednup with Orthodoxy or just worn thin by the stress you've been under? It seems to me the side affects of your particular parish are really what's getting to you. The travel, the time commitment, issues with certain people. Although i have to admit, if id been billed for.a.contribution from my church, it would have made my head explode. Then again, I'm Catholic, and large giving has never been our strongest point.

Dude, I would, to the extent possible, just stop everything that is causing you and your fzmily stress. Just
For a short while. During that time, listen to the stillness and let God drift back in, free.fromnoise and invoices. See what he says and where he leads you. This too shall pass.

 

[SeventhValley]

You should send him a bill for travel reimbursement.

Sending a bill also sounds over the line. Can you contact a Bishop and send him a copy of it? Tell him what is going on.