Spiritual discernment - getting spirit/energy feelings, mostly in head, mostly demonic attack

[ReuleauxMan]

Hi. I believe my main gift is spiritual discernment, but I am not positive that this is real. What is spiritual discernment like?

About two years ago I seriously forsook and verbally blasphemed God over pent-up pain from childhood trauma and having a sense of feeling "un-gifted" and "un-special." I'm sure that as a result of this, I got demonic mediumship where I saw points of light in my vision and got feelings in my body where spirits communicated with me with thought. I did not know the mediumship was demonic until just a few days ago. I was told things in this mediumship like being a god / God and having godly/Godly powers, where it was mainly that my thoughts had the power to affect reality. Thing is, even the slightest errant accidental thoughts were problematic, and this triggered an OCD-like condition where I was afraid of having these thoughts (e.g. blasphemous thoughts), thus I would have them in the process of thinking of what not to think of (it has gotten a lot better, but still to this day I have trouble). This involved frequent demonic attack and lots of chanting, and I think/thought this caused changes in my brain where all that repetitive stuff made it a bit glitchy with feeling demonic energies and zaps with accidental thoughts and connections with demonic spirits... Or it could be real?

Now I am mostly free of the mediumship, but I think what remains may be like paul having a "thorn in the flesh". I don't interact with and do ignore these points of light in my vision, which have decreased. But still, with the slightest errant thoughts, such as blasphemy that becomes the slightest bit accidentally intentional (I have both accidental intrusive thoughts and accidentally intentional intent), or the slightest inclination to connect with a demonic spirit, I feel a "pop" of energy in my head usually, and I have to push out these demonic energies with the power of the Holy Spirit, usually until I'm completely clear (I believe I shouldn't tolerate any demonic influence in my head/body). I can feel the demonic energy being pushed out when I mentally locate it, and putting a finger on my head near where I feel the energy as a reference point helps me find it and push it out (the energy is very tricky, it will trick me to focus on mentally pushing out where it is not until I do say put my finger near where it is). This can be quite draining and can go on frequently all day long.

Thanks for any feedback/discussion !

 

[Chris35]

Impossible to say if you have dealt with your childhood trauma based on your post.

Childhood trauma causes bitterness and unforgivness wiithin you and is very hard to forgive and let go of.

Demons are liars, and like to hide the real reason why they are there. You might be convinced that the reason is blaphesmy, because thats what your getting, however ive had the trauma myself, and the majority of the time, they come in because of unforgivness.

Suggest you read Matthew 18:21, The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. Its a bit long to post.

From your post it sounds like you have biterness and unforgivness in you, towards your childhood, and its how it all started in the first place.

You need to pray and ask Jesus to work through the trauma in you and to bring you to place of forgivness for the things that have happened to you. Unless that is dealt with first, it wont go away from experience and experience with others. Its the first place to start.

 

[ReuleauxMan]

Thank you for the speedy reply, Chris .

Yes I have had a lot of bitterness and unforgiveness in me over the years from being physically and mostly emotionally and mentally abused by both peers and authority figures in my childhood. This bitterness didn't develop until after I was befallen with mental illness, though. I tried my best to forgive and forgive instantly (with a non-christian, unregenerate mind nonetheless) to be the most perfect person I could be, only to be trodden underfoot for not standing up for myself. I believed that I got dealt a raw deal in childhood, followed and finished off by the injustice of mental illness and disability (possibly from it) - no reward or recompensation - being so cruel and unfair. This bothered me so much because I had always wanted to be blessed or gifted intellectually or spiritually so I could make what I wanted to happen with my will (e.g. invent something, like virtual reality or contribute to a field of science and be a great thinker), and so I thought God was being cruel to me and should have known that He could have me only if I had what I wanted, so I felt that I deserved giftedness. Mostly, I felt that I didn't deserve the trauma, and I was angry at God because either He didn't give me (in the hand of cards I was dealt) the strength, courage, or ability or intelligence to defend myself against such injustice and shame, or for allowing such in the first place.

I was too busy believing I was a god of sorts for the past two years to be bothered by the past, but after the stress of having such power to threaten creation and a poor ability to control that power, I felt that I had learned my lesson about wanting to be gifted or special. Since then, and especially after being freed of the mediumship, I haven't had much if any negative emotional energies of especially resentment and bitterness, and if anything does crop on it, I don't dwell on it but make sure to dispel it. But still, I may not have forgiveness for my tormentors (I just don't think about them), because there seems to be real, life-long, eternal or everlasting consequences for me at least because of psychological damage and mental illness and who knows how my spirit/soul has been affected for me as a person forever. And, the bullies and staff were mean, messed up even some of them. What were they thinking when they said/did such insults/hurt to me? Why would they do that to anyone? I don't understand it, it doesn't make sense. Seems like they did it just because they could and could get away with it. Just seems evil, which I don't understand.

That probably won't be the last time someone really crosses me, and I'm worried that if it happens again I will not be quiet. I may retaliate vengefully to make them feel how they are trying to make me feel to show them the error of their ways.

 

[ReuleauxMan]

Ah and yes, after reading Matthew 18, it's difficult for me to discern how much I owe and how much others owe me. I was mean to others occasionally in my childhood out of a compulsion or lack of understanding (I had/have high functioning autism), but I have done very little wrong to others overall compared to what they have done to me. I have done my best to treat others with the greatest love I had, even to the bullies at the time I was around them. Still, it is true that if I don't forgive others I won't be forgiven if I understand correctly. And there's that anger and resentment I had towards them and God afterwards, which is sin. I don't know if I understand forgiveness, but I think either I never have or it's from having bad experiences with doing it too quickly / improperly before they repent or with superficial understanding being more focused on being perfect than what forgiveness means/does.

 

[Chris35]

Matthew 18, referring to our sin against God, and not to others, God forgave us our sins against him, we need to learn to forgive others sinning against us.

The tormentors isnt refering to others, its refering to demons / fallen angels. Demonic oppression.

As for your post, i can sympathize with you, it sounds for the most part, exactly the same things i went through, how i felt, what i desired ect. Ect.

I understand alot more now then i did back then, because Jesus worked l through it over the years, no idea how i got through it. It took a long time.

Alot of things going on inside of you, and also alot of lies that you have picked up. Jesus will work through them with you and give you understanding about whats going on.

You do need to pray and ask him though for help, and to help you forgive and to let go of it all properly.

 

[Leaf473]

Hi. I believe my main gift is spiritual discernment, but I am not positive that this is real. What is spiritual discernment like?

About two years ago I seriously forsook and verbally blasphemed God over pent-up pain from childhood trauma and having a sense of feeling "un-gifted" and "un-special." I'm sure that as a result of this, I got demonic mediumship where I saw points of light in my vision and got feelings in my body where spirits communicated with me with thought. I did not know the mediumship was demonic until just a few days ago. I was told things in this mediumship like being a god / God and having godly/Godly powers, where it was mainly that my thoughts had the power to affect reality. Thing is, even the slightest errant accidental thoughts were problematic, and this triggered an OCD-like condition where I was afraid of having these thoughts (e.g. blasphemous thoughts), thus I would have them in the process of thinking of what not to think of (it has gotten a lot better, but still to this day I have trouble). This involved frequent demonic attack and lots of chanting, and I think/thought this caused changes in my brain where all that repetitive stuff made it a bit glitchy with feeling demonic energies and zaps with accidental thoughts and connections with demonic spirits... Or it could be real?

Now I am mostly free of the mediumship, but I think what remains may be like paul having a "thorn in the flesh". I don't interact with and do ignore these points of light in my vision, which have decreased. But still, with the slightest errant thoughts, such as blasphemy that becomes the slightest bit accidentally intentional (I have both accidental intrusive thoughts and accidentally intentional intent), or the slightest inclination to connect with a demonic spirit, I feel a "pop" of energy in my head usually, and I have to push out these demonic energies with the power of the Holy Spirit, usually until I'm completely clear (I believe I shouldn't tolerate any demonic influence in my head/body). I can feel the demonic energy being pushed out when I mentally locate it, and putting a finger on my head near where I feel the energy as a reference point helps me find it and push it out (the energy is very tricky, it will trick me to focus on mentally pushing out where it is not until I do say put my finger near where it is). This can be quite draining and can go on frequently all day long.

Thanks for any feedback/discussion !

If you're asking for feedback, using your finger to help push demonic energy out of your head sounds like a physical issue more than a spiritual one.

What's your experience with psychiatrists?

 

[ReuleauxMan]

I really hope its physical and not demonic. The trouble I have with this demonic energy is that it tries to trick me with my thoughts into agreements with demons. Things like typing out a sentence or paragraph or even a word or programming can involve for me a lot of this kind of interference and be very difficult to accomplish. Usually, I have unintentional thoughts/beliefs that if I don't stop what I'm doing and dispel the energy and instead keep on doing what I am trying to do, then the thought goes that the demonic energy / presence will leave me if concentrate enough on pushing it out but a thought will jump in such as communicating with the demonic to make it leave and I'll end up owing the demonic presence, accompanied with more feelings of demonic (e.g. more intense feeling or feeling the presence instantly depart instead of being pushed out).

The putting my finger on my head isn't to push it out with my finger but to get a reference point of feeling to where I can feel where exactly the energy or presence is in my head so I can mentally push it out (with the power of my mind and not physically pushing). Many times when I feel the energy in my head, I may try to push it out in vain because it tricks me or I mis-understand where exactly to push to get the energy to leave. I have to mentally push on the energy (making it be gone) to make it leave, and if I push in the wrong spot (inside of me) as to where I am feeling the energy I miss and the energy doesn't budge.

Please note, everyone, that I believe I have committed very egregious sins of blasphemy borne out of very egregious sins of bitterness and unforgiveness. If God has forgiven me, it is probably only by just a hair and He's probably very angry at me. I can't hear Jesus's voice in prayer and rarely can get in contact with Him

 

[ReuleauxMan]

Telling the demonic to leave me in the name of Jesus Christ works, so I must be saved. What should I do now? I want to sin none at all and do God's will, but I don't want to obsess if/when I do if it is impossible not to sin.

 

[Leaf473]

I really hope its physical and not demonic. The trouble I have with this demonic energy is that it tries to trick me with my thoughts into agreements with demons. Things like typing out a sentence or paragraph or even a word or programming can involve for me a lot of this kind of interference and be very difficult to accomplish. Usually, I have unintentional thoughts/beliefs that if I don't stop what I'm doing and dispel the energy and instead keep on doing what I am trying to do, then the thought goes that the demonic energy / presence will leave me if concentrate enough on pushing it out but a thought will jump in such as communicating with the demonic to make it leave and I'll end up owing the demonic presence, accompanied with more feelings of demonic (e.g. more intense feeling or feeling the presence instantly depart instead of being pushed out).

The putting my finger on my head isn't to push it out with my finger but to get a reference point of feeling to where I can feel where exactly the energy or presence is in my head so I can mentally push it out (with the power of my mind and not physically pushing). Many times when I feel the energy in my head, I may try to push it out in vain because it tricks me or I mis-understand where exactly to push to get the energy to leave. I have to mentally push on the energy (making it be gone) to make it leave, and if I push in the wrong spot (inside of me) as to where I am feeling the energy I miss and the energy doesn't budge.

Please note, everyone, that I believe I have committed very egregious sins of blasphemy borne out of very egregious sins of bitterness and unforgiveness. If God has forgiven me, it is probably only by just a hair and He's probably very angry at me. I can't hear Jesus's voice in prayer and rarely can get in contact with Him

Telling the demonic to leave me in the name of Jesus Christ works, so I must be saved. What should I do now? I want to sin none at all and do God's will, but I don't want to obsess if/when I do if it is impossible not to sin.

Good news! When God forgives, he does it completely, fully, and not by a little.

That's how it is for everyone, imo. Most of us aren't aware of our biggest sins, anyways

The reason I ask about a psychiatrist is that they can prescribe medications that are known to reduce the type of hallucinatory experiences and intrusive thoughts that you're describing. I have a close friend who experiences much the same thing. If the experiences and intrusive thoughts go away with the medication, then it just sounds like a brain chemical imbalance. No big deal, it's just like diabetes, but with your brain.

If you don't have a psychiatrist, you could start with your primary care physician.

As far as what to do now, I suggest focusing on positive things and thoughts. If you find yourself drug down into non-positive stuff, no big deal. Just go back to the positive:
Philippians 4:8 Finally, kids, whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think on these things. 9And the things you learned and received and heard and saw in me, do these things.
And the God of peace will be with you.

 

[ReuleauxMan]

Thank you for the great advice, Leaf ! Most all of the negativity I have to deal with now are intrusive thoughts. I find it really difficult to get my mind to be totally quiet of them but staying busy with something helps.

I failed to mention but yes I do see a psychiatrist . The medicine helps calm my anxiety and ocd thoughts, but outside of reframing my beliefs about what information my mind gives me with body feelings and visual snow (a holdover from the mediumship saga of my life), only Jesus has been able to help with the demonic attacks and symptoms. If I believe demons have power over me or try to do or get caught up in ungodly mediumship as before, things are a lot worse mentally for me. The mind is a battleground, and whereas God helps the mind the enemy seeks to disrupt it. Still, indeed, without the medicine my mind would probably shatter like a flywheel going too fast, it speeds up with thoughts and emotions and becomes difficult to impossible to control without it.

 

[Joined2krist]

Thank you for the great advice, Leaf ! Most all of the negativity I have to deal with now are intrusive thoughts. I find it really difficult to get my mind to be totally quiet of them but staying busy with something helps.

I failed to mention but yes I do see a psychiatrist . The medicine helps calm my anxiety and ocd thoughts, but outside of reframing my beliefs about what information my mind gives me with body feelings and visual snow (a holdover from the mediumship saga of my life), only Jesus has been able to help with the demonic attacks and symptoms. If I believe demons have power over me or try to do or get caught up in ungodly mediumship as before, things are a lot worse mentally for me. The mind is a battleground, and whereas God helps the mind the enemy seeks to disrupt it. Still, indeed, without the medicine my mind would probably shatter like a flywheel going too fast, it speeds up with thoughts and emotions and becomes difficult to impossible to control without it.

You're right, the mind is a battle ground. I suggest you read 'Battlefield of the mind' by Joyce Meyer. It will help you

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Now I am mostly free of the mediumship, but I think what remains may be like paul having a "thorn in the flesh". I don't interact with and do ignore these points of light in my vision, which have decreased. But still, with the slightest errant thoughts, such as blasphemy that becomes the slightest bit accidentally intentional (I have both accidental intrusive thoughts and accidentally intentional intent), or the slightest inclination to connect with a demonic spirit, I feel a "pop" of energy in my head usually, and I have to push out these demonic energies with the power of the Holy Spirit, usually until I'm completely clear (I believe I shouldn't tolerate any demonic influence in my head/body). I can feel the demonic energy being pushed out when I mentally locate it, and putting a finger on my head near where I feel the energy as a reference point helps me find it and push it out (the energy is very tricky, it will trick me to focus on mentally pushing out where it is not until I do say put my finger near where it is). This can be quite draining and can go on frequently all day long.

I experience something similar, but the particulars are different.

Keep in mind, when we are born again, the spirit is given life, but you still have the same body. Everything the body learned to do when you were a medium, it needs to unlearn or it will continue doing so subconsciously.