Spiritual Directors (STR forum)

[PloverWing]

A thread asking about spiritual directors just started in OBOB. I'm curious myself, but I didn't want to intrude on OBOB, so I'll start a separate thread here.

If you've spent time with a spiritual director, or if you've been one yourself: What does a spiritual director do? How often do you meet? How do you go about finding one? And how do you find one you can trust? (I've gotten bad advice from Christian preachers and teachers in the past -- destructively sexist, and so on; I wouldn't want to risk going through that again.) Do you stay with the same one for years and years, or is it a shorter-term arrangement? It sounds like an interesting possibility to me, but I wouldn't know where to start.

As a note: I invite non-Anglicans to participate in this thread, even though this is STR, because I assume the experience of spiritual direction is similar across a number of churches/denominations.

 

[archer75]

There's a lot of talk among the EO about spiritual fathers (usually your parish priest, but sometimes a monk or someone you visit), which I assume is our name for this notion.

I have to say, despite having had one very good confessor, that I have not felt a lot of interest among my priests in doing this sort of thing. I just haven't run into it in the world in the form in which it's discussed online (although I could certainly use the direction). If you look online, it sounds like everyone's priest or confessor takes a serious interest in one's struggles, fasting practice, and prayer. I haven't experienced it.

 

[Mathetes66]

What you describe is what the Bible describes as discipleship. Here are several resources that might be helpful to you.

The Navigators


Shield Of Faith Mission International

 

[Deegie]

Spiritual direction, at its heart, is a ministry of deep listening which tries to help people find the movement of God in their lives. It is a confidential discussion, although not legally privileged in the same way confession is. I go to an Episcopalian, although some of my colleagues see Roman Catholics or others. It is not really a sectarian thing. It is also not something that most parish priests do (or should do). It requires special training and supervised experience which usually takes a few years.

To answer your other questions, it is typically a long-term arrangement as long as the fit is good. It's sort of like hiring a therapist: you need to meet once or twice to discern if it's the right person for you. I've been seeing the same person for something like 8 or 9 years now. We started meeting monthly but have moved to a six-week interval. I think I will be transitioning to someone else in the near future...I'm just not the same person today that I was when we started.

Most spiritual directors charge for their services, but there are some who do not. You can find them in a number of ways. Parish clergy should have some idea of who is around the area. Many dioceses maintain lists as well. And there is a time-honored tradition of seeing monks or nuns for direction if you have any nearby.

Happy to answer more if I can be of help.

Edited to add: I completely forgot to mention SDI. They are probably the best known association for spiritual directors. Lots of information to be found on their website, including a locator. There might be be some in your area.

 

[PloverWing]

What you describe is what the Bible describes as discipleship. Here are several resources that might be helpful to you.

The Navigators

Shield Of Faith Mission International

Interesting. My diocese has been talking about "discipleship" -- without much definition of that term. (I started a thread about it a while back, after a diocesan meeting that was full of fuzzy vocabulary -- Discipleship - What does it look like in the church? ) It hadn't occurred to me that spiritual directors might be a part of that.

I'm not familiar with Shield of Faith Mission International. I've heard of Navigators, but only as a campus student organization; I thought they did small group Bible studies. What kinds of spiritual direction do these organizations do?

 

[Paidiske]

I've had four spiritual directors over the last twelve years. Each one has had a slightly different style and approach, but in general, the idea is that they are there to help me reflect on my experience and relationship with God, and to discern what God is doing/calling me to (or the like) in my life.

To give a slightly less fuzzy example, most recently my spiritual director and I have been reflecting together on joy; joy is a fruit of the Spirit, but how do I nurture it (for myself and others), how do I experience it, joy as in "to enjoy" or "to rejoice"?, my own feelings of guilt or selfishness for focussing on joy, and so on. It's really helpful to have somewhere outside my own head to be able to discuss and reflect on all of that.

I see my spiritual director about once a month, but that's fairly flexible and sometimes we go a bit longer between visits, especially at very busy times of the year. A couple of mine I knew in other ways before I tried them out as spiritual directors, but you can always approach one of the places which offers spiritual direction and ask them to recommend someone. And definitely you have to have a few sessions and see how the fit is, and whether you think this person will be helpful to work with.

Each time I've moved on from a spiritual director it's been because of outside circumstances which disrupted the relationship (one got a job a long way away and was no longer easily available, one had to shift the days she could see people and her times no longer suited my diary, etc). But that doesn't mean it would be wrong to move on if you no longer felt the relationship was helpful.

As far as denominational stuff goes, in my experience spiritual direction sits fairly lightly to denominational affiliation. I've had two Anglicans, a Catholic and a Baptist, and never encountered anything but respect for where I stood and willingness to work with me where I was at. From what I can tell, the bigger difference is what strand of spirituality the spiritual director was trained in; someone with an Ignatian approach might be quite different in style to someone with a more Benedictine approach, and so on.

Spiritual direction is a ministry specialty which a) requires training which most parish priests don't receive, and b) is not limited to clergy. The best spiritual director I've had is a lay man. I would say it has elements in common with discipleship but is not quite the same thing.

 

[OrateProNobis]

How much do they charge for this service?

 

[Paidiske]

It varies. Most are very flexible with pricing, so as to enable anyone who needs spiritual direction to access it. So, for example, when I was seeing someone who was working at a spirituality centre, the centre had a suggested fee, and gave us the option to pay a bit extra to subsidise someone without means; which many of us were happy to do. Another spiritual director suggested that I work out roughly what I would earn an hour, and pay him at the same rate (he said that between the people who had nothing and the people who earned very well, he was able to survive doing things that way!)