I got tons of them. Because I encountered this sort of thing a lot in the Charismatic movement, where a few pastors I met I believed had some form of Narcistic personality, maybe not the full clinical criteria of full blown Narcistic personality disorder, but they had those traits etc.
A) These people often grant themselves special privilege's based on that they claim to be a spiritual authority, and maybe an actual one like a pastor. But you have more dubious cases like people claiming to be "prophets", "apostles" etc. and most of those claims come from their own experience and cannot really be verified.
B) These people tend to talk down to other people. One pastor I knew loved the saying "I'm the shepherd and your the sheep". He tended to do things like scold people like children when he got mad, things didn't go there own way etc.
C) Such people tend to forget that their people if they are pastors belong to God, and not them. e.g. they get offend by people leaving their church, not tithing etc. In general have a sense of entitlement as far as what they should have as ministers. This was true especially with the "Prosperity" movement's influence on the movements practices, theology etc.
But this is what I've learned
1) By and large the Bible doesn't grant special privilege's to people. Sure people in leadership have more authority but it is not an arbitrary one where they get to do more or less anything they want to. So hold such peoples feet to the fire when you see them taking advantage of Bible passages etc. for their own benefit. Our relationships in life, even in the Church are two way streets where both sides need to work on things. That actually is part of the meaning of Covenant. Anyway don't let these people have their way. Of course, if they are a pastor of the church, their is not much you can do but disagree with them, rebuke them and leave.
2) These people like to take special advantage of certain scriptures, while ignoring or rationalizing others. Don't let them do this! A favorite tactic is to quote the passage about "going to brother in secret" to anyone who would criticize them especially in public. Meanwhile these people can be happy to rebuke, correct etc. people publicly.
Anyway if you look at that passage it deals with private/personal sins and not ones done in public!
3) A good rule of thumb for ministry is to mirror the behavior and demeanor of those you encounter. If you notice Jesus in the Bible, or saint Paul etc. they tended to respond in kind to the people they ran across. To the shy they were gentle and meek, but could be very hard nosed and harsh to those to their critics, to false teachers, and people otherwise not behaving. So learn from this, and "go and do likewise"!
4) These people tend to distract from their behavior etc. with other cheap tricks. Probably the biggest one is motive questioning. This in many ways is a red herring, aka distraction. Because if you look at the Bible saint Paul is not bothered by motives.
Philippians 1:15-18
New International Version
15 It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16 The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17 The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. 18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Yes, and I will continue to rejoice,
So saint Paul aint bothered by motives. So in the end you need to make this about Truth and make the discussion about that. Of course if you are dealing with a Narcist you won't convince them no matter what you say. But if you are successful things will change. Basically the Narcist will begin whining and claiming that they are the victim. So you should take that as a win, because it doesn't get any better than that when dealing with those people. But of course "take heed the saying to beware when fighting monsters that you become a monster." Which is another reason to be realistic about what you can achieve when dealing with such people (generally not healthy to stay in such situations long unless you are looking out for your children, loved ones, try to move on as soon as you can).
