Spinoff

[gottabemore2life]

Thanks flnative, I have been wanting to ask the question for a bit.


How long would you wait around for someone to take that next step?

As in, you've seen each other a few times, talk often, seem interested... but he's just not taking that leap of faith... not giving you any guarantees or commitments...

 

[BoarderDave]

Well if he's not taking that leap.. I'm sure not waiting around for him.. haha.

I kid..

But really.. Idk, in that stage of the interests and dates and stuff, I have my eyes open to whoever.. so it tends to go to however things work out. I'll wait around until something that fits me better shows interest.

 

[gottabemore2life]

Well if he's not taking that leap.. I'm sure not waiting around for him.. haha.

I kid..

But really.. Idk, in that stage of the interests and dates and stuff, I have my eyes open to whoever.. so it tends to go to however things work out. I'll wait around until something that fits me better shows interest.

So wait.... even if you know the relationship isn't going to progress, you will just hang around until another girl piques your interest???

 

[ido]

I think that after a few dates - say 2 or 3 - both people should have a good idea as to whether or not they want to continue getting to know each other. That's when I think dating actually begins. I think the transition to exclusive dating tends to happen kind of naturally. Communication becomes more frequent - as does how often you see each other. The topics you discuss take on a deeper level. And so on. If the transition to exclusive dating doesn't seem to be happening after a couple of months of dating, then I begin to doubt that anything serious will develop and usually cut my losses and move on. So, I guess if I had to put a timeframe to it, I would give a situation 10-12 weeks to develop into something worth being exclusive over before writing it off.

 

[BoarderDave]

So wait.... even if you know the relationship isn't going to progress, you will just hang around until another girl piques your interest???

Yes.. but typically when I feel it will not progress, I end up giving off the feeling of not caring, not trying, etc.. and then the girl ends up leaving because of that. :o It's a vicious cycle.. I hate it.

 

[ido]

Yes.. but typically when I feel it will not progress, I end up giving off the feeling of not caring, not trying, etc.. and then the girl ends up leaving because of that. :o It's a vicious cycle.. I hate it.

If you hate it, then change it.

 

[BoarderDave]

I dont know.. How do you change your natural feelings and mental processes? It's very hard.. It's all in the way my head processes things.. and I feel too bad hurting people by telling them Im not interested and stuff.. I dont like causing anyone pain.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

One guy I waited for for a year and a half. Biggest waste of my time ever, but I am very grateful it didn't work out. Anyway I don't know that you can put a time limit on these things because everyone and every situation is different. Obviously a year and a half is a bit much, but I think people know when they've been waiting too long. I guess its the point you start questioning whether the other person is really interested or not.

 

[ido]

I dont know.. How do you change your natural feelings and mental processes? It's very hard.. It's all in the way my head processes things.. and I feel too bad hurting people by telling them Im not interested and stuff.. I dont like causing anyone pain.

Well, being emotionally unavailable in a relationship is much more hurtful than a breakup, IMO. You can tell the truth in love. Yes, it's going to be difficult and it's going to hurt the girl's feelings. But, I'd much rather be set free than be led on.

I hate hurting people's feelings, too. I broke up with a guy once that was talking about our future - to include marriage - and I was definitely not that into him. *I* ended up crying while I was breaking up with him b/c I felt horrible about it. But, the alternative was to stay "trapped" in a relationship I didn't want. That wasn't fair to either one of us.

Sounds like you could use some prayers right about now.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I dont know.. How do you change your natural feelings and mental processes? It's very hard.. It's all in the way my head processes things.. and I feel too bad hurting people by telling them Im not interested and stuff.. I dont like causing anyone pain.

You just do it, because you're way of doing things will cause them more pain then if you were just honest in the first place and it ends up making a girl feel used.

 

[IDDQD]

I have a 2-year rule in play when it comes to deciding on whether or not to take it to the next level. I date the woman two years to make sure I still like her and wanna be with her once the love chemicals fade and self-disclosure is out of the way. If all goes well after those two years, then I'd be willing to pop the question.

 

[BoarderDave]

Well, being emotionally unavailable in a relationship is much more hurtful than a breakup, IMO. You can tell the truth in love. Yes, it's going to be difficult and it's going to hurt the girl's feelings. But, I'd much rather be set free than be led on.

I hate hurting people's feelings, too. I broke up with a guy once that was talking about our future - to include marriage - and I was definitely not that into him. *I* ended up crying while I was breaking up with him b/c I felt horrible about it. But, the alternative was to stay "trapped" in a relationship I didn't want. That wasn't fair to either one of us.

Sounds like you could use some prayers right about now.

You just do it, because you're way of doing things will cause them more pain then if you were just honest in the first place and it ends up making a girl feel used.

Thanks girls.. I will retire now to my lunchbreak with a mind full of confusing, but necessary and good, thoughts.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Thanks girls.. I will retire now to my lunchbreak with a mind full of confusing, but necessary and good, thoughts.

Have fun

 

[ido]

Thanks girls.. I will retire now to my lunchbreak with a mind full of confusing, but necessary and good, thoughts.

Awwww. Enjoy your lunch break!

 

[soccerdad66]

Well, being emotionally unavailable in a relationship is much more hurtful than a breakup, IMO. You can tell the truth in love. Yes, it's going to be difficult and it's going to hurt the girl's feelings. But, I'd much rather be set free than be led on.

I hate hurting people's feelings, too. I broke up with a guy once that was talking about our future - to include marriage - and I was definitely not that into him. *I* ended up crying while I was breaking up with him b/c I felt horrible about it. But, the alternative was to stay "trapped" in a relationship I didn't want. That wasn't fair to either one of us.

Sounds like you could use some prayers right about now.

You just do it, because you're way of doing things will cause them more pain then if you were just honest in the first place and it ends up making a girl feel used.

Totally agree with you ladies, I'd rather be honest and break her heart then mislead her and break her spirit. If you break her trust, it's not just you she'll have a hard time believing, every other guy now has a uphill battle for her trust. And remember, she has friends It works both ways.

I try to be respectful and gracious about it, but I hate it when girls try to use that "hoping" that I'll change my mind and start liking her again. I won't, and in fact, I can be get pretty "unpleasant".

I think that after a few dates - say 2 or 3 - both people should have a good idea as to whether or not they want to continue getting to know each other. That's when I think dating actually begins. I think the transition to exclusive dating tends to happen kind of naturally. Communication becomes more frequent - as does how often you see each other. The topics you discuss take on a deeper level. And so on. If the transition to exclusive dating doesn't seem to be happening after a couple of months of dating, then I begin to doubt that anything serious will develop and usually cut my losses and move on. So, I guess if I had to put a timeframe to it, I would give a situation 10-12 weeks to develop into something worth being exclusive over before writing it off.

For me, it's when I start thinking of her and not interested in anyone else, Usually, I have an idea right away, but occasionally, it takes some time to grow.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Totally agree with you ladies, I'd rather be honest and break her heart then mislead her and break her spirit. If you break her trust, it's not just you she'll have a hard time believing, every other guy now has a uphill battle for her trust. And remember, she has friends It works both ways.

That is exactly what I'm feeling right now! My spirit has been broken and I don't know if I'll be brave enough to trust another guy...

 

[gottabemore2life]

Yes.. but typically when I feel it will not progress, I end up giving off the feeling of not caring, not trying, etc.. and then the girl ends up leaving because of that. :o It's a vicious cycle.. I hate it.

This is NOT comforting given my current situation, :o but thanks for your honesty!

 

[Tinkerbell33]

You just do it, because you're way of doing things will cause them more pain then if you were just honest in the first place and it ends up making a girl feel used.

Agree.....sorry.

 

[gottabemore2life]

You just do it, because you're way of doing things will cause them more pain then if you were just honest in the first place and it ends up making a girl feel used.

Heed this advice boys!!! She may be mad at you now, but she will be a lot less bitter in the future. Think of your fellow man!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

My relationships have generally started out as friendships that evolved into more over several months and then became "official".