spanking

[EJO]

Ok, lets all be honest.

Who Spanks there kids, and what do you use?
Your hand, a spoon, a belt, a wet noodle?

Do you spank when your frustrated and it is on the fly, or do you have them sit in time out and then talk about what needs to be done, and then spank?

Lets get it all out on the table...

 

[kimber1]

I put mine in time out first, then sit them down after some time and explain why what they did was wrong. But then if do something really really bad, yes, they get a spanking. But with my hand, nothing else. Personally I got the belt when i was young but...... i think, and sorry if i step on anyones toes but i think more parents need to spank their kids these days instead of letting them rule the household...

 

[fieldmouse3]

I was spanked as a kid..not often, but it happened. It was always with the hand, and never very hard.

 

[Hollypop]

I got spanked and with the belt too. But i have to say that i pretty much needed it when i got it! One time I told my father i was going to call HRS on him. He took the phone put it in my hand and began to spank me and tell me to call. Now that wasnt fun at all. I didnt threaten again though.

 

[lucypevensie2]

My kids get spanked for direct disobedience. I use a wooden spoon or this little cardboard tube thing that works pretty well.

 

[ukok]

Ejo, what about you, you started the thread and then left us without your take on things. I'm presuming you have children since you're in the parenting forum, so do you spank your children and if so, with what ?

 

[The Midge]

Hitting or smacking is a last resort. We have taken to threaten to get cross with our two and that seems to work as well if not better. Time out is given on the bottom of the stair.

We would never use an implement because you can not feel how much force you are using.

It is better to be positive IMO. They have a sticker chart where points are rewarded for being good. The stickers can be redeemed for a prize if they earn enough in a week. Not being put on the stair earns a sticker a day!

 

[christfollower]

We spank, but only after instructions about a direct disobedience have been ignored. We never do it on the fly, and we always explain why. We use a little instrument, kind of floppy plastic, that we like to call a "wisdom worker".

 

[JOYfulbeliever]

I can probably count on one hand the number of times that my sister and I were spanked growing up...and it wasn't because my parents didn't believe in spanking - they did! Spanking was sort of a "last resort" in our house, like others have said, mostly for direct disobedience. We had time out, restriction, and the worse punishment in the world when my sister and I were arguing...we had to sit in the middle of the kitchen floor, in chairs facing each other until we apologized and meant it. I think we sat there for about 4 hours one day! LOL

We knew when my parents meant business. All they had to do was shoot us a look, and that generally fixed us, and we stopped what we were doing. I'm not sure why it worked, but it did! My parents were never violent or mean, and rarely raised their voice, but when we got that look, it was all it took. Maybe for us, it was knowing that we were disappointing them, I'm honestly not sure. But, I do know, my mom can STILL shoot me a look and I STILL stop what I am doing immediately! (this usually happens when I am running my mouth and won't shut up...kinda like right now!)

They were strict, but didn't always use conventional means of punishment. Their punishment was generally what would "hurt" us the most...something that we would remember and think about the next time we disobeyed. I remember getting spanked...I also remember WHY I got spanked, and I deserved it every time. However, spanking wasn't something that they used on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. And believe me, my sister and I were no angels!

 

[EJO]

Ejo, what about you, you started the thread and then left us without your take on things. I'm presuming you have children since you're in the parenting forum, so do you spank your children and if so, with what ?

Yes, I spank.
With a wooden spoon, but I also spank w/ hand.
I do a lot less recently. I have learned more about my own self control and parenting skills. It is just one of the tools in the discipline tool box.

My wife I were part of a team that brought in a parenting seminar for our church, and I learned ALOT though their ministry. We are doing a home fellowship study with one of thier books.
I HIGHLY recommend it- "Say goodbye to Whining Complaining and bad Attitudes in you and your kids."
The ministry is www.effectiveparenting.org. I have learned so much, just in the first 2 chapters.
Yes ukok- I have kids, 4 of them 2 boys 2 girls. I am getting creative in my discipline of my kids.
I have to remember what a freind of mine who is a pastor of Jr High kids said " Rules without relationship equals rebellion"

Kinda like the old law, and our relationship w/ Jesus.

Peace folks EJO

 

[IslandBreeze]

When my hubby and I have children, we will spank as a form of discipline. There is a fine line between a spanking and a beating, and unfortunately, too many have crossed that line to a point in society that one means the other, and I don't believe that to be the case.

 

[ukok]

Ejo, thanks for the link, i look forward to visiting that site. Also for the book suggestion.


I have a difficult time gaining the respect of my children and I know that I need to discipline them more than I do. I am very strict in certain ways, like not allowing them to play on the streets where we live etc. But in the home I feel that I have tried to overcompensate for the problems that we have endured over recent years. I am raising my children alone and it carries a tremendous weight of responsibility. I am finding it encouraging that so many people here admit to physically disciplining their children. Particularly in these times when parents are reported to Social services for so much as tapping on the hand to prevent a child running into a road.

 

[Marcel]

I'm not debating the occasional nessecity of some extremity, that will let the child know it stepped over some major boundary. But that extremity being of a physical nature is another thing.

I'm against spanking myself. There's always other ways, and I consider those better ways.

 

[amie]

I am completely against spanking.
I do not feel it is necessary to hit a child to get a point across. I feel there are other ways to discipline.
I feel by spanking, the lesson a child may learn is that it is OK to hit. Children who are spanked may refrain from whatever it is they got spanked for rather than risk a repeat spanking, but are they really learning? Instead of learning to differentiate right from wrong they may only learn to differentiate what they get spanked for and what they don't get spanked for. This is not going to teach them self discipline.

Along with that it sets a violent example, that its ok to use physical force by teaching them the best way to settle a dispute is by force.
Spanking may essentially deny children that there *are* alternative, less hurtful ways of dealing with anger and frustration.
It also represents abuse by power. A very large, strong person against a relatively smaller, weaker one.
I believe it is humiliating and demeaning and can shatter self esteem.

Spanking is hitting and hitting is physical abuse. There are varying degrees of abuse but hitting is a form of physical abuse.

 

[ukok]

out of interest, have either of you (Marcel and Amie) got children of your own, or care for children as your sole responsibility. I am not justifying spanking. I am enquiring as to how you might deal with things differently when all your options of 'non#spanking' run out. I know parents who verbally abuse their children because they refuse to give them a smack.

Physical punishment, though not excessive, is at least over and done with in moments. Some parents who refuse to spank, humiliate their children and display their anger in a very non constructive manner.

I must also say that psychological abuse caused by emotionally and verbally disciplining a child is equally abusive to physically spanking the bottom of a child (if not more so)...in my opinion. I also believe that by saying those who use physical discipline for the 'beneift' of our children is 'abuse', you are literally telling me that I am an abuser, and i resent that, because you know nothing about me, my family, my child rearing skills etc.

I look forward to both of your responses outlining your own parenting methods.

 

[amie]

I am a parent to a 7 year old child. I have never spanked nor do I intend to. It is my personal opinion that it is abusive. Not to the degree that a beating would involve but I feel there is never a need to hit a child.
Feel free to resent me sharing my opinions, this is simply how I feel. I don't know you, know nothing about you nor do I care to. My own sister spanks her children and swears it is the only thing that works. That is her choice as a parent. I do not agree with it but she is the parent not me. I love her none the less for it. I do not feel it benefits a child to hit them. Ever. That is my perspective.
I have a friend who verbally abuses her child. I do not know the lesser of two evils. On one hand I know it is essential to discipline but there are constructive ways.

I noticed that you said you "look forward to an outline of parenting methods". One does not have to be a parent to have a stance *against* spanking.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I was spanked. I don't hit others, nor am I a violent person. Funny that people believe spanking leads to violence. I've read several studies that suggest just the opposite--those who aren't physically disciplined are more likely to become violent...

 

[amie]

I was spanked. I don't hit others, nor am I a violent person. Funny that people believe spanking leads to violence. I've read several studies that suggest just the opposite--those who aren't physically disciplined are more likely to become violent...

Great do you have a link to the studies? I would be interested in reading them. I am sure there are studies that suggest just the opposite as well.
Ultimately it comes down to what you as a parent feels is most effective.

 

[Marcel]

Ukok:

I'm not a parent at the moment, though I've spend more than enough time around kids to know what a test of patience they can be. I think the important thing is never to "lose yourself" and subsequently display behaviour that sends the wrong message across. I would consider both hitting and belitteling my kids as the wrong message.
I don't think it's truelly possible to outline some kind of parenting method in advance. It boils down to loving your kids, taking care of them, keeping them save, and finding creative solutions for all the unpredictable things that happen along the way.

 

[psycmajor]

Marcel - post 13:
"I'm against spanking myself."



Sorry, that just struck me funny!!