Is Spanking Teenagers for Discipline Appropriate?

[66christian]

Sorry if I am not supposed to be posting in this forum, but I am interested in the opinions of those who parent teens.
Do you think that spanking teens is appropriate and effective?

It could be effective if they truly acknowledge your authority, if it's a normal, regular part of your family life [mom and dad included] and if it is safe and sane as well as consenual.

 

[RDKirk]

Sorry if I am not supposed to be posting in this forum, but I am interested in the opinions of those who parent teens.
Do you think that spanking teens is appropriate and effective?

I think there is a window of time in which mild spanking is effective, but 13 is far beyond that point.

A properly raised person should by that time be assuming adult responsibilities in the household and in society. In teaching a person to assume adult responsibilities, a parent should begin using the social controls appropriate to an adult.

It may happen, but I can't imagine a Jewish parent spanking a young man who has passed his Bar Mitzvah.

 

[RDKirk]

So far, the responders of this thread have not advocated corporal punishment for teens, but one might argue that from a biblical perspective it is the correct method of discipline for ALL minors... What would you say to that?

From a biblical perspective, a child is a "child" so long as a parent is alive. But if you'll notice, there is a shift from when a parent uses a rod to punish his child's disobedience...to when society uses social punishment under the Law to punish that "child's" disobedience.

Parents didn't discipline disobedient adult "children," the Law did.

 

[RDKirk]

As in every decision we make we must first go to the Scriptures and not to the gods of humanistic psychology. As followers of Christ we must consider spanking because God commands it. (prov23:13)
No where does he make provision for "teenagers" getting off the hook. God says those who do not use the rod hate their sons. (prov13:24)

No, teens did not "get of the hook."

In ancient Jewish society, a teenager was an adult. If he was still disobedient to his parents, he was not spanked--he was stoned.

 

[bigvman]

It's only my opinion here, but I don't think spanking of children of teen age is going to be very effective. My eldest is rapidly approaching that age and I would NOT allow myself to spank her.
The only times I've been tempted is when I've gotten quite angry and lost control of MYSELF! I might from time to time, pretend to spank by getting out the old spoon, but it's more for ceremonial purposes. It seems to do the trick.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Spanking works for younger children who you have to teach right from wrong but a teenager needs other types of punishments.

I've never seen it work on a child.

 

[RDKirk]

I've never seen it work on a child.

Worked on mine, necessary only once on my daughter when she was four, a handful of times on my son--and that only between 2 and 4.

Certainly worked better than withholding attention or love. "Time outs" were an absolute failure. If they had worked, we'd have stuck with them.

 

[davidans]

A few years ago when my two sons were 13 and 14, their mother found cigs in their shared bedroom but the culprit was not known as neither brothers would own up. It was possible that one of them hadn't known about the cigs until they were discovered but to ensure culprit was held to account she told them that both would be punished if guilty party didn't own up by the time I was home from work.

When she made the threat she was sure the guilty brother would own up, not allowing innocent one to be punished too. But when I arrived home the culprit was still not known. Empty punishment threats are not a good idea so I knew following through with punishment for both was my parental duty and besides collective punishment is in the bible.

They both got paddled five times

 

[Avniel]

So far, the responders of this thread have not advocated corporal punishment for teens, but one might argue that from a biblical perspective it is the correct method of discipline for ALL minors... What would you say to that?

From a biblical prospective what age are children considered minors?

 

[~Anastasia~]

From a biblical prospective what age are children considered minors?

I can't say there's an actual Biblical answer for that question, but since much of the "Bible" happened as part of Jewish history prior to the birth of Christ, I would tend to look at such indicators as the age of a bar mitzvah, the typical age for girls to be married, etc.

I think by the age of 12-14 one is no longer considered a "child" from a Biblical perspective.

 

[keith99]

It's only my opinion here, but I don't think spanking of children of teen age is going to be very effective. My eldest is rapidly approaching that age and I would NOT allow myself to spank her.
The only times I've been tempted is when I've gotten quite angry and lost control of MYSELF! I might from time to time, pretend to spank by getting out the old spoon, but it's more for ceremonial purposes. It seems to do the trick.

As I see it spanking involves 2 very different aspects.

One is communication. It can clearly communicate that the parents view some act seriously and if done in close proximity to the act causes that message to be associated directly with the act that resulted in the spanking.

The other is pain compliance. Getting a child to comply for fear of pain.

The seconds can be quite dangerous as at some point many kids can fight back. At 16 I could fight back, at 17 it was no contest.

But no such contest ever took place as spanking in my home were rare and were not harsh, barely enough to send a clear message.

By their teens children have learned if the opinions of their parents are worthy of respect. Often those who rely heavily on physical punishment have failed to establish any real respect. At most they have established fear.

EDIT: My gut feeling is you have established respect.

 

[hedrick]

From a biblical prospective what age are children considered minors?

The little information I've been able to find suggests that there's not a single transition. A boy took on some adult responsibilities around 13, as noted above. But they would normally still live at home (at times, with a wife). Barring other evidence, I would bet that parents could discipline young adults as long as they were living at home.

It's hard to believe that ancient life was that much different from today. Despite the legal change at age 18, most people treat children, pre-teens and teens differently, and kids don't really become full adults exactly at 18.

 

[mississippi missy]

OK,as a newbie from Mississippi, I am probably going to get my head in my hands but I firmly believe spanking or ,rather more accurately, paddling teenagers can work and doesn't cross traditional Christian values of love,compassion and care for kids.

I come from a family that spanked up through teenage years. Not frequently, but my Mom gave a mean lickin' with her paddle, for serious things like staying out well past curfew with boys, or drinking alcohol. I respected my parents, and I accepted that it was 'their house- their rules'. My last paddling was at 16 for breaking curfew,and being over two hours late.

I have been a member of a Baptist congregation for many years, teach in Sunday school and I work as a High School teacher. Recently I've become an administrator in that school, and YES we still paddle teens. Most parents accept it (less than ten per cent refuse permission for us to paddle at school) , many especially those with a church background actively support it.

As for my own home,I'm on my own with two daughters since my husband, whom I married whilst at college, was killed in the service of his country some five years ago,so I'm the disciplinarian now. My eldest along with three friends recently got licks at school for cutting class, and as she knows the rule ( spanked at school : spanked at home), I reinforced that with my paddle when she got home.She knew she'd crossed the line, for school to me is very important, and she accepted her licks as fair and without rancor. After the punishment we hugged, said a little prayer and she promised never to do something so silly again.

Yes we are a very conservative, rural, maybe old fashioned society, but none the worse for that . We are not brutal,there is no 'child abuse' , nor would our kids even think of defying our authority when faced with reasonable punishment. We believe in clear and simple 'consequences' for bad actions, but the paddle is only used infrequently, normally for defiance or dangerous/harmful behavior.

Our pastor believes it is fine to spank, and our teens as a group are far more well behaved and respectful than many I see in the big cities. We are a close and loving family, and the girls well understand that any punishment is given lovingly, with their best long term interests at heart. And after all- if they had chosen better they wouldn't have to face the unpleasant consequences.

I know many from more liberal 'freethinking' communities where Christians are often a small minority will find this difficult to accept, but for us our ways work.

Sorry if I haven't mastered all the 'bells and whistles' on the site yet ! This is my first post

 

[~Anastasia~]

OK,as a newbie from Mississippi, I am probably going to get my head in my hands but I firmly believe spanking or ,rather more accurately, paddling teenagers can work and doesn't cross traditional Christian values of love,compassion and care for kids.

I come from a family that spanked up through teenage years. Not frequently, but my Mom gave a mean lickin' with her paddle, for serious things like staying out well past curfew with boys, or drinking alcohol. I respected my parents, and I accepted that it was 'their house- their rules'. My last paddling was at 16 for breaking curfew,and being over two hours late.

I have been a member of a Baptist congregation for many years, teach in Sunday school and I work as a High School teacher. Recently I've become an administrator in that school, and YES we still paddle teens. Most parents accept it (less than ten per cent refuse permission for us to paddle at school) , many especially those with a church background actively support it.

As for my own home,I'm on my own with two daughters since my husband, whom I married whilst at college, was killed in the service of his country some five years ago,so I'm the disciplinarian now. My eldest along with three friends recently got licks at school for cutting class, and as she knows the rule ( spanked at school : spanked at home), I reinforced that with my paddle when she got home.She knew she'd crossed the line, for school to me is very important, and she accepted her licks as fair and without rancor. After the punishment we hugged, said a little prayer and she promised never to do something so silly again.

Yes we are a very conservative, rural, maybe old fashioned society, but none the worse for that . We are not brutal,there is no 'child abuse' , nor would our kids even think of defying our authority when faced with reasonable punishment. We believe in clear and simple 'consequences' for bad actions, but the paddle is only used infrequently, normally for defiance or dangerous/harmful behavior.

Our pastor believes it is fine to spank, and our teens as a group are far more well behaved and respectful than many I see in the big cities. We are a close and loving family, and the girls well understand that any punishment is given lovingly, with their best long term interests at heart. And after all- if they had chosen better they wouldn't have to face the unpleasant consequences.

I know many from more liberal 'freethinking' communities where Christians are often a small minority will find this difficult to accept, but for us our ways work.

Sorry if I haven't mastered all the 'bells and whistles' on the site yet ! This is my first post

Welcome to CF! You'll find your way around. . Glad to have you aboard!

 

[mississippi missy]

Thanks for the welcome Kylissa, and for the blessings , I'll find my way around slowly but surely no doubt !!!! missy

 

[~Anastasia~]

Thanks for the welcome Kylissa, and for the blessings , I'll find my way around slowly but surely no doubt !!!! missy

I'm sure you will.

Just be aware, the different forums around here have a lot of different "flavors". Your denominational community, for example, is a pretty safe place. I hang out a lot in general theology, which does have a fair amount of arguing and people of all kinds, but it's not supposed to move into unorthodox topics or have atheists arguing. And some places are a total free-for-all where anything can be said by anyone (well, within reason, there's not supposed to be adult topics, bad language, blasphemy of course). And there are lots of fun little interest and discussion areas, and just for fun places of all kinds. I've visited quite a few of them.

My point really was, if you find yourself in a discussion you don't like by chance, it's not all like that. Try a different area. The rules for each part are in a sticky thread at the top.

Enjoy, and I hope to see you around!

 

[Avniel]

OK,as a newbie from Mississippi, I am probably going to get my head in my hands but I firmly believe spanking or ,rather more accurately, paddling teenagers can work and doesn't cross traditional Christian values of love,compassion and care for kids.

I come from a family that spanked up through teenage years. Not frequently, but my Mom gave a mean lickin' with her paddle, for serious things like staying out well past curfew with boys, or drinking alcohol. I respected my parents, and I accepted that it was 'their house- their rules'. My last paddling was at 16 for breaking curfew,and being over two hours late.

I have been a member of a Baptist congregation for many years, teach in Sunday school and I work as a High School teacher. Recently I've become an administrator in that school, and YES we still paddle teens. Most parents accept it (less than ten per cent refuse permission for us to paddle at school) , many especially those with a church background actively support it.

As for my own home,I'm on my own with two daughters since my husband, whom I married whilst at college, was killed in the service of his country some five years ago,so I'm the disciplinarian now. My eldest along with three friends recently got licks at school for cutting class, and as she knows the rule ( spanked at school : spanked at home), I reinforced that with my paddle when she got home.She knew she'd crossed the line, for school to me is very important, and she accepted her licks as fair and without rancor. After the punishment we hugged, said a little prayer and she promised never to do something so silly again.

Yes we are a very conservative, rural, maybe old fashioned society, but none the worse for that . We are not brutal,there is no 'child abuse' , nor would our kids even think of defying our authority when faced with reasonable punishment. We believe in clear and simple 'consequences' for bad actions, but the paddle is only used infrequently, normally for defiance or dangerous/harmful behavior.

Our pastor believes it is fine to spank, and our teens as a group are far more well behaved and respectful than many I see in the big cities. We are a close and loving family, and the girls well understand that any punishment is given lovingly, with their best long term interests at heart. And after all- if they had chosen better they wouldn't have to face the unpleasant consequences.

I know many from more liberal 'freethinking' communities where Christians are often a small minority will find this difficult to accept, but for us our ways work.

Sorry if I haven't mastered all the 'bells and whistles' on the site yet ! This is my first post

I have actually lived and substituted in Mississippi as well as worked with school districts. I left because I didn't want my children exposed to certain stimuli I moved to nyc. One of the reasons why is because of children's behaviors and I am talking the delta to madison county. There are certain aspects of culture that don't allow teens to behave appropriately in certain circumstances. I know plenty of teens in the church that parents no longer spank them and move the relationship from disciplinary, to teacher and later friend.

Several aspects about Mississippi I would like to point out it's very violent, there is a strong belief in the death penalty, strong racist undertones, school to prison pipelines, the biggest city had the first 48 desire to film there, it's a lot of killing, hate crimes, poverty and lack of education other then schools like St. Andrews.
Let's not even talk about how sometimes male principles paddle females.

This is coming from a New Yorker I wouldn't use Mississippi as a great example.

 

[akmom]

Weird. It sounds like the discipline could be accomplished without the token spanking. Is that really supposed to deter teens? Fear of getting spanked? Yeah right.

I'm sure raising kids alone is difficult. It just sounds like you and your kids already have an understanding about what behavior is acceptable, and they respect that, so why not just communicate that without the spanking?

 

[~Anastasia~]

I think with a lot of teens, the threat of taking away their cell phone would accomplish more than a spanking.

(Depending on circumstances, of course.)

 

[mississippi missy]

Thank you avniel, akmom, and Kylissa for your interesting comments and thoughts.

Hi Kylissa , I see what you are getting at , but I suspect that confiscating a phone might be rather like grounding, a punishment which just creates the space for meaningless argument over the next days-and for 'drawn out' punishment. Plus in this day and age there are safety issues unfortunately that cell phones help minimize. Swats send a clear message, and are over quickly, then we hug and its all behind us . I know the girls don't like the pain or the embarrassment of the paddle, but maybe that's the essence of 'effective consequences'.

Akmom , hello, you add the point about is it a deterrent? Well I use it because it is an immediate consequence, but its over quickly, and the child forgiven, the issue doesn't linger.

Do the girls see it as a deterrent? Well yes, not just because it is unpleasant, but grabbing their ankles for a few licks of the paddle reduces them for few minutes back to the status of 'naughty little girls' instead of the grown up young ladies they like to think they are most of the time !

Frankly yes it hurts,and it is meant to, but its also embarrassing. To me the problem with modern parenting approaches is that many of the consequences of misbehavior are either not effective, or are long and drawn out, and as such disrupt family life Also in their case paddling is the main form of discipline used by their school for serious offenses, so we reinforce each others message.

I think all Christians believe we take individual responsibility for our own actions.If so,then to me , when you break the rules its not a discussion forum, rather there have to be clear cut consequences for our young people when they break the rules. That helps to form their character, learn this lesson, and develop the ability to say 'no'.

Aveniel , hello. Yours was an interesting post. It seems that much of what you dislike about Mississippi I quite like ( but NOT the remnants of racism/violence etc , which are abhorrent ) .But the more liberal areas of the States , especially the cities , suffer from drugs, crime, gang culture which are not problems in my part of MS.

Perhaps it is our old style conservatism which is why many of us have continued paddling - if it ain't broke don't fix it.I know parents in the church who don't paddle , and that's their choice, but many of us continue to do so.

At my daughters school you can opt out of paddling if you don't like it,but very very few do, and girls are normally paddled by a female ( although we have a female principal who paddles both sexes) ,but in my day your butt was spanked by any teacher, often in the classroom or hallway . Today its much more controlled, regulated by the administration and limited to three or five swats!

I didn't really understand your comment

There are certain aspects of culture that don't allow teens to behave appropriately in certain circumstances

Perhaps you could explain what you are getting at , please.

I believe I am a teacher with my girls : but I'm old fashioned enough to feel that parents ( and teachers) need a little respect from even teenagers, and therefore can't be best friends or equals.

I hope this explains my views better, but blessings to you all. It's always interesting and thought provoking to read other views !!!! Missy