spanking at daycare

[pattycakes67]

My Oh My......that is terrible!! Your daughter was having difficulties probably because of the bladder infection..poor little soul! It sounds like she was spanked on more than one occasion. I would definitely talk with the daycare provider and explain why the dribbling was taking place. Certainly not a reason to punish the child. I don't know if I could trust this person with my child again......and I wouldn't like subjecting my child to her care anymore. I am also not opposed to spanking when it is appropriate...but I also believe that this is something that mom and dad exclusively should be doing. Goodness, this whole situation leaves a bad taste in my mouth....please find someone else for you daughter's care.

Patty

 

[heron]

Parents should always keep in sight how they are preparing their children for productive, caring adulthoods. We give them to tools to make wise decisions, to manage their weaknesses, to reason, and to work well with others.

 

[Leanna]

Something I am not understanding the logic on.... everyone says "I spank, but I expect the day care provider not to."

If you believe spanking is what is needed for discipline, then why would you ask someone who spends 40 hours + travel time a week with your child to not spank?

That doesn't make sense to me.... whatever mindset you take for how to take care of your children, your daycare provider should be doing the same thing you would do and thus raise your children your way.

 

[pattycakes67]

Something I am not understanding the logic on.... everyone says "I spank, but I expect the day care provider not to."

If you believe spanking is what is needed for discipline, then why would you ask someone who spends 40 hours + travel time a week with your child to not spank?

That doesn't make sense to me.... whatever mindset you take for how to take care of your children, your daycare provider should be doing the same thing you would do and thus raise your children your way.

Because we personally as parents have very stringent guidelines as to when to spank. Sarah doesn't get spanked at the smallest of infarctions....for instance, she was spanked today because she hit her baby sister THREE times.....after three warnings. We use a variety of discipline techniques including (& mostly time outs). In this particular instance (the original poster) this lady was spanking because the child was dribbling. That is totally ridiculous and un-called for. I think it would be dangerous to give a daycare provider the "free license" to spank at their discretion. Also, at the licensed childcare provider we go to it is against the law for them to spank. So, in our home, spanking is totally a LAST resort, when Sarah is obviously not listening and performing an infarction that is dangerous to either herself or others. Just my two cents....patty

 

[Leanna]

Because we personally as parents have very stringent guidelines as to when to spank. Sarah doesn't get spanked at the smallest of infarctions....for instance, she was spanked today because she hit her baby sister THREE times.....after three warnings. We use a variety of discipline techniques including (& mostly time outs). In this particular instance (the original poster) this lady was spanking because the child was dribbling. That is totally ridiculous and un-called for. I think it would be dangerous to give a daycare provider the "free license" to spank at their discretion. Also, at the licensed childcare provider we go to it is against the law for them to spank. So, in our home, spanking is totally a LAST resort, when Sarah is obviously not listening and performing an infarction that is dangerous to either herself or others. Just my two cents....patty

So if the daycare provider spanked only in those instances which you guys agreed was a "large infraction" would you then be okay with it? It seems logical that if a child is in day care for 40 hours that there will be some large infractions while you are apart, what then?

 

[pattycakes67]

So if the daycare provider spanked only in those instances which you guys agreed was a "large infraction" would you then be okay with it? It seems logical that if a child is in day care for 40 hours that there will be some large infractions while you are apart, what then?

sounds like you are looking for an argument....but......I told you that it is against the law where we are to spank a child in daycare. So, this would be a non-issue at the daycare where our children go. I think it is easier to keep the "no spanking my kids" policy at any daycare (despite what you do at home)...because different people have differing views on what a major infraction is. My daycare provider uses re-direction and time outs for discipline which I am fine with. Strangely, my kids behave like angels when in daycare and save the worst stuff for us!
Patty

 

[Leanna]

I'm not looking for an arguement it doesn't make any sense to me. It seems that if a person thinks spanking is the only effective way to discipline then they would want their day care provider to do it since the day care provider spends sooo muc3h time w3ith their child. (the 3's are couresty of my son who wants to type) and so the day care provider is effectively doing the disciplining.... so whatever method they use, is the method that the child is raised with.

 

[pattycakes67]

I'm not looking for an arguement it doesn't make any sense to me. It seems that if a person thinks spanking is the only effective way to discipline then they would want their day care provider to do it since the day care provider spends sooo muc3h time w3ith their child. (the 3's are couresty of my son who wants to type) and so the day care provider is effectively doing the disciplining.... so whatever method they use, is the method that the child is raised with.

If you would go back and re-read my posts....I never said that spanking is the ONLY effective way to discipline my children. In fact, I said that I mostly use time outs unless it is something she is doing that would harm her or others!! That's it. That's all. I am done defending my position.

Patty

 

[heron]

She's raising her children the way she believes she should, and that's part of it. We all have our own versions of logic, and that's the same reason that she feels another caregiver would interpret "large infraction" in their own way. Every parent really is different, and they make that uniqueness work.

We sent our toddlers to a church daycare for a while where a sitter said, "Give me your kids for an afternoon and they'll be potty trained in three hours." That scared the heck out of me. She was very proud of it. We know our own kids, and need to stand by what wethink is best for them.

 

[Christdefinesme]

I'm not looking for an arguement it doesn't make any sense to me. It seems that if a person thinks spanking is the only effective way to discipline then they would want their day care provider to do it since the day care provider spends sooo muc3h time w3ith their child. (the 3's are couresty of my son who wants to type) and so the day care provider is effectively doing the disciplining.... so whatever method they use, is the method that the child is raised with.

You would be absolutely correct, logically, if someone thought that it was the only effective form of discipline, that they would then, logically support a daycare provider to spank their child. In fact, I think that I have met people that actually hold this view.
I for one, or we(me & hubby together), use spanking as one discipline tool (among many) with our children, and neither of us would condone spanking in a daycare or teaching situation. The reason for it is this: we know ourselves, this is something we do before the Lord, we have a preplanned and consistent method for carrying out this discipline, as to end up as a positive experience and continuing closeness and bonding with the parent/child. The children already have a deep trust/love relationship with us. This is not the only form of discipline........many different reasons that our children aren't running from us for every little thing they do wrong, because they know they are going to be treated with love and respect.
No one else has this particular relationship with my child. They do not have the trust/bond that we do, it is inappropriate, therefore, for anyone to feel they can step into this place, using a form of discipline that needs to be surrounded by love and trust. To me, a child can easily, even if a daycare provider is loving, misinterpret this type of discipline. A child is very sensitive, and can pick up of these things that just "seem" out of line, not quite what they should be.
Not only this, but I don't trust that anyone else will really have the same standards that I do with following through with a spanking with my child. Even if their methods match with mine, I don't feel my child would feel comfortable with it (someone else spanking them), nor should they.
My opinion. Hope it isn't too jumbled, kinda rambled.

 

[heron]

"The children already have a deep trust/love relationship with us."

That's the main difference. Outsiders tend to panic when a child reacts differently than they expect. That panic translates into rejection, anxiety, blame, future distrust. It's not wrong for others to watch your child, but you do have to anticipate they'll be a little more jumpy. Many spankings are overly reactive, whereas it sounds like parents here try to keep their emotions level.

 

[Leanna]

You would be absolutely correct, logically, if someone thought that it was the only effective form of discipline, that they would then, logically support a daycare provider to spank their child. In fact, I think that I have met people that actually hold this view.
I for one, or we(me & hubby together), use spanking as one discipline tool (among many) with our children, and neither of us would condone spanking in a daycare or teaching situation. The reason for it is this: we know ourselves, this is something we do before the Lord, we have a preplanned and consistent method for carrying out this discipline, as to end up as a positive experience and continuing closeness and bonding with the parent/child. The children already have a deep trust/love relationship with us. This is not the only form of discipline........many different reasons that our children aren't running from us for every little thing they do wrong, because they know they are going to be treated with love and respect.
No one else has this particular relationship with my child. They do not have the trust/bond that we do, it is inappropriate, therefore, for anyone to feel they can step into this place, using a form of discipline that needs to be surrounded by love and trust. To me, a child can easily, even if a daycare provider is loving, misinterpret this type of discipline. A child is very sensitive, and can pick up of these things that just "seem" out of line, not quite what they should be.
Not only this, but I don't trust that anyone else will really have the same standards that I do with following through with a spanking with my child. Even if their methods match with mine, I don't feel my child would feel comfortable with it (someone else spanking them), nor should they.
My opinion. Hope it isn't too jumbled, kinda rambled.

I guess I'll chalk this up as another disagreement with using day care at all

 

[Christdefinesme]

I guess I'll chalk this up as another disagreement with using day care at all

Well, you're safe (in respect to spanking) in Illinois, it is illegal for any daycare/childcare or school to use corporal punishment.

 

[heron]

"I guess I'll chalk this up as another disagreement with using day care at all."
Yeah, ideally we wouldn't need to use it, but some people have to work to survive. We can theorize all we want about what we believe we should do, but life is more complicated than we expect.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I guess I'll chalk this up as another disagreement with using day care at all

I'll give you another one...

While finishing up my bachelors and then my masters, my son attended daycare part time. When he was about three, I was changing his diaper one morning when he started slapping his face and kept saying, "Bad, bad, bad" over and over. I couldn't get him to stop and I was in tears. I went straight to the director and by the end of the day she found out that the teacher was slapping his face and telling him he was bad for not using the potty. They apologized profusely and you know what they did to that day care teacher? They moved her to the infant room. I have a couple other stories too.

I just believe if it is at all possible, children belong with their mothers...yes, their mothers but I know that in today's society that is not always possible so we need to be proactive when these situations come up and file complaints so other parents can make informed decisions about these providers. If we do nothing other than remove our child from the daycare, we are helping ensure other children will be abused as well.

 

[Christdefinesme]

I'll give you another one...

While finishing up my bachelors and then my masters, my son attended daycare part time. When he was about three, I was changing his diaper one morning when he started slapping his face and kept saying, "Bad, bad, bad" over and over. I couldn't get him to stop and I was in tears. I went straight to the director and by the end of the day she found out that the teacher was slapping his face and telling him he was bad for not using the potty. They apologized profusely and you know what they did to that day care teacher? They moved her to the infant room. I have a couple other stories too.

 

[pattycakes67]

"I guess I'll chalk this up as another disagreement with using day care at all."
Yeah, ideally we wouldn't need to use it, but some people have to work to survive. We can theorize all we want about what we believe we should do, but life is more complicated than we expect.

 

[heron]

"Found out that the teacher was slapping his face and telling him he was bad for not using the potty."

Eek!

I picked up my toddlers one day and they were playing in the cul de sac with no adults in sight. I caught the sitter inside on the phone, and she explained that it was fine, they always did that, her five-year old daughter was watching them. I let it slide while I tried to find another sitter, and found them in the pool by themselves a few days later.

 

[Leanna]

 

[jgonz]

Oh my gosh, this whole thread makes me want to cry.

I would Definately remove the child from the daycare, ASAP. I totally agree with all the posters who said it's not appropriate for the day care provider to be spanking your child~ even if you approve of spanking as One of the tools of discipline. That's a Parent's right and responsibility, not someone else's. And Certainly not for an accident! :o

I'm so sorry you're going through this!