Son won't respect his mother

[woobadooba]

The "other stuff" I added is the truth, and it relates directly back to honoring thy mother and father. Every mother and father in this world has sinned. Every child has sinned. That's just a fact. Nobody is entitled to use the sins of somebody else to justify their own sin. That's wrong. This affair happened between adults THREE YEARS AGO. He's got no right using that against his mother to dishonor her like he is. He's also disrespecting his father. That's not acceptable.

You are missing the point.

 

[meyerjd]

I love my son very much and I value his feelings. I also feel that a thirteen year old does not get to sit in judgement over their mother. Especially something that is three years in the past. A lot of his recent behavior comes from dealing with his mother's health and all of the changes its brought to our family. He's seen her physical decline and the many things she is no longer able to do or participate in. I really feel that its the loss of her former activity that is hurting him.

 

[Go Braves]

You are missing the point.

No, I see the point you're trying to make, and I disagree with it. I don't think it's Biblical.

 

[JoeP222w]

I agree.


Even strangers in a forum could give good advice. As long as the advice is practical, and most importantly, biblical, I see no harm in it.

Maybe so, but that is a sensitive situation that does not need to be aired before strangers who will possibly take advantage of and abuse the situation.

 

[woobadooba]

I love my son very much and I value his feelings. I also feel that a thirteen year old does not get to sit in judgement over their mother. Especially something that is three years in the past. A lot of his recent behavior comes from dealing with his mother's health and all of the changes its brought to our family. He's seen her physical decline and the many things she is no longer able to do or participate in. I really feel that its the loss of her former activity that is hurting him.

I think you need to come together as a family and work this out. You need to confront your wife about what she did. You need to let her know that you have known about it for years. If she becomes defensive, don't respond to her in anger.

It could be that she feels terrible about it, and hasn't told you because she is afraid of hurting you. By confronting her in a loving way, you will make it easier for her to ask for your forgiveness.

Then you need to organize a family meeting between the three of you to address this issue, because your son knows about it. Your wife needs to apologize to your son, because she has hurt him, and has also caused him embarrassment.

Then your son needs to be confronted, in a loving way, about the disrespect he has shown towards you and your wife. He needs to apologize.

Then you all need to pray together as a family, and ask God for healing and forgiveness.

This is all my opinion, of course. You are free to ignore it. But I don't think it would be wise to reject this advice.

 

[woobadooba]

Maybe so, but that is a sensitive situation that does not need to be aired before strangers who will possibly take advantage of and abuse the situation.

A sensitive subject indeed! But it has already been brought out in the open here. All one can do is give good advice and hope for the best.

 

[woobadooba]

One more thing I forgot to mention in post #25

You need to ask your son if you have offended him in any way. Listen to what he has to say without being defensive. If you have hurt him, then own it. Apologize to him, and do your best to make right what you have done wrong. Give him a hug and tell him you love him.

 

[-Hannah-]

[deleted]

 

[JAM2b]

It sounds to me like your family is in great need of family therapy. At the age of 13 kids are not quite mature enough to process serious situations like your family is facing in the same way an adult would. It is difficult for teenagers to be respectful even when their family is not facing emotionally traumatic situations.

As an adult and the spouse in your situation, it is perfectly fine for you to choose to overlook your wife's indiscretion if thats what you want to do. However, you can't ignore the pain and confusion it has caused your son. As he ages and understands more and more firmly develops his sense of right and wrong, actions and consequences, it will become even more important. She didn't just sin against you and your marriage, she also sinned against your whole family, including your son.

Now, on top of having to deal with his mother's poor choice, and your silence on the matter, he has to face the fact that his mother has a serious, chronic illness that is affecting everything in your home and every relationship in the family.

IMO, he has a right to be angry. Should he be disrespectful? No. But he is a kid. That's what they do. His disrespect is harming your wife? So. She has to make amends ...not just with you, but your whole family, before he can have a right relationship with her. She is sick now, but that does not undo the damage she caused, which was very real. She caused this. She has to take an active role in correcting and bringing about healing for your family.

Stuff your feelings about your wife's affair all you want, but your son is hurting, and you are doing nothing about it while demanding respect from him. I call foul.

How did she have sex on school property and not get arrested?

 

[meyerjd]

Thank you JAM2b. There are times I really wish I would have spoke to my wife about this before her illness. Her doctor has instructed us to keep her stress to an absolute minimum. So I feel that any counseling or conversations about this cannot include her. I have decided to take my son to see a therapist at the county health department to hopefully help him to move past this situation.
To answer your question, yes they did have sex at the school and the principal walked in on them. It was all on camera. The principal attended the same church as us and had served on the church council with me. This all happened about a month before the principal retired and moved out of state so he did persue any discipline against my wife and the janitor. He informed me about it because he felt my wife was making a fool out of me. We live in a small town where I help operate the local funeral home which means I interact with many of our local residents in the course of my job.

 

[JAM2b]

It may be difficult at first, but counseling can actually bring about healing and reduced stressed in the long run. Rheumatoid arthritis is serious (I had an aunt with this disease before they some of the treatment they do now), but her mind and spirit is still there. Being sick is not an excuse to not get help or deal with your past. I have a chronic illness, too. Ignoring stuff makes it worse. In the long run, you could be helping your wife a great deal by getting help for your family that includes her. Getting professional help is not a negative kind of stress. It should be something that provides an avenue of releasing emotions and repairing relationships. Please consider including her.

 

[meyerjd]

Well the psychiatrist that my son saw today has placed him on medication that should help him have better control of his emotions. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. There are some pretty nasty side effects. My wife did not attend the appointment. My son spoke to the doctor by himself. I did tell my wife that I don't like the idea of our son being medicated like this. She feels that his behavior has played a part in her symptoms getting worse and the feels the only way she can tolerate our son is for him to be medicated for now.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

At this point I'm really not concerned about anyone confessing. His words and actions toward his mother need to stop. It really takes a toll on her well-being. My son needs to put this aside for the sake of his mother's health and well-being. Being upset has a marked effect on her physical symptoms.

Have you considered that because there has been no justice done, your son is frustrated?

 

[woobadooba]

.

 

[meyerjd]

My son took the first dose of his medicine 6 hours ago. He has been asleep the last 2, which is not typical for him at all. Seeing this type of effect so quick is horrible for me to watch. His mother keeps calling him sleeping beauty just to get under my skin since she knows I'm having a hard time with this. Since my wife's illness started about a year ago my son has been my right hand since all of the household duties fell to me
I was very proud of how he stepped up and was a great help. I do feel like I've betrayed him for the sake of keeping his mother comfortable.

 

[woobadooba]

His mother keeps calling him sleeping beauty just to get under my skin since she knows I'm having a hard time with this.

I do not have a good opinion of her at this point.

 

[meyerjd]

That's ok. Alot of people do not have good opinions of my wife at times.

 

[woobadooba]

.

 

[meyerjd]

It's at a time like this its good to be a funeral director. I may need to find a pastor to talk to since our pastor does not want to be involved with anything outside of leading worship. I know all of the other ministers in town and just feel like I need some help with this.

 

[meyerjd]

Looks to be a long night. My son's breathing is very slow and labored. I may be taking to emergency if this keeps up.