~ Son wants to join a death metal band ~

[faroukfarouk]

(Heading out for business & later Bible study; ttyl, folks.)

 

[tryintogrow]

I see now what you mean. Thanks for the reminder. It's relevant passage, I'm sure. Also relevant would probably be Romans 14, which among other things speaks about every believer being fully persuaded in his own mind.

I can sit back and be happy for you that such music does not bother you. I won't talk you out of it nor condemn you for enjoying it. In the area of music, you have more liberty than some. That's a good thing.

If someone else is more sensitive to music, that doesn't mean they are better than you nor more spiritual than you. It just means they are sensitive to music. You should respect their sensitivity, not belittle them or say it's just a matter of taste. Believe your brothers and sisters when they say something bothers them. You wouldn't like it if something made you uncomfortable but no one believed you.

If we can all believe each other and respect each other's viewpoint, we can glorify Christ more effectively.

 

[CoolDude68]

Like anything else, it's the intent behind whatever it is. Music, booze, food, clothes, jewelry, etc... I can listen to hard stuff when working out and it's not like I'm worshipping Satan or anything. That's the farthest thing from my mind in fact. God knows this and I don't have to justify that to anyone. It's the heart that counts. Now, our son who does not know Jesus yet could be influenced if he's not careful. At the same time, we can't shelter our children. At some point they will have to make their own decisions in life and that's how we learn. He's 18 and going through the "metal" phase. I honestly believe he will mature past that in time.

 

[stuart lawrence]

Hey everyone, I would like to get some opinions from others on something. Our son (18) is a very talented drummer but he's only interested in one type of music - that hardcore death metal stuff.

Well, a talented local band recently contacted him seeking a drummer and he wants to join them. He's obviously not a Christian, nor are any of the band members, so my wife is having an issue with this and doesn't want him to join. I have an opposite view of this but would like opinions. I say let him join and learn from the experience while we pray for his safety and leave it in God's hands. If we don't let him he will rebel and his talents will go to waste. If he joins and gets the exposure then maybe some other band might discover him, which may lead to bigger and better things, or even guys who might be Christians. There are Christian metal bands. He claims he doesn't even care about the lyrics which I get, you can't even understand them and he says he just likes it because he can play fast.

I looked up the guys on FB and they are the typical kids. No, they aren't Christian and they do some cussing and normal fallen-world behavior stuff but that's expected. Nothing they were posting really surprised me. They don't post stuff like Satan worship or anything extreme going against God. Really, there's no mention of religion in their posts so they're typical lost souls like most of the world.

Now, I haven't listened to their lyrics because I can't understand that type of scream singing and I can't find their words online. Anyway, what I'd like to do is invite the group over the our home and show an example and get to know them. After all, who am I to judge? The problem is the wife wants absolutely no part of that. She's quick to judge so-to-speak.

Any advice on how to handle this or what to say to my wife? I'd really like to meet these guys and I don't want to keep denying our talented son from enjoying his gift God has given him.

Your view is correct. If you voice objections your son will simply rebel. If you think about it, would he be a normal, healthy young man if he didn't?
I had overbearing, religious parents. They expected me, as a teenager to faultlessly follow what they believed to be the correct way. I rebelled badly. When i was your son's age, I was in earnest that is was my life to live, not the life my parents insisted I must live.
It is hard watching your children make choices, that you know may not be good for them, and even lead ultimately to much unhappiness for them. But at the end of the day, the time comes when parents must step back, and let their offspring learn from their mistakes. It's what we all have to do eventually. And I think your son, in the end will be a healthier young man for it. The more my parents tried to impose their will on me, the more fiercely determined I was to live a life that opposed their values. I suffered much for it in my youth. The best thing you can do in my view, is let him do what he wants to do, and pray for him, as I'm sure you will
God bless

 

[CoolDude68]

What if God sheltered all of us and didn't give us free will and never allowed us to sin? That wasn't His plan was it? There's reasons for everything He has and will continue to do.

 

[tryintogrow]

I don't think anyone is here to say your son can't be led to God through this. Anything is possible. We are just concerned that he will encounter trials along the way and you will have to be sober about those trials.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

The situation where believers can eat meats sacrificed to idols is not the same as listening to Christian Heavy Metal. Food is supposed to give nourishment to the body. Food can be sanctified by prayer and the Word of God. We are told in 1 Corinthians 10:28 that we are not to eat meat sacrificed to idols if the person who offers it to you (said they did this). We are to do this for their conscience sake. For we are not to have any appearance of evil. When you listen to Christian Heavy Metal, you are putting on an appearance of evil because you cannot tell the difference between regular Heavy Metal and Christian Heavy Metal (And most Heavy Metal bands are associated with Satanism). But if you are merely eating a meal with people, that really is not the same thing unless they just sacrificed an animal to a false idol in front of you and decided to offer the meat to you. Obviously you would refuse. Now, if you do not ask where the meat came from and the meat was sacrificed to an idol, then nothing is going to happen because you did not know. There is no excuse in not knowing that Heavy Metal of all kinds is wrong and evil. It is not just a feeling that makes me sick to my stomach and makes me want to vomit now (Whereby I used to love it).

Christian Heavy Metal doesn't make sense for three reasons. One, you can't hear the lyrics. Paul said he would rather speak five words with the understanding than five thousand words without the understanding. Two, the music is agressive, violent, and prideful in sound. Christian Heavy Metal does not make me want to worship the Lord at all. It invokes aggressive, violent, and prideful feelings because the music is violent, aggressive, and prideful. Third, I can tell the difference between Christian Contemporary music and Regular Rock Music; Yet, I can't tell the difference between regular Heavy Metal and Christian Heavy Metal.

I mean stop and think for a second. If Christian Heavy Metal was good, then why did I use to love it and now I hate it? Well, it is because back in the past, I use to have no problems with the violent aggressiveness within that kind of music. That is how it made me feel. It made me feel tough and better than other people. Do you find yourself getting angry or aggressive if somebody cuts you off in the road or if somebody says something wrong to you? Or do you pray for them and speak kindly to them when they do bad things towards you? See, the type of things you are putting in your mind can effect your behavior. In other words, if you find yourself getting angry alot or you find that it does not take much to get you really upset, then chances are you are feeding yourself with something that is fueling that rage.


...

 

[brinny]

Your view is correct. If you voice objections your son will simply rebel. If you think about it, would he be a normal, healthy young man if he didn't?
I had overbearing, religious parents. They expected me, as a teenager to faultlessly follow what they believed to be the correct way. I rebelled badly. When i was your son's age, I was in earnest that is was my life to live, not the life my parents insisted I must live.
It is hard watching your children make choices, that you know may not be good for them, and even lead ultimately to much unhappiness for them. But at the end of the day, the time comes when parents must step back, and let their offspring learn from their mistakes. It's what we all have to do eventually. And I think your son, in the end will be a healthier young man for it. The more my parents tried to impose their will on me, the more fiercely determined I was to live a life that opposed their values. I suffered much for it in my youth. The best thing you can do in my view, is let him do what he wants to do, and pray for him, as I'm sure you will
God bless

There's someone else involved in this pivotal time, and that is the OP's wife. It is of the utmost importance that he and his wife be united and as one, and that she is respected, honored, and never undermined. He is the spiritual leader and spiritual head and spiritual protector of the household.

let's take a breather and tread carefully here, brother.

Praying for the OP, his wife, and their son and their household.

God bless us, ev'ry one

 

[stuart lawrence]

There's someone else involved in this pivotal time, and that is the OP's wife. It is of the utmost importance that he and his wife be united and as one, and that she is respected, honored, and never undermined. He is the spiritual leader and spiritual head and spiritual protector of the household.

let's take a breather and tread carefully here, brother.

Praying for the OP, his wife, and their son and their household.

God bless us, ev'ry one

I appreciate that, but the op asked for advice.
I have a friend, he is 59. Apart from a few minor hiccups he always did what his parents wanted. He ended up never marrying, just lived at home with his parents, he hasn't really had a life at all.
It's tough for parents, but there comes a time their offspring must stand on their own two feet and make their own decisions. And however hard it is to do, it is a kindness for parents not to try and stand in their way.
You can warn your offspring of the possible pitfalls in decisions they might make, but that's as far as you should go in my view.
My stepson saw horrendous things in his life before he met me when he was eight. But he grew up a healthy, normal kid. Far healthier than I grew up. for i advised him, but when he reached a certain age I let him make his own decisions. And I didn't try and make him feel guilty for making them

 

[brinny]

I appreciate that, but the op asked for advice.
I have a friend, he is 59. Apart from a few minor hjccups he always did what his parents wanted. He never married, just lived at home with his parents, he hasn't really had a life at all.
It's tough for parents, but there comes a time their offspring must stand in their own two feet and make their own decisions. And however hard it is to do, it us a kindness for parents not to try and stand in their way.
You can warn your offspring if the possible pitfalls in decisions they might make, but that's as far as you should go in my view.
My stepson saw horrendous things in his life before he net me when he was eight. But he grew up a healthy, normal kid. Far healthier than I grew up. for i advised him, but when he reached a certain age I let him make husown decisions

Nevertheless, it includes his wife, as an integral part of the spiritual unity and well being of the family, which in turn, effects the spiritual well being of their son.

In addition, that's why i asked in an earlier post if the OP's son was still living at home.

 

[stuart lawrence]

Nevertheless, it includes his wife, as an integral part of the spiritual unity and well being of the family, which in turn, effects the spiritual well being of their son.

In addition, that's why i asked in an earlier post if the OP's son was still living at home.

It isn't for either parent to try and cosset their son and thereby stifle him growing into his own man.

 

[brinny]

It isn't for either parent to try and cosset their son and thereby stifle him growing into his own man.

Even above and beyond that, the OP and his wife should present a unified front and as one to especially their son, disagreement or not. That is more crucial than whether their son joins a band regardless of what kind of band it is. In addition, his wife should never be belittled, disrespected, or discounted, especially when it comes to spiritual matters.

Thank you kindly.

 

[Phil 1:21]

I used to listen to Metallica, and some Megadeath before I was saved. After coming to Christ, I listened to a few Christian metal songs, but I couldn't get into them. For that type of music just didn't make any sense to me anymore. Heavy Metal music leads a person into a violent, angry, and prideful state.

Metallica, Megadeth...Anthrax, Ozzy, Exodus, and so forth...seen them all, still have a lot of their music in my iPod. Here's the thing: there is good and bad in any genre. But there is also a lot of socially conscious music by all of those artists. Themes like the evils of substance abuse, calls for the end of war and nuclear proliferation, concern for the environment, the end of racism and so forth and so forth are all found in various songs by those artists. Pick and choose.

I had a friend in high school who was a pretty racist guy. One day he was singing along to "Keep it in the Family" by Anthrax (Google the lyrics. they're awesome). I asked him how he could be a racist and still like that song. That got him to thinking. Guess what? He's now the proud father of a bi-racial family...and still loves listening to Anthrax.

God works in very mysterious ways.

The issue is whether Biblical lyrics can flourish in that environment.

I'm here to tell you, from first hand experience, they can.

 

[stuart lawrence]

Even above and beyond that, the OP and his wife should present a unified front and as one to especially their son, disagreement or not. That is more crucial than whether their son joins a band regardless of what kind of band it is. In addition, his wife should never be belittled, disrespected, or discounted, especially when it comes to spiritual matters.

Thank you kindly.

What ultimately matters is the eighteen year old son living a normal, healthy life. And he won't, if his parents try and make his decisions for him at that age.
Thank you kindly

 

[Bible Highlighter]

What if God sheltered all of us and didn't give us free will and never allowed us to sin? That wasn't His plan was it? There's reasons for everything He has and will continue to do.

But God did not allow the Israelites to stay in His house (the temple) and do evil things. If we do evil, we are on our own. We should never be silent or indifferent to evil or sin. We should always take a stand for what is good and right within our home. He is 18 and he is an adult to leave if he does not like the idea of being restricted from indulging in a life of Heavy Metal. There is no such thing as being pushed away. He will respect and love you more if you stand up for what is good and right now; For when he later comes to the Lord, he will see you as strong in the Lord if you stand by your convictions of what is good and right. God forbid, if he takes the wrong path, that is not going to happen as a result of your standing by your convictions in doing what is good for the Lord. It is when we discipline our children and we set boundaries is where they do not come out to be spoiled. We have to decide what is more important, the Lord and His good ways, or our children? I would say God comes first in everything. This does not mean you hate your child mind you. No, no. Most certainly not. You should love him like Christ loves the church. But we should not bend to their indulgence to evil. We should always let our children know what things are wrong in this life and it is sometimes painful to make these kinds of choices. But they really are for his good.


...

 

[brinny]

What ultimately matters us the eighteen year old son living g a normal, healthy life. And he won't, I'd his parents try and make his decisions for him at that age.
Thank you kindly

Speaking of what ultimately matters...

It's God's will, honoring Him, and along with that, as long as there is a child living under a parent's roof, it is whatever honors God, and of course the parents under God, that stands/matters.

Once the child moves out he/she is free to do as he/she wishes.

That's why i asked in an earlier post if their son is still living at home.

Above and beyond everything else, the OP and his wife need to iron out this profound spiritual issue before discussing it with their son so that they can be a united front.

Thank you kindly.

 

[brinny]

What if God sheltered all of us and didn't give us free will and never allowed us to sin? That wasn't His plan was it? There's reasons for everything He has and will continue to do.

Why would you want God to "allow" us to sin?

 

[stuart lawrence]

Speaking of what ultimately matters...

It's God's will, honoring Him, and along with that, as long as there is a child living under a parent's roof, it is whatever honors God, and of course the parents under God, that stands/matters.

Once the child moves out he/she is free to do as he/she wishes.

That's why i asked in an earlier post if their son is still living at home.

Above and beyond everything else, the OP and his wife need to iron out this profound spiritual issue before discussing it with their son so that they can be a united front.

Thank you kindly.

You can come out with all the pat statements you want, but you are wrong.
My step son went out to work at sixteen. We had an agreement. I told him as long as he paid his rent and didn't come in drunk at night he could live his life and spend his money as he chose, because he earnt it. And he didn't live for a couple of years as I might have wished he lived, but he kept to our agreement.
He is now a happily married man, a great father, a teacher and married to a fellow teacher and has great morals.
I on the other hand was suffocated in my teenage years, by overbearing parents who wanted to dictate my life and my decisions. I actually ended up in prison and psychiatrists, that i was forced to see said I had a social problem.
My step son who saw horrendous things before he met me grew up far healthier than I did.
If a young man of eighteen is old enough to join the army and die for his country im sure he is old enough to decide if he joins a heavy metal band

 

[brinny]

You can come out with all the pat statements you want, but you are wrong.
My step son went out to work at sixteen. We had an agreement. I told him as long as he paid his rent and didn't come in drunk at night he could live his life and spend his money as he chose, because he wasn't it. And he didn't live for a couple of years as I might have wished he lived, but he kept to our agreement.
He us now a happily married man, a great father, a teacher and married to a fellow teacher and has great morals.
I on the other hand was suffocated in my teenage years, by overbearing parents who wanted to dictate my life and my decisions. I actually ended up in prison and psychiatrists, that i was forced to see said I had a social problem.
My step son who saw horrendous things before he met me grew up far healthier than I did.
If a young man if eighteen us old enough to join the army and die for his country inquire sure he sold enough to drive code if he joins a heavy metal band

What is wrong about God's will and honoring it and husband and wife honoring it, and each other, and children under your roof honoring God's will, and honoring both their mother and father?

I would challenge you brother to read Proverbs and to take into account every time we are admonished to honor our mother and father and to not despise the teachings of our mother.

God bless you.

Praying.

 

[stuart lawrence]

What is wrong about God's will and honoring it and husband and wife honoring it, and each other, and children under your roof honoring it, and their parents, both mother and father?

I would challenge you brother to read Proverbs and to take account of every time we are admonished to honor our mother and father and to not despise the teachings of our mother.

God bless you.

Praying.

Yep. I had a mother who constantly quoted the letter of scripture to me as a teenager and always came out with the perfect pat statement to me. And she expected me to perform nigh on perfect and resolutely follow her ideals. A few years before she died, she had tears in her eyes one day and said to me:
I'm so sorry for the damage I did to you when you were young