Update:
We went away as a family this weekend to a cabin in the woods. There was zero noise from human beings, only nature. (how nice) I walked off alone to pray a lot and I sat quietly and listened. I did this for a few days. Saturday morning it was so quiet I could hear an insect fly by 30 feet away. It was a surreal feeling to experience nature in the pure raw. Anyway, something in my head, or mind or spirit repeatedly started saying "Let him play...let him play". Now, I wasn't thinking about anything, just sitting there, listening. Where did that come from? My self-conscious? I don't know. But this whole time, and through talking to my son about all this I finally told him that he's old enough to know right from wrong and he agreed. I also told him he would be responsible for his choices from now on. He also agreed. He mentioned if I would have said "no" he said he was going to sell his drums and never play again. He actually had this planned out in his mind. Here's the interesting part...If I were to tell him he couldn't join the band, his God-given talents would end right there. What a shame. I felt bad and I didn't even say he couldn't. I also had a discussion with my wife before I talked to my son and she agreed to let him go and make his own choices now. After I gave him the green light he was the happiest kid on the planet and became a changed personality immediately! He's been very depressed for many months because we kept denying his interest in his music and him wanting to join a metal band. Either way, it wasn't working. We could continue to say "no...no...no..." forever and he'd go into a downward spiral, probably eventually move away from home and always be bitter towards us. Instead, we have embraced his interests, put trust in him and will pray...pray...pray for his protection and I told him that he should invite the band members over sometime so we can grill out, build a fire, place bad toss, etc...and get to know them. He smiled and said, "cool". lol
Look, I know a lot of you would have kept telling your son "No". Well, that's your choice, but he's our son and we know him better than anyone on this forum. We didn't want to ruin a God-given talent, then him sell his drums, become more depressed and potentially quit college, leave home and never talk to us. If that's good enough for you and your child then that's fine, we will just have to agree to disagree. However, I felt like we have done the right thing and I believe God spoke the words I was wanting to hear. After all, it's His plan for our son, not your's, or even ours. Praise God!
Thanks to those who have contributed to this post. I really appreciate it.