First time posting in this section, just really don't know what else to do besides pray which I have been doing.
Last night I went to get on our computer, and my son had left a word document open. I thought it was homework (which it was). So I read it. It was a monologue and it was about how he hates his pitiful life. It made me cry. Said he hates every inch of his body and soul and wishes for it's destruction. He feels his life is mundane, hopeless, and pointless! He says as a junior in high school, he is smarter than most other people and thinks it's absurd that he needs a stupid piece of paper (college degree) to get the career he wants. He says he wants to go back to enjoy being a child. He hates the person he has become and he wants to escape this desolate planet. He says he's done caring, done living and he regrets ever taking his first breath.
After reading this, I went to his folder (which he doesn't know I did) and read his rough draft which had ALOT more info like this including how he has a job he hates (he works at KFC 3 days a week, 1st job) and he hates school because he's bored and he thinks it's all a waste of time. (He is 6th in his class in grade point average 4.55).
He is a straight A student, has a job, car, girlfriend for 2 years, and a new puppy that he purchased. He is in a band with some friends. He believes in Christ. His girlfriend does not, but his best friend is a Christian.
His dad passed away 5 years ago from cancer and he has been extremely angry in the past, but since he started getting into music I thought he had gotten "thru" that stage and had NO IDEA that he felt ANY of this. For the first 2 years he didn't want to be anything like his dad (which he is SO much like and can't escape) but then something happened and he came to me one night and apologized for being mad at dad for leaving us. We talked. He felt better. Then he started embracing all the ways he was like his dad. Guitar playing, music in general, oil painting.
And the worst part? I told him I read it and he's mad ABOUT THAT! Just mad that I shouldn't have read it. But he's gonna turn it in for an assignment! I don't know what to do...except pray. I know he doesn't want to do anything about it cuz he just thinks I shouldn't have read it and he's mad at himself for leaving it up.
When he told me he was mad I knew he wouldn't want to talk about it so I wrote my thoughts to him and left it for him this morning. Not sure what he will think about it. In the reading of the draft he says, he's not planning on taking his life and would just like to die an easy fast death (wouldn't we all like to go this way?) in the letter I told him life was about choices and attitudes and only he could choose to have a different attitude and that I wanted to talk to him and please talk to me when he's ready (I highly doubt he will though).
What to do now? IDK. I feel so bad that he feels this way. I have tried to make his life as good as I can since his dad passed. He knows this. He hates how he is and who he is.
Last night I went to get on our computer, and my son had left a word document open. I thought it was homework (which it was). So I read it. It was a monologue and it was about how he hates his pitiful life. It made me cry. Said he hates every inch of his body and soul and wishes for it's destruction. He feels his life is mundane, hopeless, and pointless! He says as a junior in high school, he is smarter than most other people and thinks it's absurd that he needs a stupid piece of paper (college degree) to get the career he wants. He says he wants to go back to enjoy being a child. He hates the person he has become and he wants to escape this desolate planet. He says he's done caring, done living and he regrets ever taking his first breath.
After reading this, I went to his folder (which he doesn't know I did) and read his rough draft which had ALOT more info like this including how he has a job he hates (he works at KFC 3 days a week, 1st job) and he hates school because he's bored and he thinks it's all a waste of time. (He is 6th in his class in grade point average 4.55).
He is a straight A student, has a job, car, girlfriend for 2 years, and a new puppy that he purchased. He is in a band with some friends. He believes in Christ. His girlfriend does not, but his best friend is a Christian.
His dad passed away 5 years ago from cancer and he has been extremely angry in the past, but since he started getting into music I thought he had gotten "thru" that stage and had NO IDEA that he felt ANY of this. For the first 2 years he didn't want to be anything like his dad (which he is SO much like and can't escape) but then something happened and he came to me one night and apologized for being mad at dad for leaving us. We talked. He felt better. Then he started embracing all the ways he was like his dad. Guitar playing, music in general, oil painting.
And the worst part? I told him I read it and he's mad ABOUT THAT! Just mad that I shouldn't have read it. But he's gonna turn it in for an assignment! I don't know what to do...except pray. I know he doesn't want to do anything about it cuz he just thinks I shouldn't have read it and he's mad at himself for leaving it up.
When he told me he was mad I knew he wouldn't want to talk about it so I wrote my thoughts to him and left it for him this morning. Not sure what he will think about it. In the reading of the draft he says, he's not planning on taking his life and would just like to die an easy fast death (wouldn't we all like to go this way?) in the letter I told him life was about choices and attitudes and only he could choose to have a different attitude and that I wanted to talk to him and please talk to me when he's ready (I highly doubt he will though).
What to do now? IDK. I feel so bad that he feels this way. I have tried to make his life as good as I can since his dad passed. He knows this. He hates how he is and who he is.
