Someone help me. I'm so lost, I don't know what to do anymore!

[Xxoceaneyesxx]

Hello everyone. I'm going to remain anonymous..
I'm a 20 year old girl, and this is what I've been having problems with.. major anxiety, about being left alone and abandoned. Mainly by my boyfriend.
Let's call him M. M was my first real love - I met him when I was eighteen, and he gave me my first kiss and everything. Our relationship fell through after eight months of me worrying and stressing and doing everything I possibly could to fix it.. but he left me for a perfect image and idea of awoken he found in someone else. I cried for months, have never known heartache like this - guys, I'm so ashamed and weak. I totally fell away from God and got into all sorts of dark stuff, (astrology, witchcraft.. maybe I was looking desperately for a sense of control?) and to this day, it has a handle on me . Anyways, I moved on after a year or so and began dating around.. getting into relationships that left me hurt, but never broken as I kept everyone at arms length.
My problem is this... M. Is back in my life, and we are having a second go at this. He's changed in all sorts of ways - not distant anymore, nth ding the fact that were together anymore, planning a future (we plan on getting married after a year and a half if things continue to go smoothly)
and I was fine, until I got triggered, went back to my old ways for an instant, and asked a psychic if he was the one I would marry. He said no, and I would meet my future husband in the summer of 2015. Ever since then, I've become just as depressed, fearful, anxious and emotionally unhealthy as before.. I've let him see the deepest, darkest, most intimate parts of my heart and he's bared it all as well. If we break up, I will not be able to handle this pain! I could barely handle it the first time. This time it will be ten thousand times worse. What should I do?? I feel like God just isn't there. Like he's angry with me for all the mistakes I've repeatedly asked forgiveness for.. like He's up there shaking His head and laughing, saying "You got yourself into this mess. Get over it. You deserve this." ...Help!! Please pray for me! What should I do?

 

[NaturallyGone]

Ok, when it comes to the Psychic, lemme just point out one thing: If they were good at their jobs, and I mean GOOD, their parking lots would be packed. As for the rest of it, being nervous and having doubts is just part of life. We, as humans, fear the unknown and fear the things that take us out of our comfort zone. I believe that's why we are called to trust in God. He makes everything happen when He sees fit. Will definitely be keeping you in my prayers.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

As to the "you got yourself into this mess... you deserve it" part of your post - It's so sad to me that people feel this way about God, because the picture I have of God is totally different. In my view - from my study of the Bible and personal experience - is the following: God LOVES you! He would never ever ever say that about you! God promises over and over again to be with you always, forever, no matter what you get yourself into, and asks that you trust Him to be true to His word. Read it - Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid neither dismayed: for the Lord your God is with you wherever you may go." Matthew 28:20 "I am with you always - even to the end of the world." 2 Timothy 1:7 "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of sound mind." Micah 7:8 "...when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light unto me."
God is with you, even if you can't feel His presence. Trust His promises - because He cares for you so much! He loves you eternally!

As for the psychic - when you have something good going on and your on your way to deeper relationship with God, is when the devil is going to work his hardest to keep you feeling like your worthless. That's what I see happening in your described situation. It seems from what you described, that you were getting better emotionally and becoming more hopeful about the future and turning back toward God, and then began to fear the future and thus consulted a psychic. Then felt even more fearful and additionally heartbroken at the possibility that what the psychic said may be true. When similar situations have happened to me, I've been told that the devil is working his hardest to keep you down on yourself. God thinks your amazing, He loves you, and He wants you to live a bold and fearless life. But the devil wants to keep you imprisoned by fear and doubt. The only way to break the devil's hold is to reach out to God. Pray, seek God wherever He may be found - in the Bible, in trustworthy people, in nature, in church, in wherever He speaks to your heart the fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, etc. Even though you may have to walk/sit/muddle through darkness - God will be your light. He has been mine.

As to the fear of potential loss - okay, so let's think practically for a little while. What is the worst that could possibly happen in this situation? Let's say what the psychic says does come true (although I don't believe it will and even if it did I believe psychics are always false prophets since God's true prophets only speak what He tells them and don't take profit for it). Let's say you do break up with this person you're currently dating and it hurts like hell. There is still a good part to the message - that won't be all for you. You still won't live life alone. You may meet someone new who is better for you sometime later. If this were to happen, yes it would hurt, but it would still not leave you without hope. Now back to what is more likely - you won't know the future because it is not our place to know - Jesus said so every time his disciples asked for signs of the end of the world. It's also very possible that what the psychic said will not happen and you will have to choose whom you will spend your life with. If you choose the person you are currently dating, then be sure he is a person of godly character who loves you truly and whom you can trust. If he isn't someone you would want to choose, then you take courage and you break up with him - if that is your choice - which makes you no longer a victim but a person who has courage to face an uncertain future and make choices that will be beneficial for your health and your life. Whatever happens though, don't live life in fear. It's not fun. It's not helpful. It's not productive. Trust God.
Hebrews 13:6, "So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

 

[colorblindlover]

Hey there

Everyone, Christian or not, comes to a dark point in their life eventually. I really don't know anyone who hasn't at some time or another. Even the strongest people I know have been through hell. When you imagine that God is looking down on you, laughing at you, I wonder if that is a reflection of how you view yourself? It's really easy to be our own worst critics, myself included. Oh, how many times I've thought "I've really screwed up this time and there's no way God is going to help me through this now."

But why would God, who says through Christ to His friends, "Go tell everyone the Good News [that there's a way to be with Me forever so I can love my creation forever]" also laugh at someone who is suffering and going through the worst time in their life? Is it possible that the same God who says "I have forgotten your sins as far as the east is from the west." would be a God who brings up the past and taunts people with it?

In my experience, this hasn't been the case. And though I am a Christian, I am not innocent. I have done quite a few things I'm not proud of and imagined that God was laughing at me too. But the reality was that instead of laughing at me, He would send me people to encourage me and remind me of His goodness and forgiveness. The fact that He is looking for ways to encourage me... that's the true nature of God.

Think about that for a minute. It's not a paradox that God hates evil and is also a God of love. For the truly evil at heart who do not try to make amends with Him or others, He is angry. For those that have sinned, but are repentant (and I sense that you are, due to the fact that you have tried to come back from a place of deep darkness - this is the definition of repentance, returning to the top), He is loving and grace-giving. He looks at the condition of your heart. While you might FEEL like a bad person, this doesn't MAKE you a bad person. That's how God sees us. He isn't laughing at us, wallowing in our dark place. He is reaching out for us, saying "Grab my hand, I don't want you to be in that place anymore either. I know what that's like, and it's not pleasant."

Think about that. It's not easy to reverse our image of God once we've believed Him to be a certain way towards us for a long time. But try thinking of Him in this way. Reach out and grab His hand, even if you feel like you don't deserve it. In other words, pray to Him, seek Him. Find a Bible, read the New Testament - Matthew or Philippians. Read Psalm 23, Psalm 91, Psalm 34. I like Psalm 34 because it says "Taste and see that the Lord is good." It's like the people at Sam's or Costco who offer you free samples... "Would you like to try this?" They want you to buy the product, but you have the choice ultimately. Just like you have the choice to reach out to God. He just asks you to reach back, He's not angry. He's not ignoring you. He's reaching.

Think about that and imagine Him doing that for you. Hope this helps.