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So at least now I know it's not just me.

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by LovebirdsFlying, Apr 28, 2019.

  1. LovebirdsFlying

    LovebirdsFlying My husband drew this cartoon of me. Staff Member Red Team - Moderator Supporter

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    OK, y'all know the song and dance by now. I can say something to hubby, clear as day, and five minutes later, he won't recall a word I said. I can repeat it several times. Even if he acknowledges it and responds, it still falls out of his head almost immediately.

    Well, it isn't that he won't listen to *me.* And it isn't that he won't listen to *women.*

    This morning, while closing church service, pastor asked all of the men to stay behind for a few minutes and have a short meeting about an upcoming event. In fact, he mentioned it twice. Not two minutes later, as I'm heading to the door, I notice hubby is right there beside me as usual. I was a little puzzled. "Aren't you staying?"

    If I was puzzled, he looked absolutely baffled. "Staying? What am I staying for?"

    He had no recollection of the pastor mentioning anything at all about the men staying behind.

    It is so frustrating when things like this happen. BUT, since it isn't going to change, and it isn't just me, how can I stop those feelings of frustration and not be irritated about it?
     
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  2. snoochface

    snoochface Meet the new boss -- same as the old boss.

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    I don't have complete success with this method, but when my husband does things like this that I know are just part of his DNA and not anything that he (or I) can change but they still make me crazy anyway, I do one or more of the following:

    1) Remind myself of all of my own faults and irritants that he has to put up with
    2) Remind myself of the things I love about him and fit that irritating thing into an endearing quality
    3) Obvious as it may be, remind myself that it's just part of his DNA - the simple reminder is often enough
    4) Laugh about it, at least to myself, because eventually you just have to
    5) Remember a picture of him as a very little boy. This one works for me because he was cute, absolutely adorable, and yet often bullied, and I see the vulnerable and sensitive and hurt little boy in him in a lot of those pictures, and I don't want to ever be one to contribute to that

    Like I said, not 100% success, but some variety of these helps me a lot. You just have to accept that he is who he is, and ALL things work together for good (Rom 8:28), and even those irritating things contribute to who he is as a whole, and that's why you loved and married him.
     
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  3. LovebirdsFlying

    LovebirdsFlying My husband drew this cartoon of me. Staff Member Red Team - Moderator Supporter

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    Very good suggestions.

    I'm noticing the problem coming up again in another "not me" way. He's training for a new job. This consists of modules, watching videos and taking quizzes about them. Needs 70% of each one to pass. Fortunately, you can retake them. He's having trouble because obviously he has noooooo retention whatsoever. So he'll watch a video, where it will say clearly, for example, "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog."

    Thirty seconds later, the quiz question pops up, "What did the quick brown fox jump over?" And he'll be scratching his head, "Um, what fox?"

    When you think about it, he's doing the same things we did in school. Learning lessons, studying, and taking tests. I was a good student. He wasn't. He told me he had this problem in school too. So now I'm serving as a tutor, even though I don't know any more about this stuff than he does.

    I am teaching him to 1.) Take notes as he watches the videos, because just the act of writing something down helps get it into your head even if you never refer to it again. 2.) Pause and replay as needed, and/or refer to the video transcript if it's speaking faster than he can write. 3.) Restate it in his own words to make sure he grasps the concept. We're not trying to simply get a passing score. We're actually trying to learn the material.

    Doing this, the last module he studied, he scored 80% instead of the bare minimum 70%. I'm not telling him the answers. I'm only teaching him the study skills.

    We should use our strengths to help others, right?
     
  4. LovebirdsFlying

    LovebirdsFlying My husband drew this cartoon of me. Staff Member Red Team - Moderator Supporter

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    Update: Hubby is doing much better on his training modules now. Some people can be very intelligent but just not good with studying and testing.
     
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  5. *LILAC

    *LILAC Keeping it simple. Supporter

    +6,498
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    I don't know if this has been brought up, but could your husband have a hearing loss?
     
  6. LovebirdsFlying

    LovebirdsFlying My husband drew this cartoon of me. Staff Member Red Team - Moderator Supporter

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    He's been tested, and no hearing loss was found. Sometimes I wonder too.
     
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