IMHO, I believe you are taking two verses out of context and drawing a conclusion that is contrary to the spirit for which John is describing the conditional nature of love.
I'll try my best to clearly and concisely explain.
First off, if we can't love God unless God loved us first, isn't that a conditional statement?
More over, John defines the conditional nature of love . . . .
And this is love, that we walk after his commandments. This is the commandment, That, as ye have heard from the beginning, ye should walk in it. (2 John 6)
Therefore, everywhere John writes about love, it must be within the context of obeying the commandments. Is 1 John 4:19, 20 within the context of John's conditional definition of love? Yes. For, the very next verse (21) puts the condition on love . . .
[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Arial, Geneva] 21 And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.
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