Sleep Training

[Mayflower1]

My daughter is 8 months old now and I have decided with my husband that I need to sleep train her better now. She takes hour and a half naps during the day on me and will scream if I lay her down. takes a long time at night too. So I just started tonight. I let her cry 20 minutes then pattted and comforted her for 4 minutes. It took about an hour and she is asleep now.

I know I have to be consistent amd really feel this is best for her. It just is heartbreaking to hear her cry. I really do believe this is for the best for both of us though. She is old enough now to learn mom is here for her and she is still okay.

Any advice for this time? Like any parent, I just want the best for my daughter, and I waited until she was old enough to be ready to learn self soothing.

 

[mina]

This was helpful for me. It's a lot of information in one place written by a mom and a "sleep consultant" whatever that is.....
Sleep Training Made Easy: The Ultimate Guide for Overwhelmed Parents - Sleep Baby Love

My daughter was a super easy sleeper; it was like she was born on a schedule. From the day she was born she almost always wakes up at the same time or near the same time every morning. It's so amazing! But, for getting to sleep or going back to sleep we used a fan or a white noise machine. She knew those noises meant sleep time from before a year old. And I rocked her to sleep for a long time; I enjoyed it and she sleeps by herself now so I got extra cuddles and no harm done in the long run.

 

[Mayflower1]

I need to bookmark that article. I got halfway through and loving it. But I got to try to sleep for church or feed my daughter early first. thank you goodnight.

 

[Anguspure]

My daughter is 8 months old now and I have decided with my husband that I need to sleep train her better now. She takes hour and a half naps during the day on me and will scream if I lay her down. takes a long time at night too. So I just started tonight. I let her cry 20 minutes then pattted and comforted her for 4 minutes. It took about an hour and she is asleep now.

I know I have to be consistent amd really feel this is best for her. It just is heartbreaking to hear her cry. I really do believe this is for the best for both of us though. She is old enough now to learn mom is here for her and she is still okay.

Any advice for this time? Like any parent, I just want the best for my daughter, and I waited until she was old enough to be ready to learn self soothing.

I also sleep like a baby most nights at sea, and wake up every 2 hours screaming.

But seriously, after 4 kids I have realised that every child is different. My oldest boy was taking himself off to bed at the age of 2 and slept through from his first week at home (his Mother had to wake him up to feed him). Where as my youngest nearly drove her Mother bonkers with a similar problem to what you are having.

Now some advice from the Mother: Sounds like you're doing the right thing at the moment. But don't let her get used to falling asleep on you. Stay close and cuddly initially and then over time start easing yourself away from her every time she goes to sleep. Until she gets used to the idea that even when she can't feel you or see you that you're not far away.

Hope it goes well for you, and know this: that whatever happens you are an awesome Mum.

 

[mama2one]

But, for getting to sleep or going back to sleep we used a fan or a white noise machine

agree with using sound machine ^

we had to switch bedroom, also as she wasn't sleeping at first and realized the room next to street was too noisy so moved her to back bedroom

so quieter room, plus sound machine, plus really dark room

we also had nothing in her bedroom other than the bed, to keep out any distractions; this was a recommendation for adopted kids tho (no other furniture or anything on floor)

she was 2 so we did let her sleep with a glo worm

best to you

 

[JIMINZ]

This was helpful for me. It's a lot of information in one place written by a mom and a "sleep consultant" whatever that is.....
Sleep Training Made Easy: The Ultimate Guide for Overwhelmed Parents - Sleep Baby Love

My daughter was a super easy sleeper; it was like she was born on a schedule. From the day she was born she almost always wakes up at the same time or near the same time every morning. It's so amazing! But, for getting to sleep or going back to sleep we used a fan or a white noise machine. She knew those noises meant sleep time from before a year old. And I rocked her to sleep for a long time; I enjoyed it and she sleeps by herself now so I got extra cuddles and no harm done in the long run.

Thanks for the link, we have a 4 month old and her schedule is off again, I'm sure with a little help, she will be back in no time. Thanks Again

 

[SkyWriting]

My daughter is 8 months old now and I have decided with my husband that I need to sleep train her better now. She takes hour and a half naps during the day on me and will scream if I lay her down. takes a long time at night too. So I just started tonight. I let her cry 20 minutes then pattted and comforted her for 4 minutes. It took about an hour and she is asleep now.

I know I have to be consistent amd really feel this is best for her. It just is heartbreaking to hear her cry. I really do believe this is for the best for both of us though. She is old enough now to learn mom is here for her and she is still okay.

Any advice for this time? Like any parent, I just want the best for my daughter, and I waited until she was old enough to be ready to learn self soothing.

Consider all natural lighting.
Artificial light after dark can be like coffee to all people
and it will be like drinking coffee and trying to sleep for her.
Soft Yellow/red lighting in the evening might be ok. Not TV colors.

 

[JAM2b]

I'm not going to have popular opinions in this thread.

I do agree with creating the best sleep space you can for you baby, but I never sleep trained my kids.

Sleep is natural, and they need their own patterns of waking and sleeping time. If they are being forced to stay awake so they will go to sleep when the parent wants them to, then they are being deprived of sleep when they need it. If they are forced to lay down and be in bed before their body and mind is ready to sleep, then they are being taught to associate the bed with things other than sleep (play, music, fill-in-the-blank), and leaving a child to have bad feelings based on their misconception of being abandoned. An infant is not capable of understanding they need to lay down and be alone in their bed simply because it is bedtime.

If your child's sleep time needs to change, do it in tiny increments. Let them fall asleep at their natural time for a few nights if you aren't sure what it is. Then begin putting them to bed 10-20 minutes earlier and wake them 10-20 minutes earlier. Repeat this until this becomes their natural sleep/wake time. Then push it back another 10-20 minutes. Do it gently, gradually, instead of trying to force it all at once.

I don't believe in making babies self-sooth either. That is something that should also come naturally as the child develops secure attachment. True secure attachment is not something that has to be taught. It comes with time, if the child is truly secure and cared for. If they aren't doing it without creating a situation where they have to, then they aren't ready yet. I never let my kids cry for very long without tending to them in some way. If an infant is crying, that means they either need something or are in some kind of distress (physical or mental). You might know they are just fine, but if they don't know that, then leaving them to soothe themselves makes it to where they don't know they can trust you to take care of them. It can cause anxiety and harm their development of secure attachment.

My advice would be to lay her down when it is close to time for her to naturally fall asleep. Use the same words every time so that she knows what's going on. Stay in the room with her until she is asleep. You can pat her or stroke her head until she goes to sleep. She may lay there and cry and kick, and try to get up, but don't back down. If she is tired enough, ready to sleep, she should fall asleep before too long. I've put lots of babies down for naps in childcare this way. They get used to it, even with lights on. Most of them don't even cry at all because they know you are there and they safe, and they are tired enough to fall asleep soon. Many of them lay down happy. You just have to make it happen when your child is tired enough for sleep.

The method you say you're using where you are leaving for 20 minutes and going back in for four, then leaving for another twenty feels uncomfortable to me. For you, it's only twenty minutes. For an infant who can't track time and is frightened or feels abandoned, that's an eternity. If a child did have a need, but it was ignored because it's believe the baby is just crying because she is alone in bed, then the baby faces an unmet need.

Plus coming back in is stimulating, and any ground that might have been gained by getting closer to sleep is lost because now "Mom's in here..." "She might pick me up..." and leaving again (disappointment, devastation, fear) is creating a rollercoaster cycle.

 

[Mayflower1]

You know I think I am going to change to just staying in the room and patting her, but just not picking her up. Not trying to change sleep times or anything. Just hour and a half naps on me are beginning to bother me a lot. At night I fall asleep with her on me since she cries, and that is very unsafe. My husband and I are both heavy sleepers.

I have been a nervous wreck today though. It doesn't settle right with me either staying away and listening to her cry 20 minutes at a time. It is just even harder seeing her cry. My hubby works thirds, but will be off next couple nights and can help. I just have to pick a method and stick with it for Lorena's sake.

 

[JAM2b]

I really hope what I posted wasn't offensive. I truly believe you are a very loving mother who wants the best for her baby and also have a real need for rest yourself.

It can be hard to make these decisions and there is so much advice out there, most of which is from sources that mean well and trying to be helpful. I know putting mine out there just added to the mix, but I wanted to share from my experience and knowledge.

I also know as mom you have your instincts and you know your baby and your situation better than anyone else. Something can sound like a great idea and logically you can't find a reason it wouldn't be, but if you feel otherwise, regardless of how good the idea is, don't do it. Trust your mama gut.

 

[Mayflower1]

Yeh. I am learning to trust that mama gut. I have a lot of mother friends I respect who recommend this other way, but I am more trying to find the best way for my child. I strongly believe if I raise her in the love of Christ Jesus, any mistake I make will not really matter much. Just got to go one day at a time and try to remain one chapter ahead.

 

[Mayflower1]

I like this chart from the site Mina shared:

https://www.sleepbabylove.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/sleep-training-soothing-method.jpg

Yeh just a step back will help me follow through

 

[mama2one]

You know I think I am going to change to just staying in the room and patting her, but just not picking her up.

that's a great idea, lily!

when our child came home, we put an air mattress on floor in her room and we took turns sleeping in room near her toddler bed so if she woke in middle of night, she wouldn't be scared

took only about 3 or 4 mos til she could sleep alone

your idea ^ is a good one so she doesn't have to cry

 

[mina]

Just so you know, I hardly did sleep training at all and am pro- child centered/gentle approach. And I think it's dumb that moms try to wage war or mom shame on this or any issue. You have to do what is best for your family and your little, lilly. My girl sleeps on her own now, but the first few years we were totally co-sleeping , EBFing, etc.... and I just followed her lead. I've done the sleeping on the floor in her room thing too as a toddler to get to sleep or if she was sick. Sometimes as a parent, you need sleep and HAVE to figure something out just to function during the day and take care of everybody. I think your idea is a good one too! The book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution helped me a lot too!

 

[Mayflower1]

I read a lot and ask a lot of advice, so we will figure this out. My husband was so helpful last night. Found a song she likes that made go quiet a little. took a bit longer staying the the room, but I feel much better about it. Consistency is key. Day naps are non existent though when I lay her down...Ill keep working on it, but may need to try a different approach or hold her longer before laying her down.

This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do as a parent, besides those first days nursing

 

[*LILAC]

This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do as a parent, besides those first days nursing

So far... wait until potty training starts!

I never had any one method when it came to sleep routine. Each child was different. If they fussed and cried, I did what I had to do to keep the sanity. You're doing a good job from the sounds of it. Keep it up!

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I would forget about sleep training. By a year and a half. They usually sleep throw the night.

 

[Mayflower1]

My daughter is sleeping now and on time, falling asleep in her crib. Within 10 minutes too! I turn on piano hymns and hold her hand and read the Bible to her. She isn't waking up a lot with her momma pillow moving either.

 

[Mayflower1]

The issue was more day naps sleeping an hour to an hour and a half on me...

 

[Danielle M]

The issue was more day naps sleeping an hour to an hour and a half on me...

hey Lily! May I ask what you ended up doing for your daughter? My daughter will not sleep in her crib for naps (cries) and at bedtime will only fall asleep if I bounce her and then quietly and carefully lay her down. However at night she nurses and goes right back down in her crib without any crying. I really do not want to do cry it out, but I have a toddler to take care of as well. Any help is appreciated!