Sister Wives - can we talk bout it?

[JRSut1000]

I too was wondering why sex was never mentioned. I guess it *seemed* like all the women were okay with it and they probably were okay with adding children to the family but they probably arent as comfortable with the concept of actual sex.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Or maybe it's a sign of modesty?

I know if I were on a reality show that featured my marital dynamic, I wouldn't discuss my sex life either. I don't discuss my sex life as a general rule... Not here, not with friends/family, etc etc. It's just not respectful for my partner. Frankly, it's not anybody's business and I doubt most would want to hear about it. I know I don't want to hear about how lively another person's marital life is or isn't.

I can say that I know they have mentioned it, they say it's not an orgy situation and that everybody has regularly "scheduled" nights, that those nights are for the woman and anything that deviates from that is as serious as an affair, and honestly, I think that's all the information that's really needed. The point of the show is, after all, their marriage. Not their sex life.

 

[hijklmnop]

I believe it's part modesty, part no wife can really handle the thought of her husband making love to other women. no wonder they avoid it. It must hurt on some level they can't allow themselves go to for the sake of their religious calling.

 

[Created2Write]

I have a few things I'd like to say.

I watched one episode once and couldn't finish it.

Although the issue of polygamy is a confusing one, I happen to believe that it is a sin. True, many polygamist relationships existed in the OT, and although there aren't any verses condemning it that I have found, I still don't think it's condoned by God. Adam and Eve were created for each other. There weren't multiple men and women in the Garden of Eden. And the NT makes it clear that each husband should have his own wife(singular) and that each wife should have her own husband(singular). I believe that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman, and nothing else.

 

[LinkH]

In returning to polygyny, while I like to have an open mind these days, emotionally I don't see how it can be beneficial to either the man or the woman.

Jesus, arguing from the passage about two becoming one flesh, says that if a man divorces his wife, except it be for fornication, and marries another, he commits adultery. Is it any less adultery if you take the divorce out of the equation? That's the passage I see that makes polygamy forbidden for Christians. Honestly, I see how people could poke holes in my argument.

I know some missionaries have faced tough decisions on what to teach people in polygamous cultures. There was a preacher in one place overseas where I did a seminar from a Muslim background who had two wives. I hear he decided to repent and change the situation, but that's rough for the other wife. I also knew this woman who'd married a man who she knew had a wife elsewhere and had a child with him. These things can be sticky discipleship situations if the people you are dealing with are from polygamous cultures. I have heard of missionaries telling polygamists to keep their wives and teach their children this was a practice from their old pagan days and never to let a polygamist be an elder of the church. I once spoke to the wife of a then recently deceased missionary who told of ministering to some polygamous nomads who accepted the Gospel. They got rid of polygamy, but occasionally someone would take a second wife. Without the missionaries help, the church made a decision to withdraw fellowship from a man who did this unless he would stop his physical relationship with the second wife and still provide for her and the children.

For the man, it means a lot more responsibility to love multiple women and to deal with their mood swings (the understandable as well as the absurd) and what about all those kids? That's a big financial burden.

That's why they should live on a farm so the 4-year-olds can pick cotton or weed the garden and earn their keep. In the old days, it probably made more sense economically.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I believe it's part modesty, part no wife can really handle the thought of her husband making love to other women. no wonder they avoid it. It must hurt on some level they can't allow themselves go to for the sake of their religious calling.

But that's looking at it from the goggles of singular marriage... Perhaps from that reality of a plural marriage, they don't think of it, or they do but it's not a problem.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I have a few things I'd like to say.

I watched one episode once and couldn't finish it.

Although the issue of polygamy is a confusing one, I happen to believe that it is a sin. True, many polygamist relationships existed in the OT, and although there aren't any verses condemning it that I have found, I still don't think it's condoned by God. Adam and Eve were created for each other. There weren't multiple men and women in the Garden of Eden. And the NT makes it clear that each husband should have his own wife(singular) and that each wife should have her own husband(singular). I believe that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman, and nothing else.

Right. I think that Genesis 3:16 makes sense out of it all.

Genesis 3:16

16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception ; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
KJV


Do you notice is says that conception will be increased? That along with man now ruling over woman, fits so nicely together with polygamy. But lets never forget that was a negative consequence to sin, and that it will never be pleasant. When we really see this, we preventatively do what we can to avoid it.

It's no mistake either that God made one woman for one man, not several women for one man.

 

[Romanseight2005]

But that's looking at it from the goggles of singular marriage... Perhaps from that reality of a plural marriage, they don't think of it, or they do but it's not a problem.

Have you ever studied the private journals of women who were raised to believe in plural marriage, and lived it? I have. Those women hated their lives and felt that they were nothing more than baby generators, and slaves to their priestly husbands. They were extremely depressed, even though they all put on a face for the public. If they were seen to be depressed, they would be punished for it, sometimes even to the death. Their private journals however, told the truth.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Have you ever studied the private journals of women who were raised to believe in plural marriage, and lived it? I have. Those women hated their lives and felt that they were nothing more than baby generators, and slaves to their priestly husbands. They were extremely depressed, even though they all put on a face for the public. If they were seen to be depressed, they would be punished for it, sometimes even to the death. Their private journals however, told the truth.

I think we've all expressed our disapproval of fundamentalist plural marriage and know of the issues it creates. I'm talking about the modern polygamy, like is shown on the show.

 

[Niffer]

Just because everyone consents, doesn't mean its not extremely damaging.

 

[hijklmnop]

It may be called "modern", but as mentioned before, these women were all raised in the lifestyle just as the women Romans is referring to were. So why is it being seen by you as so different? They're not underage and uneducated as many others were/are, but I still see plenty of dissension, jealousy, hurt feelings, and emotionally neglected children and wives on the show even as they try to play it up as this great, modern re-vamping of polygamy. When it comes down to it, it's still one man married to more than one woman, and the root problems for the women in that situation remain the same. And, you mentioned earlier I believe that one of your objections to the Duggars is that you find it hard to believe that the parents can be good, involved parents to that many children. I find the same thing to be true of these families in terms of the father figure. He's a father to tons of kids, and I've seen/heard them complaining about never getting to see him and spend time with him.

 

[hijklmnop]

But that's looking at it from the goggles of singular marriage... Perhaps from that reality of a plural marriage, they don't think of it, or they do but it's not a problem.

I think God created the goggles of singular marriage.

 

[JohnDB]

OK...some are going off the deep end here.

Alcohol can be abused so no one should ever have any whatsoever...
Drugs can be abused so research into new ones should never take place and all pain killers abolished is about the level of insanity some of you are promoting here.

Sure people get married monogamously for the wrong reasons too...but that doesn't mean that the polygamist lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle from the get go...

I know I wouldn't want to live a polygamist lifestyle...but that is me.
Who am I to judge someone else just because of a few cult members. (Ron Jefferds comes to mind here)

 

[Created2Write]

No, just because things can be abused doesn't make them sinful. But anything that goes against God's instructions is, and there is nothing in the Bible that instructs men and women to be in polygamist relationships. There are, however, instructions to be exclusive with one spouse, so in my opinion, anything that takes the marriage from being between one husband and one wife, and including other people, is sin.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Just because everyone consents, doesn't mean its not extremely damaging.

But it does mean that, if it's damaging or not, they accept the risks.

 

[JohnDB]

No, just because things can be abused doesn't make them sinful. But anything that goes against God's instructions is, and there is nothing in the Bible that instructs men and women to be in polygamist relationships. There are, however, instructions to be exclusive with one spouse, so in my opinion, anything that takes the marriage from being between one husband and one wife, and including other people, is sin.

What about Moses?

He gave the Law to the Israelites and at times told them to marry a second wife to be in accordance with the Law.

Moses himself had two wives...and everyone had a fit because she was a Cushite. Not because she was his second wife.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Alcohol can be abused so no one should ever have any whatsoever...

I dont know..I guess I couldn't compare having a drink here and there on occasion to a man being married and having children with 4 or 5 wives .

I also have a problem comparing a man with one wife with someone never having any alcohol.IOW complete abstinence.

The analogy doesn't really fit .

 

[Created2Write]

What about Moses?

He gave the Law to the Israelites and at times told them to marry a second wife to be in accordance with the Law.

Moses himself had two wives...and everyone had a fit because she was a Cushite. Not because she was his second wife.

Moses isn't God. Jesus Himself revised what Moses said about adultery. Just because Moses said it, doesn't mean it's what God wanted. Moses said that if a man wanted to divorce his wife, all he needed to do was give a certificate of divorce. But Jesus said that only adultery was reason enough to divorce.

Moses isn't the final word when it comes to what is sin and what isn't.

 

[Romanseight2005]

What about Moses?

He gave the Law to the Israelites and at times told them to marry a second wife to be in accordance with the Law.

Moses himself had two wives...and everyone had a fit because she was a Cushite. Not because she was his second wife.

Moses also told them they could write a paper of divorcement, which Jesus later said wasn't God's design.

Polygamy was allowed for a time, but it was never God's design.

 

[Puffinstuff]

If my husband wanted more than one wife I guess I'M saying I wouldn't wonder if it was a "moderate amount of wives" but not full blown addiction ..I would say no.And not because I don't believe in having no wives at all.I do because I'm his wife.