There are many who actually choose this lifestyle (maybe we can create a spinoff thread??) of quiverfull from conservative evangelicals to traditional Catholics and fundamentalist Mormons (and needless to say other cultures/religions such as Islam and others) and they seem to LOVE the lifestyle. Maybe it's just a case of cognitive dissonance for many. They tell themselves that because they are doing the right thing, it's naturally enjoyable. I don't know.
I have been on the fence about the moral aspect of childbearing and birth control. I'm coming to the conclusion that if you are content having a bunch of children AND able to provide for them and love them, then have at it. If people are going to be populating the world, it should be the people who love God. But at the same time, not everyone is able to have children and I don't mean fertility issues, I mean they don't have the finances or the mental/emotional capacity it takes to raise children. Again, this is a fine line because anybody can come up with the excuse 'I'm just not cut out to have kids' and it can be for very selfish reasons or simply not giving themselves enough credit that yes, they can be great parents.
If that's the lifestyle somebody chooses, that's certainly their business. As you said, and I said earlier, as long as they can support what they create, then I really don't care.
Like I said, though, just as some fear of the indoctrination of the women who enter into plural marriages, I worry about the same for those who are in these types of quiverfull relationships. The potential for abuse is so high. I mean, I wonder if the Duggar woman told her husband "I don't want to do this anymore, I want to either abstain or go on birth control" if he'd be supportive of that, or if he'd see in her somebody who's sinning. As a person, we have the right to, when we're told our health/life is at stake, raise our voice and direct how we want to go about our lives in a safe manner. I worry that, in the worst of the worst situations, there is no choice. It's just duty. The idea that if you and/or your children die in childbirth after you've had 20 kids is the fulfillment of God's will... I just don't buy it. And I don't think it's particularly honoring your spouse. And I worry that it's just a little too easy to accept the risks your partner has when it's not YOUR risk. I tend to think that she wouldn't have gotten pregnant 3 more times had the doctor said "Jim Bob, the chances are really, really high that, if your wife gets pregnant again, your testicles will explode and you will die" that she wouldn't have gotten pregnant again.
At least with a non-fundamental, non-religious polygamous arraignment (the type we've all unanimously agreed is wrong), a multiple spouse can walk away at any time. They pay the consequences legally, of course, but they can leave. But if you are in a lifestyle that carries inherent risks, like the Duggars are, if she were to die... There's no un-ringing that bell.
Again, I know that doesn't apply across the board. I've seen on this forum, actually where quiverfull couples stop the lifestyle when somebody is at risk, saying that the sanctity of life applies across the board, not just in creating it. I've seen them switch it from creating life, to taking in life, from foster care, adoption, etc. Which is fantastic and, I'd say, really adaptive. But the potential for abuse, especially in the true fundamentalist sense, is there and concerning.
And, regardless of the lifestyle, I don't see Jim Bob's behavior as a husband, or the treatment of his wife, as one that we should really hold up as the example of what marriage should be about. They could have 1 kid, 50, 500, or none. There's a lot of behavior that's like head-patting and "now now, dears" and "let the boys do the heavy thinking," and I don't think that's a dynamic that would breed a lot of happiness. I remember one event that they were supposed to do, but she wasn't feeling up to it and thought that it wouldn't be prudent to take a new baby into the cold. It was in one ear and out the other with Jim Bob, he said it was an obligation they had, and she smiled ear-to-ear, said OK, and bundled the baby up and went out for this event. She expressed reservations about doing interviews and it was the same thing, a verbal head pat and the modern-day equal of "don't worry your pretty little head about it, it'll be OK" and she just looked like she had a revelation and said "Oh, ok. If you say so!" went back to smiling and trotted off to do the interview. She makes a lot of excuses and has a lot of justifications for his odd behavior, none of which wouldn't be functional in a normal marriage without a spouse flicking off their free-will switch.
As far as the selfishness that may or may not go into the choice to have kids or not... Again, I won't judge. Sure, maybe the person who says they wouldn't be a great parent or can't afford to have kids would actually be a great parent or would have the finances to do it, but I'd rather err on the side of what they think their capabilities are as opposed to telling them they're selfish, hand them a kid, and go from there. There's no satisfaction in coming to that person later and saying "I told you so" and there's less coming to that person later and having them tell you "I told you so." Having kids is a deeply, deeply personal decision and I'm not going to tell anybody they are or aren't something for having kids. I think I'm a pretty awesome parent, but I also know my limitations... I think I'm a good parent to 3, but wouldn't be a great parent to 23. I'd hope that the general sentiment would be to respect that choice of mine as opposed to second guessing it.
Maybe she can be a great mom to 20, which is fine, which is why I support them in their choice to do what they're doing and I'm not inherently against their lifestyle. I have questions about it, but if it works for them and they are supporting them all, I don't care. Where I start to care is when it looks like this is a choice of one made for the both and the woman has no real option to say yes or no, or the kids are suffering in their basic needs. The latter isn't an issue for the Duggars to what I can see (though apparently the kids are pretty badly behaved as toddlers, but again, that's a mark of the toddler and not so much the parents persay), I just worry she's not in control of what is going on as she seems to be. When I see Jim Bob talking to yet another reporter with a big grin about this lifestyle, where she talks about the profound loss she went through with the death of a child, and Jim Bob says it was heartbreaking, but the door is open for more, and she just kind of sits there with a broken smile... Again, I just wonder. I don't think that he's that attentive a husband, and I'm certain he's not that attentive a dad.