I'm a backsliding Christian. When I first came to the Lord I felt free from the Law for the first time in my life. I knew nothing about Christianity except that Jesus died for my sins. I was confused about it and I was 100% honest with God about my feelings for the first time ever, & from there He took over & it was so incredible I can't even begin to describe, it was almost like a transformation overnight. My desires changed & every single one of my prayers were answered in a significant way. I was going through a really painful time in my life but I still felt fulfilled & whole even when I felt empty, all thanks to God the Father & Jesus Christ. Well since then I've backslidden into my old ways for various inexcusable reasons. I miss Him & want Him to take me back but I've fallen back in love with my old ways. I know the Lord promises that if we humble ourselves, seek His face, confess our sins & turn from them, He'll restore & heal us, & make us right with Him again. I can't bring myself to fully repent again. I've prayed to God, been honest about this, come to Him truthfully desiring for Him to take over & change my heart but it doesn't seem to be happening. I remember my first experience with Him & I get discouraged when my experiences don't match up to that one. I wanna shake it off but I can't seem to. So I came to God & truthfully & wholeheartedly told Him that I'm guilty of breaking all of the Law & I've fallen away from Him & I want to come back to Him & know Him again but I can't bring myself to repentance. And from there I told Him to bring me back to Him in any way He sees fit w/o hurting/killing me and anyone I love... I know God is good & He loves me. I can't bring myself to repentance but I want to know Him again & be made right with Him. Even though I'm not made clean & right with Him, would God hear & listen to a prayer like this? I feel like I've prayed this 1,000,000 times & nothings happened. What could possibly be hindering my communication with God?
sinners, backsliders & unanswered salvation prayers
- Thread starter mandii_ck
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callmeMurph
BGTF
So as I was reading this the first question that came to mind was How often do you read your Bible? I know personally that I struggle when I haven't read in a while.
Also I know I struggled for a long time to overcome sin in my life, I thought if I just did more that God would help me and I couldn't figure out why. I realized later that I had to stop trying to do stuff and just let God show me what to do. That doesn't mean that you just stop doing what God wants, but instead realizing that you can't do any of it without Him, and even what you do is not for yourself but only for Him.
Hope that kinda helps, I might be totally off but I figured I'd share what I've learned. I know it is kind of confusing and that I probably didn't explain it the best, but I think the best you can do is realize that it isn't always going to be easy and when it isn't you just gotta lean on God, well actually you should always lean on God.
Also I know I struggled for a long time to overcome sin in my life, I thought if I just did more that God would help me and I couldn't figure out why. I realized later that I had to stop trying to do stuff and just let God show me what to do. That doesn't mean that you just stop doing what God wants, but instead realizing that you can't do any of it without Him, and even what you do is not for yourself but only for Him.
Hope that kinda helps, I might be totally off but I figured I'd share what I've learned. I know it is kind of confusing and that I probably didn't explain it the best, but I think the best you can do is realize that it isn't always going to be easy and when it isn't you just gotta lean on God, well actually you should always lean on God.
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SharonL
Senior Veteran
God knows our hearts - but when you say you can't bring yourself to repentence - there is the root problem of it all.
We cannot straddle the fence - it is all or nothing - if there is something standing in the way of not being 100% for God, it must be given up and repented of.
Just keep remembering how walking in Joy felt to you before and it can be again - just let the Joy of the Lord shine through your life and God will give you the strength to overcome all those things that you feel you cannot repent of.
God loves you and is waiting with open arms for you to throw down anything that stands between you and God.
We cannot straddle the fence - it is all or nothing - if there is something standing in the way of not being 100% for God, it must be given up and repented of.
Just keep remembering how walking in Joy felt to you before and it can be again - just let the Joy of the Lord shine through your life and God will give you the strength to overcome all those things that you feel you cannot repent of.
God loves you and is waiting with open arms for you to throw down anything that stands between you and God.
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oi_antz
Opposed to Untruth.
You know our mind is so limited that we can't possibly recreate a comprehension we have had in the past, our comprehension of anything at any given time is a result of all our experience to date being computed with all the data from our sensory organs, and because of the constant growth of memory, the thoughts we have are continuously changing. I often have to remember to visualize this when I get thoughts that attack my faith.
Anyhow this relates to your problem because you can't remember the joy you experienced when you were repentant. It was a pleasure to live for the Lord. Now you've trained your body to desire things of the world and you're afraid of giving it up because it has become your reliable sense of pleasure.
As I understand, you can't give up your fleshly desires of your own accord, it is only by the grace of Jesus' forgiveness that our sins are forgiven and our soul is restored to holiness. From that point on you have the same opportunity to fall back into sin so I don't think it is possible to be forgiven if you are not fully willing to serve the Lord.
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Do you have the holy spirit? He will give you the power to live a christian life. Human effort alone can't do this. Pray and you will get it again.
Take one day at a time and get some inspirational friends that love God by their actions. Read the bible and pray daily. Get involved in a serious church. Its a life long lifestyle and you will know God more and more. True faith is demonstrated by actions than then the feelings will come. Feelings alone are like a roller coaster. Feel free to email me.
Take one day at a time and get some inspirational friends that love God by their actions. Read the bible and pray daily. Get involved in a serious church. Its a life long lifestyle and you will know God more and more. True faith is demonstrated by actions than then the feelings will come. Feelings alone are like a roller coaster. Feel free to email me.
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When I read your post...I saw myself in your words. I got born again in 2007 I experienced God in way unexplainable. I went through a lot at that time, suicidal, drunkard, lost my job every unimaginable thing happened to me that time. But I found God in a miraculous way, immediately I was made full, I did not have a job but I was in peace and soooo joyful!! Until I backslided!! I miss God, I miss feeling His presence, I miss the Joy He brought to my life, I miss feeling like a CHILD again.. Lord I miss you father, I know I am not perfect But I know without you I am nothing! You know my heart Lord...fill me with your Spirit Lord!
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razeontherock
Well-Known Member
I don't want to be harsh or judgmental, but it would appear from your words that you are under conviction, and probably chastisement as well. The good news of this is that (if true) you are His child. Next, it is not up to you or I to somehow "bring ourselves to repentance." If HE has given you clarity on what you must do, He HAS empowered you to do it.
This would be what is meant by "walking by Faith." Kinda like Peter stepping out of the boat onto the water, it might be a *little shaky.* And uber important to not look at the waves, but to keep your eyes on Him!
Also a somber word about being in a position like you describe: Choosing not to enter into the Promised land because the giants are "too hard" has ominous consequences of returning to the desert to wander, bone-dry until the Lord brings you RIGHT BACK TO WHERE YOU ARE NOW!!
"There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, [so] I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Joshua 1:6 Be strong and of a good courage: for unto this people shalt thou divide for an inheritance the land, which I sware unto their fathers to give them. Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it [to] the right hand or [to] the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest. This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God [is] with thee whithersoever thou goest. Then Joshua commanded the officers of the people, saying, Pass through the host, and command the people, saying, Prepare you victuals; for within three days ye shall pass over this Jordan, to go in to possess the land, which the LORD your God giveth you to possess it."
Yeah, that's you (and all of us) in that story. What did He command you three times??
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- Oct 21, 2009
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Dear Mandi,
Your words touch my heart. God's love for you is like a flooding river so strong, no one can cross it. His heart melts for you because you are his daughter. He hears your prayer and He knows your heart.
When my son chose to get crazy and live in sin, I did not stop loving him; nor did I disown him. He was still my son. You are still God's little girl.
The enemy has laid a snare for you and is at work to destroy you, and he only tempts you with what he knows will seduce you.
But Mandi! In the beginning, God does so many things the way a parent does things for a new baby. It's that way for every believer. But you have tasted the kindness of God and then you knowingly dishonor him. He wants you to believe and obey regardless of what you see, hear, taste, smell, or feel.
You are at a point where God is requiring you to be obedient and repent without being rewarded. This is a time when God is requiring you to go to the next level. Your obedience without miracles is what will make you a mature believer rather than a baby Christian.
You are chosen. You are a royal priest(ess) of God:
Peter 2:1, 9-12 (New Living Translation)
1 So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech.
9 . . . for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, Gods very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.
10 Once you had no identity as a people;
now you are Gods people.
Once you received no mercy;
now you have received Gods mercy.
11 Dear friends, I warn you as temporary (earth-bound for a little while) residents and foreigners to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.
12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.[/SIZE]
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pilgrimgal
Jeremiah 29:11 It's good!
Hi Mandii, you are surely right that God is good and He does love you. He loves all of us sinners but He also knows that sin ends up hurting us. So He is calling you back to Him. And back to Him is what you are asking for in your post here. Plus it sounds to me like you are repentant. Mainly you need to pray for the strength, grace, and mercy to turn away from old sinful patterns. They are what hinders your communication with God. And don't think you have to be perfect or do this all on your own. You need to pray every day..and get into reading the scriptures again slowly and with devotion. The book of Psalms in the Old Testament is a good place for renewal.
As far as losing that first feeling..it is quite normal for that to wear off sort of like when the honeymoon or early bliss of a marriage wears off and then the real commitment and work begins. It is not easy to stay faithful. You need the support and love of others in Christian fellowship. Sometimes you need to make changes in who you hang out with so to not easily fall back. But God is good to provide what you need and that fellowship if you do start making some changes for the better in your lifestyle and behavior. Find Christian friends and preferably an older person (like a Pastor) to go to in order to discuss your feelings. A group of others committed to Christ would be good. Like a church group..
Mainly you have to trust that God sees your weaknesses and faults but also your needs. And don't give up..it is easy to do that and go back to what we relied on before our conversion. But it will never work the way it once did. That is why you are here asking for advice..and that indicates to me that you don't really want to go back.
peace and prayers..
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I've come back here for the first time in a few months because I too am suffering similar problems.
I don't expect an answer to my questions because I know Im not allowed to do that here, but perhaps I can share some of what goes on with me and see if any of it strikes a chord to see if we can find common ground.
Certainly everything was good with me, and I felt lifted up and wanted to shout it from the roof tops that I know the answer.
But all to quickly, the weights and pressures of the world got on top of me and I neglected my spiritual side. I haven't read the Bible for a long time, but I still tried to find time to pray and did so whenever I could.
But I never really felt anything there during this period, like my prayers were just going into a void. It was too easy to slide into temptation, and I kept asking God for help and no help came but I remained firm in my belief.
A few months later, just the other day, I had an epiphany and something else happened, and I think (Im not sure) that Gold told me that he isn't just going to make everything better, he's not going to stop the temptation, but when i am tempted, Im to turn to God, to recognise the temptation and pray for strength.
I don't expect an answer to my questions because I know Im not allowed to do that here, but perhaps I can share some of what goes on with me and see if any of it strikes a chord to see if we can find common ground.
Certainly everything was good with me, and I felt lifted up and wanted to shout it from the roof tops that I know the answer.
But all to quickly, the weights and pressures of the world got on top of me and I neglected my spiritual side. I haven't read the Bible for a long time, but I still tried to find time to pray and did so whenever I could.
But I never really felt anything there during this period, like my prayers were just going into a void. It was too easy to slide into temptation, and I kept asking God for help and no help came but I remained firm in my belief.
A few months later, just the other day, I had an epiphany and something else happened, and I think (Im not sure) that Gold told me that he isn't just going to make everything better, he's not going to stop the temptation, but when i am tempted, Im to turn to God, to recognise the temptation and pray for strength.
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Keep to the teachings of Jesus.
People who do not do so are disobeying Jesus. Jesus said very plainly, 'the one who believes me keeps my teachings'.
Many talk about Jesus, praise Jesus, call Jesus "Lord, Lord", and do not do this.
The world is full of this.
Imagine how it would be for you to ask someone to do something and they speak well of you, flatter you, and then consistently refuse to do what simple things you ask of them. The flattering and other smooth talk just becomes aggravating.
Such employees get fired and their co-workers are happy about it.
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