Singles Ministry

[plum]

is anyone involved in a singles ministry at a church or school? What does the group do and what seems to be the focus of the group? Is it difficult not to use it as a dating service? How large is the group?

 

[LadyDJ]

I know we have one for young adults...but I'm a bit over the age limit LOL

For a while they tried to have a 35+ singles ministry...but it pretty much fizzled after a couple of months. I went a few times, but it seemed to be divided into cliques (those that were obviously there to snag a mate...male or female) and those who just wanted some people to pal around with and others like me that drifted in saw the cliques going at it and didn't go back.

 

[the_man]

is anyone involved in a singles ministry at a church or school? What does the group do and what seems to be the focus of the group? Is it difficult not to use it as a dating service? How large is the group?

I'm not exactly invovled in a singles ministry...I'm a leader in a college/career group. Most of us are single. (side bar: there are going to be 5 weddings in the next 6 months).

The community is about 100 strong and the focus is exactly that...building a community. Instilling a lifestyle with a focus on Christ. Our reasoning is taking the mistakes we had in junior high/HS group where, okay we meet on sundays and wednesdays...if for some reason the gatherings are canceled, then we dont' get followship for that week. So we've decided to focus on instilling a lifestyle in ourselves so that even if you move, you are still having family dinners, you still have ppl to go into the word with, you still are serving the least last and the lost, you are staying accountable to others and so on.

We have had a guy that I will label a serial dater. He asked about 7 girls out and expressed romantic feelings for them...in the span of 4 weeks. A few of us guys in the group confronted him and that hasn't happened since. On the other hand, we've had people that have dated and are getting married this fall. How do we balance the two extremes? We can't say that we can't have dating within the group...it is the season in life and where better to find a mate who is on fire for Christ than in the church? At the same time, we don't advertise the community as a singles group. The way we view dating and so on...it's part of life, we deal with it as it comes...as a community.

Hope that helps.

 

[jenptcfan]

I'm involved with a small singles group at my church. It started last year with about 5 people, and now we're up to about 10 people. It's sort of been left up to me to coordinate activities, and do outreach, with little church support, so sometimes it's frustrating. My greatest 'singles group fear' is that it would become some sort of meat market. The goal of the group is to grow together as brothers and sisters in Christ and really have a family type relationship with eachother. Several of us don't have any family in the area, so I want us to be able to lean on one another and know immediately who we can count on when things get rough.

We do have one guy in the group who tries to hook everyone up. Not even with people he knows really well...just with people he's met at some point in time. It's really bizarre. He and I don't get along all that well (he's the difficult ex I wrote a post about awhile back) and he dated me for a couple of months last summer and my closest church friend last winter (we always joke around about who he'll try to go out with next--although my friend knew better!). Anyway, I'm hoping he doesn't get too out of control and drive the new folks away!

 

[wildthing]

I use to belong to a very active singles group. In some respects you could call it a dating pool. But the leadership had goals. The first being was to teach the Bible. The second goal was to get as many active members involve in small group studies. The next goal was to get those who had a commitment to Christ to go on short term mission trips. But like every thing else things have changed, many of my friend have gotten older. Things are just not the same anymore. Seems now no one want to get out of their comfort zones, out reach is zero, mission trips are zero, activities are zero unless you want to play cards. Then you can have a wonderful time. I perfer playing volleyball.

 

[fishstix]

I don't think I'd ever get involved in a singles' group simply because that sounds too much like a matchmaking service, which is not something that I'd be interested in. In fact, I would have stayed away from this board except that it specifically said that it isn't to be used for matchmaking purposes.

 

[plum]

I don't know how it worked for these folks (God really had a great hand in this).. But when my mom and dad were attending college/grad school at the University of Michigan they joined the Word of God community (ecumenical charismatic Christian community that I also grew up in later on). This community placed Christian singles in a household with a married couple/family. They had a daily Bible study and prayer times, pooled their resources, focused on the Lord and community, and were mentored by the married couple hosting them in their home. My parents met through their household and became good friends. And yes, they did eventually date (my dad had to move out of course at that point) and marry.

But that's the kind of community I'd appreciate. I want to be mentored by more mature established Christians and live in a community of people devoted to God and his works. How great would that be!

 

[Lia]

My local church has a single ministry and there are about 400 young people involved in it, varies from age 17 to 30. We meet once a month for The Singles Meeting on the second Friday of the month. The Singles' Pastor usually preaches about topics that are common for young people such as relationships, clubbing, drinking, clothing, media, etc. It's basically learning about practical ways to honor God with our daily youthful life

And we also have a weekly meeting on Tuesdays for caregroup accountibility. This is a smaller setting like 10-20 people in a group. We discuss various things like Sunday messages, confess sins to one another, fellowship and learning topics straight from the Bible. It's lotsa fun and very informative, I get to build real friendships with my caregroup fellow members while deepening my understanding about God and His words.

I honestly don't see this Singles Ministry as a matchmaking service. Even if God allows me to meet my future spouse in this Ministry, I don't see anything wrong with it. I actually prefer to meet my future hubby in this Ministry (where we can grow & serve together in the same church) rather than meeting him in random places like bars or parties, u know... But of course, my primary intention to be involved in this ministry is not to find a "potential spouse".

I thank God for my church and the leaders in my church because they give a strong emphasize on relationship and Godly roles of man and women...and the reason why we are at church and involve in this Singles Ministry is because of Cross. I do not feel like the guys at my church are out there looking for girls to date. They are so humble and serving the girls. No one have ever served me better than these Godly guys at my church! And their attitude just provoking me to love my Savior more. It is simply awesome!

 

[oldrooster]

Ours has about 30 or so members, is not a dating pool. Focus on bible study.

 

[sampa]

Another topic I'm bumping. I wonder if others here are currently are involved in a singles ministry if you will be seeking that out once the pandemic dies down. I plan to, I was in contact with a leader of a church for singles ministry right before the pandemic started because I had just moved.

And also wondering if others have had experience or what their experience was in the past with singles ministry. Myself I have good solid Brothers and sisters in Christ that I maintain friendships with even though the singles ministry were in is gone.

 

[Sketcher]

Another topic I'm bumping. I wonder if others here are currently are involved in a singles ministry if you will be seeking that out once the pandemic dies down. I plan to, I was in contact with a leader of a church for singles ministry right before the pandemic started because I had just moved.

And also wondering if others have had experience or what their experience was in the past with singles ministry. Myself I have good solid Brothers and sisters in Christ that I maintain friendships with even though the singles ministry were in is gone.

I was involved in a young adults ministry. It was good for a few years but it fizzled out as the church made a misstep in how young adults should be reached out to which affected what we were doing, and as certain people got into relationships and eventually married. Eventually there weren't people with the time and interest to continue leading it. Also, over time, people had moved away for jobs or medical school or whatnot.

I'm in a men's group with some of the men who were in that group.

The singles-specific ministry was older than our demographic. Mid-30's was advertised for that, but the reality was mid-40's and up. Which isn't going to bring in a lot of people (men at least) who are in their mid-30's.

 

[bèlla]

I was in one for a short time. Members of the church complained there wasn’t a resource for singles over 30. It was pretty nice. We were studying Tozer’s Pursuit of God.

I didn’t stay because it seemed many were wanting to form romantic connections and that wasn’t my focus. The Lord sent me to the marriage groups instead. I attended one for younger couples and another with a mixed demographic.

It felt odd at first to be the only single there. Both the leaders told me it wasn’t uncommon and to remain until the Lord said otherwise. I learned a lot and really enjoyed the camaraderie and discussions.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

I start one this Sunday. It's a 'starting career' group, targeted to 18 to 29 year olds. I'll probably be on the older end. I hope it's a good fit for me, that the primary social topic isn't homework, & that they do more than meet on Sunday, whether it be fun times or ministry work

 

[dayhiker]

My church has a college and carers singles that is under 35 and an over 35 singles. I've attended the over 35 quite a few times. I really enjoy it for the most part. Most of the people attending are over 50 I'd say. there have been anywhere from 50 to 100 people there. With around 40% of people in America being single any church that isn't ministering to these singles is missing a major people group in my opinion.
If course single do provide a pretty big challenge for many churches as the evangelical churches have mostly made the only healthy Christian life a married life and so think of singles of close to living in sin. Tho they would never say that.

 

[DragonFox91]

I start one this Sunday. It's a 'starting career' group, targeted to 18 to 29 year olds. I'll probably be on the older end. I hope it's a good fit for me, that the primary social topic isn't homework, & that they do more than meet on Sunday, whether it be fun times or ministry work

Been 2 weeks in a row. All men

 

[DragonFox91]

Been 2 weeks in a row. All men

Very frustrating. Of the 3 churches I go to (my friends church, my family's church, & the one by me that I go to when my family & friends don't go) only one has a single woman my age range

 

[sampa]

Very frustrating. Of the 3 churches I go to (my friends church, my family's church, & the one by me that I go to when my family & friends don't go) only one has a single woman my age range

Is it a bad thing to make friends with other men? I have some great friends that are women from some years ago (2011-2013). They have been a great support in my walk and growth. I also have a couple of male friends from that time.

Do you already have a good group of men that you surround yourself with? At the same time, I don't know the dynamics, if they are unhealthy Christians (only looking for a date/ potential mate), it might be better to have that fellowship with your own church (married/single mix). The more healthy Christian friends you have, the more you grow your network and opportunities to meet that potential match. Who knows, maybe even being discipled by someone of grandpa age might have a nice granddaughter you get to meet. Not that that should be your focus though.

 

[DragonFox91]

Is it a bad thing to make friends with other men? I have some great friends that are women from some years ago (2011-2013). They have been a great support in my walk and growth. I also have a couple of male friends from that time.

Do you already have a good group of men that you surround yourself with? At the same time, I don't know the dynamics, if they are unhealthy Christians (only looking for a date/ potential mate), it might be better to have that fellowship with your own church (married/single mix). The more healthy Christian friends you have, the more you grow your network and opportunities to meet that potential match. Who knows, maybe even being discipled by someone of grandpa age might have a nice granddaughter you get to meet. Not that that should be your focus though.

No, just feels like I'm spinning my wheels. I have male friends & don't mind meeting other men, it just NEVER leads to GF & rarely leads to meeting single women.

 

[DragonFox91]

Apparently singles groups aren't a thing anymore.

News to me

Try barhopping. I guess that's where we're all going wrong. I wish someone would've suggested to me that was the way to do it back in the day & I wouldn't be in this dumb mess.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'm not exactly invovled in a singles ministry...I'm a leader in a college/career group. Most of us are single. (side bar: there are going to be 5 weddings in the next 6 months).

The community is about 100 strong and the focus is exactly that...building a community. Instilling a lifestyle with a focus on Christ. Our reasoning is taking the mistakes we had in junior high/HS group where, okay we meet on sundays and wednesdays...if for some reason the gatherings are canceled, then we dont' get followship for that week. So we've decided to focus on instilling a lifestyle in ourselves so that even if you move, you are still having family dinners, you still have ppl to go into the word with, you still are serving the least last and the lost, you are staying accountable to others and so on.

We have had a guy that I will label a serial dater. He asked about 7 girls out and expressed romantic feelings for them...in the span of 4 weeks. A few of us guys in the group confronted him and that hasn't happened since. On the other hand, we've had people that have dated and are getting married this fall. How do we balance the two extremes? We can't say that we can't have dating within the group...it is the season in life and where better to find a mate who is on fire for Christ than in the church? At the same time, we don't advertise the community as a singles group. The way we view dating and so on...it's part of life, we deal with it as it comes...as a community.

Hope that helps.

Funny you mentioned this, and with the previous poster saying that their group fizzled, well, that's pretty much common when it comes to singles, some for obvious reasons. They typically last a 1 year or 2 tops, then it dies off

One I recently went to was headed off by someone I met VIA a more secular singles group. He moved away from the secular one, to start the Christian one. It was hosted at a church that didn't officially sponsor them, just let them use the space.

He had a thing for a cute blonde in the group, and they co-ran the group. He was trying to get something going with her, and it worked out, but I think he got friend zoned or something....and he left. After that, the group disbanded...so it had a hard time gaining traction.

He was a major flirt, too. (When seeing him in action outside of Christian circles). It was rather cringy, but laughable and he wasn't subtle about it.

When he invited me to the church singles group, I joined up. There were a couple of women I met in that group gathering that I had also recognized from Plenty of Fish or Match . LOL (Small world I know).

He caught wind of it, and reached out to me to not do that, that this group wasn't like the previous group. That it's intended for fellowship and shamed me for trying to DM a lady from the group.

Personally, I think he was attempting to be a typical rooster in a hen house.

I found it ironic that even though these ladies on on Match, that it would be forbidden to DM them on FB via that Christian singles group. lol