Singles are Sexually Frustrated

[brb1207]

A national questionaire dealing with problem areas and frustrations of singles was given to both married and single adults. The results indicated that marrieds percieved that the number one problem singles face was sexual frustrations and expressions. Given the same questionaire, singles ranked sexual frustration fifth among their problems. The "Swinging Singles" image and single bars have promoted a sterotype that singles are sexually active. Many are living together. This is an area that must be addressed in the church. Studies indicate that Christian singles are more sexually active than had been assumed, though not as sexually active as the national average singles. Still, the swinging single appears to be in the minority.
Sexuality and intimacy are two areas that must be addressed with singles. It also needs to be noted that marriage does not preclude sexual frustration.

 

[NoCompromise]

Hmmm...

 

[KrillBee]

well, i guess we know why sexual frustration is #5 for singles, cuz they are finding an outlet for their frustrations, lol.

sex is addressed in the Bible, but it doesnt get addressed much in the church. why? probably because many people who engage in premarital sex would strongly dislike it and possibly leave the church, if the pastor and congregation condemned them every sunday. Some Christians just feel they have a right to premarital sex. Not saying that they do, but I'm saying thats the way they feel.

 

[Tink]

That was an interesting post.

In His love,
Tink

 

[DailyBlessings]

I think it is a valid point. Sexual frustration is hard to deal with, especially in a society where many people don't see any problem with giving in. Even fellow Christians have made comments to me in the vein of "Man, you really need to get laid." It makes the struggle that much harder to manage.

 

[covenantwmn]

BIG problem, thankfully His grace is sufficient. Good post.
in Him, Leslie

 

[lunalinda]

Eeek, number 5, huh? I wonder what the #1 frustration is, then?

For me, I'd say sexual frustration is hmmm...number 2. My number one would probably be physical and emotional loneliness. No one to confide in or talk to, and no one to think of ME as a person like that. A lack of a physical companion for even the most simple of affections/intimacies that aren't sexual. But sexual frustration is definitely the second runner-up.

On a more personal note, I think I surprised my mom yesterday. She thought she was on a roll when she said something like, "A lot of people get married because they're lonely, and I say 'if you're lonely, get a dog!" But I replied back, "Well, you can't have sex with a dog." And she was at a loss for words. That was an absolute first on both our parts.

I never really expressed any personal interest in sex in a conversation with her, and she (apparently) wasn't suspecting that I'd even think about it in my "virgin, boyfriendless" state. Her discomfort was not ignored by me, though, and a few seconds later I just changed the subject (or at least went into a different direction anyway), since she obviously didn't want to pursue it.

Very interesting topic.

 

[Linus]

Well, I have been together with non-Christian girls before and we had sex a lot and now when I'm single and looking for that special one, I have no trouble with sexual frustration really. The parts that I do miss is, that call before you go to sleep when you speak to your loved one, when you hold hands at the movies, when you lay on the bed talking and cuddling for hours.

 

[awashinlove]

A national questionaire dealing with problem areas and frustrations of singles was given to both married and single adults. The results indicated that marrieds percieved that the number one problem singles face was sexual frustrations and expressions. Given the same questionaire, singles ranked sexual frustration fifth among their problems. The "Swinging Singles" image and single bars have promoted a sterotype that singles are sexually active. Many are living together. This is an area that must be addressed in the church. Studies indicate that Christian singles are more sexually active than had been assumed, though not as sexually active as the national average singles. Still, the swinging single appears to be in the minority.
Sexuality and intimacy are two areas that must be addressed with singles. It also needs to be noted that marriage does not preclude sexual frustration.

Well ... wow. I'll agree on the fact that all of that needs to be addressed in church.

 

[MN John]

Remaining sexually pure is something that I do for God, for my future wife, and for myself, in that order.

This isn't advise or anything, but something that I have observed about myself: I find that although the above is the priority order, remaining pure for my future wife is often the bigger motivation. With this in mind, it becomes easier to be motivated when I have in mind who I think my future wife will be rather than an idea of a hypothetical future wife.

 

[intricatic]

Sexual frustration is like #30 for me. Way back there.

 

[TriptychR]

I think I surprised my mom yesterday. She thought she was on a roll when she said something like, "A lot of people get married because they're lonely, and I say 'if you're lonely, get a dog!" But I replied back, "Well, you can't have sex with a dog." And she was at a loss for words. That was an absolute first on both our parts.

I never really expressed any personal interest in sex in a conversation with her, and she (apparently) wasn't suspecting that I'd even think about it in my "virgin, boyfriendless" state. Her discomfort was not ignored by me, though, and a few seconds later I just changed the subject (or at least went into a different direction anyway), since she obviously didn't want to pursue it.

It's reactions like this that worry me and, I think, may be part of the problem. It seems that a lot of parents think, "Hey, my kid is a Christian, they've said that they don't want to have sex until they're married so they shouldn't be concerned with it at all!" So they don't talk about it to these kids, and when they do feel sexual frustration or try to talk about anything sexual, the parent is shocked. They didn't think they'd have to deal with it. The kid realizes this and feels they have noone to go to to talk about sex. A hazardous scenario.

 

[KrillBee]

Eeek, number 5, huh? I wonder what the #1 frustration is, then?

For me, I'd say sexual frustration is hmmm...number 2. My number one would probably be physical and emotional loneliness. No one to confide in or talk to, and no one to think of ME as a person like that. A lack of a physical companion for even the most simple of affections/intimacies that aren't sexual. But sexual frustration is definitely the second runner-up.

On a more personal note, I think I surprised my mom yesterday. She thought she was on a roll when she said something like, "A lot of people get married because they're lonely, and I say 'if you're lonely, get a dog!" But I replied back, "Well, you can't have sex with a dog." And she was at a loss for words. That was an absolute first on both our parts.

I never really expressed any personal interest in sex in a conversation with her, and she (apparently) wasn't suspecting that I'd even think about it in my "virgin, boyfriendless" state. Her discomfort was not ignored by me, though, and a few seconds later I just changed the subject (or at least went into a different direction anyway), since she obviously didn't want to pursue it.

Very interesting topic.

LOL! that story about the dog is funny! My parents dont really want to get into conversations about sex either. It just would seem really awkward.

You have really good points though. I think I would have to say its similar for me, physical/emotional companion first, and sex 2nd. But I see them as sort of combined. Because sex is physical, its the highest form of physical intimacy.

But if you can satisfy some of the physical/emotional component by finding a girlfriend or boyfriend, and put sex aside til marriage, I think that will help with the problem some.


At least its good to know that some Christian women are interested in sex though. I get worried some times that when I finally do get married and am 'allowed' to have sex, that my wife wont hardly want to have it much!

 

[whitestar]

And what do you all think the church should say to singles on sexual frustration excatly? What does the bible say about it?



Personally all I ever hear about is sexual frustration among married couples...

 

[KrillBee]

And what do you all think the church should say to singles on sexual frustration excatly? What does the bible say about it?



Personally all I ever hear about is sexual frustration among married couples...

Well, fornication (sex before marriage) is spoken of negatively in the bible, both in the old testament and the new testament.

I think its a messy issue for the church to get into and point fingers at people. Its a widespread problem, and the thing is that most the people who are having premarital sex feel like they have a natural right to do so(as long as its consentual). Maybe the church 'should' address it, if they feel its the right thing to do (even if it divides the church) But addressing something like that definately isnt easy.

 

[Johnnz]

The church has been uncomfortable with sex for centuries. There is a widespread failure to distinguish between human sexuality and sexual morality. The former deals with the fact that we are sexual beings - gender, physical arousal, hormones, sexual feelings, an interest in sex, interest in the human body, especially naked ones of the opposite sex, which are all part of being a God designed human. Sexual morality is concerned with the right and wrong way to deal with our sexuality.

There is a tendency in many Christian circles to confuse these two aspects of sexuality. Consequently, good moral singles are virtually to be asexual. Anything even midly sexual is deemed to be lustful, impure etc. There is very liitle honest debate about human sexuality in Christian circles, and the communication gap bewteen generations is as big as it was in Victorian times. Americans seem to be unusually prudish about sex too.

Socially, there is now a huge time gap between sexual maturity and marriage. Birth control allows for recreational sex. We live in a society surrounded by sexual images and material. Sex is a big issue and is not being addressed adequately by the church.

Sadly, I don't see things changing too much,and I suspect that some of the solutions might seem more terrifying than the status quo for many. Better to be silent and just ignore what is going on out there.

John
NZ

 

[CyberPaladin]

It's #3 for me.

 

[lunalinda]

It's reactions like this that worry me and, I think, may be part of the problem. It seems that a lot of parents think, "Hey, my kid is a Christian, they've said that they don't want to have sex until they're married so they shouldn't be concerned with it at all!" So they don't talk about it to these kids, and when they do feel sexual frustration or try to talk about anything sexual, the parent is shocked. They didn't think they'd have to deal with it. The kid realizes this and feels they have noone to go to to talk about sex. A hazardous scenario.

Yep, I definitely agree. The only kinds of sex topics we'd cover would be how much guys want it, or how much we can turn them on by whatever we do, or whatever. It's all about the guys, as if we girls won't want it too. It's never, "Well gee, Linda's probably gonna want sex too!" And what's bad is that I'm not even a kid (or even a teenager) anymore. I'm 24 now, very grown up, and she can still feel uncomfortable with it (seemingly). I think I honestly can say that the only reason I even chose to stay a virgin is strictly because of the convictions God put in my heart, and not because of any sex education at school (always lame) or those "talks" with mom and dad. I seriously don't think my parents have that much to do with it at all. Of course, I COULD be wrong, and just have a bad memory. I'm sure she's said a few things, a few general things, like "Have sex when you get married" things, but nothing that talks about the sexual feelings I'd have BEFORE the marriage. I seriously don't recall talks like that at ALL. *cringe*

 

[mina]

I agree with lunalinda. I think that God created us with the ability to be sexual beings and within marriage it's so very very good. Sexual frustration among singles is a problem , but no one talks about it other than to say save sex for marriage. If you are an adult that is single then just ignoring the issue would just seem to be more frustrating. Sexual frustration is a reason I want to get married, granted it's not the only or the most important reason to me, but it is a reason.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

I am a 34-year old male virgin--and I don't mean a "technical" virgin; I mean no partner sex at all; I have never even kissed a woman--and I have never felt sexually frustrated.

People are overly dramatic about sex. You haven't lived until you have tried sex, we are told. It will change your entire perspective, we are told. You will be so glad that you waited, conservative evangelicals like to tell us.

It is no wonder why a lot of married and non-married people are frustrated by sex. They have unrealistic expectations.

Sex is a powerful force that has to be contained and controlled, we are told. Entire civilizations will collapse if we don't control sex, we are told.

From my vantage point it looks like we allow sex to control us. Hollywood liberals and Bible Belt conservatives alike allow sex to dominate.

I said it before, and I will say it again: People need to be given complete ownership of and responsibility for their sexuality at as early an age as possible. The choices that a lot people make might not conform to certain ideals and standards, but they will be healthier choices than those made when people have to gradually take ownership and responsibility from a domineering society. And when people do choose according to certain standards and ideals, those standards and ideals will be better served than they would be by people living according to them simply to conform or because they have no other choice.

I never bought into any ideology with respect to sex, so I have been free to form my own values and ideals and make my own choices. When I articulate those choices and values I am immediately met with resistance from everybody on every point on the political spectrum (surprise, surprise). Just look at [thread=2325943]this thread[/thread] and you will see what I mean. But since I don't have to worry about conforming to other people's standards and ideals, I don't have any problems meeting my goals with respect to sex. And that is what frustration is: Not being able to meet a goal.