Single with a problem child/ren....4 legged ones

[doglvr]

Just today 3 people, one being my elderly dad, said I am going to have a problem meeting a good guy bc of the behavioural challenges of my two little dogs, one is a fear biter, the other growls at strangers but is a gentle giant and both don't like company and bark alot when the odd time I do have people over. I know what you are going to say.....training! Been there and done that with some success and more than one trainer. If company seems especially tense around dogs their barking and jumping (even when in their enclosed areas) is worse. Calm visitors do a bit better. I give the dogs chew items to preoccupy themselves, at some point they usually tire themselves out and sleep but it is after several minutes or more of hyperness, thus the mean comments from others, mean being one friend alluded to getting rid of them. Another friend said meeting patient dog loving men is rare. But I have a neighbour who is a dog owner of 4 who likes my dogs and has a reactive dog too, problem is he is married but there must be other men out there that would have the patience to take us on. I would never rehome them for any man. They are the kids I never had and I love them. I give this to God all the time, for Him to send me an animal lover who would co-parent with me or at least tolerate the challenges. If you can't offer advice, can I at least ask for prayers in this matter, I felt so hurt and discouraged today and I also felt disrespected from the one friend who told me to get rid of my dogs, he disrespected my family unit. Even if it were a tank of goldfish that I loved and considered a family unit, to me no one has a right to be so curt and offensive.

 

[blackribbon]

I don't see it as an issue until you are seriously considering marriage...then you will have to make your decisions based on the situation at the time. I might wait until you decide if a guy is a potential keeper before you bring him to your home to meet the dogs, and then only if your BF is a dog lover. When a relationship gets to that point, maybe have your BF sleep with some towels so they get his scent and put them around the house the day before he comes over so they start to get comfortable with his scent. Maybe the aggressive behavior can be minimized this way.

When I got married, I had a cat that thought he was higher in the pecking order than my husband and was intent on maintaining that order. He would swipe a paw at my husband every time he walked by the cat sitting on his kitty condo. My husband was smart about animals and would hit him back just hard enough to knock him to the floor. It took three months but then my cat backed down and adored my husband for the rest of his life. (Okay, he wasn't really happy when we brought home a puppy that quickly grew to be much bigger than him....)

I personally think it was be dumb to get rid of the dogs before you even meet a man worthy of bringing home.

 

[ewq1938]

Yeah, I don't care for dogs for the reasons you listed plus I hate dog smells and being licked and stuff.

 

[blackribbon]

Yeah, I don't care for dogs for the reasons you listed plus I hate dog smells and being licked and stuff.

I don't usually care for other people's pets but that doesn't mean I stop being friends with them or even stop going to their homes.

 

[dayhiker]

I had a GF who's dog got progressively more territorial as he got older. Would bark non stop when I was over to her place. Made it almost impossible to sit beside her and enjoy a movie. Her dog loved me as when the dog was younger we went running together, of course played catch. I don't think I'd go thru the territorial stage again.

 

[doglvr]

I don't see it as an issue until you are seriously considering marriage...then you will have to make your decisions based on the situation at the time. I might wait until you decide if a guy is a potential keeper before you bring him to your home to meet the dogs, and then only if your BF is a dog lover. When a relationship gets to that point, maybe have your BF sleep with some towels so they get his scent and put them around the house the day before he comes over so they start to get comfortable with his scent. Maybe the aggressive behavior can be minimized this way.

When I got married, I had a cat that thought he was higher in the pecking order than my husband and was intent on maintaining that order. He would swipe a paw at my husband every time he walked by the cat sitting on his kitty condo. My husband was smart about animals and would hit him back just hard enough to knock him to the floor. It took three months but then my cat backed down and adored my husband for the rest of his life. (Okay, he wasn't really happy when we brought home a puppy that quickly grew to be much bigger than him....)

I personally think it was be dumb to get rid of the dogs before you even meet a man worthy of bringing home.

 

[doglvr]

Oh I would never get rid of them, I didn't infer that at all, it was my friends that commented so insensitively and hurtfully. Yes definetly the scent of clothes is something I would like to try once something would get serious, but how does one keep a connection to someone knowing there are issues? Albeit people take on challenging step children, this isn't much different, in fact I think it may be the easier of the two challenges.

 

[doglvr]

Yeah, I don't care for dogs for the reasons you listed plus I hate dog smells and being licked and stuff.

Ok well thanks, I was hoping for something a bit more encouraging than that. Surely there are men out there that like animals, I was hoping to get some reassuring words. After all people take on challenging step kids, why not pets? I don't get the attitude and I think non pet people should have a bit more sensitivity to their words.

 

[doglvr]

I had a GF who's dog got progressively more territorial as he got older. Would bark non stop when I was over to her place. Made it almost impossible to sit beside her and enjoy a movie. Her dog loved me as when the dog was younger we went running together, of course played catch. I don't think I'd go thru the territorial stage again.

ok and what would you do if a gf had some bratty kids or mouthy teens or empty unemployed nesters moving back in? I don't think my situation is near as challenging as that.

 

[blackribbon]

Ok well thanks, I was hoping for something a bit more encouraging than that. Surely there are men out there that like animals, I was hoping to get some reassuring words. After all people take on challenging step kids, why not pets? I don't get the attitude and I think non pet people should have a bit more sensitivity to their words.

Pets are not people. Just because you love your animals like a child doesn't change that a human is different in God's eyes. Do you take your dogs to church and teach them to love God? We are allowed to eat animals, not people. I am saying this as a pet person. I love my pets but they are animals.

And many people won't marry the parent of awful behaving children (I wouldn't because I know I am also marrying his children and promising to love them as my own)...so in that way, maybe it is the same. I might also refuse to marry someone whose pets behave in ways that I don't want to live with.

Are you wanting people to say what you want to hear or how they really feel? A man willing to accept dogs with undesirable behaviors probably also already has a number of pets himself that may or may not mesh with your dogs.

 

[doglvr]

I would hope from a CHRISTIAN forum that some prayerful thought or reassuring words could ALSO be part of the responses. After all, why do you think I wrote in? I had comments just like you wrote. You sounded exactly as my friend. Yes I know there is a difference between animals and people and many don't view pets as important. I don't want a guy like that. Geez I know a few people, one happily married with children, that cried more when their dogs died than when their parents died and that was bc for the last several years they lived with the pet, not the parents and bonded so much with their dogs bc they knew how much that pet depended on them and loved them. I would never classify these people as abnormal or weird. I do know there are men out there that have pets, reactive dogs such as the neighbour I met and it would be nice if someone said in addition to the negative comments that 'finding a nice companion who also understands animals is not impossible', maybe difficult, but not impossible. All you did was reiterate the negative, so why respond at all then? Yes maybe I want responses that I want to hear, but for heaven sake isn't this forum or at least my question about needing support not more negative responses. Geez if someone wrote in about a naughty child and trying to find an understandable mate would you say 'there are no potential men out there for you due to your child, sorry'.

 

[blackribbon]

I would hope from a CHRISTIAN forum that some prayerful thought or reassuring words could ALSO be part of the responses. After all, why do you think I wrote in? I had comments just like you wrote. You sounded exactly as my friend. Yes I know there is a difference between animals and people and many don't view pets as important. I don't want a guy like that. Geez I know a few people, one happily married with children, that cried more when their dogs died than when their parents died and that was bc for the last several years they lived with the pet, not the parents and bonded so much with their dogs bc they knew how much that pet depended on them and loved them. I would never classify these people as abnormal or weird. I do know there are men out there that have pets, reactive dogs such as the neighbour I met and it would be nice if someone said in addition to the negative comments that 'finding a nice companion who also understands animals is not impossible', maybe difficult, but not impossible. All you did was reiterate the negative, so why respond at all then? Yes maybe I want responses that I want to hear, but for heaven sake isn't this forum or at least my question about needing support not more negative responses. Geez if someone wrote in about a naughty child and trying to find an understandable mate would you say 'there are no potential men out there for you due to your child, sorry'.

Is your pet "naughty"?

Anyway, you want us to say what you want to hear...whether or not it is true.

The truth is that having naughty children or naughty pets does make it much harder to find a spouse. I would actually think that those with naughty pets would be less of an issue than children who will outlive us. And the truth is that it isn't easy to find a spouse, pets or no pets, children or no children.

I never once suggested that you get rid of your dogs though. You have committed to them and owe them a good home.

 

[Trogdor the Burninator]

Just today 3 people, one being my elderly dad, said I am going to have a problem meeting a good guy bc of the behavioural challenges of my two little dogs, one is a fear biter, the other growls at strangers but is a gentle giant and both don't like company and bark alot when the odd time I do have people over.

Don't most dogs bark and go a little crazy when strangers come over? I've always just put my dog outside when people arrive until they calm down. Otherwise just stick with the training and don't give them an inch, most dogs eventually come around.

I would imagine you might have trouble meeting a guy who doesn't like dogs at all, but most guys I have ever known are pretty easy going w.r.t animals unless they're aggressive or something. Another suggestion if you find someone and look like getting into a more serious relationship would be to have them meet the dogs on neutral ground first (i.e.e not your home) so they're less territorial.

 

[dayhiker]

ok and what would you do if a gf had some bratty kids or mouthy teens or empty unemployed nesters moving back in? I don't think my situation is near as challenging as that.

Yes it the kids were as you said I'd be saying bye. If they were my kids and acted like that I'd be saying bye as soon as they were old enough to live on their own and I'd certainly not be inviting them back into my home after they moved out.

 

[doglvr]

Don't most dogs bark and go a little crazy when strangers come over? I've always just put my dog outside when people arrive until they calm down. Otherwise just stick with the training and don't give them an inch, most dogs eventually come around.

I would imagine you might have trouble meeting a guy who doesn't like dogs at all, but most guys I have ever known are pretty easy going w.r.t animals unless they're aggressive or something. Another suggestion if you find someone and look like getting into a more serious relationship would be to have them meet the dogs on neutral ground first (i.e.e not your home) so they're less territorial.

thank you, yours is the first answer that has a bit more of a positive spin to it, but yes one is a bit aggressive when frightened and I have worked on it a lot. Just want to find a nice guy who will roll with the punches with me.

 

[Heavenhome]

Doglvr, My two dogs (and cat) are my family (by the way I'm not a crazy "my pets are little people") and I feel for you but would like to say that if the person you met was not accommodating to your dogs then I would say they weren't the right person for you in the first place.
I am single and not looking for a partner so I am not affected in the way you are, but for me , if I were, then anyone who were not fond of animals would not interest me nor would be compatible.
My criteria would be CHRISTIAN 1st, then animal lover. Or at least respect the importance to me that my animals were.

I say don't worry unduly, if and when the situation arises, introduce the dogs quietly, the one you say may be fearful, just get the person to ignore them until the dog is ready to approach in their own time, even if this takes weeks.Dogs are not stupid, they observe and know when a person is non threatening and so long as there is an escape route for the dog if they feel unsure I think with sensible handling you will be fine.

It is when a person insists on patting the dog or insists that it comes to them that it can cause trouble. The other thing that is the most common in this situation is that the owner is unbalanced in their pet ownership and relates to their dogs as " furbabies". No, they are dogs and we love them for that and treat them with respect and kindness.

I hope this is of some help and encouragement to you, I know lots of people who don't think of animals as I do, look down on me (and that has included Christians) but I don't care, that's their opinion.
Just as an aside, I took my two Shetland sheepdogs in to visit a lady in a nursing home (I visit her weekly) she was my next door neighbour, and I thought the dogs may have been overwhelmed or a bit hesitant but I couldn't believe it. They were calm and went quietly up to the other residents and sat for pats. This was with high care residents with lots with dementia but EVERYONE of them wanted to see the dogs, some were only able to communicate by putting their hand out.
I know there are therapy dogs that go to places and they are wonderful but mine are not trained in that way, as I am not able to.
My brother couldn't believe my sometimes "crazy two" would be so good (me either!) but it goes to show we can often underestimate them. We were there for more than 2 hours and I really felt blessed. It was wonderful.

So don't get too worried, just continue to love and enjoy your dogs like I do.
God bless you !

 

[doglvr]

Doglvr, My two dogs (and cat) are my family (by the way I'm not a crazy "my pets are little people") and I feel for you but would like to say that if the person you met was not accommodating to your dogs then I would say they weren't the right person for you in the first place.
I am single and not looking for a partner so I am not affected in the way you are, but for me , if I were, then anyone who were not fond of animals would not interest me nor would be compatible.
My criteria would be CHRISTIAN 1st, then animal lover. Or at least respect the importance to me that my animals were.

I say don't worry unduly, if and when the situation arises, introduce the dogs quietly, the one you say may be fearful, just get the person to ignore them until the dog is ready to approach in their own time, even if this takes weeks.Dogs are not stupid, they observe and know when a person is non threatening and so long as there is an escape route for the dog if they feel unsure I think with sensible handling you will be fine.

It is when a person insists on patting the dog or insists that it comes to them that it can cause trouble. The other thing that is the most common in this situation is that the owner is unbalanced in their pet ownership and relates to their dogs as " furbabies". No, they are dogs and we love them for that and treat them with respect and kindness.

I hope this is of some help and encouragement to you, I know lots of people who don't think of animals as I do, look down on me (and that has included Christians) but I don't care, that's their opinion.
Just as an aside, I took my two Shetland sheepdogs in to visit a lady in a nursing home (I visit her weekly) she was my next door neighbour, and I thought the dogs may have been overwhelmed or a bit hesitant but I couldn't believe it. They were calm and went quietly up to the other residents and sat for pats. This was with high care residents with lots with dementia but EVERYONE of them wanted to see the dogs, some were only able to communicate by putting their hand out.
I know there are therapy dogs that go to places and they are wonderful but mine are not trained in that way, as I am not able to.
My brother couldn't believe my sometimes "crazy two" would be so good (me either!) but it goes to show we can often underestimate them. We were there for more than 2 hours and I really felt blessed. It was wonderful.

So don't get too worried, just continue to love and enjoy your dogs like I do.
God bless you !

 

[doglvr]

Heavenhome, thank you so much for your understanding and kind words and yes they are my family for sure (sometimes I use the term furbabies bc they are like babies with fur on them) lol but I know what you mean. Yes gradual intro is best. I am so happy your dogs provided love to that home, I don't think I could chance it with mine, the one has a fear of hands coming toward him but they are loveable dogs and just want love back. You are right, a guy who couldn't accept them or was too indifferent would not be the right match. God bless you too.