• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.
  3. Please note there is a new rule regarding the posting of videos. It reads, "Post a summary of the videos you post . An exception can be made for music videos.". Unless you are simply sharing music, please post a summary, or the gist, of the video you wish to share.
  4. There have been some changes in the Life Stages section involving the following forums: Roaring 20s, Terrific Thirties, Fabulous Forties, and Golden Eagles. They are changed to Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and Golden Eagles will have a slight change.
  5. CF Staff, Angels and Ambassadors; ask that you join us in praying for the world in this difficult time, asking our Holy Father to stop the spread of the virus, and for healing of all affected.
  6. We are no longer allowing posts or threads that deny the existence of Covid-19. Members have lost loved ones to this virus and are grieving. As a Christian site, we do not need to add to the pain of the loss by allowing posts that deny the existence of the virus that killed their loved one. Future post denying the Covid-19 existence, calling it a hoax, will be addressed via the warning system.
  7. There has been an addition to the announcement regarding unacceptable nick names. The phrase "Let's go Brandon" actually stands for a profanity and will be seen as a violation of the profanity rule in the future.

Single Guy with raging desire…..

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Blaise N, Oct 26, 2021.

  1. Blaise N

    Blaise N Active Member

    334
    +268
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    US-Republican
    Hi everyone,


    Many here may remember a similar post to this,but if not I’d like to ask the community a question.I’m 19 and a male,and right now I’m my life I’m very sad being single,my sister who is younger and not a very fruitful producing “Christian” has a boyfriend.

    I’m 19,never had a girlfriend,the only thing close to that was what I now consider a close friend while I was in middle school,and it wasn’t even a very atypical relationship.Now 19,I desire to marry,although I am not prepared for it I must confess,I keep praying to God to please trust me with one of his daughters,yet I still live day in and out with raging sexual/romantic desire.And it’s very hard for a single guy like me,which men are visually stimulated,to bounce my eyes,discipline the chin up policy when speaking with a girl,and being unable to release in any pure and appropriate manner.

    can someone offer advice?
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Ate all the treats

    +504
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Nobody in the first world is incentivized to help you. They do not want to lift a finger to make your life easier. If you don't have resources available to you through friends and family, you're far more likely to satisfy the schadenfreude of selfish people than to find help among them. If you manage to evade the hopelessness in church, you'll have to deal with modern first world feminism, which is obviously not designed to suit your interests.

    You're young enough. If I were in your shoes I would consider other cultures and abandon ship.
     
  3. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,117
    United States
    Reformed
    Widowed
    Huh?
     
  4. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +8,189
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Girls reach their physical peak earlier than guys do. At 19, odds are you have not peaked yet.

    As long as you believe it is impossible for you, it will be.

    Don't think that just because a girl seems to like you that you have to put up with narcissistic or abusive behavior.

    If a girl has a boyfriend and seems to be interested in you, she's either not seriously interested in you, or she won't take a relationship with you seriously (because she's not taking her relationship with her boyfriend seriously).

    If you ask a girl out and she says no, don't hover around her hoping she'll change her mind or ask her a second time. Save your heart and have some dignity.

    Don't allow yourself to give a girl non-physical boyfriend benefits if you're not dating her. She won't respect that any more than guys respect girls who give away physical benefits to guys they aren't dating.

    Do not think that if you have trouble finding women in your country that you will have better luck with women from a different country. The charm of being different wears off, people acclimate to new countries taking on some of the flaws inherent in the new country's culture, and when you listen to the reasons foreign women like men from a different country, it often betrays that they don't want to put as much into relationships as the guys from their countries expect from wife material. Foreign women aren't all bad, but they're not all good either.

    Some women go to dating sites & apps merely for validation. They will also have to weed through more inappropriate messages than you care to imagine.

    Some women have impossibly high standards even though they are only average looking. Move on if they do.

    It's not your job to save any woman by dating her or by giving her non-physical boyfriend benefits. If she can't or won't make good decisions, you don't want her for a wife.
     
    • Useful Useful x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  5. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Ate all the treats

    +504
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    It's called common sense.

    I wouldn't tell someone of another culture to come to America to find a wife, so I would not give different advice to an American.
     
  6. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,117
    United States
    Reformed
    Widowed
    Sounds like you meant to respond to a different thread or something.
     
  7. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Ate all the treats

    +504
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Women are more likely to lean toward hypergamy -- choosing mates above their social class. You might not be above the social class of a foreign woman, but if you're an American, you have at least one thing going for you -- the dollar. If you play your cards right, your money will stretch further in other economies. There's an e-nomad movement going on right now based on the economics of this situation.

    I'm just giving practical advice here. I would not remarry an American woman who does not value marriage. No way, no how. You have to make your own choices, but I'm giving you the advice I wish I had received at your age.
     
  8. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,117
    United States
    Reformed
    Widowed
    I guess I missed seeing an option for him to return to his country to find a wife.
     
  9. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Ate all the treats

    +504
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    He posted the same question a while back and I'm reiterating my answer in more detail.
     
  10. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,117
    United States
    Reformed
    Widowed
    Ok. My bad. I must've missed that.
     
  11. Blaise N

    Blaise N Active Member

    334
    +268
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    US-Republican
    The what,you know me.This seems like your very angry,are you trying to tell me to abandon faith or to quit trying?
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  12. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,117
    United States
    Reformed
    Widowed
    I hate to sound like this, but we are fallen creatures, we are but dust. Often, the ideal we seek simply will not happen, and we are left to just muddle through the best we can. Life is not only our pursuit of the theoretical. I think this is by design, so we lose our tendency to trust ourselves, and begin to cling to Christ even as better than our self-assessment. I have been told otherwise, by old and wise Christians, but God has his plan for each of us. None of us is the same as another. So take what I say with a strong grain of salt. But do cling to Christ for dear life. He really doesn't mind.
     
  13. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +5,140
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    I have quite a few relatives in successful marriage with 1st world nationality.

    I live in a 3rd world country. From my perspective, they are rich now, living like royalty and able to afford pleasures we only dream of. I've been in some of their homes and it's like stepping into a dream!
     
  14. Norbert L

    Norbert L Well-Known Member Supporter

    +946
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    For what it's worth, I know a socially awkward man and some women were still attracted to him because he owned his own home. Such a thing is not without its' pitfalls seeing that it's possible to become overly paranoid that the opposite sex is only after your wealth. However there is some good sense in being financially responsible given that money issues play a significant role whereby marriages can end in divorce.

    "Get your fields ready and plant your crops before starting a home". Proverbs 24:27 CEV
     
  15. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +5,140
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    It depends on the place or country.

    If money or financial security is difficult to have (or conversely, easy to lose) in a certain nation, it breeds a behavior where citizens do anything to find financial security.

    It's bad, evil setup and you could as well blame your leaders and politicians for it.

    In countries where money is easy to have or you don't end up homeless for losing all your money, love is easier to find. You'll find this in the Nordic countries or even in Canada or New Zealand, w/e. Ironically, these are the values of our Lord Christ - to make things easy, NOT hard.

    The love of money is the root of evil indeed because it makes everything a lot harder for all of us. It makes getting help difficult, getting proper healthcare, education, and even romance. It's very anti-Christ.
     
  16. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Ate all the treats

    +504
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    I'm just being brutally honest. As the philosophers believed, you can tell much about a society by their arts and if our arts are any indication, culture in America has changed. We don't value romance like we used to. That may not seem like much but when the society's ideal of happiness does not include it, it's going to make a big difference.

    People in third world countries might think we have it so great here, and don't misunderstand, we have some benefits, but they haven't experience enough to see through the lies. What is wealth anyways? What's the point of having material goods if you don't have friends, family, or a community? In America, we exchange these things for material, and we lie to ourselves, thinking it's what we need so that we could have the social benefits, in a culture that doesn't even value the human connection any more. People in poorer nations may not fully understand the worth of what first world economies want them to throw away, until it's gone.

    That "American" equals "christian" is another lie. There are christians all around the world.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2021
  17. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +5,140
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    I have lived in first world nations for while coming from 3rd world. USA is not the same in every place. I think the laid back, small town places have it better, same for New Zealand.

    I think it's the "big city" culture that corrupts people. We have the same issues here in 3rd world and our big cities are quiet westernized in culture.

    The wiser Americans don't go looking for wives in our big cities, they go elsewhere.
     
  18. Miles

    Miles Well-Known Member

    +3,436
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    US-Others
    I'd recommend tapping into that raging desire to focus on your other life goals. Things that you have control of, like doing your homework, eating right, or becoming better at your job. You want to find a girl who is genuinely right for you, and doing these things will help increase your odds of that happening.

    Having a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean mean that God trusts a man with one of his daughters. Many couples are together because of things like lust, peer pressure, and convenience. Happy couples, however, are less common. Especially after the newness and idealizing of each other wears off. I'm not saying these things to discourage you from finding a girlfriend, but to emphasize that it's important to prioritize and be careful.

    As far as cultures go, cultures contain a multiplicity of people. Because of this, generalizations aren't necessarily useful in terms of relationship potential. I'd focus more on your own culture, so to speak, in terms of what you value and have to offer in life. Then, if you manage to find a woman on the same page, you'll have a decent chance at sharing a good life together.
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2021
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  19. MMXX

    MMXX Brian

    +3,964
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Try to tone down the sense of urgency. For one thing you don't want to end up rushing into a bad relationship. You've got plenty of time for things to fall into place the way they should. You can't gauge your situation or yourself by others. Jacob in the Bible had to wait 14 years to get the woman he wanted. So don't feel like God isn't with you in this matter.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • List
  20. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Ate all the treats

    +504
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Food for thought

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
Loading...