Single dad of three kiddies ages 11, 6, and 3

[Serving4Christ]

I've been single-parenting now since Feb 2005. My ex-wife hasn't had one overnight. What methods do you other single parents use to get rejuvenated?

My life schedule is this:

0500-0600 Getting Ready for work/Laundry wash
0600-0620 Preparing kids for daycare and school
0620-0645 dropping kids off at Youth Center/daycare

0645-0730 Drive to work
0730-1630 Work (USAF)
1630-1715 Drive home from work
1715-1730 Pick kids up from school
1730-1830 Dinner/Put cclean clothes in dryer
1830-1900 Kids Bath
1900-1930 Kids Time
1945 Kids in bed

2000-2015 Dinner Dishes
2015-2030 Fold clean clothes
2030-2100 Clean House
2100-2200 Downtime

I sleep about 4-6 hours a night if I'm lucky. I have a nocturnal side to me that prefvents me from adequate sleep.

Monday-Friday, same routine...sometimes changed depending if I get home on-time. It's been like this since 14 February 2005.

How and what's your game plan for keeping energy?

Peace be with you,

 

[lavenderskies]

I am no longer a single parent as God blessed me with a wonderful husband who now helps me. I was a single parent with 3 children for many years. I strongly suggest you get a good support system in place. You MUST make some time for yourself. Its important for you to have some time away from the kids also, and work does not count. I would say sleep whenever you get a chance. Also see if there is any part of your daily routine you can put off until the weekend. LIke laundry maybe, get a dishwasher, things like that.

 

[Manna]

Wow, I am so impressed by your routine...holy cow!

What about bringing the kids into the chores? The 11 year old and 6 year old can DEFINITELY help, and there are even things that the 3 year old can do. For instance, while you're washing dishes, the 11-year old can be folding laundry out of the dryer, the 6 year old can be putting the laundry away as the older one is folding. The 3 year old could be picking up toys and putting them into their baskets or boxes or wherever they go. Not necessarily something that would work for your family, but do you get what I'm saying?

Maybe if you weren't the ONLY person doing something around the house, that would take a little bit of the load off.

What about grandparents? Are either set in the picture? If they could take the kids for one night even every 3 weeks or so, you could at least go home and crash!! That could go for aunts, uncles, good friends...

I agree with lavenderskies, having a support system is key, but that's extremely hard to find if it's not just staring you in the face!!

How does what we mentioned sound? If we know how applicable that is to you, maybe we could help some more?

Hang in there...it truly does sound like you're doing a GREAT job at being a single dad!

 

[jill45]

Hi, I agree, your doing a great job of juggling. I do think that some "you time" would be the thing to keep you from getting burned out. Me personally, I've been single parenting my 9,10, and 11 year olds since July of 2005. At least their dad gets them every other weekend. I also go to visit my parents to spend the day and relax with sisters, cousins, etc. I hope you do have family to enjoy weekends with. My schedule is not nearly as set as yours but goes something like this. 6:30 get ready for day 7-7:30 kids up and ready for day 7:45-8:10 kids to school 8:20-2:20 during the week this is the time that I spend on a part time cleaning business and work on the house. 2:30-3:10 pick up kids from school 3:15-? snack and homework till it's done, then they play outside with friends, computer, etc. 5-6 supper (pretty flexible on this) 6:30-8 aprox.- different activities, and kids are in counseling 8:30-9:30 getting ready for bed 10 kids are supposed to be asleep, doesn't always happen though I usually like to have an hour after they go to sleep to do whatever. I can't say I have it so bad. My kids are a little older which makes it easier in some ways. Plus I have time during the day to do housework. You still have a little one, that is such a sweet age. As far as energy level, being a woman, mine goes up and down. I think staying healthy, like eating right surely helps. Having someone to talk to, an adult, helps to keep your sanity. Just thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in. Take care and I hope things are going well with you.

 

[jill45]

wow, that didn't post like i thought it would, I'm still learning my way around here. Sorry it's so hard to read!!!

 

[Serving4Christ]

Hi, I agree, your doing a great job of juggling. I do think that some "you time" would be the thing to keep you from getting burned out. Me personally, I've been single parenting my 9,10, and 11 year olds since July of 2005. At least their dad gets them every other weekend. I also go to visit my parents to spend the day and relax with sisters, cousins, etc. I hope you do have family to enjoy weekends with. My schedule is not nearly as set as yours but goes something like this. 6:30 get ready for day 7-7:30 kids up and ready for day 7:45-8:10 kids to school 8:20-2:20 during the week this is the time that I spend on a part time cleaning business and work on the house. 2:30-3:10 pick up kids from school 3:15-? snack and homework till it's done, then they play outside with friends, computer, etc. 5-6 supper (pretty flexible on this) 6:30-8 aprox.- different activities, and kids are in counseling 8:30-9:30 getting ready for bed 10 kids are supposed to be asleep, doesn't always happen though I usually like to have an hour after they go to sleep to do whatever. I can't say I have it so bad. My kids are a little older which makes it easier in some ways. Plus I have time during the day to do housework. You still have a little one, that is such a sweet age. As far as energy level, being a woman, mine goes up and down. I think staying healthy, like eating right surely helps. Having someone to talk to, an adult, helps to keep your sanity. Just thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in. Take care and I hope things are going well with you.

What you say sounds reasonable! I do involve them in chores, sometimes. Other times, it becomes more of a chore involving them and cleaning up after them

I don't have a support system, sadly. I'm military with no family around to help. I definitely need to eat better, I'm sure that could cure some of this tiredness. Thanks for the info!

 

[Chrystal-J]

I've been a single parent--it's very hard! Even when I was a married woman (the 1st and 2nd time), I had to do 95% of the child-care myself.
What I did was to make sure the daycare I chose was close to the house (although, you may not have that choice). Driving can eat up so much of your time and create stress. I also did stress relieving things with my son that I enjoyed too. (Bowling, swimming, walking, movies etc.) That's what we did on the week-ends. During the week, it's important to try to do things that are relaxing. Like reading a book you love or watching your favorite movie on TV. As far as keeping the house clean--you may have to let some stuff go and not stress too much about neatness. I can totally relate to the fact that it's harder to force kids to clean than it is to clean it yourself.
I had very little support too. But I did have my ex's Uncle (he was like a grandfather to my son). His house was a great place to crash and relax to a movie. (And it still is!) But, I did most of the child-care myself. Sometimes simple things can be so nice. A game of cards, drawing a picture or coloring in a coloring book with your kids can be really relaxing and a great way to talk with your kids while doing something you all enjoy.

I told my ex that he was my son's parent just as much as I was. I told him that he had to do visitation or face the consequences in court. (In most states, you can enforce visitation if you have to.) But, that's totally up to you because only you know if your children will be comfortable and safe with your ex. Once my ex 'got the hang of' visitation, he began to look forward to it and was upset when he wasn't able to see him (if my son was sick or something). But, it did take time. I would say it was 2 years before I got a decent visitation schedule going. I had to drag him into it kicking and screaming--but, now I have no problems at all getting him to take my son (almost every week-end).
I kind of 'pieced together' my stress-relievers here and there. I counted on friends, my ex's Uncle, and daycare to make through the worst years (when I was in college). It's not easy, but time goes by faster than you think it will. My son is in his middle teens now, with adulthood right around the corner. Back when he was 3 or 4 I often wondered how I was gonna make it. But, I did home bible studies and prayed a lot and that helped tremendously.
I hope things improve for you soon!

C J

 

[Demi4God]

Like others,I am in awe of you.