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Featured Should we ask someone to apologize?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Lukamu, Apr 13, 2017.

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  1. Lukamu

    Lukamu Active Member

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    Forgiveness is probably my greatest weakness. I'm good at forgiving people when they ask to be forgiven, but I have a terrible time getting over someone who has done something wrong in my sight and doesn't recognize it or ask to be forgiven. I know that I have a problem, but I also have a problem getting over my problem! I don't know what to do!

    Take today for example, my family was haven pictures taken professionally in a hospital where we have been staying for quite some time, and I wanted to have a picture taken near the main atrium because of the iconic artwork that was displayed there. One of the employees came up and rudely told us "No, no, no, you can't do that." Now, we've been here for months taking pictures informally and there were no signs posted, and on top of that the employee could have been more respectful by starting with something like, "Excuse me, folks, but we don't allow photography in crowded areas where other patients might accidentally be included in the photos." Anyway, I turned around and put some distance because I didn't want to say anything that I would regret, but 15-30 minutes later I was still thinking about how I was having trouble forgiving this employee for the way he handled the situation. That's my problem!

    When someone realizes that they've done something wrong to me and offers a sincere apology, I have absolutely no problem forgiving them immediately in nearly every case, so I don't have a problem with that. But I know that, for whatever reason, I'm just not able to forgive people who don't ask for forgiveness, and it's really getting to me because I don't want to be like that! I feel like going up to someone like the employee from my example and telling them something like, "Excuse me, but the way that you acted seemed a little bit rude and I feel somewhat upset by it" might prompt that person to apologize, in which case I would easily have been able to forgive them. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn't be going around telling someone whenever I feel like I've been wronged by them because I guess Christians should be able to forgive people without asking them to ask for forgiveness.

    The reason why I'm posting this here is because I'm hoping that one of you readers will have some insight, bible verse, or other resource that will help me deal with my problem.

    Thanks in advance,

    - Lukamu
     
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  2. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Let yourself feel anger and hurt. If you don't let yourself feel anything negative, letting go of that anger later can be more difficult.

    I don't know if that helps, but it helps me a little.
     
  3. Mountainmike

    Mountainmike Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Just questions:

    How is such a trivial matter as your preferred location of a photograph, " doing wrong to you"?

    Jesus didn't oppose the rules of the prevailing administration of the regions in which he lived,
    They were of no consequence.

    Are you focussing on important things, or trivia?

    Are those who say " you cannot" do whatever it is, just stirring up pride in someone who doesn't like being told what they cannot do?


     
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  4. Anthony7

    Anthony7 Rigatoni

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    You're certainly not alone in that - it's a lot easier to forgive someone who is sorrowful or who at least acknowledges what they did was wrong / offensive. Also, if we forgive a person who refuses to recognize something they did wrong, it almost feels like we are promoting their behavior or letting them get away with a perceived injustice.

    But, forgiving someone (whether they deserve it or not) is so freeing; it brings us peace and frees us from the prison of unforgiveness. It some cases, it may be a good idea to bring the situation to the person's attention in hopes of reconciliation. But, if this is not possible, we should still forgive them anyway and give the situation to God; let Him be their judge.

    Sometimes, we may not have the capacity to forgive; I found that I as grew further away from God, it became more difficult to forgive others. But, as we grow in the grace of God within our heart, and become increasingly more aware of His forgiveness towards us, I'm sure we'll find it much easier to do so over time. One thing that also helps me is to try and place myself in the perspective of my offender - most of the time people act a certain way because of the way they've been treated by others. Taking the initiative of forgiveness towards them could also lead to their repentance and eventual reconciliation later on.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2017
  5. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    If I can just address part of the issue, you speak of. I find people in general in western society are unapologetic. Manners are poor and people don't say sorry. As your example shows, people rudely interrupt for little or no reason.
    People tend not to say sorry as it holds them accountable. Big egos don't do "sorry". Saying "sorry" means "I screwed up and therefore have to act humble towards you." How many people really want to be humble?
     
  6. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    they might laugh at you for using such "assertive" language for a minor grievance.
     
  7. friend of

    friend of Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I'm of the opinion that if someone is forced to apologize, their apology means nothing.
     
  8. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    I think this is good advice. I've screwed up before and may have said the wrong thing.Therefore I need to show empathy for another if they do the same.
     
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  9. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    Please say "sorry" for thinking of this before me. :)
     
  10. friend of

    friend of Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Sorry, I refuse to apologize. :help:
     
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  11. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    what!!! how unapologetic you are!!
     
  12. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    I will sincerely apologize if the OP is offended by my attempts at humour.
     
  13. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    You're not alone. its probably everyone's greatest weakness. It's the core of the Gospel message really. "whatever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me." If we can access the love deep inside us, (which is not really ours, but God's) to forgive others that hurt us, we are rising to the challenge of being a true Christian.
     
  14. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Well when Jesus had a hard time forgiving people..like when he was nailed to the cross and nobody was apologizing for being rude to him and all that, he just asked His Father to forgive them because they were obviously unaware of what they were doing. Luke 23:34
     
  15. Odetta

    Odetta Thankful for grace

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    I think being so easily offended is a symptom of a deeper spiritual issue. That's something you may want to examine in yourself. When you're in a better place with God, it's much easier to give grace.

    One thing I do is make a point to pray for the person who irritated me. If someone cuts me off in traffic, for instance, I pray that God will help them get to where they are going safely. If someone is rude to me, I pray for God to alleviate whatever is causing them enough stress that they are in such a bad mood. I'm not perfect with this by any means, but concentrating on doing so can make my mind and heart more like Christ's.
     
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  16. Phil 1:21

    Phil 1:21 Well-Known Member

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    I truly mean no disrespect by this, but I think people in general need to grow a thicker skin. I'm not sure when we collectively devolved into a society utterly offended by everything, but I wish it would stop.
     
  17. Kit Sigmon

    Kit Sigmon Well-Known Member

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    Practicing self control is helpful, as is removing yourself from the situation.
    Go for a long walk/ work off frustration...talk to the Lord in prayer while you
    do that.

    Think through things after you calm down...were the person's tone/or actions really as bad as you took them to being? who else witnessed the event?
    do they agree with you that you interpreted the incident correctly?



     
  18. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    I think they had gone beyond rudeness, by that stage. :)
     
  19. bettercallpaul

    bettercallpaul Full- time Catholic

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    psychological and emotional too.
     
  20. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's Supporter

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    My advice is to just pray for the person and get off that mental treadmill. You know it is no fun and counterproductive. The world is filled with imperfect people. It takes practice to let go of mental meandering about an issue, but it works if you keep at it.
     
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