Should The Man Take The Lead?

[BabyLightMyWay]

So I was talking to my best friend who was not raised in the church, and I was talking about the guy I like. She was encouraging me to call him up and ask him to hang out, just him and me and not the rest of our friends. I was really hesitant to do that, and when she asked why, I said, "Because in our faith, he's really supposed to take the lead like that. Not me." She got a little frustrated with me and said, "So you're just going to wait around then?" I told her I was still interacting with him and spending time with him in our group of friends, but it's not my place to call him up and invite him out like that. Of course she said, "This is the year 2010!"

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

 

[Im_A]

So I was talking to my best friend who was not raised in the church, and I was talking about the guy I like. She was encouraging me to call him up and ask him to hang out, just him and me and not the rest of our friends. I was really hesitant to do that, and when she asked why, I said, "Because in our faith, he's really supposed to take the lead like that. Not me." She got a little frustrated with me and said, "So you're just going to wait around then?" I told her I was still interacting with him and spending time with him in our group of friends, but it's not my place to call him up and invite him out like that. Of course she said, "This is the year 2010!"

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

I think the next question is:
What is it really that us men should take lead in?

Vocal reminders to pay the bills?
Should we be dominant in the bedroom?
Should we be the lead so the door can be held opened for you?
The only one working?
When its time to make life changing decisions on the family should the man have the final say?
When a dangerous situation comes up, instead of the, "ladies first" mentality, the man should lead?
The highest paying job?
Be the one that initiates the actual relationship?
Take the lead and do the 'female' chores in the house?
Be a stay at home dad?
I am sure the list could go on...

Seems people are wanting to know what the man should do while they give us nothing to actually figure in regards to lead in.

 

[Sketcher]

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

To be honest, I'd rather be in the driver's seat. I don't really have a problem with being asked out, if it was the woman I was going to ask out anyway. But I don't want to rely on her to call me or plan the date or any of that.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

The Bible does talk about the man being the leader...but then you need to sort out what was old tradition, and what God wants for now.

I used to try and be the "lead" person because I was too impatient to wait for the guy. I believe I need to trust God and put this in His hands. I want a man who leads and I believe that if a guy is interested enough, he will pursue a woman. This is what I have seen from my experience and I regret the times I didn't wait. Regret just meaning that it could have saved me a lot of heartache.

Does it make a man less of a man to not pursue a woman? I can't answer that, and I would say that it depends on the man and possibly his reasons for not doing it for. However, we all have flaws and we all value different things.

 

[Blank123]

Its not something addressed in scripture since dating/courting is a cultural issue, and a recent one at that. so no I wouldn't say that its wrong for a Christian woman to take intiative If waiting on him is what you're comfortable with though by all means I won't say you shouldn't. But its not a sin to call up a guy you like and strike up a conversation or ask him to grab a cup of coffee with you.

What the Bible does address is the man as the spiritual head of the household, which I believe means your future husband will be held accountable to God for leading and nourishing you and any kids you may have spiritually.

But as far as dating goes.... its completely up to the couple to decide how to handle the dynamics of their relationship.

 

[Inkachu]

So I was talking to my best friend who was not raised in the church, and I was talking about the guy I like. She was encouraging me to call him up and ask him to hang out, just him and me and not the rest of our friends. I was really hesitant to do that, and when she asked why, I said, "Because in our faith, he's really supposed to take the lead like that. Not me." She got a little frustrated with me and said, "So you're just going to wait around then?" I told her I was still interacting with him and spending time with him in our group of friends, but it's not my place to call him up and invite him out like that. Of course she said, "This is the year 2010!"

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

You're going to hear various opinions on this. And in the end, you're going to have to decide what YOU believe God says about this issue

My belief is that you're right, the man should take the lead. You're already interacting with him, he knows you, if he likes what he sees, he can approach you.

 

[///Mpower82]

Its not something addressed in scripture since dating/courting is a cultural issue, and a recent one at that. so no I wouldn't say that its wrong for a Christian woman to take intiative If waiting on him is what you're comfortable with though by all means I won't say you shouldn't. But its not a sin to call up a guy you like and strike up a conversation or ask him to grab a cup of coffee with you.

What the Bible does address is the man as the spiritual head of the household, which I believe means your future husband will be held accountable to God for leading and nourishing you and any kids you may have spiritually.

But as far as dating goes.... its completely up to the couple to decide how to handle the dynamics of their relationship.

This!

The guy could just be shy or maybe you are giving him a signal that you don't realize or don't intend to....or he could be like me and be a big wuss about asking girls out. But I say if you want to see this guy without a large group of friends why wait?

 

[Nom De Guerre]

think of the Boaz situation, Ruth made the first move.

 

[Inkachu]

 

[Paulie079]

So I was talking to my best friend who was not raised in the church, and I was talking about the guy I like. She was encouraging me to call him up and ask him to hang out, just him and me and not the rest of our friends. I was really hesitant to do that, and when she asked why, I said, "Because in our faith, he's really supposed to take the lead like that. Not me." She got a little frustrated with me and said, "So you're just going to wait around then?" I told her I was still interacting with him and spending time with him in our group of friends, but it's not my place to call him up and invite him out like that. Of course she said, "This is the year 2010!"

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

I think you should keep up with that mindset. Men are called to be leaders and the biggest thing that plagues men nowadays is the fact that a lot of them tend to be immature and passive. I think you want a guy who is willing to be creative and to really pursue you--not just expect that if he drops enough hints, that you'll fall to his feet. Instead of having a guy that just waits for everything to come for him, I think you would want a guy that considers you to be worth him sacrificing his comfort and risking rejection. If he doesn't think you're worth sacrificing that comfort, then he can just continue to be single.

(P.S. That doesn't mean you have to play hard-to-get but let him make the moves. I struggle with that whole issue of being passive but I have so much respect for a woman who is patient and would wait for me to initiate.)

 

[Tehchad]

Eeeeeeeeh....
A man must already be leading in many areas, no? Daily time with God? Anyone? Maybe a youth leader in the church? Have something of a job?
If you are really interested in some guy and as a guy who does all of the above, I wouldn't "mind" being asked out for coffee/one on one time with a nice girl. And where in our faith does it say that the guy must drive everything? I've been in and around the Bible for years and I don't remember anything saying that. As per your friend's "2010" comment, I think she's using faulty (read: she could be on the short bus) logic to push you to do something you are hesitant to do. Oh how I abhor when people push others in areas where it isn't necessary. Yeah, it's 2010, so what? I don't know about 1k or 2k years ago, but I've never known it to be inappropriate for a girl to ask a guy.

My opine: if you like him, ask him only if you feel comfortable. But if you do feel that way, make sure you ask him. If you don't feel comfortable, don't worry about it.

 

[Isambard]

You have two options

Initiate the potential of going on a date and have the chance of it going somewhere or, do nothing and most likely have nothing happen.

The question is really a pragmatic one.

 

[Sunset2009]

Okay, it deeply confuses me when Christians use the phrase "old tradition." I definitely understand using those words when referring to the Old Testament and Old Covenant laws. But in the New Testament? Especially because the man leads as Christ leads His church. This is not old tradition. It is a continual thing that should never be passed off as tradition, or else we should just throw out the concept of Christ being head of the Church.

Also, when people say that man is only the head of the household spiritually. Where does it say that in the Bible? Does Christ only lead His church spiritually? Or in all other areas, too?

OP, do what you're doing. Do not pursue him, let him lead or he never will.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

So I was talking to my best friend who was not raised in the church, and I was talking about the guy I like. She was encouraging me to call him up and ask him to hang out, just him and me and not the rest of our friends. I was really hesitant to do that, and when she asked why, I said, "Because in our faith, he's really supposed to take the lead like that. Not me." She got a little frustrated with me and said, "So you're just going to wait around then?" I told her I was still interacting with him and spending time with him in our group of friends, but it's not my place to call him up and invite him out like that. Of course she said, "This is the year 2010!"

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

I think she's right. The Bible is completely silent on who should make the first move when it comes to dating - if you like the guy and are tired of waiting for him, go for it.

 

[Thunder Peel]

I don't see anything wrong with you asking him. Too often we place too much emphasis on roles and rules and it just gets in the way. If you like someone then make a move, otherwise you might miss a great opportunity just because of conformity.

 

[Tehchad]

OP, do what you're doing. Do not pursue him, let him lead or he never will.

Okay, you have a solid point here for OP. He may not be a leader. He MUST be a leader to lead a family. This is a simple way he could lead.

What Sunset might be saying: (what I'm seeing in her post anyway)
If OP asks him out, he will get great things without being assertive. I think that this is a legit thought. However, how much do we in this forum really know about this guy? OP sees and experiences way more than any of us and there's a reason that she is attracted to him. Part of that might be some solid, Godly qualities. Maybe not, but I would like to give her that benefit of the doubt.

*shrug*

 

[Tehchad]

reading my last reply, I sound like kind of a jerk IMO, so some elaboration...

I think what Sunset is really saying is that OP shouldn't lead and if this guy could be right, then he will take the initiative and ask OP. This begs the question OP, is he something of a leader? Would you want to follow him if he wasn't?

 

[white dove]

So I was talking to my best friend who was not raised in the church, and I was talking about the guy I like. She was encouraging me to call him up and ask him to hang out, just him and me and not the rest of our friends. I was really hesitant to do that, and when she asked why, I said, "Because in our faith, he's really supposed to take the lead like that. Not me." She got a little frustrated with me and said, "So you're just going to wait around then?" I told her I was still interacting with him and spending time with him in our group of friends, but it's not my place to call him up and invite him out like that. Of course she said, "This is the year 2010!"

So what do you think? Should the man take the lead in relationships? If so, how much? Or can women make the first move toward more than friendship, even in Christian relationships?

True leadership is something that many Christians and Non-Christians alike misunderstand. Correlating spiritual headship to dating ritual does not sound wise to me. They are 2 very different things and approaches to dating has much more to do with one's culture than it does some rigid ruling on who should approach who first and who should ask the other to dance first. That sounds like kid stuff. I've known plenty of women (women) who have approached their now-husbands first and do not regret it one bit. If it works for you, it works for you. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But don't expect there to be some guideline to follow because God created people to be different.

 

[Luther073082]

The man should be the leader when a couple is married and have formulated a household, but you are completly misinterpreting what leadership is and what taking the lead is.

If my wife wants something from me, should she just sit there and stay silent until I ask her if she wants said thing??

Say she wants me to buy a galleon of milk. Should she stay quiet about the fact that we are out of milk until I being the leader come to the conclusion that we are out of milk (probably at the very moment I want milk) and determine that I need to get some milk. Do you really think my wife is suppose to just sit there and play stupid so that I can take the lead in everything. (Including comming to the determination that we need milk.)

Give me a break, no she says "Hey Kirk, we're out of milk" and I say "Ok I'll get some on the way home from work."

Its the same situation here. A girl asking a guy out is NOT taking his leadership responsibilty away from him. Not that he has any leadership in the first place because you arn't married. But even if he did, it would not matter, you are asking him if he wants to do something. That isn't being disrespectful to him, this isn't butting in and trying to take charge of a situation regarding your family. Those would be taking his leadership from him, not asking him out on a date. Leadership is taking charge of family situations and being an example to your family. It also means taking responsibility, making your family and their saftey your personal responsiblity. Occasionally it may involve making a tough decision. It doesn't involve little things as to who asks who out and communicating desires and needs.

Another example, would my wife be taking my leadership from me if she said to me "Hey why don't we go to Red Robin for dinner on Saturday and then get a movie." Oh noes my wife just asked me out on a date night didn't she. . . shame on her for stealing my leadership and telling me something she would like to do. . . real disrespectful there. (Obviously I'm being sarcastic) Asking a question is not taking leadership from a guy.

And again I repeat, he has no leadership role because you arn't married. He only gets a leadership role over you, and you the committment to allow him to lead once you marry. Up until then, he has no leadership role. Stop trying to project marriage into your relationship because you arn't married and he has no scriptural leadership role until you marry him.

This whole idea that you can't ask the guy out because it might be taking his leadership away from him is just a Christian excuse to stick to needless traditions. Often times I fear Christians place needless traditions equal to if not above scripture. And that is just scary.

 

[Inkachu]

I think you should keep up with that mindset. Men are called to be leaders and the biggest thing that plagues men nowadays is the fact that a lot of them tend to be immature and passive. I think you want a guy who is willing to be creative and to really pursue you--not just expect that if he drops enough hints, that you'll fall to his feet. Instead of having a guy that just waits for everything to come for him, I think you would want a guy that considers you to be worth him sacrificing his comfort and risking rejection. If he doesn't think you're worth sacrificing that comfort, then he can just continue to be single.

(P.S. That doesn't mean you have to play hard-to-get but let him make the moves. I struggle with that whole issue of being passive but I have so much respect for a woman who is patient and would wait for me to initiate.)

Awesomesauce right there.