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Should I tell my wife?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by drich0150, Jan 18, 2013.

  1. drich0150

    drich0150 Regular Member

    +394
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Republican
    My wife and I run a business together and we 90% of our waking hours together. It is not always easy, but over we get along really well. She runs the office and I run the shop. In Sept one of our office workers quit, and we hired some lady off of craigslist to file and run errands, and answer phones. It slows down durning december so we were cutting back hours, and this new office lady (maybe 25/30 years to my senior) asks me "If their was anything more I could do I really need the money." I thought nothing of it and doubled her weekly work hours, then the excuses began as to why she could not work so many hours.. When I asked, she said in return she needed me to find her something else she could do for more money. I said she was not qualified to do anything else, and she said "let me know if you can think of anything ;)"

    That was 6 weeks ago and she hasn't been back since (because she missed a weeks worth of work.) I haven't thought about it till One of the other employes said something about her that made me revisit this whole exchange. So while working in the office today with my wife i asked (in jest cause I thought it was funny, and was going to tell her) If anyone has hit on Her since we have been married? She thought about it and got angry asking where I was going to be hit on by women. I brushed it off, but am bothered whether or not I should say something or not.
     
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  2. DZoolander

    DZoolander Persnickety Member

    +1,990
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    US-Libertarian
    Well, a lot of communication is missed in this kind of environment. I can see (based upon what you've said) how you could possibly interpret it as her hitting on you. But at the same time, I can also see how it might have just been her seeing if there were other jobs you could think of for her to do.

    Without actually seeing the exchange - *that* kind of insight is missing on here.

    Do you think she was sincerely trying to hit on you?

    If so - it really all depends on your wife. I think the only time it's really ethically necessary to tell something like that is if you felt tempted. If you didn't even notice at the time - and upon recollection have grown to suspect it might be a possibility - I wouldn't see that as something requiring being told...especially if the lady is gone.

    If it's something that could be said in humor without a bunch of drama - then sure - tell her. But - since you were 100% oblivious to it at the moment - and if it stands to cause drama - I'd keep my suspicions under my hat.
     
  3. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,739
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    What would you hope to accomplish by telling your wife?
     
  4. LinkH

    LinkH Regular Member

    +645
    Christian
    Married
    Be careful what section of Craigslist you hire people off of.
     
  5. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

    390
    +86
    New Zealand
    Non-Denom
    Private
    based on what you have said, you have not done anything wrong, so is there a reason why you should be telling her this?

    that said, i think sometime it would be good for a married couple to have the kind of relationship/level of communication/trust that they can actually be honest with their spouse without worring they might react aversely.
     
  6. SionDS

    SionDS Honest Humble

    114
    +4
    Christian
    In Relationship
    US-Libertarian
    Based on your post, I don't see how your wife could know what the employee was hinting at. You have nothing to gain by telling your wife.

    That said, you need to ask yourself if you behaved in any way to invite such advances by the employee. Also, if you ever interview for a female employee and get that kind of "vibe" that she might make such advances, don't hire her.
     
  7. americanvet

    americanvet Saved Sinner

    +79
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    US-Libertarian
    I say tell her. I have had female friends in the past and have some now. My wife has never been worried because I tell her everything. Not just what I think she needs to hear. Also I think if an employee is causing you to feel uneasy about talking to your wife about the conversation you had it might be time to let her go.

    My two cents and one wooden nickel.
     
  8. SiyoNqoba

    SiyoNqoba Junior Member

    388
    +23
    Christian
    Married
    I would want to know if one of my employees offered to prostitute herself to my husband, which, if you're right, is what she was doing. That's a business problem as well as a personal one, and something you two need to work out what to do about.
     
  9. hijklmnop

    hijklmnop Guest

    +0
    I think you should tell her what happened and what you think about it. I'm not a fan of secrets in marriage.
     
  10. Verve

    Verve No grit, no pearl.

    +1,092
    Baptist
    Married
    This!


    1) Your wife should know that this employee hit on you.
    2) You as the employer need to take precautions so she won't again.
    Precautions can include:
    -A conversation with her explaining what is and isn't acceptable office talk. Making her aware that inappropriate office talk is unprofessional and grounds for firing.
    -Make your meetings with her open. Do not have conversations with her without someone else present, since your run the business with your wife...I'd guess she'd be the first person.
     
  11. JCLover779

    JCLover779 Newbie

    387
    +28
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I think the whole situation is funny (amusing) and a story worth telling. Maybe if she was closer to your age it would be more of a problem. Although I get hit on by guys ten years younger than me, so maybe she looks hot for her age...;)

    A friend of mine kind of likes that her husband is desired by his co-workers because it helps her to appreciate him more. Now, she trusts him, so she doesn't have to worry about him actually taking up with any of the ladies.

    I suppose whether you tell her or not depends on how you perceive her tendency towards anxiety about the relationship between you two.
     
  12. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,739
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    This is why I asked what the point would be. If the point is your wife would get a giggle out of it, great. If it might arouse anxiety or jealousy, then that is not a good reason to do it.

    My husband is so cute. He is very handsome, and I notice other women noticing him. A couple of times I mentioned "that woman in the doctor's office" or the "lady in the grocery lineup" looking at him, and he never noticed. I told him because I think sometimes it's nice to be noticed and can boost ego. But this can take me to another point about the OP - if you are telling your wife to boost your own ego or show her that you are still desirable to other women, it's not a good idea to tell her.
     
  13. Hetta

    Hetta I'll find my way home

    +4,719
    France
    Christian Seeker
    Married
    Yes. Tell her.

    You are innocent of any wrongdoing, and your wife should recognize this.
     
  14. Hetta

    Hetta I'll find my way home

    +4,719
    France
    Christian Seeker
    Married
    Okay, this is true too!
     
  15. Romanseight2005

    Romanseight2005 Guest

    +0
    I think you should tell your wife about it, and fire the woman. She has already shown you that while she wants more money, she doesn't want to do the workload. She wants an easy way to make money, and it's not your responsibility to find a way to do that for her.

    So, whether or not she was hitting on you, she wants you to be responsible for her income. That in itself is crossing a line, that you don't need to let anyone cross.
     
  16. drich0150

    drich0150 Regular Member

    +394
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Republican
    I was checking the posts here and my wife asked what I was reading to I read my OP to her, and asked what she thought. She said "He should tell Her, he did nothing wrong." So I did, and she still got mad.
    (supposedly for not telling her 3 days ago and posting out business here.) Which ended date night early...

    Hmmm I wonder if i still have what's her names number...
    ^_^
     
  17. drich0150

    drich0150 Regular Member

    +394
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Republican
    thanks for the suggestions.
     
  18. Abana

    Abana Newbie

    32
    +1
    Seeker
    Private
    Tell her.
     
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