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Should I Tell my Husband about my "Emotional Affair"?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Girl4God86, Jul 5, 2019.

  1. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    36
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    Hi everyone I need some advice. Last October I had an online affair with another man, it was before I got married and I was engaged. I ended the affair and was considering telling my then fiance but I asked some friends for advice and they encouraged me not to tell since it was a couple months before the wedding and I didn't have a physical affair. But I feel God has laid it on my heart to come clean but I'm scared to tell my husband. What do I do??
     
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  2. timothyu

    timothyu Well-Known Member

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    If our thoughts were made known rather than just our speech, no one would have a friend.

    Are your plans to be a continuing disappointment to your husband? If not...
    Ask yourself.. did you learn anything positive as a result? If so, mission accomplished on one of many steps to yet come along the way. No need to stir up more angst. There will be plenty more down the road.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
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  3. eleos1954

    eleos1954 God is Love Supporter

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    You sinned ... learned a lesson and were forgiven. Might it be used/disclosed (for the good) later on down the road? Maybe .... use it/disclose it then when some good can come out of it.
     
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  4. Monk Brendan

    Monk Brendan Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You might feel relieved, but how would your husband feel if you told him?
     
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  5. Blade

    Blade Veteran Supporter

    +2,693
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    Hard one.. well were all different. Flip it.. what if it was you? What if 2 months before you were married he had an online affair with another woman?

    You werent married yet.. close hello :) You need to know why you did it. So you don't every do it again.

    Your married now..we can't change the past. Its what you do NOW that matters. As a man.. and being with her for over 35y. I put Christ 1st.. then her. No matter how she treats me.. I love her. So forgive your self and dont let the enemy ever bring this up. Put it under the blood. Enjoy what you have NOW!
     
  6. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

    +1,322
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    Hello. It sounds like it would be more destructive than constructive to your marriage for you to bring this up now. It could bleed mistrust (now he wonders if you would do it again) rather than promote healing. If not confessing to him continues to bother you, try fasting and praying first to confirm God's will. But keep in mind God can speak through people also: Your friends already voted against it, along with some other people on this forum.
     
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  7. timothyu

    timothyu Well-Known Member

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    BTW as you see the general consensus here is to let it go as a lesson learned for the better. It is not suggesting lying if the subject is brought up.
     
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  8. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +1,552
    Catholic
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    If you're not planning to have another affair, I think you should forgive yourself and move on. There's no need to peel off old scars, let it go. God bless
     
  9. tall73

    tall73 Sophia7's husband Supporter

    +4,489
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    Married
    As others have brought up, you need to figure out why it happened. And perhaps you could explain why you think God is wanting you to say something.

    What has indicated this to you?
     
  10. Old Lady

    Old Lady ...yet not I, but the grace of God that is with me Angels Team Supporter

    +10,933
    United States
    Protestant
    Widowed
    It would be a horrible thing to reveal. Our words should be kind and uplifting.

    James 3
    1 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. 2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. 4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. 11Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? 12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.

    You should use your tongue to bless others. Bible read-bible.gif Confess your sins to God and don't keep doing such things online or otherwise.
     
  11. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +14,346
    United States
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    In my opinion, your experience while engaged and nearly married revealed a problem you swept under the rug that has resurfaced once more.

    The issue which opened the door to your affair wasn’t resolved in the relationship. It was put aside and silenced to preserve the wedding.

    You gained a spouse while neglecting to resolve the issue which threatened the union. For me, it’s a question of respect and lessons learned. I would have a difficult time keeping quiet and hiding my betrayal.

    It doesn’t matter that the affair wasn’t physical. Or that the connection was severed. What matters is the cancer which led to its occurrence, the deception that followed, and discomfort I carry by remaining quiet.

    I couldn’t do it. Nor would I dishonor myself or him by maintaining the secret. In the midst of the pain or shame I’d experience is the realization of one who calls me his.

    Sometimes we fail to recognize what we have until life opens our eyes. Good luck.
     
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  12. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

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    +36
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    I became interested in someone else again and I feel exhausted going through this. I've been praying to God for months to help me but my feelings for someone else that's not my husband have only gotten stronger and I don't want to have an affair. But last night the thought occurred to me I can't keep doing this. And I felt like God reminded me of the online affair when I was engaged. And I felt convicted to confess my sin to my husband. Because I know if it were the other way around I'd want to know of any infidelity.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
  13. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    36
    +36
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    I don't think I'd feel relieved at all. I think I'd feel terrible. And he'd probably be crushed.
     
  14. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    36
    +36
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    Protestant
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    You seem to be the only person who thinks I should tell the truth. Everyone seems to think I should keep it a secret. What is your opinion about what God might think about this?
     
  15. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

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    I like the suggestion of fasting and praying, I think I will do that starting tomorrow.
     
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  16. RDKirk

    RDKirk Alien, Pilgrim, and Sojourner Supporter

    +15,022
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    Those friends who know about it--are they Christians, and did you confide in them in the spirit of them responding as Christians?

    If not, find a Christian mentor--each of you should have one from your congregation--and discuss it with that mentor.
     
  17. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    36
    +36
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    If it was the other way around I'd probably be crushed. I'd want to know if I was betrayed. Because I'd probably sever the relationship. So I'm afraid that's what's going to happen.
     
  18. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    36
    +36
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    I confided in just one friend when it happened and she is a Christian. But I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it now so that's why I'm here, figured I could ask fellow Christians on here but everyone seems to think I should keep the secret and try to carry on.
     
  19. timothyu

    timothyu Well-Known Member

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    So you are saying this is a chronic condition, that you did it before and are doing it again. If I misunderstood, then forgive the following.

    That severely lessens the concept you have learned your lesson and instead self is still overriding selflessness. With that attitude you are of no value to your husband or any others as you may never change. The choice is yours as to which path you wish to follow. Btw, are you hoping confessing to your hubby will open a door to pursue someone else?
     
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  20. RDKirk

    RDKirk Alien, Pilgrim, and Sojourner Supporter

    +15,022
    Christian
    Married
    You and she should get together and pray together earnestly about this matter.

    "For where two or more gather in my name, there am I with them."
     
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