Should I stay away from my inlaws

[LizaM]

I am American my husband is from a Latin American country. My husband had an emotional affair denies having sex but he was planning on leaving me and his son.

I have forgiven and I just have to watch everything he does all emails and text messages

One side of his family has been rude to me consistently make belittling statements, and his mother for about 2 years even when I was pregnant was very rude to me. It has gotten so bad that I am so paranoid to eat her food I feel like she hates me. I learned Spanish his family understands me my patients and coworkers understand me but when I speak Spanish to her she ignores me and pretend like she doesn't know what I am saying.

I am not sure if it is a Hispanic thing a few months ago twice I wanted to give her mail that came to her she didn't want to take it from me I gave it To my husband and she took it from him. And the 2nd time I gave her a banana per her request she made a face ran to the bathroom washed her hand I passed her paper towel she didn't want to take it from me I gave it to my husband and she took it.

I gathered she doesn't want to take anything directly from me. My energy and spirit is zapped when I go over there. I haven't been there in 5 months. I didn't imagine my life being this way an unfaithful husband and crazy inlaws. I didn't know his family was like that I have been with my husband for 6 years.

Should I go around these people and If so how often. I encourage my husband to take my son over there at least once a week

 

[anna ~ grace]

So.... For whatever bizarre, known-only-to-her reason, your mother in law does not like you. It seems she can't even be civil. Why subject yourself, and her, to continued discomfort and unhappiness? You sound like an attentive, sacrificing wife, and I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. Inter-cultural marriages can be deeply tricky. Possible, but tricky, and often painful.

Praying for you guys. Christ be with you.

 

[anna ~ grace]

On the other hand... If you do go, don't go alone. Have your husband with you. Perhaps the charitable thing to do would be to go and visit, max, once a month, but again, it's completely up to you..... At least if you show up now and then, they can't blame you for being aloof and unfriendly. I don't know. Prayers, man. God bless you guys.

 

[Tolworth John]

I am sorry to hear of your horrible situation.
Have you talked with your husband about her reaction?
If she is not willing to be civil to you why do you allow your son to visit her?
If you can't trust your husband with other women, can you trust him with your son to return from visiting his mother?

I would suggest if she wants to see him, then she visits you and if she can't be civil then there are no visits.

 

[Hank77]

This woman sounds very vindictive for whatever reason, it really doesn't matter. I agree with @Tolworth John that you should not let your son visit with her without you there. She will be turning your son against you.
Don't encourage your husband to take him there. If he is going go with them. Just ignore her bad behavior and don't try so hard. If she wants something let her get it herself or let your husband or son get it for her. Don't let her set you up to be abused.
Be polite without being her emotional punching bag.

 

[*LILAC]

In agreement with the other posters. Don't visit alone or let your son be alone with her. Make sure your husband is with you at all times. And, although you can be polite but don't be over-the-top polite. She clearly has an issue, so try not to take it personally.

 

[mkgal1]

IMO---your problem isn't just a MIL problem....why is your husband not standing up for you? It could be (just to give him the benefit of the doubt) that he's grown up with her rude behavior and he only sees it as "normal". This article, in my opinion, comes from a great perspective and has practical solutions:

What should you do with an intrusive in-law problem?

1. Is there really a problem? First, every husband and wife must come to an agreement that there is a problem. This sometimes is difficult to agree upon because perhaps your spouse doesn’t see the intrusive behavior of their parent as a problem. Other times your definition of intrusive and your mate’s definition may differ. Remember Solomon’s wisdom to help in your definition: The frequency of anyone coming into your house is an important indicator of intrusion. He taught us, "Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you" (Prov. 25:17). To fully sort out your different views will first require the two of you communicating specifically about what bothers you about one another’s in-laws. If you cannot come to an agreement concerning what to do, consider getting input from your pastor to determine what a normal in-law relationship should be.

However, at a minimum, if one spouse is uncomfortable with an in-laws’ interference in the marriage, then some change or compromise must occur. Are you willing to listen to your spouse and make the necessary changes? Or, will you resist any change or counseling help? Your reaction will determine how quickly you will be able to resolve this issue.~Dealing With In-Laws