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Should i seek for a soulmate or wait for it?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by ovis90, Feb 26, 2018.

  1. ovis90

    ovis90 New Member

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    So my question is should I try to find my soulmate or just wait for it to come. I am 27 Have been useing online dating sites for many years,but never choose any girl because i just never seen that which i would feel was for me. Then i started at one point feel very addictive almost like slave and felt God telling me with this strong feeling to stop looking,because i used to spend almost all day in online dating sites,but because of fear of staying alone and one christian woman that could see future for me told me if i wont look then i find when i will be older if I wont give up looking then i found earlier. Especially that fears comes when i see many christians wait and they get married very late usually. Then again i asked God should i look or not i opened about a book where someone said if you only dream and dont take action nothing will happen and will reading this i felt joy and happy i understand it was a sign to look,but then again when i start looking i feel such feeling similar to lust.
     
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  2. Netgear

    Netgear A Dog On A Mission

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    I dont like the idea of dating sites. You will find your partner in life through an every day experience. In a shop, bar, work, church meetings etc etc.

    God knows your heart.
     
  3. Greg Merrill

    Greg Merrill Well-Known Member Supporter

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  4. Theodoric

    Theodoric Active Member

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    Surely the Catholics have young singles groups and such?

    On an online dating site, I could be a 19-year-old Hawaiian Tropics model named "Jennifer". Buyer beware.

    I'm not saying everyone does that, I personally know some people who have made a connection that way. But I think the odds are against you. Far better to go the old fashioned way and actually meet someone face to face.
     
  5. Greg Merrill

    Greg Merrill Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Instead of seeking a girl, seek God. Matthew 6:33. Prepare yourself to be a great, Christians husband, by knowing God well. God is better at providing you the right girl than any dating service. Have you been using Christian dating services or the ones where the girls go to bars? A girl/woman will never be your ultimate satisfaction. They are all sinners, even the best of them, just like us guys. Again, find your satisfaction in God, and He can take care of the love/romance/female companion/friend relationships. Father may this one follow the leading of Proverbs 3:5-6. Amen.
     
  6. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

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    I've heard of online dating sites working out, but I've heard of many more online experiences that are a waste of time.

    However, I believe very much that you have to put yourself out there in some way that is
    *in person.*

    Contrary to popular opinion, I don't think church is the best way to do that, but it could. I would say to think of something similar. Just waiting for your princess to come along is almost certainly not going to work.
     
  7. Netgear

    Netgear A Dog On A Mission

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    Nothing wrong in going to a bar. Lots of Christians go to bars. Doesnt mean only bad people go to them.
     
  8. ovis90

    ovis90 New Member

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    The problem is i am not going out much to meet people. So online dating is my last place where i can meet someone.I used to go to youth christian groups but i stopped,because i felt most of the people there not very want to accept new people when most of them already know each others for many years and are friends.
     
  9. Theodoric

    Theodoric Active Member

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    I have a friend who amuses himself by making contact with overseas women on the online dating sites, and seeing how long it takes before they hit him up for money. He hasn't been wrong yet, not a single time.

    I imagine most of these "women", in spite of the glamour shots they send, are likely named 'Ivan', sitting in front of their computers unshaven wearing a stained wifebeater.

    <edit>

    Worth mentioning, he targets all the super hot ones with pics that look like they were clipped from the SI Swimsuit issue.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2018
  10. Theodoric

    Theodoric Active Member

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    You can definitely meet someone, just please be careful and go into it with your eyes open. There are no doubt some sincere people, such as yourself, out there. There are also some fruits and nuts. It requires discernment to figure out which is which.
     
  11. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

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    I'm sure that's true, but when I made that comment in response to the OP I was thinking of the people who confine their chats to people who live within driving distance so that there is a chance of meeting up. This seems wise to me, but I have heard of a number of people for whom this was a waste of time anyway and all the prospects turned out to be misfits or game players of some sort. That doesn't mean that everybody is like that, but it is a matter of probabilities, I think, for our friend who feels that he's running out of time.
     
  12. Theodoric

    Theodoric Active Member

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    Exactly that. My friend actually did hook up with a local woman who he met online, and they are happy-ish. But I'd have to say his personal standards are low.
     
  13. PeterDona

    PeterDona Active Member Supporter

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    Get some social training. I did the same for myself about 10 years ago. I forgot about all the names in the social industry, but surely there are some who are pretty christian also. The best place to meet a woman is on the street, on a bus stop or in front of the supermarket or something.
    Now personally I quit that game because I realised that most women want s.. before marriage, and I was not into that game, so I have decided to remain alone at least until further notice. I still do a lot of street evangelism so I continue to be social and have fun in that arena.
     
  14. dreadnought

    dreadnought Lip service isn't really service. Supporter

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    As if I know anything about these things ...

    You are assuming the Lord wants you to have a soulmate. If you are walking with the Lord, the Lord will either lead you to a soulmate, or won't, I would think. If he does, I suspect he'll give you instructions as to what to do, if you ask.
     
  15. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +4,913
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    See when you look at sites you become compulsive and fearful everything becomes compelling such are not the right feelings to build a relationship on ever!

    A partner is about finding someone to love and be love by for eons. For we seek outside of ourselves for ourselves. This is why God is needed big time! Please give all your demanding, fearful or restless feelings about your future partner to God! Do keep doing that till they are all gone and dead and then let your true reasons for a partner surface - give them all to God as well - and ask Him to rebuild you in them until you are ready to receive your dreams out of His hand.

    In the mean time go out and about the world preferably in good places where you find good people like volunteers places or other people caring places. Actively loving Churches can be good as well. For when you seek love you have to find a place where love is in motion.

    In the mean time just be yourself and keep your eyes and ears open. And then if you meet someone you might think has potential then again drop all your feelings about this person off at God and let Him build your emotional state about the whole thing, and see what happens from there.

    Personally i would trade real life for net life i know that for sure. i rather find a person loving in real life than following some electronically controlled dating site. Call me old fashioned - but i handed my desire for a partner to God and went on with my life with my eyes and ears open. i found my wife about 4 years later, on the other side of the world, at a bible club meeting speaking with love and without shame about Jesus - so she had my attention straight away - and Jesus lit the flame in both of our hearts. (We've been married 35 year now and even happier now with what God brought me as i was then.)

    So please consider getting God involved that is what i would advise.
     
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  16. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    There is no soul mate. You want to seek a wife. That's a good thing. Go find yourself a wife.

    So the answer to your question of "should I go looking" or "should I wait for it"....

    In the Bible, there is a concept we call the divine co-operative.

    The divine co-operative means that it's not all you, and it's not all G-d. It's You and G-d.

    There are hundreds of examples.

    Take the widow and the pots of oil. She comes to the prophet and asks for help. He says go get empty jars, and bring them to your house, and then start filling them with oil. And the miracle is that the oil kept coming until every single jar was filled.

    Why didn't G-d simply make jars of oil at her house? Could he? Yes. But he didn't. She had to do her part and get all the jars, and then G-d did his part and fill them with oil.

    Jesus and wine. Could Jesus have simply made every single jar filled with wine instantly? Yes. But instead they had to fill all the jars with water, and then he turned it into wine.

    Abraham wanted a wife for Issac. He wanted G-d to provide one. Could G-d have simply magically sent a woman to Abraham for Issac to marry? Yes, he could have. But instead Abraham had to send his servant hundreds of miles away, to go looking for a wife, and then while he was looking, G-d brought a woman to the servant.

    All of this to you is, it's not all you. This isn't 100% on you to find someone. But.... you have to do your part. You have to be looking. You have to be out where you can find someone.

    Then you leave the rest to G-d to let your search be successful. So you don't jump on the first woman that is interested, because it's all you and you have to make it happen or it wont.

    But you also don't sit at home, watching tv, waiting for someone to mis-dial your phone number, or knock on your door, with a big booming voice in the sky saying "you shalt marry her".

    It's not all him.

    It's you and him. You need to search AND wait on him to make your search successful.

    You have to do the part that is yours, and leave the rest to G-d.
     
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  17. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

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    Theres nothing wrong with online dating, however MANY people on those sites are single for a reason. Such as having a list a mile long of what they "must have" in a mate. Instead of realizing when love is love, most of those things do not matter. Like body height, age, what movies you like...etc. So its hard to weed through the people with long lists and the people who more simple and just looking for love.

    I can tell you I tried many dating sites. Even non-christian ones. They weren't worth it. Especially the pay ones. They tend to match you by your interests and what not, and again that doesn't always mean your perfect for each other. I won't go into my long story on here but I met my wife through a small christian dating site that was free. It was a woman from another country, which I was like "Hey look, a scam artist!". But turns out she was a legit real woman who wasn't having any luck (not that luck exists) where she was since the men aren't all that great. We've have now been married 5 years.

    Best part? I was 31, she was 29. So realize you can find love at any age. Also remember sometimes we can make an idol of things, such as finding love. And God may hold back our plans because we really should focus on Him first. Not saying don't look online and go live in a cave avoiding women. But make that a priority thats a few steps down the list. When I did that, then I met my wife.

    Also studies show our brains don't really mature until 25, sometimes even later. So its better finding love later in life. Both people will be more mature and have better wisdom and know what they want in life. So better chance at a long lasting marriage.
     
  18. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    Soulmates aren't Biblical. And if you just sit and wait, you may be waiting a while. You'll hear some well-intentioned people tell you to not seek anymore and when you're not seeking the right person will come to you. But that doesn't work for everybody. It may work for an extrovert. For someone who on the other hand, doesn't get out much as you say, that is lousy advice. You have to somehow be intentional without appearing to be desperate. I don't know how to tell you how to strike that balance.
     
  19. Gabriel Biggers

    Gabriel Biggers New Member

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    We don't want you to fall into lust that is not a good way to go about things and it can really degrade your spiritual health. Abba Moses pray for us. BUT, I don't want you to wait, wait, wait until you missed your chance. At age 27, you should at least be in a relationship by now . . . or at least have had one, in my opinion.

    If not then definitely Online Dating is the fastest way to go. In fact, you can be on your first date with a wonderful Christian woman this weekend.

    What you must remember in Online Dating is that your profile is an advertisement to a product, and that product is you. If you set it up in a way where it smells of lust, you will get lusting women. If you set it up in a way where you want a spiritual woman, those will come. How you start is how you finish.

    Set up a nice online dating profile, maybe even have 3 different online dating profiles going across different site simultaneously and just let the women approach you. They'll do this either by sending you messages first, liking your profile, etc, and just live your life.

    Set up a nice one and check it on Wednesday and set up a first date after church on Sunday. Nice quiet coffee shop on a sunday afternoon

    - I'm a Christian relationship coach for men. Join my grow "Resurrect Your Dating" on FaceBook.

    G.B.
     
  20. Valetic

    Valetic Addicted to CF Supporter

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    If you put yourself out there enough by going to events, concerts, seminars, the gym, network around, be a people person, better yourself - it might be easier to run into that special someone.

    My wife and I are high school sweethearts. I would have never known she had a huge crush on me since we had a class together one year. An entire semester had gone by before she told someone else to let me know she liked me. I asked her to a movie, we went to a mall with her friends, eventually it just turned serious and finally down the road when I was born again God also revealed to me that she was the right one, so I stuck with her.

    Never would have guessed my "soul mate" was right under my nose the whole time before we started dating. It happens like that sometimes. God will let you know when the time is right. Look into getting married rather than dating around also. That helps too apparently.

    Edit: Didn't notice this thread got necro'd lol
     
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